


Back to You

by maplestreet83



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 1993, F/M, Future Fic, Rated T for language, Roommates, also includes some depictions of alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-06-25 11:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 118,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15639633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maplestreet83/pseuds/maplestreet83
Summary: It’s 1993, four years after Max broke Lucas’s, as well as her own heart by breaking up with him and moving back to California for college. But now desperate times call for desperate measures as she needs an internship in Chicago to graduate and he happens to have an empty room in his apartment. Can they put aside their complicated past and feelings and remain civil roommates? It’s only for four months, what’s the worst that could happen?





	1. Chapter One

_ Sunday, August 22nd 1993 _

Max took one more deep breath, her fingers hovering over the buttons of the phone like they had for the past five minutes. She shifted nervously where she was sitting cross legged on her bed, the pale yellow phone laying on her lap, the receiver on her one hand. Max knew she had to bite the bullet and just get it over with, but she couldn’t help her mind from wandering back to four years ago, to another nerve wracking but inevitable phone call to the exact same person. She had thought it would’ve been easier on the phone, without seeing his face and his deep warm eyes that annoyingly had a way of stripping her of all her resolve and made her well thought out and rational arguments and decisions seem not so important anymore. And when he had picked up, sounding surprised but happy at the same time, Max had had to try her very best not to imagine his happy smile as she had steeled herself, delivering the thought out and planned words she had practiced for the whole day. How it just didn’t make sense for them to stay together anymore, with her moving back to California for college and his plans of getting his engineering degree, how she didn’t want neither of them holding back, not living full and exciting lives, not having to worry about the other. And as after a long silence following her speech, his voice had broken in a “I-I don’t understand. I love you, can we just talk about this?” Max had had to hang up before he could hear her sobs. The ones that had kept her lying in bed for the rest of the day, ignoring the persistent ringing of the phone.

“Max you done? I need the line,” Max didn’t realize she had been gripping onto the receiver so tightly and dropped it as her roommate yelled at her from the other room.

“Just a second Amy, I’m almost done!” she yelled back, grabbing the receiver again, setting it to lay between her shoulder and ear as she picked up the post-it note with the number scribbled on it. With newfound resolution she punched in the first two numbers, her hand that was holding the piece of paper shaking only slightly. She had gotten the number from El, and it should be the right one, but she was secretly hoping she had written it down wrong.

“No, no more delaying. There’s no time for that,” Max muttered to herself, keeping on pushing the buttons, the beeps of the different numbers sounding on the receiver on her ear. Her finger froze above the final one, as she took a breath, mentally going over what she was going to say one last time before squeezing her eyes shut and pushing the button.

The line started ringing and Max threw her head back, praying it would go to voicemail. It was already almost 9 pm in San Diego so that meant nearly 11 in Chicago. He was probably already asleep, or at least that’s what she was relying on as she listened to the ringing of the line, twisting the cord of the phone around her finger.

“Please don’t pick up, please don’t…”

“He-hello? It’s Lucas Sinclair.”

Well shit.

_______________________________________________________

 

Lucas didn’t remember falling asleep on the couch of the newly half empty apartment while watching tv but apparently he had, as he was startled awake by the ringing of the phone. His head snapping up from where it had fallen to lean against the armrest of the couch, he stumbled up, rummaging through the papers and empty bags of chips that littered the small coffee table, trying to find where he had left the wireless receiver of the telephone. Finally finding it under an X Men comic, Lucas rubbed his eyes as he peered at the numbers on the small screen of the phone. It wasn’t a local number, and not one from Hawkins either. He was pretty sure it was someone calling the wrong number, or a prank call considering how late it was. But as the phone kept on ringing, Lucas sighed, his curiosity getting the best of him as he pressed the call button to answer, his voice croaky from sleep.

“He-hello? Lucas Sinclair.”

There was no sound on the line, giving more proof to his prank call theory.

“Hello?” he repeated, a bit louder this time, his brow furrowing in confusion. “Who is this?”

“Lucas, hi! Umm it’s Max!” sounded on the line after the silence, her voice sounding perky but slightly strained. Lucas furrowed his brow deeper, switching the phone to his other ear.

“Max?” They hadn’t seen each other in over a year, the only times they saw each other anymore were times when they both happened to be visiting back in Hawkins at the same time, and it was always awkward and tense each time. She was the last person he had imagined to call.

“Yep, the one and only!” Max confirmed, still sounding happy and bright, but even through the line Lucas could tell she was faking it. Sitting back down on the couch, his hand coming up to run through his hair, Lucas said:

“Oh, um, well this is a surprise, I didn’t know you even had this number!”

“Oh I got it from El. Don’t worry, I wasn’t digging you out from phone books.”

“Yeah that probably wouldn’t have helped, I think this number is still under Mike’s name,” Lucas explained, his eyes veering off to the closed door of the now empty second bedroom of the apartment. Mike and El had just moved in together a few week ago, as she was done with her community college and was starting her new job as an assistant counselor quite close to where Mike was studying.

“Well that’s actually why I called,” Max said, her voice getting more tense.

“Okayy,” Lucas sounded apprehensively, still a bit groggy from sleep and not understanding what she was talking about.

“So I guess you know that I’m studying journalism and I’m almost done with my degree.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And I just need one semester of work experience to graduate next spring. But I messed some stuff up with the applications and job hunting and everything so it hasn’t been looking great. But then just this week Nancy was able to help me land an internship at the Chicago Sun Times. Aand El told me you have an empty room at the apartment.”

“Umm sorry I don’t quite get what you’re saying. You need to stay here?”

“Yes. Starting Monday.”

“But that’s in a week!” Lucas exclaimed, his eyes wide in shock and confusion.

“I know.”

“Sorry it’s on such short notice but this might be my last chance at getting an internship, and they need me to start there as soon as possible. I wouldn’t be calling you if I had any other option, believe me,” Max explained, her voice speeding up as she did so and Lucas slouched further into the couch, running a hand over his face before landing his eyes on the window, the streetlights and the light of the building across the street shining in the dark, the sounds of cars passing by filtering through the glass. This really wasn’t what he had expected. Four years ago he would’ve immediately jumped on a chance to share an apartment with Max, he had secretly daydreamed about it when they were planning out college during senior year, even though he knew that they were probably going to end up going their separate ways. It didn’t help him spending time imagining making her his killer French toast in a tiny kitchen of an apartment somewhere, arguing whose movie posters would go where and whose turn it was to take out the trash, when he was supposed to be studying for his finals. But that had been before she had dumped him a week before graduation. Over the phone.

“Lucas are you still there?” her voice from the line cut off his thoughts and he sighed silently, trying to think of what to answer.

“Yeah I’m here. It’s just… a lot to take in I guess.”

“Oh I get it, and you don’t have to have an answer now. Take your time and let me know what you decided,” Max assured him.

“But don’t take too long. I kind of have to let the paper know if I’m taking the spot in two days,” she hurried to add and Lucas could almost hear her speaking through gritted teeth, as she always used to do when she knew she was asking for a lot. They had spoken on the phone and over the supercom countless of times back in Hawkins, and he knew her voice and different tones of it even half way across the country. And that was part of the problem.

“Okay, well I’ll think about it and call you back? I’m pretty busy with work but I’ll try to get you an answer in time,” Lucas offered, trying his best to sound matter-of-fact and business-like and not show how he felt like that something big was about to happen; either something really good or really horrible.

“Oh yeah I get it, El told me you’ve been working there for the whole summer. But umm think it over and call me back.”

“I will.”

“Okay great, well bye!” Max sounded, the faked perkiness back in her voice as she said her goodbyes.

“Bye,” Lucas said, ending the call and dropping the phone on the couch next to him. He flopped face first onto the couch with a groan. What was he getting himself into?

  
_______________________________________________________

 

“Wait wait wait, say that again.  _ Max _ called you?!” Dustin asked, his eyes wide, leaning over the grimy diner table.

“Yeah, that’s what I said, have trouble with your ears?” Lucas shot back, stirring his cup of coffee. He knew he was being snappy but the call from last night combined with the following sleepless night didn’t help.

“I heard you, just wanted to make sure. Cause wow, that’s… that’s surprising,” Dustin resulted in after looking for the right word for a while. Lucas scoffed a bit - it was surprising all right - as he took a sip of coffee. These morning coffees between the two of them had become pretty common the past summer as Lucas’s shifts at work usually began later in the day and Dustin didn’t have many morning classes at his summer program. And with Will in New York and Mike spending most of his time with El a small drive away outside Chicago where she was finishing up her studies, the two of them had been the only ones left in the city for summer.

“And she asked to stay in your apartment?” Dustin confirmed, still sounding a bit confused as he picked up a forkful of scrambled eggs.

“Yeah, apparently she has this internship thing and she needs a place to stay starting next week,” Lucas explained, putting down the cup of coffee and grabbing his sandwich.

“Next week?” Dustin exclaimed loudly, nearly dropping his fork.

“Yeah, I know, could you tone it down a bit though?” Lucas hushed him, looking around at the busy diner, although no one there seemed to be paying any attention to them. Dustin let out a whistle, moving his food around on his plate a bit before asking:

“Well what did you say?”

“I said I needed some time to think about it, I mean it did come out of nowhere,” Lucas answered with a shrug, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Oh it sure did. When did you say she called? At midnight?”

“Well around eleven.”

“Yeah but it’s still a weird time to call after not calling for you for what, four years?” Dustin commented, taking a bite of bacon.

“Yeah,” Lucas said shortly, chewing on his meal as his gaze was cast absentmindedly out the window into the busy street outside. The last time he’d spoken to her on the phone she had broken up with him. And Dustin knew it. There was a moment of silence as they both seemed to be transported back four years.

“So,” Dustin finally said with an awkward cough. Lucas looked back at him as he took a sip of his coffee, clearly taking the time to form his words.

“How do you feel about her coming back? Would you be okay with it?”

“Dude, like you said, it’s been four years.” Lucas pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah. And it’s taken you all that time to get over her. Are you sure you want to rip open that wound again?”

“God you’re dramatic. I don’t have any wounds! I’m totally over her. I’m fine,” Lucas exclaimed, pointing at Dustin before focusing on his sandwich again. Looking back up from taking a bite, he saw Dustin looking at him with raised eyebrows, holding his cup of coffee halfway up to his mouth.

“What? I’m fine!” Lucas affirmed, setting down the sandwich and reaching over to grab a strip of bacon from Dustin’s plate.

“I need a new roommate anyway now that Mike moved. And it’s better to have someone familiar in the apartment than someone I don’t know and who turns out to be a serial killer or something, right?” he continued while biting into the bacon. Dustin shrugged, eating some more eggs before saying:

“I mean it would make sense. But are sure you want to go from never talking to her to living in the same apartment? I can just imagine the awkwardness levels being through the roof.”

“Oh trust me, I’m well aware. But it seemed like she really has no other place she could live in with such short notice. And if this doesn’t work out, it’ll be easy for her to find a new place when she’s already here,” Lucas explained, laying out the reasonings he’d come up with when lying awake at night, staring at the lights of the passing traffic reflecting on his bedroom wall.

Dustin nodded, drinking some coffee as he seemed to think, looking out onto the street where people hurried on their way to work, bracing themselves against the cool wind of the oncoming fall.

“And you promise this has nothing to do with you still having your hopes up?” he finally said, not looking Lucas in the eye as he downed the rest of his coffee.

“Geez, how many times do I have to say this? No! It’s just…” Lucas answered, hearing his voice pitching up in defense and taking a pause, leaning his elbows on the table between them.

“I feel like I’m finally gotten over everything, especially after that thing with Stephanie ended and I proved to myself I could go through it again. I just feel like I need to confront Max, to finally get a clean end to everything, instead of all this bullshit with avoiding each other and holding grudges. To be adults about this you know.”

“Okay first of all, sounds like you are spending way too much time with old people at that job of yours, we need to schedule a campaign as soon as possible,” Dustin commented, pointing at Lucas with his fork before eating a bite.

“And second, it’s your decision but nothing about this screams ‘clean end’ to me. Just be careful, dude, I saw how bad you took it when she broke it off, don’t want to see you to go through that again,” he concluded, sincerity in his voice and concerned face.  

Lucas nodded in silence, meeting Dustin’s eyes as he made a promise to himself to not let the tempting “what if?” thoughts of his 18-year-old self surface.

Finishing the rest of their food they got up from their regular booth, walking over to the register to pay.

“How do I know you’re not just taking the opportunity to try and woo her again, though? You’ve done it before?” Lucas asked with a teasing grin as they gave their bills to the waiter and turned to head out the door.

“Oh trust me, I have my hands full with Athos right now, no time for wooing any ladies,” Dustin answered, zipping up his coat, ready to face the breeze outside.

“Still can’t believe you actually took him in, you could’ve had the extra room after Mike moved!”

“Well any place with a no-pets-allowed policy is not a place for me,” Dustin commented as they stepped outside, the little bell above the door ringing as they did so.

“Besides, Mrs Bankowski takes care of him while I’m at school, and I don’t want to separate him from his mom and siblings,” he continued matter-of-factly. Dustin lived next door to an old widowed lady whose dog had just had puppies that spring, and as Dustin often helped her out with her electronics and yard, she had offered to give one of the puppies to him.

“Okay, but if you had moved into the extra room we could’ve avoided this whole mess all together,” Lucas pointed out as they stopped to wait for the traffic light to turn.

“Oh so this is my fault them?” Dustin laughed in response, his eyes comically large, his big curly hair blowing every which way in the wind.

“Sure is,” Lucas said with a smirk as they left to cross the street, blending into the crowd of people filling the busy sidewalk.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

Max stared at the near empty page before her, chewing on her lip as she couldn't help her thoughts from drifting away from the task at hand. She had one more typing job left from her summer job where she had been moving old handwritten documents from old university records to typed, and she was determined to finish it before leaving for Chicago. But her eyes kept on wandering over to her bedside table and the yellow phone on it. With a sigh she pushed herself away from her desk and typewriter and swiveled around in her office chair, looking at her watch. It was almost 5 pm, and Lucas still hadn't called her back. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, Max could totally understand if he wouldn't. She had been the one to break up with him and persistently avoiding him for years and now when she had finally called him, it was just because she needed something from him. It was a lot to ask and she knew it, but she was seriously out of options. She couldn't exactly go house hunting in Chicago while being in California, and from what she had understood from Dustin when they've last seen each other at Christmas, he lived in a shoebox of an apartment a way outside of the city. And she couldn't stay at Mike and El’s new apartment. She had tolerated their sappiness and tooth rotting sweetness daily back in high school, but she knew she couldn't bear living with them. And El had assured her that Lucas’s apartment was nice, a quite small kitchen and living room but she would have a pretty spacious room to herself with a nice window with a bench, where she could see the street and a bit of the nearby park. And Max wasn't sure if she should blame the writer in her, but if becoming roommates with her ex-boyfriend meant that she could have that window and that view, she could take it.

Turning around in her chair again, Max reached out to absentmindedly twist the roll of the typewriter as she waited. If -and that was a big if- Lucas would agree to rent out the room for her, she would have to let the newspaper know today. And that meant running to the campus library to fax it out. And the library would only be open for a couple more hours. Drumming her fingers against the worn surface of her desk, Max looked at the post-it note with Lucas’s number on it, wondering if she should just call him. If he didn't want to rent the room to her, he should at least have the decency to call and let her know.

“And I should've had the decency to actually break up with him in person,” Max muttered to herself, rubbing her temples. The situation wasn’t really looking good for her.

“Could you  _ please _ stop making that noise? I'm trying to watch tv!” Amy suddenly snapped at her from the living room and Max let go of the typewriter roll she didn't realize she was still loudly twisting in her grip. The walls in her current apartment were paper thin and even though she liked Amy alright, Max was so ready to move out, that being one of the reasons why she was so desperate to get the internship in Chicago.

“Sorry, I didn't…” Max started to yell out in apology when suddenly the loud ringing of the phone cut her off. After nearly jumping out of the chair and diving for the phone, she steadied her breath for a second, preparing for the worst but crossing her fingers for good luck. She knew very well that Lucas really didn't have any reason or obligation to help her out. But if she'd learned anything during the almost five years they were together, she knew that he was nothing but loyal and would never let a party member down. Even if it was her. Was she using this trait of his to her own advantage a little? Definitely, and she felt like shit for doing it, but she just had to get away from California. She had to.

Taking one last breath she picked up the receiver.

“Hi, it's Max!”

“Hey, it's me, Lucas.”

“Oh hi!” she answered, trying her best to seem like she hadn’t been sitting waiting by the phone.

“Okay I'm sorry for just now calling, I had work stuff! I hope you haven't been waiting around too long,”

“Oh no, I've been… I've been busy with other stuff, don't worry about it,”

“Okay good.”

“Good!”

There was a minute of awkward silence during which Max started to wind the cord of the phone around her finger.

“So, um. Have you made up your mind yet? About the extra room?” she finally asked, gritting her teeth in dread and anticipation.

“Oh yeah, sorry! Yes I have,”

“And?”

“And I think you renting the room would be fine.”

“Wait seriously?! Thank you so much!” Max almost yelled out, barely masking her immense relief.

“I asked Mike and he was okay with it too, and now I just have to give your information to the landlord but that’s mostly just a formality. We’ll have you look at the lease and everything when you get here but it's going to be 50% of the rent. And it's on a third floor with no elevator which kind of sucks, but…” Lucas explained, but Max cut him off, saying:

“Oh that beats my other option, which was a bench under a bridge somewhere. It sounds great!”

“Okay then. Well if you could send out your information so I can give it to the landlord, then you’d be all set. The room is pretty empty right now but I’m pretty sure you can ask around and get furniture and stuff. Mike and El must have some,” Lucas said and Max couldn't help the tiny smile that was lifting up the corner of her mouth. He was always the practical one, the one to organize everything and make sure everything was working and in its right place. It all felt so familiar that it almost felt strange and Max shook her head ever so slightly to concentrate back on the call.

“Yeah I'm sure I'll figure it out. And I'll go and send the information right now. And I'm going to look at the flights tomorrow so I'll let you know what time I'll be there next Monday.”

“Okay, cool. Wait I'll give you my work number for the fax.”

After some exchanging of numbers and other practicalities there was another silence and Max looked down at her comforter she had started to pluck strings out of while talking.

“But umm, I have to go. I'll check the fax tomorrow at work for your information. I'll call you back!” Lucas said, and Max didn't know what it was, maybe it was the tone of his voice over the phone, how she could practically see him holding in a yawn, or the worn stripey comforter she had also had on her bed back in Hawkins, but she was suddenly hit with such a wave of nostalgia, that it almost scared her. It all felt so natural, so normal, and it frightened her. This couldn't happen. And she wasn’t going to let it.

“Okay, I hope it gets there alright. Thanks again, bye!” Max quickly said, ending the call a bit too abruptly in her sudden panic. Pushing down the receiver with a click, she brought her hand up to her mouth, taking a relieved breath. What the hell had that been? She had to get herself together. She was getting out of San Diego, if only just for a few months, and that was the only thing that mattered. Lucas was just an easy way out of there, nothing more. And while yes, she wanted to be nice to him and make up for the shitty way she had treated him, that would be all. They had broken up, it had been her decision and a good and sensible one at that. And that's what was going to continue from here on out too. Nothing more. But as Max got up and started to get ready to head to the library, she could just about feel a weird and persistent feeling of lingering excitement in her chest. She would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't looking forward to seeing him again. But it was just out of perfectly normal curiosity. Right?  



	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max arrives in Chicago and with weird pizza toppings, painful silences, finger guns and repressed old memories, the awkwardness in guaranteed.

_Monday, August 30th 1993_

“Okaay, so it looks like the arrivals are this way. And it looks like her flight is on schedule,” El said, after a moment of careful studying of the large screen of flight information that hung above their heads in the vast airport terminal.

“Alright, lead the way,” Mike said, dramatically extending his arm towards the direction the signs were pointing them to head to and El flashed him a bright smile as she started to head in that direction, almost skipping, excited to meet her friend. Because of school and work and the overall distance between California and the Midwest, El didn’t get to see Max any more than the rest of the party did, which was just a couple of times per year, but the two of them kept in touch a lot, sending letters and postcards, and talking on the phone at least once a week. And El had been the one to suggest Max to ask about the apartment in the first place, so having her and Mike come along to pick her up had felt only natural to Lucas. It was also because he didn’t have a car, so Mike’s one was needed to get them to the airport and back. And besides the practicalities, Lucas was also really glad they’d come with him. He wasn’t sure if he was quite ready to spend all the time sitting in the airport traffic alone with Max in an awkward silence. There would be plenty of time for that at the apartment, but having to face her alone for the first time in four years had just felt a bit too much for now.

“Thanks again for coming,” Lucas said to Mike as they followed El as she weaved among the people pulling their suitcases and looking around for their gates, families or destinations.

“And you have to remind me to pay half of the parking fee when we get back. I can dig into the kitchen change jar,” he continued, still annoyed at himself for not having any coins on him, leaving Mike to fill the meter at the parking lot.

“Oh don’t worry about it,” Mike answered, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Besides, they’d probably still be my change in there, so you’d just be giving me my own money back,” he pointed out with a sideways grin as they moved out of the way of a lady pushing a stroller.

“True. But it would still be a nice gesture,” Lucas said, a grin also rising to his face as they kept on walking, soon entering the arrival gate area, with the sliding double doors divided from the rest of the busy terminal by ropes, a crowd of people with signs gathered around them. There were people in business suits holding up official looking name signs, mothers with their kids, old people with flowers in their hands, and for a second Lucas imagined what this would all be like in a world where he and Max hadn’t broken up. If they had worked it out and this was just him waiting for her to come and visit, if he would be one of the people with flowers, waiting for her to arrive and when she did so, running to meet her and lifting her up and into his arms. He felt a twist of something in the pit of his stomach - Regret? Jealousy? Sadness? - and he looked away from the happily reuniting couples, friends and families, focusing instead on the letters and numbers on the flight information screen.

“You alright, Lucas?” Mike asked him, his voice low and concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… getting into my brain too much again,” Lucas answered with a shrug. He knew very well that he couldn’t give into sentimentality, this was just a favor he was doing to a friend, nothing more.

“Okay. But remember, if it really doesn’t work out, you can just call us,” Mike said, looking over at El who nodded where she stood beside him, holding onto his hand.

“Yes. Max can come and stay over on our couch for a while while she’s looking for a new place. It won’t be a problem at all,” El assured him, her brown eyes honest and understanding.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. And if…”

“There she is!” El suddenly exclaimed, rising to her tiptoes, a bright smile on her face. Lucas followed the direction of her gaze, his eyes fleeting over the crowd of people coming through the doors as he suddenly spotted her. And he knew he shouldn’t, he knew it was unnecessary or even borderline dangerous, but he couldn’t help the way he stilled for a moment as he saw her. She looked just like he remembered, the only difference being that her glowy California tan that she had lost after years living in Indiana was back, highlighting the sprinkle of freckles on her cheeks. Her hair was up in a messy pile of curls, held together by a bright green scrunchie, locks of hair falling out of it and onto her face and she brushed them away, trying to spot some familiar faces as she kept on walking, pulling her suitcase behind her. And after a few seconds she noticed El, who was now yelling out her name and waving her hands excitedly in the air. And at that, a wide smile lit up on her face, rising all the way up to her bright blue eyes. The eyes Lucas had known oh so well, the ones he’d seen crinkled in laughter, narrowed in challenge and mischief, reddened by tears and shining with adoration and joy when they had been staring up at his, so close that he could just barely see the hints of green in them. And that’s when she spotted him, the blue eyes widening in surprise for a fleeting moment before turning polite, neutral. And even though Lucas knew that that was what he should’ve expected, what would be best, he still felt it like a blow to his gut, being yanked back to reality, to the present moment away from his memories of her.

“Max!” El yelled happily, pushing through the crowd to meet her in a big hug, rocking her side to side.

“Hey! I’m so happy to see you again! How have you been! How’s the new place?” Max said, launching excitedly into questions as she pulled back, letting her bright orange duffel bag fall to the floor as she reached over to give Mike a hug as well.

“I’m great! And the apartment is great too! Still getting everything settled, need some more furniture and things,” El explained and Mike nodded as he and Max broke away from the hug.

“Yeah, we still don’t have any curtains, which sucks cause the train tracks go right past our building and the lights of the late-night trains aren’t really great for sleeping.”  
“Speak for yourself, I’m fine with it. You’re just a light sleeper,” El commented with a laugh, walking up to him and playfully tapping him on his nose.

“Aand I take it that you guys are as insufferable as ever then,” Max pointed out with a roll of her eyes and Mike just answered with a happy hum as he leaned over to kiss El on the cheek. She let out a giggle, playfully pushing his face away from her with her hand but letting him wrap his arms around her and Lucas wished he could just sink into the earth. He felt so out of place, the whole situation serving as a sick reminder of however everything had remained the same, there were things that had irreversibly changed. Mike must have spotted the pained look on his face as after one last quick peck on El’s cheek, he leaned away from her, asking:

“So Max, do you need help with your stuff? Me and Lucas can carry it to the car if you two want to catch up?” he suggested, reaching for the duffel bag laying on the floor.

“Wow that’s real nice of you Wheeler, but I think if I’ve managed to lug them halfway across the country, I can get them to the car. Thanks though,” Max said, reaching her hand out and Mike passed the bag to her to swing over her shoulder. Taking a step towards her suitcase she was forced to come face to face with Lucas for the first time, and he could see the panic flash on her face before she coughed a bit, her mouth forming into a polite smile.

“Lucas, hi! Nice to see you again,” she said, in a tone he knew she had always used in insufferable small talk situations she hated and would complain to him about later when they would be laying on his couch, watching MacGyver.

“Um, yeah you too,” Lucas answered and there was a painfully awkward jumble as they weighed their options. A hug? A handshake? But as Max was carrying her heavy bag on her shoulder, she stuck to securing it on one hand and just giving him a wave. From the corner of his eye Lucas could just barely see Mike quickly breath in through gritted teeth in second hand embarrassment and El gently swatting him in the arm to quiet him. Lucas waved her back and continued, shoving his hands into the pockets of his baseball jacket:

“So um, how’s everything been?”

“Oh, good, everything’s good,” Max assured him, nodding her head, the locks of her red hair flowing all over the place as she did.

“And, um, thank you again, for, for you know…”

“Oh, no problem, it’s no big deal, I needed a new roommate anyways so…” Lucas cut her off, rambling to mask the awkwardness of the situation.

“Yeah, well I guess it’s you I should thank then, huh?” Max asked with a laugh, turning to Mike.

“Well I guess so,” Mike answered with a shrug and a smile and El let out a small polite laugh before a painfully awkward silence fell over them. Lucas brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck as he looked down at the tips of his shoes. This was going just great.

After a minute of silence, it was El who spoke up first.

“So, Max, do you need to use the bathroom or anything or do you just want to get going?”

“Oh I’m fine, we can start heading out. Is your car..?” Max was quick to answer as she set the strap of her bag better on her shoulder, turning her head to look around the terminal.

“Just over there, it’s a bit ways to walk but there weren’t a lot of places left,” Mike said, pointing back to where they had entered.

“Oh that’s fine. I need to stretch out my legs a bit after the flight anyway. Shit I always forget how cramped you are up there,” Max commented as they started to head out, and soon she and El were engrossed in a lively conversation on the pros and cons of flying, Max strongly taking the cons side, as she had taken the most flights out of all of them.

 

The walk out to the parking lot went by quite quickly and the two of them were still engaged in conversation when they reached Mike’s grey second hand Honda and he took out the keys and went to open the trunk of the car. Max carried her suitcase over to him and stood to wait by it as he continued to struggle to get the trunk open.

“Shit. Sorry Max, it does this sometimes, the lock is really janky,” Mike explained, rattling the keys in the lock, using his other hand to try to pry the trunk open.

“Wow, isn’t this a glamorous welcome,” Max laughed, pushing the handle of her suitcase down.

“Only the very best for you, Mayfield,” Mike deadpanned without looking up at her.

“Here, let me help,” El said, walking over as she glanced around at the bustling parking lot.

“Please do, I’m losing all credibility here,” Mike said with a frustrated sigh, taking the keys out of the lock.

“Oh don’t you worry about that. You’ve never had any credibility to lose,” Max quipped and Mike’s eyes widened in mocked shock and El rolled her eyes as she stepped over to the trunk, simply turning her head a bit, opening the lock and then using her hand to open it.

“Thanks, I’ve spent way too much time at airports today, I need to get out of here,” Max said, hoisting her suitcase up into the trunk, Mike helping her with her duffel bag.

“Thank you, El,” Mike echoed as he slammed the trunk closed and turned to flash a smile at her.

“You’re both welcome. How would you manage without me?” El commented with a smug grin as they started to head towards the front of the car.

“We don’t,” Mike simply said, swooping down to set a kiss on her cheek. Lucas drummed his fingers against where his hand was laying on the roof of the car. Maybe asking those two along hadn’t been the best idea. He loved them, but geez. Mike must’ve seen his face as he coughed a bit before saying:

“So do you two want the back seat so you can keep on catching up?”

“That’s good with me. Max?” El asked after she had glanced at Mike a bit in confusion and understood what he meant.

“Sounds good,” Max said, opening the door to the left back seat and climbing in. El did the same on the other side and Lucas walked around the car to get on the passenger’s seat. Before he did so, he caught Mike’s eye above the roof of the small car, mouthing a silent “thank you”. Mike nodded in understanding, the expression on his face saying “you’ve got this”, and then they both climbed into the car.

 

\---------------------------

 

Max sighed as she leaned back in her seat, looking out the car window at the highway and the grey buildings, green trees and high streetlights passing them by. Silence had fallen over them after thirty minutes in the car and some new wave synth music was playing, one of Mike’s tapes probably, and he was drumming his fingers against the steering wheel along to the rhythm. Max let her eyes drift from Mike to Lucas who was sitting on the passenger’s seat, bouncing his knee to the music as his eyes were concentrating on the road ahead. It was still so weird seeing him there. Speaking with him on the phone had been one thing, but actually seeing him in person was another. They had last seen each other at the Maple Street Fourth of July party the previous year, and during holidays a few times before that, but during those times they’d both tried their very best to avoid each other. But now she was looking, really looking, at him for the first time in the past four years, and wow did it feel weird. He looked pretty much the same, he was even wearing a navy blue baseball jacket that reminded her a lot of the one he wore all the time back in eighth grade. His hair was different thought. Back in school he’d pretty much kept it the same, but during senior year he had confined in Max about wanting to get a new cut, showing her pictures of celebrities and sport stars that had their hair up high, with the sides shaved in a fade. She remembered how his dad hadn’t been exactly fond of the idea, laughing as he had called it an MTV bucket haircut. But apparently at some point Lucas had decided to get it anyway, and his hair was looking very Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. After the initial shock, which had caused that dumb little wave at the airport (what the hell had that been?), Max had to admit that it did suit him well, making him look a bit taller and more put together somehow. She wondered if his hair still felt that nice combination of crisp yet soft as it always had when she would play with it when they would be hanging out on his couch or during kisses between classes.

“What?” Lucas suddenly asked, his brows furrowed in confusion as he caught her gaze, causing her to flinch out of her thoughts. Soon El and Mike were also looking at her and Max sat up straight, blubbering a bit, trying to come up with something to say.

“Oh, nothing. Your hair just looks different, it’s cool,” she finally said, quickly signaling her hand in its direction. Lucas instinctively brought a hand up to his hair, saying, the confusion still apparent on his face:

“Oh, yeah, it is. Thanks.” Mike, clearly trying to keep the awkwardness to the minimum, like he had with the not so subtle seating arrangements earlier, quickly spoke:

“So Max, on the ride to the airport we were thinking you’d probably be hungry, so what do you say if we got some pizza at this one spot on the way and we all had that for dinner at the apartment? Help you get settled?”

“Sounds great, I’m starving!” she answered, leaning forward and holding onto the back of Mike’s seat so he could hear her better over the music.

“Alright, great! It’s right where we have to get off the highway anyways so it won’t take long. Should we get that special pizza?” Mike explained, turning to Lucas with his question.

“Yeah, it’s always good,” Lucas agreed with a nod, glancing at Max from the side of his eye before continuing: “It has sausage, pepperoni and mushroom. Is that fine with you?”

“Sounds good,” she confirmed, trying to ignore the way he was purposefully not looking directly at her as he spoke.

“And then can we get an anchovy one too?” El’s hopeful voice came in as she too leaned forward on her seat. Max’s eyes widened as she looked over at her and Lucas just sighed and Mike chuckled as he looked at her through the rearview mirror.

“Yeah, sure we can,” he said, tearing his eyes away from her just to change lanes in preparation for their exit.

“Great!” El answered with a smile as they drove onto the exit ramp.

“You and your weird food combinations,” Max said with a shake of her head as she leaned back into her seat, garnering a playful nudge in the arm by El as she started to argue that anchovies were a completely normal pizza topping.

 

\---------------------------

 

After getting off the highway they drove along a street lined with small businesses, gas stations and a small park before taking a left and parking in front of a little pizza place with a blinking neon sign spelling “Leo’s pizza” above the door. They stepped out of the car, all taking out their wallets to pile up some cash for the pizzas.

“I can go inside and order, shouldn’t take too long,” Mike suggested after they were sure they had compiled enough money.

“I’ll come with you, don’t want you to mess up my order,” El added, and when Mike looked at her in confusion, almost slightly offended, she quickly added, a smirk on her face:

“Aaand I want to check if they have pickled onions.”

Max pretended to puke and Lucas had to fight the laughter as El threw up her hands and turned to march inside the pizza place, declaring that it was their loss. Mike followed her, saying that they’d be right back before walking inside.

“Man, I’ve missed those two,” Max said with a breathy laugh as she walked back to her side of the car, opening the door again and starting to rummage through her bag for something. Lucas nodded in agreement, turning to lean against the side of the car, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. It was getting a little late, and the sky above the large highway signs and rows of shops and businesses was turning a mix of bright orange and subtle shades of purple, the clouds from a rain shower earlier now only wispy trails across the sky. There was a slam of a car door and Lucas saw from the corner of his eye as Max slowly walked around the car to the back before stopping, throwing her head down as she untied her hair.

“You know,” she started, her head still upside down as she worked a hairbrush through her hair to wrangle it into a ponytail.

“As much as I love California, I’ve missed being back here.” Lucas risked it to turn his head to fully look over at her and her messy red hair that continued to fall all over the place despite her efforts to keep it in control. He remembered how she would let Erica make braids in it even though she hated people touching her hair and how she would flip him the bird when he would compliment the styles when Erica would run off to find more ribbons and hairclips.

“But don’t quote me saying that when winter gets here, though. Still not a fan of that,” Max concluded, finally deciding her ponytail was as good as it was going to get as the tied the scrunchie around it and whipped her head pack up, her hair glowing even redder in the light of the evening sun.

“I won’t,” Lucas answered simply, quickly looking away and training his eyes back on the sky. There was a plasticky tapping sound as Max tapped her hairbrush against her leg in a rhythm, the one of the song Mike had just played in the car.

“Didn’t know you were a fan of A Flock of Seagulls,” Lucas commented as she slowly walked over, settling to lean on the side of the car, a couple of feet from him.

“Huh?” she asked in confusion, stopping the tapping.

“Oh that’s the name of that band,” Lucas hurried to explain. How could he fail at even the smallest attempts of small talk with her?

“Oh, okay. I don’t know that song, it was just catchy I guess,” Max said with a shrug. After a minute of silence, she took out a couple of hair pins from the pocket of her jeans, holding one between her teeth as she used the other one to hold up some strands of hair that were still hanging loose around her face.

“Do you think El’s actually gonna get pickled onions on her pizza?” she asked in an amused tone, her voice a bit muffled as she still held onto the pin. Lucas shrugged, bringing his hands out of his pockets and crossing them over his chest.

“I wouldn’t doubt it. She’s done it before.”

“Seriously?” Max exclaimed, nearly dropping the hair pin out of her mouth, her eyes wide.

“Most places out here don’t have them though so she’s on a mission to find some that do. There’s this one place halfway to Indianapolis that has them so we always stop there on our way home,” Lucas explained, a small smile tugging at a corner of his mouth. El’s tireless search for anchovy and pickled onion pizza and her tenacity in her quest was something he couldn’t help but admire. Max let out a small laugh, taking the pin out of her mouth and sticking it in her hair.

“Remember when we went to Scoops Ahoy for the first time?” she asked, sentimentality creeping onto her face as she too looked up at the sky that was slowly but surely turning more and more purple and inky blue.

“And she couldn’t decide what flavor she wanted to get so she got butter pecan, cotton candy, pistachio _and_ strawberry all in the same cup?”

“And when Dustin saw how annoying it was for Steve to make, he waited until he had finished scooping up all the different flavors and cleaning the scoops and everything and then asked for the exact same thing,” Lucas added, a smirk rising to his face as he remembered how Steve had been absolutely fuming, the way he squeezed the handle of the ice cream scooper looking like he was going to crush it with his bare hands. Max laughed at his addition, tugging on the sleeves of her hoodie in the cooling night. What neither of them mentioned, Lucas thought, was that they had gone to get that ice cream the day after finally, after months of skirting around it, they had decided to officially become girlfriend and boyfriend. And while Dustin and El had been hard at work finishing their giant bowls of ice cream, they had shared a cherry sundae to celebrate. Stealing a glance over at her, Lucas tried to read Max’s face, trying to see if maybe she was remembering the same thing too. He had promised himself, promised Dustin and Mike, that he didn’t have his hopes up anymore. And he swore he didn’t. But that didn’t stop him from wondering.

“Guys we’re short two bucks!” They both flinched as Mike yelled at them from the doorway of the pizza place. Lucas patted at his pockets, finding his wallet.

“I got you, dude. Wait up,” he yelled back, starting to walk towards the door, pulling out a five-dollar bill, slightly relieved to leave the conversation with Max before his brain would start running even more wild.

 

\---------------------------

 

After ten minutes they got their pizzas and piled back into the car, the smell of the cheese and sausage and tomato sauce making Max’s stomach growl. After a bit more driving they finally pulled up in front of the apartment building.

“Here we are!” Mike announced, killing the engine and Max quickly jumped out the car, excited to see her new home for the next four months. It was an older brick building, six stories or so, on a street lined with other similar buildings. They were not in downtown by any means, but the street still seemed pretty busy, with a laundromat and a pawn shop on the street level of the building and a Chinese restaurant right across the street.

“So? What do you think? Not getting on a plane back right away?” Lucas asked as they made their way around the car to the sidewalk in front of the building, El carrying the pizza boxes and casually popping open the trunk of the car with a twist of her head, garnering a “thank you!” from Mike. Max crossed her arms over her chest, pretending to concentrate hard on evaluating the building in front of her.

“Nah, looks decent enough. And the bridge I told you about it somewhere close here too so I can always head there if this place disappoints,” she said, taking her suitcase as Mike brought it to her before closing the trunk and locking the car.

“Good to have a backup plan,” Lucas commented, digging his keys from his pocket as he started to lead them to the front door. “Especially with plan A involving the combination of a huge suitcase and no elevator.”

 

They somehow made it up the stairs, Lucas leading the way, and soon they were at door of the apartment.

“We’re here,” he announced, flinging the door open before walking in, followed by El, who went to set down the pizza boxes. Max followed them into the apartment, Mike helping her get her heavy suitcase over the threshold before shutting the door behind them. Max dropped her duffel bag on the floor unceremoniously before slumping down to lean on her suitcase.

“Okay those stairs almost killed me with this. I have no idea how you guys got any real furniture up here. I would’ve resorted to blow up sofas and stuff halfway through,” she commented, wiping sweat off her brow and pulling her yellow hoodie off. Tying it around her waist, she took in the apartment around her. El hadn’t been kidding when she’d said the living room and kitchen area were on the smaller side, but it wasn’t too bad, the little kitchen nook was on the left side of the entryway, and now that El and Lucas were both in it, wrangling with pizza boxes and plates, they filled up the whole space. The kitchen was separated from the rest of the room by a counter with a couple of stools and beyond them there was an old worn couch, a coffee table and a tv in front of a pretty big window, giving a view of the buildings across the street, the brick bright orange in the fading sunset. And on the right there was a narrow hallway with a couple doors lining its walls.

“This looks nice! No roaches or rats either,” Max commented, slowly turning in place, taking the small space in.

“Yeah there’s no chance of those with this guy’s cleanliness standards,” Mike said with a grin, taking off his jacket.

“Okay first of all, I don’t know why that would be considered a bad thing? And second, I’m not even that clean. You’re exaggerating,” Lucas pointed out to them from the kitchen where he shut the door of the fridge, with cans of coke and beer in his hands.

“Oh I wouldn’t say so. Have you seen your color-coded cutting boards?” Mike added, hanging his coat on a rack on the wall by the door.

“Well that’s just common sense. I’m not going to cut my raw chicken and vegetables on the same cutting board, I’m not insane,” Lucas said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Sure, sure,” Mike answered, looking at Max, his brows raised in a silent “see?”, causing her to have to stifle a laugh with her hand.

“So, want to see your room? You guys okay setting up?” Mike asked, directing the last one to the kitchen where El was casually floating down paper plates from the top shelf of the cabinet.

“Oh you go ahead, we’re almost done here,” she answered, catching the plates in her hands and going to set them on the coffee table.

“Okay. Right this way then,” Mike said to Max, extending his hand in the direction of the hallway and the first door to the right. Max picked up her luggage again and walked over to the door, pushing it open. The room was pretty empty, apart from a bed pushed against the wall, and an old looking chest of drawers. And on the far wall of the room was a large window with a wide windowsill acting as a bench.

“It’s nice isn’t it!” El yelled out happily from the living room and Max had to agree that it really was. Dropping her bags on the floor, she walked over the scuffed carpeted flooring to the window, leaning on the glass to look outside, seeing a view of a smaller side street and a small park on the far left. She could just imagine herself sitting on the bench with her typewriter, writing hitting investigative journalism like the serious big city reporter she was about to be.

“El figured you’d like that,” Mike commented, walking over and also leaning over the bench, looking out.

“Just a warning though, it gets really cold sitting here during winter though.”

“So I’ll be sitting writing here with a coffee and wrapped in blankets? Oh woe is me!” Max answered, dramatically draping her arm over her eyes. Mike scoffed at her, taking a step back and looking around the room.

“It’s a pretty nice room, I had no problems with it, I think you’ll like it just fine,” he said, looking at the space almost sentimentally.

“Oh, and sorry about those,” he added, pointing at the little rips in the wallpaper on one of the walls. I had a lot of posters and pictures and things and I tried to take them off as carefully as I could, but um…”

“That’s fine. If the walls are intact, it’s alright with me,” Max told him with a wave of her hand, walking over to her bags and lifting her duffel bag onto the bed.

“Hey come and get some pizza, Full House is starting and I don’t want to miss it,” El yelled out, appearing in the doorway, excited for the new episode.

“Well what are we waiting for then? We’re gonna miss the greatest show on the planet!” Max exclaimed sarcastically, hurrying over to El and almost starting to drag her into the living room with her.

“If I missed that masterpiece of a theme song because of your rambling, you’re gonna be dead, Wheeler!”

 

The hours passed by as they ate pizza, watched tv and helped Max get all settled in her room. Mike even found a map of the city somewhere and drew the route she needed to use to get to her first day at her internship the next morning. Listing all the metro lines she needed to take and where she needed to switch them, with Lucas writing down the timetables of the nearest station which was a few blocks away. Before they knew it, it was nearing 10pm, and Mike and El needed to head out, with both of them having work the next day.

“Good luck tomorrow. You’ll crush it! Call me when you get back, I want to hear all about it!” El said, hugging Max at the door, trying to conceal a yawn.

“Thanks. And I will. If I survive the day,” Max answered, moving over to give Mike a brief hug goodbye too.

“Well you’ve faced interdimensional monsters, so I don’t think the newspaper people are gonna be any worse,” Mike assured her. Max closed her eyes and shivered in disgust, saying:

“Okay well now I’m imagining demodogs wearing power suits and glasses. Thanks for that image, dude.”

“Anything to make you feel better,” Mike answered with a laugh and with a final wave the two of them were off and Max closed and locked the door behind them. Leaning on it she took a deep breath. Now she just needed to be professional, cool, calm and collected, and everything would go fine without any major awkwardness. It was only going to be four months, and to make work connections and graduate on time, on top of getting to be away from California for a while, she would trudge through it. So she turned away from the door and walked into the living room. She could hear Lucas in the kitchen, doing dishes or something and she wondered if she should say something or just go to bed right away. With Amy, they usually just did their own thing separate from each other, but then again they were strangers, and she and Lucas were...what exactly? Friends? Bitter exes? She didn’t actually know.

“So, um, the bathroom is over there, and there should be extra towels under the sink if you need one. And the left side of the cabinet is empty if you want to put your stuff there,” Lucas interrupted her thoughts, walking into the living room, wiping his wet hands on his jeans. Max nodded in acknowledgement but before she could say anything, he launched into another spiel of instructions:

“I have to leave a bit earlier than you tomorrow to get to work but I should be here for a bit to help you out with the kitchen and stuff. But if I’ve already left…” he said, going back into the kitchen and starting to open and point at different cabinets and appliances.

“I’ll make some extra coffee and leave the coffee maker on, just switch it off from here and rinse the pot when you’re done, and the spoons and everything are here, and the mugs up here. I think there’s some cereal left and some orange juice, I don’t know what you usually have for breakfast, but you can go and get something else after work tomorrow, there’s a convenience store on the way back from the metro station, and…”

“Okay, I think that’s good for one morning, thanks,” Max cut him off, and Lucas nodded, closing all the drawers and cabinets before rubbing the back of his neck. He was just as nervous and unsure how to do this as she was. Max sighed, looking over across the room, trying to think of what to say.

“But um, seriously. Thanks. For letting me stay here. You really had no reason to after how shitty I have been to you and...yeah,” she said, faltering at the end, her tired brain not able to express herself properly.

“Oh, you’re welcome. A fellow party member was in need of assistance, so…” Lucas answered, shrugging but looking right at her for the first time since they’ve first met at the airport, his expression genuine and warm, and wow was that too much for her tired brain to handle. Time to do what she was best at, deflecting with a joke.

“Haha, I guess so. Still as nerdy as ever, even with that heartthrob haircut.”

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked, confusion and slight surprise in his voice. Shit.

“Oh, I mean like… A lot of celebrities and rappers have it like that, and like... heartthrobs, I guess,” Max rushed to answer, starting to back away from the kitchen, pointing finger guns at him.

“Okay, I’m going to bed. See you in the morning then,” she added, almost running to her room. And a millisecond after he wished her good night, voice still filled with confusion, she closed the door, leaning back against it. Heartthrob haircut? Awkward laughter? Finger guns? Damn was this starting badly. December couldn’t come fast enough.

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max has her first day at her internship and Lucas has trouble fitting this new roommate situation into his well crafted routine.

_ August 31st 1993 _

Yawning as he finished buttoning up his shirt, Lucas quietly opened his bedroom door, walking out to the hallway. He glanced at the closed door to the other bedroom as he walked past, it was nearly half past seven and he still hadn’t heard anything from Max. But then again, he thought, as he made his way to the kitchen, getting started on t pot of coffee, she only started at her internship at nine. And why should he be worried about her being late anyway, it was her own responsibility, he reasoned as he poured the water into the coffee maker and flicked it on, turning to go and grab the morning newspaper from where it lay on the floor, dropped from the slot on the apartment door. Setting the paper on the counter he continued with his morning routine, putting two slices of toast into the toaster and pouring himself a glass or orange juice before sitting down to eat his breakfast and read the newspaper. Yeah, maybe he had a routine, maybe he always made sure that there were exactly one and three quarter spoons of coffee grinds per cup of water, and that the toast with jelly on it was on top of the one with peanut butter on his sandwich, not the other way around, but this way he could start off the day right, his way, without extra hassle.

He had reached the economy section of the paper (a section he needed to keep up with a bit for work, but which her otherwise had zero interest it) when he heard the door of Max’s room creak open and she soon crossed the hallway to get to the bathroom, quickly closing the door behind her. Lucas kept his eyes on his paper, giving her privacy, but he could just see from the corner of his eye that she was still in her pajamas. And it was nearing eight now. The train to the city would leave at half past. Gripping onto his coffee cup with a little more force than necessary, Lucas tried once again to remind himself that she was responsible for her own schedule, if she was going to be late on her first day and make a terrible first impression, that was on her. Why should he care?

He was just finishing his breakfast when he saw Max running back to her room, still not acknowledging his presence in any way. He wasn’t surprised though, after the way she had basically fled to her room the previous night, after that weird comment about his hair. Picking up his empty plate and glass and walking over to the sink to rinse them, he absentmindedly ran his hand over his hair. She’d already mentioned it twice, and he wasn’t sure it was a good thing or not. But he couldn’t fight the little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he rinsed off the dishes. He finished off his morning routine, putting on his shoes and grabbing his bag, and at 8:05 and he was ready to walk out the door as usual, but he hesitated, his hand on the doorknob. He’d left the extra key out on the kitchen counter for Max next to the city map, but what if she wouldn’t notice it? Sighing, mentally crossing off checking the comic book store for the week’s new releases from the list of things he had time to do on his way to work, he headed back into the hallway. He stood behind her closed door, listening to any signs of her being awake, before glancing at his watch and deciding to just knock.

“Max? Are you up?” he asked, knocking on the door twice. That was good. Cool, casual, non-intrusive. Just the polite roommate thing to do.

“Yeah I am! Just a sec!” she yelled out from the room, and there were sounds of her clambering around as she started to head for the door.

“Okay great, I’m heading out now but I just wanted to say that I left the key on the counter and…” Lucas said, turning to leave but then she pulled open the door, hunched over as she was putting a shoe on her foot. Wait were those heels?

“Oh good, with the map?” Max asked, standing up and looking up at Lucas, her brow furrowing as he noticed his confused face.

“What?” she asked defensively, and Lucas still couldn’t decide what exactly to say. He had only seen her in a skirt or a dress a handful of times, and never in heels. And though his immediate reaction had been swooping feeling deep somewhere in his chest, it had been closely followed by amusement as he took a look at her ruffly pink blouse which reminded him so much of his great aunt Doris.

“What?!” Max repeated, folding her arm across her chest and Lucas coughed, trying to think of something cool and casual to say.

“Oh nothing, it’s just… It’s a new look for you. Wasn’t expecting it,” he concluded, barely able to conceal his amusement with a cough into his hand. Max rolled her eyes, leaning onto the side of the door frame and said:

“Well yeah it is an office job so what can you do. Just…” she faltered and Lucas could see the nervousness and uncertainty on her face as she bit her lip and glanced back behind her at the room where it seemed like the contents of her suitcase had exploded all over it.

“I just don’t want to stick out. I want to fit in with the other serious reporters there, you know.” There was a short silence and Lucas tried to come up with something to say.

“I get what you mean. And don’t worry, like El said, you’ll crush it,” he finally said, and she looked up from where she had been staring at the pointy tips of her heels, meeting his gaze. Her blue eyes had that uncertain and faltering look in them and Lucas had to physically squeeze his hands into fists to stop himself from reaching out and comforting her in a hug like he had always used to do. He knew that was a line he shouldn’t cross. Things were different, they weren’t in high school anymore. But it didn’t mean that it didn’t make him feel immensely better when she sighed and nodded, lifting up her chin with confidence.

“You’re right. Can’t let her down. I’ll crush it. They won’t even know what hit them,” she proclaimed, setting her hands on her hips in determination.

“That’s the right attitude,” Lucas said with a smile, glancing down at his watch.

“But I seriously need to go or I’ll be late. Just remember the keys and the map, and lock the door when you leave,” he rambled, walking quickly over to the door, Max following slowly after him, going to the kitchen counter and leaning over it to look at the city map with her route drawn on it with a red marker.

“Got it. See you later!” she wished and Lucas swung the door open, setting his bag better on his shoulder and turning back once more.

“See you! And good luck,” he added from the doorway and he could hear a quick “thanks!” and see a small smile from her before her closed the door behind him and wow did it mess with his head. It was finally hitting him that this was what it was going to be like for the next few months, and on his way to work he had to focus extra hard on the people and traffic passing by to stop himself from thinking too much about the many worlds theory of infinite possibilities and alternate worlds, where them wishing each other a good day at work as they got ready and had breakfast in their shared apartment was nothing out of the ordinary.

 

\------------------------------------

 

The train rattled as it moved along, and Max stared down at her feet as she sat silently on her seat, silently cursing that she had already managed to scuff up her brand new black heels. She was also cursing her decision to buy them last minute that past weekend, never wearing them before, as she could already feel the blisters forming after only the short walk, and a last minute sprint, to the train stop. She would never usually wear these kinds of shoes, but she always saw office women wearing them on tv and in magazines, so she figured she’d just have to suck it up and buy a pair. Looking back up and out the window at the tall buildings passing her by, Max reached her hand up to set her hair, checking if the updo she had managed to wrangle it into was still holding up after her brief run. She didn’t like it, the way the hair pins scraped her scalp and how unsure it made her feel, making her think hard before every movement of her head. But she was determined to fit the part, to walk into the newspaper office and feel like she belonged there, that she was someone to take seriously and who could handle everything that was thrown at her. She had been the assistant editor of the campus newspaper and published multiple articles at a small local San Diego newspaper, but this was her first time at a major paper, and she was determined on making a good first impression.

Taking a deep breath, Max walked in through the front door of the old brick building with large windows. She walked into the atrium, her new heels clicking against the linoleum floor as she looked around at the seats lining the walls, with large scenic photographs of Chicago and framed newspaper front pages hanging above them on the wall. There was a desk at the end of the room and Max conjured up a polite but confident smile as she walked toward it, glancing at the clock hanging above it as she did. Nine on the dot, she was killing it so far! There was an older lady working behind the desk, her large glasses and big hair reminding Max of the librarian back in Hawkins. She coughed a bit to get her attention as she stepped up to the desk, flashing a smile.

“Can I help you?” the lady behind the desk asked, slowly looking up from her papers.

“Yes, hi! I’m Maxine Mayfield, the new intern, it’s my first day today,” Max answered, extending her hand above the desk. Her dad had always taught her the importance of a strong handshake to establish the first impression. The lady took her hand and shook it, looking at her up and down above her glasses, and Max could feel her gaze peering into her, assessing her bright poofy shirt, her skirt she knew was gapping a bit in the back and at her hairdo she could feel was sliding down with every passing second.

“Alright, go and have a seat Miss Mayfield, I’m going to call for someone to get you,” the lady finally said, pointing towards one of the empty chairs, as she picked up the phone.

“Thank you, and you can just call me…” Max answered cheerfully, but stopped as she realized the lady’s attention had already shifted away. She slowly walked over to one of the seats and sat down, setting down her briefcase (another thing she figured she would need, but which felt a bit stupid now as it was mostly empty besides her keys and wallet), wondering if she should cross her legs or not, and keeping her posture pin straight. She was going to deliver a good first impression even if it would be the death of her.

After about five minutes she could hear an elevator ding somewhere beyond the doorways leading out of the lobby and she could hear hurried steps heading towards her. Quickly getting up, and only wobbling slightly on her heels as she did so, Max plastered the polite and confident smile back on her face, ready to greet her new supervisor or whoever the desk lady had called in. And as the woman hurried into the room, Max couldn’t help but be taken a back slightly. She was wearing a deep maroon leather jacket with her white dress shirt and straight skirt, her hair huge and curly and flowing all over the place as she almost ran in. Not what Max had seen in the business wear catalogues. She had just gotten over the initial shock when she noticed the look on the woman’s face. And before she could process her frowned brow and steely dark eyes, the woman spoke:

“Mayfield, right?”

“Yes, I’m Maxine, but you can call me…” Max started, walking up to her and extending her arm out for another handshake.

“Sorry for sounding frank, but what the hell are you just now doing here?” the woman cut her off, not taking her extended hand, instead setting her hands on her hips in an imposing pose.

“Um...I, I was here at nine?” Max stuttered, pulling back her hand, shifting her briefcase onto its grip awkwardly.

“Yeah, nine today. You should’ve been here at nine  _ yesterday _ !” the woman exclaimed, gesturing with her hands, her dark eyes continuing to peer into Max. Shit.

“W-what? I told you on the fax I sent that I would get to Chicago on Monday the 30th.”

“Yes and we of course expected you to be ready to work by that date. What use would there be of starting your first week on a Tuesday?” the woman asked, her tone exasperated as she reached up her hand to rub at her temple with her fingers.

Max opened and closed her mouth but no words came out. She felt like the floor had disappeared from beneath her and she was in freefall, the new shoes and suitcase and shirt doing nothing to help her.

“I-I’m sorry, I thought…” she started, her small and vulnerable voice sounding far from polite and confident.

“Look. Mistakes happen. I get it,” the woman interrupted her, continuing her big hand gestures, this time, bringing her palms up in explanation.

“It’s just that I’ve already had to pull on a few strings to get you this spot, as a favor to Nancy, so it’s my neck on the line as much of yours.”

“You know Nancy?” Max blurted out, the only thing she could think of.

“Yeah, we started here at the same time and worked together for a while before she moved to New York. And I kind of owed her one so I promised her I’d get you the internship.”

If Max had felt like she was free falling before, now she felt like she was hurtling towards the ground without a working parachute. She knew Nancy had used her connections to get her the spot, but to hear that that was the only reason she’d got it, not her previous work or credentials... it felt like a punch to the gut. She was basically a pity case.

“So,” the woman said, interrupting her spiraling thoughts. “I’ve already had to assign your tasks to other people so I have to figure out stuff for you to do for the first couple of days. Shredding papers, making coffee, things like that,” she continued, quickly turning to start walking back toward the elevators and Max blinked, still stood in place.

“Wait? So I’m not fired?” she asked, and she hated herself for the slight quiver of her voice at the last word. The woman turned to look at her, a perplexed look on her face.

“What, no! Not yet anyway. But if you keep pulling stunts like that, I’ll have to reconsider. Oh and I’m Martina Bruno by the way. Now keep up, we’ve got to set everything up for you upstairs!”

Max was left standing dumbfounded in the middle of the lobby for a minute, tightly clasping her briefcase and trying to process what had just happened in the past five minutes. Then she snapped back into life, running after her new boss who had just disappeared into the hallway.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Hunched over the kitchen counter, Lucas pushed his reading glasses further up his nose as he concentrated on the sheet of paper before him. If he finished these calculations and prep work before tomorrow’s shift, he’d get to work on the actual solutions faster, not wasting work hours and maybe then getting a longer lunch break to sneak off to the comic store to check out that Deadpool series Dustin had mentioned. Groaning in frustration, he erased his last calculations, as they still didn’t make any sense. Taking off his glasses, Lucas rubbed his eyes as he reached for his calculator, once again cursing that he couldn’t use a computer as he did back at college. The head of his department at the chemical lab was vary of the new machines and persisted that the final calculations be done by hand. But when he would be done with his summer job in a couple of weeks, Lucas would be halfway to having the money for his own home computer. No one in the party had one yet and he was determined to be the first one, it had become a kind of a contest between him and Mike.

Ripping off a page from his notebook, Lucas started the calculations from scratch, punching them into the calculator, and as he did, he could hear steps out from the stairwell, followed by the clinking of keys. He looked up from his work as Max stepped inside, struggling to close the door behind her as she was carrying two heavy looking grocery bags.

“Need any help?” he offered but Max shook her head, stepping out of her heels and heading to the kitchen, lifting the heavy bags up on the counter in front of him.

“I’m good, thanks. Got some food on the way back, your cereal collection is seriously lacking, you know that right?” she said, picking up one box of each Lucky Charms and Count Chocula and turning to put them in the cabinet. “See, you only have healthy cereal in here. That’s no way to live.”

“Well I don’t really eat cereal that often so I guess I don’t care what kind it is,” Lucas commented with a shrug and Max clicked her tongue in disapproval, continuing to empty the grocery bags, loading all kinds of fruit, apple juice and a bottle of red wine into the fridge.

“On a second thought,” she muttered to herself, taking the wine back out and setting it on the counter, turning to dig through the drawers for a corkscrew.

“That kind of first day then, huh,” Lucas simply commented, feeding the last of his numbers into his calculator.

“Oh it was just great!” Max exclaimed in fake enthusiasm, grabbing a Hawkins Police department coffee mug, one that El had brought into the apartment a while back, and setting in on the counter too as she got to work getting the wine bottle open.

“Well, you know, except for the fact that…” she added, her teeth grit as she started to twist the corkscrew in, doing so a bit more aggressively than necessary.

“That I turned up a full day late, almost cried during the first five minutes, found out I was only hired out of pity and because my boss owes a favor to Nancy. And that the only pieces of writing I got to touch were some old documents I spent three hours feeding through the shredder. Three  _ god damned _ hours!” she finished, pulling the cork out with the last exclamation, Lucas pulling his papers away from the possible splash zone.

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Max assured him, pouring some wine cleanly into the mug.

“Well that certainly sounds shitty,” Lucas commented, gathering his papers, putting them back into their folder and then into his bag that was propped on the other stool. Max nodded in agreement as she cradled the mug in both hands, taking a sip.

“But first days are always though. It’ll get better,” he added, getting up from where he was sitting and heading for the fridge to look for something to have for dinner.

“Want some of this?” Max asked as she moved out of the way, lifting the bottle of wine as she poured a little more into her cup.

“No thanks, I still have some work stuff to do later,” he replied, rummaging through the fridge, finding some pizza leftovers from yesterday as Max just hummed in a “fair enough”, and walked off to the living room.

“Didn’t think you would be a wine person,” Lucas commented, setting the slices of pizza on a plate, ready to heat them up in the microwave.

“Yeah? That’s usually my go to, that and beer, but I felt something a bit more fancy was in order to celebrate by shitty first day,” Max said, turning on the tv and slumping down on to the couch. Lucas nodded as he put the pizza into the microwave, turning to lean over the kitchen counter while waiting for it to heat up.

“Not a fan of wine?” Max asked from the couch, flipping through channels and settling on some sort of nature documentary about alligators.

“Well I don’t know,” Lucas said, picking up the bottle and turning it in his hands. “I guess I don’t mind it when we have it at Thanksgiving and stuff, but I’m never like ‘wow I really want some wine right now’.”

“I could see you as a whisky person,” Max said with a grin, taking one more sip from her mug before setting it down on the coffee table, bringing her legs up onto the couch.

“Haven’t had any that didn’t taste gross,” Lucas admitted as the microwave dinged and he turned to take out the plate of pizza.

“Only had it at a few times at college parties and…” he continued, walking over to the sofa too, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the thought of the taste. But before he could continue with his story, the phone started ringing, cutting him off. Quickly setting his plate on the coffee table, he went over to the where the phone was sitting on its dock on the counter and picked it up. Seeing the newly familiar number we weighed the phone in his hand for a bit before walking back over to where Max was sitting, handing it over to her.

“I’m pretty sure it’s El. She did promise to call you to hear all about your day, right?” he said and Max’s eyes lit up as she scrambled off the couch, taking the phone from him as is kept on ringing.

“She did. And she better be prepared for all the gruesome details, I didn’t even tell you about my gnarly looking blisters yet,” she explained animatedly, grabbing her mug still half filled with wine before ducking past him and heading into her room, answering the phone with a happy greeting to El before shutting the door behind her. Lucas was left standing in the living room, not knowing how to feel. It wasn’t a big deal, he convinced himself as he sat down on the couch, changing the channel to a basketball game as he picked up the plate of pizza. Despite of her shitty day at work, Max had seemed a lot more relaxed than yesterday, and the easy way they had gotten to talking reminded him of a time a while back. And even though El and Max had been best friends since the beginning of high school, he had always been the one she would come to first, to confine in him and tell him everything she was going through. And now hearing for himself the way she had laughter in her voice as she told those things to someone else instead… Well he would be lying to himself if he said it didn’t suck. Sighing to himself and his own stubbornly confusing thoughts, Lucas took a bite of the pizza, only to notice it was one of El’s anchovy ones.

“Son of a bitch,” he exclaimed under his breath, dropping the plate back onto the table in frustration. Maybe he should’ve just taken Max up on that offer of wine.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the new school year starting and Max surviving the first few weeks at her job, it's decided that the party should get together and go out to celebrate. And with a crowded bar, a few drinks and a karaoke emergency, the line between polite and civil roommates and something more starts to get a little hazy. OR: The party goes to a karaoke bar.

_September 25th, 1993_

As tiring and disastrous her first day in Chicago had been, Max’s life there started to slowly settle into a rhythm. She was starting to get to know everyone at the office, mainly doing menial tasks and running errands for the reporters, but sometimes she’d get the chance to go assist one of them with an interview or a street poll and she used all those chances to explore the city, taking in all its different sides and distinct features. Fall was enveloping the city fast, the trees outside the apartment building turning shades of orange and yellow, the winds sweeping through the streets turning cool and biting, Max’s morning walks to the train becoming treks through the crisp air, nipping at the tips of her fingers. She learned that for good Chinese food, she shouldn’t just settle for the place across the street but walk three blocks west to another one that had the best dumplings in the world. She learned that every day around five, the lady that lived in the apartment above them would use an hour practicing playing the cello, and that there was a mysterious light switch next to the kitchen light that didn’t seem to do anything.

Max had expected to learn all those things. But what she hadn’t expected was the new things she learned about Lucas. She figured they would’ve learned everything there was to know about each other over the five years they had spent together, but that turned out to not be the case. She was always surprised but curious to learn another small detail about him, like how he sometimes wore reading glasses now (and hated it), how he wore his watch facing the inside of his wrist, and how he always preferred to sit on the left corner of the couch. But the most surprising thing was something that she found one Tuesday night, three weeks after moving in. Lucas had had a night shift at work, only getting back around ten, and Max had been in her room already by that time, sitting on the window bench, listening to music and looking out onto the dark and rainy street which was dabbled by the golden light of the streetlights. Lucas had done something in the kitchen for a while, probably grabbing something to eat, before Max heard him close the door to what she had imagined was his bedroom. But after a second she heard the shower turning on, which on its own was new, as they had wordlessly fallen into a routine of her showering at night and him in the morning to avoid wait times for the single bathroom in the small apartment. But she still hadn’t thought that much about it, he probably just thought she had already gone to sleep and took the opportunity to take a quick shower. No big deal.

She took off her headphones, getting up from the bench, stretching her arms above her head, her back cracking as she walked over to her bed. But as she walked past the door, she was frozen in her tracks.

“No way,” Max whispered to herself, not believing her ears. Standing completely still, she concentrated all her hearing to the bathroom across the little hallway. And she had heard right. Lucas “the Ranger” Sinclair - singing to himself in the shower. And not just any song either, she realized as she quietly crept closer to the shut door of her room, setting her ear flat against it. He was singing the unmistakable masterpiece that was Bust a Move by Young MC. And not only the rapping parts, also the base beat and melody and the sung parts, in a high falsetto voice. Max had to bite down on her knuckle to stop from laughing out loud, doubling over as disbelief and shocked silent laughter. She seriously couldn’t believe her ears, and she was sure he thought she was asleep already, as from what he knew about him, he wouldn’t be caught dead singing, or rapping, in the shower. Especially by her and especially with their weird balancing act of a situation between strangers and friends. The next morning as they navigated wordlessly in the small kitchen, getting their breakfast, Max wondered about telling him about what she had heard, but deciding to keep it to herself. Besides, it would make for prime blackmail material later.

 

\-----------------------------

 

“They’re here,” Lucas yelled out, pulling on his jacket as he looked out the window, seeing Mike’s car pulling up in front. He had just come home from his last day at his summer job, and that combined with that the fall semester had just started, El had just received her first paycheck at her job and Max had survived the first four weeks at her job, they had decided to get together to go out and celebrate with the whole party.

“So what’s this place again?” Max asked, hurrying out of her room, putting on her trusty red Vans.

“It’s this small place near the university. Just a bar, but it has karaoke and you know how much El and Dustin love that stuff,” Lucas answered, grabbing his wallet and keys. Back in high school Dustin had been an enthusiastic member of the drama club and starred in all the different plays and musicals, El and Max joining him in many of them.

“Sounds cool. And I can’t wait to see him!” Max said excitedly, hunched over as she tied her shoelaces. When she was done, she quickly got back up, her red hair flowing all around her getting stuck on her lipstick. She swore, her face scrunching up as she struggled to get rid of the stuck hairs, before looking up at Lucas where he was standing, one hand on the doorknob, ready to head out.

“That’s a cool jacket by the way,” she commented and Lucas looked down at his outfit, that he would never ever admit to her he had spent way too much time that week planning in his mind.

“Oh, thanks, I’ve had this for a while but never really used it I guess,” he answered, trying to sound casual as he opened the door and flicked off the lights before they walked out into the stairwell.

“I get what you mean,” Max said as they walked quickly down the three flights of stairs. “When I was packing for here I found all this junk in my closet that I didn’t even remember I had. The same thing’s happened every single time I’ve moved.” Max was first to reach the front door as she had almost ran down the stairs in excitement and she opened it into the cool night air, holding it open behind her for him to slip through. They walked across the sidewalk to where Mike’s car was parked, climbing onto the back seat as Max greeted the two with enthusiasm, congratulating El on her first paycheck. The drive to the bar went fast enough, the streets getting more crowded with people out celebrating the start of the weekend as they got closer to downtown. After a while they found a parking spot and got out of the car, El leading the way as she excitedly told Max about the one time she and Dustin had gotten the whole bar to sing along to Don’t Stop Believin with them. Mike and Lucas trailed behind them a bit as they walked along the sidewalk, fall leaves crunching under their feet and blowing around them in the wind.

“So how’s everything been? How was the last day?” Mike asked as they rounded the corner onto the side street the bar was located on.

“It was good, I don’t think I’ll ever get back there, my boss was such a pain in the ass. But you know, the pay was decent, so I’m halfway to a computer,” Lucas answered, shooting Mike a side grin.

“Really? No way!” Mike exclaimed, his brows rising. “That’s not fair dude, I was the first one to talk about getting one!”

“Okay that’s not how it works,” Lucas defended himself with a laugh. “And also maybe if you wanted to be the first to get one, you should’ve found a shitty job with good pay like I did.”

“Whatever, man,” Mike said with a shrug. “But now that we live outside the city and only have to split the rent of a smaller apartment, I’m slowly earning the money to buy one,” he reasoned.

“Sure. And before you do, you can come over and practice on mine,” Lucas added with a snide grin, garnering a shove to the side from Mike.

 

Before they could continue talking, there was a loud yell in front of them. Looking up to see what was happening, Lucas saw Dustin, already waiting by the entrance to the bar, his arms raised up.

“Mad Max! Are my eyes deceiving me or is that really you!” he yelled out dramatically and Max also threw her arms up in the air, yelling back, just as dramatically:

“You are not mistaken, my dear Bard, it is I, the Road Warrior herself!”

And with that the whole group burst out laughing and quickly closed the distance, Max running up to Dustin who gave her one of his bear hugs, lifting her up and spinning her around. Lucas felt a nudge of something in his chest and no, it had nothing to do with the way the light of the red neon sign of the bar shone on Max’s hair as it flowed around her as she spun around, snorting a bit as she laughed so hard. He was just happy to see almost the whole party together again. That was all. After a quick exchange of greetings and hugs they headed into the bar. The air inside was warm with a lingering smell of cigarette smoke as they walked in, passing the pool table and the wide bar on the left side of the room, Dustin leading the way to their usual table at the corner booth near the karaoke set-up. It was only 8 pm so the place wasn’t that full and their table was free, Dustin sliding onto the cushy seat as they reached it.

“What do you think?” he asked Max as she slowly walked up to the table, her eyes wide as she took everything in, her gaze falling over the vintage records and weird knick knacks piled on the shelves lining the walls above the tables, the few regulars sitting at their tables, drinking and talking and laughing amongst themselves as an old country rock song played through the speakers, as the karaoke hadn’t yet started.

“Looks awesome so far. How did you guys even find this place?” she asked, looking over at the wall next to the karaoke stage where numerous polaroids of different singers or winners of karaoke competitions were hung up haphazardly.

“I don’t even remember,” Dustin admitted, looking over at the others as they joined him to sit around the table.

“Yeah I guess we were just looking for a karaoke place and stumbled upon this in the spring of freshman year?” El pondered, Mike and Lucas nodding in agreement.

“I think it was actually you who suggested us to check this place out,” Mike added, turning to Lucas, who just knit his brow, trying to remember.

“Oh yeah, I guess I did,” he said, looking around the room in appreciation.

“Well for that, and for seriously saving my ass for letting me stay in your apartment, I’ll buy you a drink. The least I can do,” Max announced, slapping her palms down onto the table as she did, quickly turning to El and adding:

“And for you too, El. For first letting me know about the whole apartment situation and also to celebrate your first paycheck!” El grinned excitedly, getting up and taking Max’s hand she was extending to her, turning towards the bar.

“You coming?” Max asked Lucas, but he just looked around where he was sitting behind the table in the very corner of the booth, between Mike and Dustin.

“Just get something not gross, I don’t feel like climbing over there,” he said, waving his hand dismissively and Max nodded, a sly grin appearing on her face as she said:

“Whiskey sour it is then!” before turning back around, her hair flowing around her as she and El made their way towards the bar.

Immediately when they were out of earshot, Dustin and Mike turned in their seats, their eyes huge as they looked at Lucas.

“What?” he asked defensively, pushing up the sleeves of his jacket in the warm air of the bar.

“Well? How is everything?” Dustin asked, his eyes not so subtly darting to where Max and El were talking, waiting for their turn by the bar.

“Yeah, everything okay? You’re still fine with Max living in the apartment?” Mike chimed in, leaning his elbows on the table.

“Yes, everything’s fine, she pays the rent and doesn’t use up all the hot water or store any bodies under the rugs or anything, so it’s all good,” Lucas answered, hoping to silence the two. But they weren’t having it, Dustin rolling his eyes as he leaned closer, his voice getting lower, like Max could somehow hear him across the room and above the music and chatter.

“That’s not what we mean and you know it. How is it having to live with her, are you still...you know…” he ended, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and ridiculously.

“What? No way, dude. Can you stop saying that?” Lucas said in frustration, shoving Dustin’s shoulder. He was being ridiculous.

“I’m doing her a favor. We’re just roommates for the next few months and then that’s it. And we both know it,” he added, also leaning over the table, trying to finally make Dustin realize that he wasn’t eighteen anymore, pining after her like a lovesick puppy like he had after they’d broken up. He had grown up, she had grown up, and everything was going fine.

“You sure about that, though?” Mike commented, almost too quietly for Lucas to catch, as he took off his jacket, setting it on the seat next to him.

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked him, his brow furrowed, his voice sounding a little more intense than he had intended. Mike just shrugged, quickly glancing over to where Max and El were standing before reaching over to grab a song list from the table by the karaoke machine. Wringing his hands that he was leaning over at the table, Lucas’s brow was still knit in thought, his knee bouncing. What did he mean? Had Max said something to El and that had made its way to him? Had Max herself said anything to him? After having a look at the song list, Mike passed it over to Dustin across the small table, but Lucas didn’t even notice, his eyes focused on Max, trying to catch a glimpse of something, something he’d missed before. He was determined to find out what was going on. But the longer he looked at her, the less he saw in her the hidden secrets she was keeping from him, his focus shifting instead to the way her eyes crinkled as she laughed at something El had said, tucking strands of red hair behind her ear as she leaned against the bar, the yellowish light coming from behind it shining softly on her bare arms as she too had taken off her jacket in the warm bar. He didn’t even notice the way his gaze softened as he wondered if she still had those freckles in a shape of a perfect triangle on the skin of the inside of her elbow. The ones he always used to trace when they were laying quietly on his bed, or on the bleachers after her soccer practice, or on the hood of her mustang when during summer they would just drive out somewhere, laying there, looking up at the stars, talking about anything and everything.

 

“Oh my god, I knew it!” Dustin exclaimed, slamming his palms loudly onto the table, shaking Lucas out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” he asked, trying his damnest to look nonchalant and trying to remember what they’d been talking about.

“That’s the look, right there,” Mike said, pointing his finger at Lucas, a smug grin on his face.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Lucas asked in annoyance, slapping Mike’s hand away from his face.

“You know the one,” Dustin started with a grin, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his seat.

“Where you get all moony eyed and your mouth does that weird twitchy thing,” he continued, the grin still apparent on his face, seeming to enjoy this way too much, whatever this was.

“I was pretty sure I saw you have it at the airport, so we wanted to test out to see if I was right,” Mike explained. “And I was,” he added with a knowing smirk, looking over at the stage, where the karaoke host had just climbed on to start setting up the equipment.

“Wait, hold up,” Lucas said, shaking his head in confusion. “You didn’t know… she didn’t…”

“Nope, just said so to get a reaction out of you, man,” Dustin answered his rambling with a chuckle, looking back down at the list of songs. “And oh did we get one. I so knew you still had feelings for her.”

“You dicks!” Lucas exclaimed. “And I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but I don’t, okay. And even if I did… Which I don’t!” he hurried to add as Dustin looked up from the paper with his eyebrows perched. “It wouldn’t matter, cause we have agreed to be civil and mature about this. Like adults.”

“You might have to tell that to your mirror,” Mike commented, causing a laugh from Dustin.

“You know what, you just worry about your own moony eyes Mike and…” Lucas started in frustration, running his hand over his face, but was interrupted by no other than Max as she and El walked back to the table.

“Wait is Mike at it again with his moony eyes? You should’ve told me, so I could’ve stood further away over there, don’t want to catch any of your cooties, Wheeler,” she joked, putting the drinks down on the table, sliding one over to Lucas, still grinning at her joke.

“Thanks,” Lucas said shortly, grabbing the glass, avoiding looking right at her. Which turned out to be a mistake as he looked over at Dustin instead, whose wiggling brows were visible from where his face was otherwise buried behind the song list.

 

 -----------------------------

 

The night started off, the rest of the party all getting their drinks, ginger ale for Mike who was driving, and they toasted loudly for their reunion before listening to the first karaoke singers, two middle aged women in motorbike jackets delivering a loud and raspy rendition of I Love Rock’n Roll, getting a huge round of applause from the whole bar that was slowly getting more full as the time went by. After some negotiations over the song list, Max and El added themselves to the lineup, delivering as equally loud and high energy version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun, taking turns on the verses and basically screaming out the chorus, jumping to the music and twirling themselves around. Lucas couldn’t help but tap his foot to the rhythm and smiling at their infectious enthusiasm as they did their ridiculous dance moves they had apparently learned at a sleepover back in high school. Sipping his drink, which was actually better than he had anticipated, Lucas looked over at Mike who was also tapping his foot along to the music, leaning over the table, his eyes trained on El as it was her turn on the verse and she sang along to the words, trying her best to not burst out laughing at Max’s dance moves. And the way Mike looked at her, the ridiculous smile that was plastered on his face and the way his eyes were wide and calm, in awe of everything she did, his whole demeanor so serene, so absolutely smitten and ridiculous, it made Lucas think. And it wasn’t jealousy over the love Mike had for El, like he had felt for the past few years, or okay maybe it was that a little bit, but mostly it was just curiosity. And shameless, naive hope of maybe getting to look at someone that way again. To maybe be looked at like that by someone. The song ended and they all burst into applause, Dustin whistling loudly as El and Max bowed dramatically, big smiles on their faces that were tinted red from the singing, dancing and bright stage lights. They jumped off the stage and made their way back to the table as the next performer was announced.

“You were awesome, once again,” Dustin exclaimed as the two girls reached the table, sighing as they sat down, reaching for their drinks.

“After the years of practice, we better be, right” Max said to El, nudging her arm as she wiped sweat off her brow and El nodded as she sat, flinging her legs across Mike’s lap, him leaning over to give her a quick kiss. Max grabbed the song list from where it was laying on the table and started to study it again as she used her other hand to lift up her mass of hair from her neck, trying to cool off. And Lucas definitely didn’t look at the way her shoulders still rose and fell with her quickened breaths and how there were droplets of sweat glimmering on the back of her neck. No way, he was totally focusing on his almost empty glass.

“Okay, what next? Dustin?” Max asked, looking up at him as she let down her hair, instead resorting to fanning herself with the laminated piece of paper.

“The lineup seems pretty long, but I think we could still do one more . If you don’t mind waiting?” he suggested, cocking his head towards the karaoke host who was scribbling another entry into his list.

“Oh I’m not in a hurry. Have to get more to drink anyways,” Max answered, looking back down on the song list.

“So? Who’s in? Me and Dustin and then...?” she asked, looking around the table.

“I can go again. Mike?” El asked him, hopefulness in her voice, but they all already knew it was a lost cause. Mike never took part in the actual singing, saying that they needed their trusty fan to cheer for them even if no one else did. And non-surprisingly, he shook his head and El’s eyes turned instead to Lucas.

“Lucas? Want to sing with us?”

“Umm… I don’t know, guys,” he hesitated, turning his now empty glass in his hands. He joined in on the singing sometimes, but now going up on that stage next to Max, even if it was in a group… he wasn’t sure what, but something about it made his stomach twist.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” El quickly added in her usual reassuring and understanding way.

“Okay so it’s me, you and Dustin,” Max summed with a nod, running her index finger along the song titles on the list.

“Any wishes?”

“I’m feeling like a dramatic rock ballad. Journey?” Dustin suggested, sipping his beer.

“But you just sung it last time,” Mike pointed out.

“True,” Dustin said with a nod, setting down his glass, leaning his elbows on the table, lacing his fingers together in concentration.

“Maybe some Queen? For Will? So the whole party would kind of be together in a way?” El suggested and everyone nodded, they all knew Will’s love for late 70s rock he had inherited from Jonathan.

“We Will Rock You? Gets the audience participating?” Lucas suggested but Max shook her head, still studying the list.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit overdone?”

“Well Bohemian Rhapsody then?” Mike asked and now it was El who shook her head.

“I saw someone had already put it in when we went to sign up earlier.”

“Do they have any other stuff from Queen?” Dustin asked and they all turned to Max as she went over the list, her eyes narrowed in concentration.

“Somebody to Love?” she finally said, looking up. Dustin shrugged, looking over at El who nodded.

“That one’s good too. A bunch of high parts to show off our range,” Dustin pointed out.

“Somebody to Love it is then,” Max announced, dropping the list ceremoniously back on the table before taking her glass and swinging the rest of its contents back.

“Who wants to go and sign us up, I’m going to get some more to drink,” she asked and El said she could do it as she got up, grabbing the list just in case as she tugged Mike along with her as they weaved through the crowd as it applauded the end of another song.

“Don’t tell me they’re just taking the opportunity to go and suck face somewhere?” Max asked the two of them left at the table and Lucas just shrugged and Dustin simply said:

“Those two? Probably.”

“Gross,” Max shuddered, before also getting up, turning to head towards the bar.

“Can I grab you guys anything while I’m over there?”

“Could you just get me a water, have to hydrate to prepare for our big performance,” Dustin said with a grin and Max rolled her eyes at him, turning to Lucas.

“What about you? How was the whiskey sour, good right?”  
“It was good, but umm I could do with just a regular beer this time,” Lucas said and Max shrugged.

“Water and a boring old beer it is then. Be right back!” she announced, saluting them playfully before disappearing into the thickening crowd.

 

She wasn’t sure if it was the drinks she had downed, the hazy lights or the loud music of the bar or the fact that she got to properly spend time with her best friends after such a long time, but Max felt so happy she could burst. Bouncing slightly where she was sitting between Dustin and El, she laughed and sang along to the crowd parts of Sweet Caroline that was being sung by a group of visibly drunk looking older men, who leaned onto each other for support as they sung in voices that were each worse than the other. But it didn’t matter at all, there was this happy and cozy vibe in the crowded warm bar and it made the actual singing talents of the performers feel unimportant. Or maybe it was the alcohol.

“Be right back, have to go to the bathroom,” Dustin announced, getting up as the song ended in applause and drunk yells and whistles from the crowd. Max took a sip of her vodka soda, shifting on her seat as she lifted her feet up on the spot Dustin has left from, turning her back to lean against El who didn’t seem to mind as she was engrossed in a conversation with Lucas about her new job or something like that. Max wasn’t really sure. She took another drink from her glass, somehow shifting to look at Lucas from the corner of her eye. He was leaned over the table, concentrated on his conversation with El, still wearing that ridiculously cool leather jacket of his, the sleeves rolled up, revealing his ridiculous upside down watch on his wrist. And next to that she could barely just see the little scar on his arm she knew he had gotten the time he fell off his bike when he was nine, and suddenly she felt the overwhelming urge to reach out and run her finger along it. Wow okay that was definitely the alcohol talking.

She was shaken out of her thoughts by Dustin who came back to the table, looking visibly concerned.

“What is it? Everything okay?” Mike asked, always the first one to see if something was amiss.

“Oh, nothing major, I just got a call from Mrs. Bankowski. Athos somehow got into a box of chocolates and ate a bunch. He needs to be taken to the vet to get checked up,” he explained, reaching for his jacket.

“Wait how did she know to call you here?” Lucas asked, ever the one to think of the practicalities.

“Well I’m a responsible dog owner who leaves his emergency contact information,” Dustin answered, like it was the most obvious thing ever.

“Wait up, you’ve got a dog? And you named him after another musketeer?” Max asked, her eyes wide in surprise. He hadn’t mentioned he had gotten a dog!

“Oh yeah, didn’t mention it. But I do, and he’s adorable and fluffy and dumb as hell, case in point, eating a box of Godivas,” Dustin answered, pulling on his jacket.

“I can give you a ride if you want?” Mike suggested but Dustin shook his head.

“Thanks dude, but I already called a cab on the phone. Gonna swing by home and then go straight to the vet.”

“Okay. I hope everything’s fine with him!” Mike said with a nod.

“Say hi to Athos from me! And good night!” El said and Lucas and Max also waved and wished him and his dog the best of luck before he hurried off, disappearing into the crowd.

 

After he left, they all sat in silence for a while, taking sips of their drinks and applauding the singer who had just ended his performance.

“Next up we have Cheryl singing I Will Survive, and after that we’ll hear Somebody to Love from Dustin, Max and El. Let’s give it up for Cheryl everybody!” the host announced as a tall woman stepped onto the stage.

“Wait. We’re next. What do we do without Dustin?” El asked, her eyes filled with panic as she looked over at Max.

“Shit. I don’t know. Umm Mike? Lucas? Any help?” Max asked, nearly begging them.

“Dude, you know I’m not a good singer. I’ll come up for emotional support if you need but…” Mike started to ramble, scratching the back of his neck.

“Lucas? You know the song right? Can you please come up there with us?” El pleaded him.

“What, seriously?” Lucas asked, lifting his hands up in defense.

“Only the backup parts, they go super low sometimes, we can’t probably hit them,” Max added, reaching out her hand to grab his arm -wait where did that come from?- as she looked at him, her teeth grit in panic.

“I mean I guess, but…There’s those high parts in the backup too and I don’t know if I can reach those.” Lucas rambled, gripping tight into his bottle of beer.

Suddenly a truly twisted idea popped into Max’s head. She knew it wasn’t exactly fair but desperate times called for desperate measures. She leaned closer to him, her voice not much louder than a whisper as she said:

“I know you can hit those high notes Mr. Bust a Move. So if you want to keep that information between us two, you will come and help us not look like fools up there.”

Lucas blinked blankly at her for a moment, his mouth falling slightly open.

“So? You in or not?” she insisted as the song going on was entering into the final chorus, acting as a ticking clock. Lucas blinked once more, still not believing what she had just said. Max and El pretty much held their breaths as they waited for him to make his decision and finally he sighed in surrender.

“Okay, okay. I’ll do it. But just the backups,” he said, putting emphasis on his last words, looking between El and Max poignantly in confirmation.

“Yeah, of course,” Max said, wildly nodding her head.

“Thank you so much, you just saved us from public humiliation,” El said, beaming as she leaned over to give him a quick hug. Their relief was short lived though as soon the singer before them finished her song in an impressive high note and the room was once again filled with applause. As she took a bow and stepped off the stage, the host grabbed the microphone, announcing:

“That was Cheryl with I Will Survive. And now we have a group, Dustin, Max and El singing Somebody to Love. Come on up guys!” There was polite applause as the three of them got up, Mike giving them few last words of encouragement as they walked over to the stage. El got there first, picking up the microphones off the stand and distributing them to everyone, biting her lip in nervousness as she did so. The karaoke host worked behind them, setting up the song as they settled onto the stage, eyes squinting in the bright light, all the eyes on them making them even more filled with jitters than before.

“So El if you do the very beginning, and then I do the first verse, and…” Max muttered in a low voice, desperately trying to come up with a strategy to best fit all their different voices. El’s voice was really pretty but she wasn’t very comfortable with loud belting, which Max loved to do, and Lucas…

“And I do the backups?” he asked, leaning over Max as they kind of huddled together, and oh he was really close all of a sudden.

“Yes. And then we can do the choruses together?” El added, looking over her shoulder at the host who was asking if they were all set.

“We, umm…” she faltered, panic rising to her face once more as she whipped her head back at the other two who nodded nervously. El gave a thumbs up to the host who pressed play on the music, the screen in front of them lighting up in a weird orange green gradient, waiting for the lyrics to come in.

“Well here goes nothing,” Max thought, her hands already sweaty as they gripped onto the microphone, looking over at their table at Mike who was on the edge of his seat, giving them an encouraging smile and a two thumbs up.

 

The first sounds of the piano came in through the speakers and El started, the nerves apparent in her voice almost fitting the tone of the first lyrics of the song.

 

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

 

She did well, hitting the higher notes easily with her light and airy voice and then the song shifted into the opening piano, and Max gulped, her eyes trained to the screen in anticipation for her part.

 

_Each morning I get up I die a little_  
Can barely stand on my feet  
Take a look in the mirror and cry  
Lord what you're doing to me  
I have spent all my years in believing you  
But I just can't get no relief, Lord

 

Her voice cracked a bit at the first words, but she fought through the nerves, El beside her taking the backup parts, leading Lucas, who stumbled a bit before getting the hang of it and finding the words in parenthesis to follow. And as the verse turned into the chorus Max looked away from the screen at El who joined in, nudging Lucas lightly so he would also join.

 

_Somebody_  
Ooh somebody   
Can anybody find me  
Somebody to love?  
  
  


After a bit of fumbling and looking around to see who would take the next verse, El stepped up a bit, her eyes on the screen as she started to sing the lead part again. Max focused on the backup and she saw Lucas beside her lean forward towards the screen, his eyes straining a bit and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. If she didn’t have the microphone an inch away from her face, she would have shot him a comment about his reading glasses.

 

_I work hard_  
Every day of my life  
I work til' I ache my bones  
At the end  
I take home my hard-earned pay all on my own  
I get down on my knees  
And I start to pray  
Til' the tears run down from my eyes, Lord

 

The chorus passed again and they sung it together, and they could all feel the nerves starting to dissipate, as they started to tap their foot to the beat, seeing the other people at the bar swaying along. And though they all sung the loud drawn out note at the end of the chorus, Max was the one to draw it out the longest, launching naturally onto singing the bridge, starting to really enjoy herself now. She had really missed this, being on stage in front of people, bright lights warming her face as she could just forget everything else going on in her life as she focused on the music, the beat, the lyrics, the melody.

 

_Everyday_  
I try and I try and I try  
But everybody wants to put me down  
They say I'm goin' crazy  
They say I got a lot of water in my brain  
No, I got no common sense  
Got nobody left to believe  
No, no, no, no  
  
  


El and Lucas joined her in the last words and then the guitar solo kicked in, giving them a bit of a break to move along to the music and look around, seeing Mike positively beaming, mouthing “you’re doing awesome!” at them. El gave him a little wave before turning to Max, giving her a twirl before moving over to Lucas to do the same thing, causing him to roll his eyes, despite the wide smile he had plastered on his face now. Max leaned over to him, pulling the mic away from her face a bit and asked over the blasting guitar:

“You wanna do the next verse?”

“What?” he asked, leaning closer to her but then the chorus started again and as they sung, Max tried to silently convey the message to him, her eyes wide as she cocked her head towards first the microphone in his hand and then the screen. He still looked a bit confused and as the final verse started, Max licked her lips, bringing the microphone closer to her as she prepared to take it. She got out the first word but then she heard Lucas singing along, and she and El both turned to him in disbelief. He looked a bit unsure at first, his eyes darting from the screen to the audience, switching his microphone from one hand to another. But as he went along and they smiled at him encouragingly, he got more confident, his voice growing more stable and confident. And Max had to admit that he sounded really good, his voice low but clear, hitting almost all the quick runs and notes, only stumbling over the words a little.

 

_Got no feel, I got no rhythm_  
I just keep losing my beat  
I'm okay, I'm alright  
I ain't gonna face no defeat  
I just gotta get out of this prison cell  
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord

 

As the verse ended, he caught his breath, looking at them for approval, El reaching over Max to give him a high five and Max couldn’t do anything but to smile as she looked up at him. And as he looked back, that dorky grin on his face, his cheeks flushed, his brown eyes glinting in the light, Max found herself feeling...giddy? Blushy? She had no idea what it was and she tried to play if off by raising her arms up, yelling into the microphone as the big crowd pleaser chanting part was starting up.

“Come on everybody, I know you all know this!” she yelled out, starting to clap her hands to the rhythm and to her relief, many of the people joined them.

 

_Find me somebody to love_

 

El wrapped her arm around Max’s shoulders, chanting along and Max did the same with Lucas, looking over to the screen in preparation for the ending of the song. But just as it was about to start, she realized she had flung her left arm, the one with her microphone on it around Lucas’s shoulders and couldn’t reach it now. She turned her head in panic for a second, before Lucas noticed what was going on, bringing his mic between them as the last part of the song started and they sung it all together.

 

_Can anybody find me  
Somebody to love?_

 

Ending in a drawn out run of the last word, El smiled as she sung the last part, her eyes fixed on Mike’s in the crowd, and Max drew out the word as well, her situation a bit more awkward as she was leaned over the shared microphone. And then there was a moment, all within the second that was the quiet beat between the fading of the word and the next loud beat of the drum and the coming in of the guitar, when her eyes flicked up, and her breath got caught in her chest at the sight of Lucas’s face so close to hers, so close she could smell the faint smell of beer in his breath. His eyes were locked with hers, the depths of them so intense, so warm, so familiar that if she hadn’t known any better, if she had had a couple of more drinks, if this had been 1989, she would’ve let go, flinging herself onto him. But that wasn’t the case and as the drums and guitars kicked in, she turned away, detracting her arm from around him and turning to El who looked so relieved and happy about their success, that it almost made Max forget what had just happened, and they ended the song, swaying their hands up in the air as the backing track and the choir on it slowly faded away. There was applause from the other bar patrons, Mike giving them a standing ovation and El reached over to give Max a hug. As she stepped away from her and leaned up onto her toes to hug Lucas as well, Max could feel his eyes on her over El’s shoulder but she looked away, feeling her already flushed cheeks burning bright red. She stepped down from the stage, the room positively spinning around her, the hazy lights seeming nearly blinding now and she blamed them, the drinks and the smoky air of the bar for that moment of weakness. She wouldn’t let it happen again.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas's and Max's plans for the Halloween weekend include catching up with assignments, sleeping in late and watching the X-Files. But then an invite to Rick Nielsen's annual Halloween party changes it all. They are in need of a break, but will the party threaten the carefully crafted balance they have struck between amicable roommates and friends?

_October 1993_

As the semester started off, Lucas soon found himself swamped with work, assignments and projects that the final year of his engineering degree brought along with it. With Max also gaining more responsibility at her internship and all the extra work that came with it, the two of them barely really saw each other other than in the mornings, trying to fit into the cramped kitchen to get their breakfast and then after work and classes. And even then they would just go to their own rooms to study or work on projects. The only time they always spent the together in the living room was on Friday nights to catch the newest episode of the X-Files. Max had caught the pilot episode by accident, flicking through the channels on her second week there, Lucas still at work, and she had been hooked right away. So now they spent nearly every Friday night on the couch in front of the tv, eating take out Chinese food or leftover pasta straight from the tupperware as they watched the week’s mystery unfold. More often than not, by the time the credits rolled, one or both of them had fallen asleep. But it was still something, a new routine they both welcomed.

As October rolled around, the already crisp air turned colder, the orange leaves that had fallen from the trees by their building forming a thick mat over the sidewalk by the rains that would often sweep over the city. Max had long since given up on wearing heels to the office every day, and got a pair of heavy thrift store winter boots for her treks to and from the train station. And as much as she liked the colorful fall leaves and the rainy days she would spend by her window, typing something for work, wrapped in a blanket and watching the traffic passing by, she had to admit that she was also missing the warmth of California a bit too. And that was almost making her reconsider her decision to get away from there as fast as she could after getting her diploma. Almost.

\-------------------------

 

It was Friday, two days before Halloween and Lucas was finishing up in the computer lab of the campus library, printing out his assignment. As he waited for the computer to be ready to be shut down, he leaned back in his chair, stretching out his arms and letting out a yawn. It had been a long afternoon in the library and now at seven the whole room was pretty much empty, most of the other students already off to enjoy the weekend. And Lucas was about to too, even though it wouldn't be anything that special. Mainly just pizza, the X-Files and some scary movies and working on assignments. Mike and El had both gone over to Hawkins for the weekend as they both had had Friday off and Dustin was busy with school stuff so they couldn't really do anything with the whole party. Turning off the computer, Lucas got up from his chair, picking up his bag and heading over to where the printers were in the other room. A few other students were also gathered there, waiting for their documents to be printed so they could leave, many glancing impatiently at their watched as they waited for the notoriously slow printer to do its job. Getting in line and letting out another yawn, Lucas heard a voice behind him.

“All done with Kearney’s essay?” Turning around he saw Ben, one of his classmates walking up to join the printer lineup, lifting up a messenger bag onto one of his scrawny shoulders.

“Oh hi! And yeah, I figured to just get it over with you know,” Lucas answered with a shrug as Ben joined to stand by him in line.

“Yeah I had the same idea, but I just couldn't finish it today. I'll try and work on it this weekend. But who even sets the deadline the day after Halloween? That's just insanity,” Ben wondered, shaking his head in disbelief.

“True. But what can you expect from Kearney?” Lucas pointed out as they took a step forward along with the line. They were silent for a bit, before Ben asked:

“So um, you going to Rick's Halloween party tonight?”

Rick Nielsen’s notorious Halloween party. He had hosted one for the past three years in a townhouse that his parents owned and he would pretty much invite everyone at Illinois Tech. Lucas had seen the flyers around campus and he had been surprised that the party was happening again as apparently last year someone had fallen of the balcony and broken their leg.

“Oh, well I haven't really thought about it. There's been a lot going on you know,” Lucas said and Ben nodded as they took one more step toward the printer.

“Yeah of course. Aaron and Ryan and me and everyone are going, not going to pass up the free booze. Plus I've got a pretty sick costume,” Ben said, excitement glinting in his eyes as they got over to the printer where Lucas’s essay was slowly being printed out.

“Yeah that’s a hard offer to pass but I still might,” Lucas said, drumming his fingers impatiently against the side of the printer.

“You have some other plans? With your friends from back home?”

“No, no plans. Just thought to chill for the weekend. Finish up that essay.”

“What's there to finish up? Aren’t you printing it out already?” Ben asked in confusion, and Lucas didn’t know what to say to that, just letting out a mumble of ‘I don’t know’.

“I mean it’s your call, I'm not making you go but if you do decide to come, come find me and we can have that beer bong rematch against Ryan and Josh,” Ben said as Lucas picked up his papers from the printer tray.

“Okay, well I'm not saying anything yet, but I'll see you if I see you,” Lucas said, carefully sliding the papers into a folder and stuffing that into his bag as he turned to walk away.

“Yeah sure. Hope to see you there, man!” Ben answered with a wave of his hand before turning to the printer that was ticking away, printing out his papers.

 

The rain that had lasted the past two days was finally showing some signs of stopping as Lucas walked home from the train station. Passing by the colorful and tacky Halloween decorations on store windows, he kept on thinking about the party. He and Mike had gone once back in Sophomore year and he had to admit it had been kind of fun, but he hadn’t been since. And with most of the party busy, he hadn’t even thought about going by himself. But as he walked along, his sneakers squishing on the wet pavement, there was this persistent thought nagging in the back of his mind. He didn’t actually need to go alone. He could ask Max to come. But he really wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. They were successfully striking a tricky balance of being friends but still doing their own thing and keeping from becoming too close again, and he would like to keep it that way.

 

_Do you really, though?_ the voice in his mind kept pestering him and he kicked a branch laying on the sidewalk in frustration as he kept walking. He couldn’t deny that whatever that had been between them in that small second of a moment back in the karaoke stage had made his stomach swoop and kept him up that night. But it hadn’t led to anything, although maybe her smile was a little more genuine when he would tell her something funny he’d heard in class when they would be gathered around the kitchen counter, Lucas making dinner and Max typing away on the laptop computer she had gotten to borrow from work. But maybe it had just been the late-night tiredness, or the warm air emanating from the stove or the half empty bottle of wine that she had asked him to split with her. It was nothing. It really wasn’t. And even if it maybe was, Lucas didn’t want to find out. It would be too messy, there was so much there that they never talked about, months full of pain and resentment that they shouldn’t delve into. And he was worried that the party with its loud atmosphere and free drinks would force them to face those things again and throw off their carefully crafted balance and routine.

 

Walking through the front door of the building to the stairwell, Lucas brushed most of the water from his hair and coat before starting to climb up the stairs. Maybe he was overthinking this. He didn’t really want to go to the party alone, and Max didn’t really know anyone from Chicago. Maybe she’d find some friends there and also it would give her a good break from her work, which he could see was stressing her out a lot lately. It would just be a night off, inviting her to come along was just the friendly thing to do. Lucas could smell the grilled cheese sandwiches being fried before he even opened the apartment door. Max wasn’t much of a cook, but she did make those super well. And as he walked through the door, dropping his bag on the floor, there she was, standing by the stove with a spatula in hand, keeping one eye on the frying bread and cheese and the other on the tv and a game show going on.

“Hi,” Lucas said, taking off his wet coat and hanging it off to dry.

“Hey. Still raining out there?” she asked, turning away from the stove, leaning on the counter as she looked out the window.

“A bit. Not as bad as earlier though,” Lucas answered, heading for the fridge to pick up something to drink.

“Well luckily we don’t have to move anywhere from here. Going to work this morning was straight up miserable,” Max commented, adding some more cheese on the bread.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Lucas said, taking a drink of water as he picked up his bag, taking it over to his room, taking the time to wonder if he should bring up the party. Maybe she didn’t want to go. It was a costume party after all, so they would have to come up with some last-minute costumes. And they would have to walk a bit from the metro station to get to the party, and that would suck if the rain continued. But then again...

“Umm so I was thinking…” he started hesitantly as he walked back into the living room.

“This one kid at college always throws a Halloween party and some of my friends are going, so I was wondering if...um if you wanted to go?” he concluded, scratching the back of his neck, trying to sound nonchalant but failing. There was a clatter as Max set down her spatula and quickly turned to face him.

“Tonight?” she asked, her eyes already gleaming with excitement and as Lucas nodded in response, she continued:

“Of course I’ll come with you guys! That sounds great! But wait is it a costume party?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry it’s kind of last minute, I wasn’t sure if…” Lucas continued, ready for her to change her mind at that, but instead she turned away from the stove, basically running to her room as she rambled:

“Okay, well we must have a couple hours to come up with something easy but cool. Doable.” Lucas was left standing in the middle of the living room with his water bottle in hand, totally confused by the quick progression of events as he heard Max rummaging through her drawers, mumbling to herself as she tried to find something to wear.

“Any idea what you’re gonna be?” she yelled out.

“No, I could maybe just go as a ghost or…” Lucas wondered, but was cut off when Max came to the doorway of her room, a hanger with a pale red button down on it in her hand.

“Hey I can be doctor Sattler. From Jurassic Park!” she announced with a wide smile, throwing the hanger to Lucas without a warning as she turned back to her room.

“I swear I have khaki short somewhere. And doesn’t she just have a ponytail or something?”

“Umm, I guess,” Lucas answered, hesitantly walking into her room, not knowing what to do with the hanger and shirt he had somehow ended up holding.

“Here!” Max announced, pulling out a pair of tan khaki shorts.

“So you’re telling me that you threw out a lot of your clothes before coming here but you kept those?” Lucas commented, raising his eyebrows and Max rolled her eyes, grabbing the shirt from him and marching past him to the bathroom, holding the items of clothing up to herself and looking at it from the mirror.

“Well it’s good I did. Otherwise I would be without a costume, like _some_ people,” she pointed out, going back to her room and throwing the clothes on her bed.

“I’m thinking about it, okay,” Lucas persisted, shoving his hands into his pockets-

“Any ideas? Other than ghost?” she asked.

“No, like I said I had no idea I’d even be going. I was planning to just watch the X-files, not think about Halloween costumes,” he answered with a huff, massaging his temple in thought.

“That’s it!” Max yelled out triumphantly from her room before coming to the doorway again.

“What?”

“Well you have a suit, right?”

“Yeah?” Lucas voiced, still confused as he cocked his head towards his room. Max walked right in, opening his closet door and starting to rummage through it.

“So you can wear that, and then I have this ID lanyard thing from work I can borrow you. We can make a little card that says FBI on it and bam! Mulder costume complete!” she announced, pulling out the hanger with his suit on it. Lucas had to admit that it was a pretty good idea.

“But won’t people think I’m just a generic businessman?” Lucas wondered as Max handed over the suit and went over to her room to change.

“No if you play the part. Just ramble about extraterrestrials the whole night. Should be easy enough,” she commented before closing the door to her room behind her. Lucas sighed, turning to look at the suit in his hand. Well at least it was better than nothing.

 

It was soon nine o’clock and Lucas was ready to head out, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for Max in the kitchen.

“Are you ready to go?” he yelled out to Max who was still in the bathroom, as he pulled on his waterproof coat over his suit, just in case.

“Yeah, just a sec!” Max answered and after a little more clattering she hurried out of the bathroom, adding:  
“So, whose party is this again? And where?” She pulled on a pair of combat boots and tightened the knot of her shirt as she walked into the living room, her voice curious and excited. For a quick costume, hers was pretty good, her hair up and a blue top under the tied off red shirt paired with the shorts making a pretty good likeness of doctor Sattler.

“It’s Rick Nielsen. His parents are super rich and he lives in a big townhouse with his roommates and he has hosted a huge Halloween party for everyone for three years now,” Lucas explained, picking up his keys and wallet.

“Sounds good,” Max said with a nod, pulling on a coat as she too started heading towards the door. After zipping up her coat she looked up at Lucas, taking his costume in.

“I think we did pretty well for last minute costumes. You make a nice Mulder. Though you’re actually more of a Scully though,” she pointed out, stuffing her hands in her coat pockets.

“So I’m more of a skeptic? I’m pretty sure that would be you miss “are you 100% sure it wasn’t a bear”,” Lucas commented as he opened the apartment door.

“Okay that was one time. And I believed you after that, right?” Max said, flicking the lights off as he followed him out.

“Well you’re still the one with the red hair,” Lucas pointed out from the stairwell.

“Oh that was cheap and you know it Sinclair,” Max scoffed as she slammed the door shut behind her.

 

\-------------------------  

 

The party seemed to be in full swing already when they walked up the driveway towards the large two-story house. Max could see that the kid throwing the party really must have been swimming in cash (or at least his family did) as though the house wasn’t that far from downtown and the waterfront, it had a big yard and some trees giving it privacy and separating it from the other houses lining the street. And that was probably integral for getting away with throwing loud college parties.

“Here goes nothing,” Lucas said, almost to himself as they started to walk up the stairs to the front porch. He was trying to play it cool but Max could see he was nervous about this. She had been surprised when he had asked her to come to the party with him and his friends, he had never been the one for parties back in high school. But she was excited too, to get a distraction from the craziness at work and to meet some new people. They made it up the stairs, dodging other dressed up party guests who were standing around talking and smoking, and a couple dressed as Genie and princess Jasmine who were involved in some particularly heavy making out right by the top of the stairs. The door was left open just a bit and Lucas pushed it open so they could step inside the house. The heavy bass music that had reverberated through the yard hit them at full volume, the air warm and tinted shades of orange and sickly green by some Halloween lights. They had stepped into a big atrium, the stairs leading to the second floor right in front of them and the dj booth and huge speakers up on an open indoor balcony, the room below filled with people dancing to the music, above them a chandelier with fake spider webs and paper ghosts hanging from it. Max let out an impressed whistle as they slowly stepped away from the doorway to get out of the way.

“This is pretty impressive,” she said and Lucas nodded, preoccupied with looking around, apparently trying to spot his friends.

“What the hell is this music though?” she continued, crinkling her brows in confusion and amusement, cocking her head towards the speakers that were blasting some weird instrumental dance music.

“Oh yeah. That’s Rick’s roommate. He always deejays the parties and he’s real into this European techno stuff. Just wait a bit till he gets drunk and someone else takes over,” Lucas explained, pointing up to the balcony where Max could see a scrawny looking kid with ridiculous sunglasses and an unfortunate mustache, jumping up and down to the beat of the music.

Max chuckled at the guy and started to unzip her coat when Lucas seemed to spot who he was looking for, waving his hand to someone across the room.

“There’s Ben,” he said, starting to cross the room toward what seemed like the kitchen on the far right side of the hall. Getting there after only almost getting some drink splashed on them by someone dressed as a ninja turtle, they entered through the open door to the kitchen, the bright light there a stark contrast to the dark atrium. Lucas lead them over to an Indian looking dude stressed as Lando Calrissian, who looked up from his cup as he spotted them.

“Hey, Lucas! You made it!” he said happily, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

“Yeah, I figured why not, you know,” Lucas said with a shrug, turning over to Max.

“So this is Ben, he’s a biochem major. And, um, this is Max. We… went to the same high school back in Indiana,” he explained, pausing a bit before telling him how they knew each other. Max couldn’t blame him though. Introducing her as a person he fought interdimensional monsters with, dated for almost five years before she broke up with him and was now crawling back to him just to take advantage of him wasn’t exactly a great party ice breaker.

“Hi, Ben. Nice to meet you, great costume!” Max said, extending her hand out to shake his.

“Nice to meet you too. And thanks! Worked pretty hard on it, the cape was a pain in the ass to make,” Ben said, picking up some of the fabric of the blue and gold cape to show them.

“Okay I’m pretty sure I was the one to do most of the work!” They turned around to see a tall girl with glasses, dressed as princess Jasmine (seriously, Max had already seen five people wearing that same costume) walking up to them, her brow raised up in a skeptical and smug look.

“Yeah, but it was still my idea, Lisa. Why do you always have to be hogging everything...” Ben commented, taking a sip of his drink as the girl reached them, grabbing a handful of pretzels from a bowl on the kitchen counter.

“Hi Lucas, didn’t know you were coming,” she said politely, jumping up to sit on the counter.

“Yeah it was kind of a last-minute thing,” he said, scratching the back of his neck.

“So what are you? A businessman?” Lisa asked, tilting her head in thought, chewing on a pretzel. Lucas let out a frustrated groan, turning to Max a bit in a “see I told you this would happen” but she elbowed his side, quietly hissing through her teeth:

“The badge!”

“Oh, um no, I’m uh…” Lucas started, zipping open his coat and showing Lisa the lanyard with the FBI card in it.

“Agent Mulder. From the X-files.”

“Ooh, okay, I see it. And you are?” Lisa asked, turning her attention to Max.

“Sattler from Jurassic Park. And I’m Max, hi!” she said, extending her hand again to shake Lisa’s.

“That’s a nice one. Have to represent us lady scientists. I’m Lisa, Ben’s my brother. Applied physics. What are you majoring in?” she explained, taking her hand and shaking it before grabbing some more pretzels.

“Journalism, but back in California. I’m just here doing an internship,” Max explained and Lisa nodded as another dance song faded away. But instead of another identical one starting up, there was a raspy guitar riff followed by loud drums as Smells Like Teen Spirit started to play. Max’s head was turned back towards the atrium instantly. This was some music she could dance to.

“Want to go and dance?” Lisa asked enthusiastically, jumping off the counter and wiping the pretzel crumbs off her billowy blue pants.

“Yeah, sure! Where can I…” Max faltered, holding up her coat, looking around the kitchen for a place to leave it.

“Oh just give it to one of these nerds, I’m pretty sure they won’t be dancing anytime soon,” Lisa just said with a dismissive wave of her hand, grabbing the coat and flinging it in Lucas’s general direction, before leading Max out to the dance floor.

 

They danced for a couple of songs, the crowd around them loud and happy as everyone jumped around and screamed along to the words, various wings, antennas and plastic weapons poking Max’s back every so often but she didn’t mind. After a few songs Lisa grabbed her arm, leaning closer as she yelled over the loud music:

“I’m super thirsty. Want to grab something to drink?”

“Sure,” Max yelled back and Lisa nodded, looking for an opening in the crowd.

“So, California huh? That’s cool, must be better than up here,” Lisa said as they got away from the speakers a bit and could actually talk without screaming over the music.

“Yeah it’s pretty great. But I like it here too. It’s different,” Max answered as they got to the drinks table, Lisa picking up cups with cheesy ghost and pumpkin prints on them as she started scooping the blood red punch into them.

“Oh I bet. How do you know Lucas then? Did he live in California at some point?” Lisa asked, handing a full cup over to her.

“Thanks,” Max said, taking the cup as they moved over a bit.

“And no, I moved to Indiana back in eighth grade and we went to school together until I moved back to San Diego for college,” she explained, taking a sip of the punch.

“Aww, so you’ve been together since high school, that’s so sweet!” Lisa said and Max choked on her drink, causing a coughing fit, a group of girls standing by them dressed as sexy Sesame Street characters eyeing her in confusion.

“Oh, sorry you didn’t...?” Lisa hurried to correct, and Max shook her head, trying to get her voice back.

“No, I mean…” she started as they settled to stand by the doors to the dining room where a beer pong game was in full swing.

“We were together in high school. But not anymore.”

“Oh okay. Sorry I just thought, back there…” Lisa explained, signaling towards the kitchen.

Max took another sip of her drink, shaking her head.

“Yeah no. And I kind of broke up with him too so we don’t really talk about it. Ever.”

Lisa grit her teeth in second hand embarrassment and said:

“And now you live in the same city. Must be awkward.”

“In the same apartment actually,” Max corrected her, almost laughing at the sheer absurdity of their situation.

“Yikes,” Lisa voiced, her eyes huge.

“Well it seems like you’ve really earned that drink then. And maybe five more,” she said and Max laughed with a nod. She sure did.

 

\-------------------------

 

“So, um. Is that the same Max that you dated in high school?” Ben asked after they had been standing around in silence for a while, looking at the people coming in and out of the kitchen.

“Yup,” Lucas simply said, taking a sip of his beer he had taken from the almost empty fridge.

“I figured. Well what is she’s doing here? Wasn’t her moving away for college why you guys broke up?” Ben asked, confusion in his face as he dodged a dude in a toga who rummaged the kitchen cabinets for more chips. Lucas looked down, twirling the beer bottle in his hands as he thought of what to say. He and Ben were good enough friends that he knew the basics of Lucas’s life back in Indiana, but nothing more.

“Like she said, she’s doing an internship here, and I had an empty room in my apartment after Mike moved out, so it made sense for her to move there,” he explained, eying a group of people getting up from the kitchen table, taking the opportunity to go and sit down. Ben followed his lead, plopping down on the other side of the table.

“She couldn’t get a place anywhere else? I mean I don’t know if I would be okay with my ex living in the same apartment as me. If I still didn’t have any feelings for her, I mean…” he said, his tone rising with the last words as he looked over at Lucas suggestively. Lucas set down his beer, shaking his head violently.

“No, nothing like that. I’m just doing the friendly thing. Besides, she’s only going to be here until December. So it’ll be over soon anyway,” he explained, laying out his familiar reasonings, but starting to feel a nagging sensation in the back of his brain, accusing him of lying. Not letting those thoughts surface, Lucas took another sip of beer as Ben weighed his words, leaning his elbows on the table.

“Okay then. I mean if it works for you, then that’s great. I just don’t think I could do it,” Ben said, picking up a discarded playing card from the table and twirling it in his fingers absentmindedly, looking over Lucas’s shoulder at the crowd gathered around the beer pong table in the dining room. Lucas turned his head to see what he was looking at, though he was pretty sure who it was before seeing her. Brenda was dressed up as a ninja, matching with her boyfriend and she was currently jumping up and down in excitement for him hitting another cup in the game, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, leaving behind a bright red lipstick smudge. Ben and her had gone out a couple of times at the start of freshman year and broken it off after she had wanted to just remain friends, and Ben was still not over it, wondering if she still had feelings for him and would break up with her boyfriend to be with him. Ben was his friend so he had to support him, but Lucas had to admit that it was kind of pathetic. And that was also why he was determined on not doing the same, leading him to date Stephanie for those few months the previous year. To prove everyone and himself that he was over Max. But when he spotted her across the dining room, animatedly talking to some of Lisa’s friends, her cheeks red and her smile wide, he had to fight the same kind of dopey and wistful expression from forming on his face. He wouldn’t do it. He was stronger than Ben was, a realist who knew that it would be useless. But when Max hiccuped in laughter, bringing up her hand to cover her mouth, her eyes crinkled at the corners… it made him maybe wish he wasn’t.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Yes! Suck it, Batman!” Max yelled out, lifting her arms up in triumph as the ping pong ball hit the final red cup remaining on the table in front of the opposing team. The two guys, one dressed as Batman and one as some kind of half assed vampire, scoffed in dismissal as one of them downed the last cup of beer, before walking off, muttering to themselves about her cheating. Max chuckled to herself, reaching for her cup of punch (Third? Fourth?) and finishing it.

“Nice one, we showed those douches who’s boss!” said Max’s teammate, a friend of Lisa’s whose name she was pretty sure was Katy. Or Casey, or Lacey or something. She wasn’t actually sure so she had just resorted to referring to her as Pirate girl in her head. The next teams started setting up and the two of them stepped away, the Pirate girl craning her neck to see where Lisa went but she seemed to have disappeared somewhere in the ever larger crowd. She huffed in annoyance, setting her wide rimmed pirate hat better and fluffed her blonde hair before smacking her lips and asking:

“You wanna go do some more shots?”

“Yeah sure, why not,” Max shrugged, setting her empty punch cup on a side table next to some obnoxious looking ceramic lamp she was sure was gonna be broken by the end of the night, as they weaved through the crowd gathered around the beer bong table and headed to the kitchen. The Pirate girl made a beeline for the counter with a row of half empty liquor bottles on it and Max stayed back a bit, casually looking around the room. It’s not like she was looking around for Lucas, trying to see if he was still in the kitchen. No way. She was just looking around for more cool new people to meet. She had been at the party for no more than two hours and she had already met Lisa, her friends the Pirate girl, the Witch, and the one dressed as a police officer, who had been joined by the hip, and mouth too apparently, to her boyfriend, who was dressed as a robber. Matching couples’ costumes were so corny and stupid they made Max gag. But she had to admit there was something sweet about them, and reminded her of the Halloween of ‘85 when the whole party had gone trick or treating as Star Wars characters and Mike and Lucas had this whole argument about who would get to be Han Solo. Max, who had gone as Obi-wan Kenobi (mainly because she had wanted a cool cloak and to talk in a ridiculous old man voice) had suggested Lucas go as Yoda, but he hadn’t appreciated it that much. But then she had given him half of her Reese’s so he was a bit less mad after that. Also that brief make out session under the stairs of the haunted house they’ve gone to had maybe also helped a bit.

 

“Hey! Move out the way!” someone yelled, pushing her aside before running to the kitchen sink and apparently throwing up into it, snapping Max out of her memories. And no, she wasn’t blushing at the thought of them. It was just hot in the house and she tended to get red in the face when she drunk so it was completely normal. She walked over to the counter where the Pirate girl was weighing their options.

“Anything but that weird banana flavored stuff Lisa picked last time,” Max said, crinkling her face in disgust.

“You got it. I hate that stuff too,” she answered, setting down the bottles she was holding, going over to rummage the cabinets for more options. Max leaned on the counter, reaching up to tighten her ponytail.

“Yo, redhead!” someone yelled and Max looked over to see a tall guy dressed in a Jason Voorhees costume, the hockey mask pushed up to the top of his head, stringy dirty blond hair falling down onto his face.

“Jason,” Max acknowledged with a nod, turning her attention away from him and to the almost empty chip bowl on the counter. Grabbing some, she wondered if there were some more somewhere.

“Heyy, I’ve seen you somewhere!” the guy continued, walking up to her and sitting down on one of the spinning stools.

“Yeah? I doubt it, I’m not from Illinois Tech,” she answered, eating the chips.

“Oh, but I swear I’ve seen you somewhere,” he continued as he spin from side to side on the stool and Max was just about to tell him to get lost when he suddenly snapped his fingers, realization dawning on his face.

“Hey were you at that karaoke bar on West Madison? Like a while back? Weren’t you singing something?” he asked, turning to her, drunk excitement on his face.

“What? Yeah I was! What a coincidence!” Max exclaimed.

“Were you singing something? Shit, I don’t think I remember you, sorry!” she added, gritting her teeth in embarrassment.

“Oh, not that night. A friend of mine works there so we mainly go there for some free beers,” the guy explained and Max nodded, saying:

“That’s a good reason to go too.”

“Yeah, and I remember you sung some Queen? And you had a Madrid shirt on.”

“Wait you know Madrid? You skate?” Max asked, now actually getting interested in the conversation.

“Yeah, dude! My uncle lives in California and he would always send me those super cool boards back in the day. I think I still have one somewhere back at my place,” the guy explained, leaning onto the counter and closer to Max.

“No way! That’s so cool! I’m actually from California, just here for an internship,” Max explained, fishing the bowl for some more chip crumbs.

“Oh cool! So you’re like a surfer chick then?” the guy asked, his eyes wide.

“No, just skating for me. Haven’t done it in a while though, didn’t bring a board with me here.”

“Well that sucks, but I can borrow you one of mine and we can go sometime. There’s this cool place close to where I live with some sick rails and ramps I can show you,” the guy explained enthusiastically, swiping some of his stringy hair away from his eyes as he continued to lean forward. Oh Max knew very well what he was trying to do but she was too drunk to care.

“Yeah, maybe,” she said casually as the Pirate girl finally seemed to have picked her drink of choice and handed her a shot class.

“Okay, this didn’t look too bad,” she said as Max took the glass with a thanks, bringing it up to her face to smell it. No banana this time but definitely something artificially sweet.

“Can I have one too if you’re pouring them?” the guy asked and the Pirate girl shrugged in a “I guess” before getting him a glass and handing it over to him.

“Okay, one two three…” Max counted and they all downed the shots at the same time. Okay this wasn’t as gross, but still not good.

“Is this that peach shit?” the guy asked, putting the empty glass away and furrowing his brow in disgust.

“Yeah, I guess so,” the Pirate girl said, setting down her glass as well.

“Okay move over, I’m making us something actually drinkable,” he said, getting up and going over to the drinks.

“Okay, but I think I see Lisa over there. I think I’ll go dance with her,” she said, pointing over at the busy dance floor before turning to Max.

“You coming or...?”

“Nah I think I’m good, I’ll join you guys later,” Max said, waving her hand dismissively and the Pirate girl nodded before walking off.

“So,” the guy continued, getting cups for them and looking through the fridge for drink ingredients.

“You and that black dude you were singing with that time. You guys together?”

“What? No, he’s… he’s just my roommate,” Max explained, getting a bit annoyed. Why did people keep assuming they were together?

“Why you ask?”

“Cause you’re cute,” the guy said casually, a smirk on his face as he got back to the counter with a jug of orange juice. “And it would suck to have to fight him for you.”

Max’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Well that was forward. She wasn’t used to that at all. But then again, it was also super refreshing after all the silent avoiding and looking for meaning in small glances and gestures. This was simple.

“Oh is that so?” she asked, leaning her elbows on the counter. The guy just hummed in agreement, flashing her a grin and look at her from under his long hair as he poured orange juice and vodka into two cups.

“And is there a name I could call you? Other than Jason?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I'm Travis,” he said, stirring the drinks a bit with a spoon before handing one to her.

“I'm Max,” she said, taking the cup, never breaking eye contact. This was going to be fun.

 

\-------------------------

 

It was nearing one in the morning and the house was completely full of party guests, filling the dance floor, the hallways, the living room, trying to climb up the balustrade to the indoor balcony. It was all getting to be a lot and Lucas needed to get some fresh air, leaving where he had been sitting with Ben, Ryan and some of his other friends from class, and heading towards the back porch. It was pretty full too, with people crammed into the hot tub in full costume, and some smoking and sitting on the lawn chairs. He walked past them, settling to sit on the steps leading from the porch to the backyard which was mostly empty apart from a couple he was pretty sure were making out in the bushes by the far end of the yard. Letting out a sigh he looked up at the dark night sky, trying to clear his head. He hadn’t had that much to drink but the hazy and smoky air inside the house made it worse. Plus listening to Ben pine over Brenda and lay out his reasonings to why he was still convinced she still liked him for the hundredth time on top of the trashy dance music was really giving him a headache. He was so ready to leave.

He was just beginning to wonder where Max was and if she still wanted to stay, when he heard her yell for him from the doorway to the house.

“Lucaaas! There you aaare! I need to talk!” Lucas turned to look back and saw her walking over, talking ang waving wildly with her arms as she did so.

“Dude I’ve been lookin everywhere for you! I went out here but you weren’t here but then I saw that Ben guy and he said you’re here and I said that’s some bullshit cause I didn’t see you but then I came back and here you aaare!”

Oh god was she drunk.

“Yeah, I just got here. Wanted to get some fresh air,” Lucas explained as she walked over, plopping down to sit on the step next to him, continuing to sway in place a bit after doing so.

“You’ve got the right idea it’s so damn hot in there,” Max answered, nodding her head wildly as she pointed to the general direction on the house behind them.

“But out here it’s nice and…” she continued, lifting her chin and face towards the dark night sky, taking a deep breath through her nose. “It’s so fresh!”

“Yeah, it is,” Lucas answered with a nod, Max keeping her gaze on the sky as she leaned backwards, laying her back against the wet planks of the porch.

“It’s too bad you can’t see the stars. That sucks about cities you know all the light pollution and shit. I loved that about Hawkins, you could see _so_ many stars it was ridiculous!” she droned on, her speech slurred and quick and Lucas looked up as well, the sky completely dark if not for a few blinking lights of planes flying overhead. He hated to break the moment but after a minute of silence he asked:

“So um, did you have something you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes!” Max exclaimed, getting back up to her seated position, a little too fast as she swayed a bit, her eyes growing huge as she did, taking hold of his shoulder for balance. Once she got her bearings again she turned to him, saying:

“So. So I met this Travis guy and he asked me to go and grab something to eat with ‘im. Cause there’s like some pizza place still open around here and I’m _starving **!**_ That okay?”

“Who’s Travis?” Lucas asked, his brow furrowed. This sounded like a plan doomed from the very beginning.

“Shit, I dunno. Travis. This tall skater dude, longer blond hair and these cool green eyes have you seen them they’re real cool,” Max explained, signaling somewhere towards the house with her hand. Lucas felt a weight dropping to his stomach. Shit.

“Travis Snyder?” he asked, starting to bounce his knee in nervousness.

“I guess? I dunno I just met ‘im tonight but he seems real cool he skates too and he goes to that karaoke place too isn’t that like a crazy coincidence right! You know him?” Max gushed, her smile wide but her eyes glazed over as she leaned over to him, her arm still leaning on his shoulder.

 

Yeah Lucas knew Travis Snyder alright. Or knew him by his reputation. Moreover his reputation of picking up girls at parties, taking them to his place and dumping them like a pile of rocks the next day. And there was other stuff, unconfirmed things and rumors around campus of other, much more terrible things he’d done. Lucas knew he had a choice to make. He could let it be and let her go with him, it wasn’t really his responsibility. Or he could be the asshole and stop her from going before anything could happen to her. And it really wasn’t a choice at all.

“Yeah, umm…” Lucas started, worrying his hands together as he tried to think of how to form his words.

“I’m not sure if you going with him would be the best idea. Maybe we should just head back and…”

“What?” Max asked, her voice a little more harsh and high pitched as it usually got.

“I know that guy, and I don't think he's the best person to hang out with, if you get what I mean,” Lucas explained, really hoping she would be sober for this conversation.

“Oh I get you alright,” Max said, trying her very best to seem smug as she leaned away from him.

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked, and Max lifted up her brows and said, trying her damnest to look like she had the upper hand while still swaying a bit in place:

“You know what I mean. And everyone else does too you know Lisa thought so too and Travis and everyone. I didn't think so but now I think they're right.”

“What are you talking about? I don't underst…” Lucas started, rubbing his temple in frustration, but Max cut him off, almost yelling:

“You still got feelings for me!”

“What?! That's ridiculous, no I…”

“Oh come on Lucas you're so obvious just admit it!” Max continued, her voice getting louder and more high pitched, getting the attention of the other people on the porch.

“Please stop yelling, people are staring!” Lucas hissed at her, glancing around them.

“I'm not yelling!” she yelled, continuing:

“And everyone can hear this!” She turned around, facing the people hanging out on the porch behind them.

“Yo! Listen up you guys!” she yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth for emphasis.

“Max, please be quiet, this is ridiculous,” Lucas pleaded her, turning her back around by her shoulders.

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest (and missing the right fold the first time as her coordination was somewhat lacking right now). “Here’s the deal. You stop being a wimp and tell me what’s really goin on _or_ I go and get pizza with Travis.”

“Oh come on,” Lucas sighed in exasperation. “Can you just stop this and listen to me! I don’t know that guy personally but I’ve heard that he has kind of a reputation…” Lucas said, trying his best to explain this clearly but Max wasn’t having it, shaking her head like a stubborn child and cutting him off again.

“Yeah but I actually _do_ know ‘im and he seems cool. Just admit that you’re jealouuus,” she said smugly, drawing out the final word and leaning forward to point at him mockingly, nearly poking her finger in his eye.

“That’s not true,” Lucas said, swatting her hand away and trying to look serious and convincing even though there was that nagging feeling in the back of his mind again. Was he jealous?

“Well _okay_. But why the hell would you stop me from going with ‘im if you weren’t huh?”

“I told you, it’s…”

“Oh it’s a bullshit excuse is what it is! Just admit you still like me!” Max yelled out and Lucas was left sitting there silent, his hands sweating, the headache pounding his head, opening and closing his mouth, trying to think of something to say. Okay maybe he was a little drunk cause he couldn’t get his mind to form a reasonable explanation. Or a lie.

As he tried to come up with something to say, Max lifted her eyebrows again and pursed her lips into an infuriatingly smug grin.

“That’s what I thought,” she said, turning away from him and starting to get up.

“Okay this is not a time to talk about this, you’re super drunk, you don’t even know what you’re saying. Let’s just leave and talk about this later,” Lucas hurried to say, reaching for her shoulder as he too got up but she shook him off, getting up on her wobbly legs and turning to him, her ponytail almost undone and strands of hair flying all over her face and getting stuck to her sweaty forehead and cheeks.

“When? Cause like if you haven’t noticed we never talk about this! About what this is!” she yelled, gesturing between them, her hands flying all over the place.

“Cause you are just so fucking nice and okay with it and never get mad about it and it seriously pisses me off!”

“Wait is that the problem? Me acting nice?” Lucas asked, his voice rising too but he was too confused and annoyed to care. What the hell was she talking about.

“Uh-huh! I’ve been so shitty to you hell I’ve blackmailed you! You should be mad at me and complain to me about it or yell or I don’t know, something! But noooo! You’re too scared to do it cause you want to be nice and then everything is so weird and I never know what to think and everyone else thinks we’re a thing but we aren’t and then sometimes I think I want us to be but then you pull stuff like this and it annoys the hell out of me and...Oh shit!” her rambling was cut off as she suddenly went white in the face and clamped a hand in front of her mouth before turning back and leaning over the railing, throwing up into a bush.

There were ‘ewws’ and general displays of disgust from the people around them and Lucas was left standing there confused, his mind racing with trying to think of what to do. But also with a “wait did she actually say that?”, but he decided to push that thought away for now.

“You okay? Want to get some water?” he asked carefully as Max seemed to be done, left slumped over the railing.

“I wanna go home,” she mumbled in a tired and annoyed voice, indignation still apparent in her voice but fading away just a bit under her grogginess.

“Okay, well we’ll just go and find your coat and…” Lucas said, still keeping his distance but then Max leaned back up, shaking her head.

“Screw the coat, I’m not even cold. I just wanna leave.” And at that she let go of the railing, and took a step towards the house but would have fell over almost immediately if Lucas hadn’t run over and grabbed ahold of her.

“Okay well I’m pretty sure the next train leaves in...twenty minutes so we’ll be good to catch that,” he said and she nodded, flinging her arm over his shoulders and leaning tiredly onto him as he started to slowly walk her back into the house.

“Just what I said. Too nice,” she muttered in tired annoyance as they weaved through the crowd, barely loud enough for Lucas to hear. At the front door he turned a bit to get it open and Max turned to look at the dance floor and the dj above it and Lucas jumped as she suddenly yelled:

“This music is so shitty!” before waving her hand in a lazy goodbye and leaning back against him as they walked out. “So shitty,” she repeated to herself as they started to walk along the wet driveway, leaving the yells and music of the party behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry this chapter took a little longer than usual, returning to uni has been keeping me busy. but i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it, let me know in the comments if you did! my tumblr in as 'summer-in-hawkins' if you'd like to reach me there too!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Halloween party sets the awkwardness levels at the apartment at an all-time high. Max knows she should talk to Lucas about the things she said, but can’t bring herself to do it. And Lucas is waiting on her to make the first move as he isn’t sure how much of all of it she remembers. Finally it’s El who comes up with a plan to clear things up; a plan involving Chinese take out and hanging out with a puppy.

_November 5th, 1993_

The morning after the Halloween party had Max waking up with a pounding headache that kept her lying in bed for the whole day, her mouth dry and her eyes sore to the light. But that wasn’t the only thing keeping her in her room, burrowing her head into her pillows and pulling her blanket over her head as the rain drummed against the window. Her mind was a bit hazy on the details of the end of the party, but what she was sure of, what she knew in her gut, was that she had said some shitty things to Lucas. She had just been so frustrated after everyone had assumed them to be a couple that she had just exploded and gone way too far. And she was embarrassed, so embarrassed of everything she had said and how she’d treated him. So she did her very best to avoid him, listening behind her shut door for a long while to check if the coast was clear before she quickly and quietly stepped her way along the hallway to the bathroom and the kitchen to grab a Mountain Dew and some crackers when she got too hungry. The weekend crept past excruciatingly slowly as they both tried their best to avoid each other in the small apartment, only bumping into each other for the first time on Sunday night. Max had come to the kitchen to make cup noodles, as she hadn’t seen Lucas anywhere, the living room had been empty with just an old horror movie left playing on the tv. Impatiently waiting on the noodles to cook, she had drummed her fingers against the kitchen counter when she’d heard the toilet flush and the water turn on in the bathroom.

“Shit,” she’d exclaimed, clambering to pour the boiling hot water from the cup and into the sink. She didn’t care if the noodles weren’t ready yet, she had to flee the kitchen right now before he got back. Quickly looking back towards the bathroom as she heard the water being shut off, she took her attention away from her task, which turned out to be a mistake as she lost hold of the lid of the cup, splashing hot water and noodles everywhere. She swore under her breath as she tried to scoop the spilled over noodles back to the cup, not bothering to reach for her fork, her fingers burning against the hot food. Quick, quick, quick, before…

She heard the door to the bathroom open and Lucas walk out, and she stilled, grasping the half empty cup of noodles in her hands, her back to him. There was a moment of tense silence before he coughed quietly and walked over to the couch and sat down to watch the movie. Max bit her lip as she tried to think of how to handle the situation. If she remembered right, she had been the one to accuse him of not talking straight to her after all. Shouldn’t she then try to clear up the situation? She shifted in place, trying to gather her courage, to face him and talk things through. She just had to turn around and open her mouth… but that was too much to ask right now. She stuck a fork into the noodles, grabbing them and a glass of water as she hurried back to her room, not even glancing at the living room or the tv where she could hear some kind of monster growl and a girl scream in a high pitched tone in response to the scare. She would talk to him. Later.

 

As the week went on, the situation only got marginally better. They still didn’t speak, but as they were forced to share the kitchen in the mornings as they both got ready for the day, they could at least be in the same room now, and didn’t have to hunker down in their rooms the whole time. But they were still avoiding each other. They had shared the apartment for at least that long that Max knew Lucas didn’t usually have this many night classes or projects. And yeah, maybe she was avoiding him too, taking the time to walk the streets of the city a little longer after leaving work and taking the train to see downtown or the lake before heading back to the apartment. So when on Wednesday she overheard Lucas on the phone, talking to who she figured was Dustin about dog-sitting on Friday night, she had been relieved to have the apartment for herself for the night. She could pop some popcorn, lay on the couch and watch the X-Files in peace, without any awkwardness.

 

But before that, she had promised to go and grab coffee after work on Friday with El who she hadn’t seen in a while. El had picked the place, a cozy café a bit outside the city, closer to her and Mike’s apartment but close enough for Max to get to by train. The seemingly endless rain had stopped and the late afternoon sun was shining bright through the window as they took their seats by a table in front of it.

“So,” El said as she took off her puffy lavender winter coat. “How’s everything at the paper?”

“Oh, I wanted to tell you about that!” Max said, her eyes going wide in excitement as she took off her beanie, trying to smooth her hand over her messy hair.

“So I might finally be able to write an actual article there in a few weeks!”

“What? Really?” El exclaimed, leaning over the small table. She knew how frustrated Max was with just having to do boring secretary work all the time.

“Yeah! I mean it wouldn’t be just mine, there’s a few people working on this bigger investigative piece on how the holiday season affects the big department stores and businesses versus the small ones. I mean it’s nothing major but I would have my own section on it and do the research and everything! How cool is that!” Max gushed, her face positively beaming, her cheeks tinted red from the air outside that was still cold despite the sunshine.

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” El said, a genuine and happy smile on her face as she leaned her hand to squeeze Max’s across the table. Max squeezed it back before they turned their attention to the steaming cups of coffee in front of them, cradling the cups in their hands to warm their cold fingers as they looked out onto the street.

“How’s your job? Still loving it?” Max asked after a bit and El nodded as she took a bite of a cinnamon roll she'd bought.

“Yes. It's such a nice calm place, I'm starting to get to know everyone, and my boss is super nice,” she said, a smile on her face as she set the pastry back down onto her plate. “I feel like I get to genuinely help people. Even though I'm not doing any of the actual counseling yet, but working the reception and setting up all these little things and making the whole space comfortable plays a part in it too, I think,” she explained and Max nodded. El had always been attentive and considerate like that, noticing if someone was feeling uncomfortable and doing her best to do something to help.

“I asked my boss this week if we could get a fish tank to the waiting room, it would be nice and calming to look at, don't you think?”

“That sounds great! I had one in the waiting room of my dentist’s office when I was little and I loved it. There was this huge blue fish in there that I named Boris,” Max said, a grin appearing on her face at the memory.

“Remember when we went on that field trip to the aquarium in Indianapolis? What was it, Junior year?” El asked, taking a sip of her tea.

“Yeah! They had that huge tank with the shark! That was so cool,” Max exclaimed and El nodded along.

“And the jellyfish. They looked so beautiful. And remember the small pool where you could go and touch the little stingrays?”

“The one where Mike almost fell into? Oh I so do,” Max answered with a laugh, remembering the panicky way Mike had waved his gangly arms in the air as he tried to reach his balance, Will and Dustin grabbing onto him to help him from falling over. El laughed too, rolling her eyes but smiling nevertheless.

“Speaking of, everything syrupy as ever with you guys? Everything all set at the apartment?” Max asked and El set her teacup down, nodding.

“Yes, everything is good. Got a new couch last week, the one we had was from my old apartment and it was old even then so it was time we got a nicer one,” El explained and as Max nodded, taking a bite of her donut, she leaned her chin on her hand, continuing:

“It's just so nice having our own place. Don't have to worry about having stuff in different apartments, now it's all in the same spot. And we can split all the chores and there's always someone to talk to and ask for help from, and…” there was a soft, smitten look on her face as her thoughts clearly drifted over to Mike and their small apartment. And Max was hit with the realization that those were a lot of the same things she liked about sharing the apartment with Lucas. Even though it could be really awkward, she didn't hardly ever have to do the dishes, which she hated to do, she had a nicer vacuum cleaner to vacuum the apartment, which she found oddly relaxing to do, and yeah it was kind of nice to have someone to vent to after a hard day at work, or someone to hold onto the wobbly stool as she was reaching to replace the light bulb. And maybe she had gotten used to all those things, and that's why this week of avoiding each other had been so shitty.

“Yeah, everything's great,” El finally concluded, shaking herself out of her thoughts and helping Max to do so as well.

“But how is it over at your place? You said on the phone that things were still really awkward?” El asked, her eyebrows furrowing in concern and empathy as she leaned her elbows on the table, holding onto her cup.

“Oh yeah. The awkwardness levels are through the roof,” Max confirmed, running a hand through her hair in frustration.

“So neither of you have brought up what you said at the party?”

“No. And the tricky thing is that I'm not 100 percent sure of what I said but I know I was a major douche and kept on pestering him about if he still had feelings for me or not,” Max said, massaging her temples. El grit her teeth in second hand embarrassment, asking:

“Oh, that's not great. What did he say to that?”

“Nothing, I guess. I kind of puked before he could answer so…” Max said, lifting up her hands in frustration.

“Well,” El said after a moment of silence. “What would’ve you liked him to say?”

“I don't know. I was drunk and annoyed because everyone at the party kept assuming we were together and we have never properly talked about what happened so it's just… This thing, constantly hovering over our heads, suffocating me and I'm sure it's gonna fall down and crush me one of these days,” Max explained, burrowing her face into her hands with an annoyed groan.

“I understand,” El said softly after another beat of silence but Max didn't look up.

“I think you were right. You guys should talk about it. Maybe not when at a party but just, take the time to spell everything out and be honest with each other. Regardless of what happened four years ago, you're my best friends and it pains me to see you not being in good terms. And if you talk and decide that you can't be friends anymore, that's fine too, but just be honest about it,” she explained and as she did, Max slowly brought her head back up to look at her. She really did have a point.

“You're right. As usual,” Max conceded, remembering back to all the times she had come to El back in Hawkins for advice for all kinds of things, Lucas being one of them. And even if she didn't always have the answer to her problems, she was always a good listener and just speaking about her problems aloud with her often helped her figure them out.

Letting out a frustrated huff, Max threw her head back, leaning back in her chair.

“But what should I do then? He probably still thinks I hate him or something so he won't speak to me. He'll probably find some kind of excuse to stay out of the apartment for the whole weekend.”

“Well you said he was dog-sitting Athos?” El asked, an idea clearly brewing in her mind.

“Yeah?” Max asked, not sure what she was thinking.

“Dustin's place is not that far from here, it's actually kind of on your way back to the city.”

“Soo, what are you saying?”

“I'm saying that you could stop by there on your way back. You could apologize and you guys could talk and if he's staying the night there, you both would get some time alone to think about it after,” El explained and Max crossed her arms across her chest. She did have a point.

“Plus,” El added, her eyes glinting. “You'd get to meet a puppy.”

“That's a hard thing to pass. I think you sold me on that,” Max said, a smile on her face and El smiled back, picking up her purse to get paper to write the directions to get to Dustin's apartment, all the while gushing about huge cute and fluffy Athos the puppy was.

 

“Hey, hey! Get down, you know you can't jump on the bed!” Lucas exclaimed, gently pushing down the dog as it tried once again to get up to sit on the bed with him. Athos whined a bit, his fluffy tail still wagging as he kept his paws up on the side of the bed, begging for some scratches. And he got them as Lucas sighed out a laugh, reaching his hand to scratch him behind the ear. The puppy was undeniably cute, but he was just that, a puppy, and that made him really stubborn and excitable. Which had both become really clear when Lucas had taken him out on a walk earlier, struggling for ten minutes just trying to get the leash on him. But other than that the night had gone well so far and he'd done everything according to Dustin's instructions; he'd fed Athos his dinner, taken him on a walk by his favorite pond and kept him from jumping on the bed. As the apartment was so small, there wasn't really anywhere else to sit besides on the bed. There was no room for a sofa, or maybe there was but that space was occupied by a massive bookshelf with everything from Dustin's biology textbooks to a turtle terrarium and sci-fi VHS on it.

After getting the scratches he was after, Athos turned on his heels, making his way across the room to his toys, his tail wagging and his small paws skittering on the floor. As the puppy plopped down to lay on his bed, chewing up a toy dinosaur, Lucas got up too, walking to the small kitchen and opening the door of the fridge, thinking of what to eat. Yawning, rubbing the back of his neck, he leaned over to peer inside the nearly empty fridge, debating if he should just order a pizza or make a grilled cheese sandwich or something.

Grabbing a Coke and shutting the fridge door, Lucas couldn’t help the thought of making a grilled cheese remind him of Max. He had kind of been waiting for her to make the first move and talk to him after the incident at the party - he didn’t want to push her into talking - but she had been avoiding him for the whole week. And by now he didn’t really know what to do, the awkwardness in the apartment had skyrocketed during the past week and he had been happy when Dustin had called him to dog-sit, so he could get away from there for a night. Opening the can, leaning against the kitchen counter, looking over at Athos who was making obnoxious squeaky noises with the toy, Lucas wondered, for like the fifth time that week, if she even remembered what she had said to him at the party. She had been pretty drunk after all so maybe she didn’t and thought he was mad at her or something. But if she thought so, why wouldn’t she confront him about it? It wasn’t like her to just ignore it if she thought he was acting mad at her for seemingly no reason. Maybe having the apartment for herself could give her some time to relax and collect her thoughts so she could talk to him about it later.

Lucas wasn’t sure if it was the loud buzzing of the intercom or the high-pitched barking of the dog in response to it that shook him out of his thoughts, but he flinched, almost dropping his Coke can. His brows furrowing in confusion, his gaze followed Athos who had sprung up on his little legs and ran over to the door. Dustin hadn’t mentioned anyone coming to the door, especially that late. Maybe he had forgotten something and was coming over to get it, but then again, wouldn’t he have a key and not have to buzz in? The loud buzzing sounded again and Lucas walked over to the intercom panel by the door, looking down at Athos, sharing a confused look with the puppy. Clearing his throat a bit, he pushed down on the little button by the speaker.

“Hello? Who is it?”

“Hey, it’s me,” Max’s voice came crackling through the line, and if he had been confused before, he certainly was now.

“Umm,” he voiced but before he could say anything more, she continued:

“I’m sorry I’m barging in on you all of a sudden like this but, umm I just...I was around and wanted to stop by to talk on my way home.”

Lucas wasn’t sure what to say, drumming his fingers along the plastic panel, glancing down at Athos who was looking up curiously, circling his feet.   

“Well, I guess…”

“I promise it won’t take long, I need to head back on the eight o’clock train anyways. And umm I’m not sure if you’ve eaten anything but I grabbed some Chinese takeout, if you want some?” Max added and Lucas could hear the rustling of a plastic bag over the intercom.

“Oh umm well I haven’t eaten yet, so...” Lucas answered, his voice trailing off.

“Okay, great! Let me in and I’ll bring up the food,” Max said and Lucas looked at the buttons of the intercom.

“Okay, umm I guess this opens the door?” He could hear a click over the line and the sound of Max opening the front door.

“It worked. See you in a bit!” Max said and Lucas took his finger off the call button, setting his Coke can on the kitchen counter, taking a step away from the door, Athos following him right by his heels, glancing at the door every few seconds, excited to see who was coming.

“Prepare for some more scratches, buddy,” Lucas said to him in a low voice, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. He looked around in the small studio apartment, walking over to the bed to pull the bedspread and the quilt better on it, making sure the stack of comics on the bedside table was in order. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, it wasn’t his apartment, why was he being nervous about how it would look to her?

The doorbell rang and Athos started his barking again, running over to the door. Lucas went after him, scooping him up into his arms to prevent him from running out into the stairwell when the door was opened.

“Whoa, whoa, calm down,” he muttered to the dog, who kept wiggling excitedly in his arms as he reached to open the door, swinging it open. And there was Max, a bit out of breath after making her way up to the third floor, her hair messy under her blue beanie, her cheeks flushed and tip of her nose bright red from the cold air outside, her bright eyes wide in surprise, the delicious smell of warm food and sweet chili sauce combining with the weird but distinct scent of ink and paper from her office as it swirled around her and… Whoa, whoa, calm down.

“Hi,” she simply voiced, waving her hand that wasn’t holding onto the bag of food.

“Hey,” Lucas said after getting his mouth to work again. Her words from a week ago echoed in his brain: _“Sometimes I wished we were together.”_

“So, umm…” Max started, shifting in her place, clearly trying to think of what to say.

“We can step inside, I don’t want this guy to run off, Dustin would kill me if anything were to happen to him,” Lucas explained quickly, still working hard to contain Athos in his arms as the puppy wiggled excitedly, his eyes darting from Max’s face to the food she was carrying.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she said, stepping in and closing the door behind her.

“I’ve got some food like I said so I’ll just put it down here,” she continued, going over to the kitchen counter and starting to unload the styrofoam containers from the plastic bags. Lucas let Athos down and the dog immediately ran over to Max, sniffing at her feet and bouncing up against her legs.

“Hi there! You must be Athos, the chocolate eating menace!” Max said with a laugh, her voice getting all soft and high pitched like it did when she would talk to animals. Something that she had made Lucas swear to never tell anyone after they’d gone and visited the petting zoo at the Roane County fair back in ‘85, and something that he found pretty damn adorable. No, he _had_ found it adorable back then. Not anymore. Like yes she still was, but that wasn’t something he should think anymore. Right?

“Yep, the one and only,” Lucas said, trying to seem casual, taking a sip of his soda as Max picked up Athos, letting him lick her face enthusiastically.

“Okay, okay, nice to meet you too, dude,” Max said, laughter in her voice, her face crinkled up against the licks. Yep. Definitely still adorable.

Max chuckled as she put the dog down, starting to open the different containers of food and Lucas walked to the other side of the counter from her.

“So I got some orange chicken, noodles, these fried things with pork in them I guess? Aaand I'm pretty sure this is…” Max explained, opening the lids of the containers, the delicious smell of the food making Lucas’s stomach growl. She had opened the last container, finding what she was looking for and continued:

“Yes, spring rolls. I've been craving these for ages!”

“Looks good, I'll get the plates,” Lucas said, going to open the kitchen cabinet.

“Oh, well I mean you can just take half of this and then I can go and eat the rest at home. Like I said I have that train to catch and all,” Max started to ramble, fidgeting with a pair of chopsticks she had taken out of the bag, twirling them in her fingers. Lucas remembered how she had mastered that skill in Mr. Forrester’s Math class in Senior year, and after a semester of hard work she had become a master pencil twirler, and he had watched from his seat a row behind her how she would toss one in the air mid twirl and catch it with her other hand, and when she would catch his staring, she would grin proudly and he would just roll his eyes at her. Maybe it was that memory, maybe it was something else but Lucas found himself saying:

“Well won't the food be all cold once you get back? I don't mind you eating here, you can head back after, there's a train at nine too.”

“I guess. If it's okay with you?” Max asked, gritting her teeth, shifting in place, unsure.

“It's fine, I don't mind at all. I mean you're the one who's offering me free food,” Lucas said, shrugging before getting two plates from the kitchen cupboard.

“The least I can do is let you eat it before it gets cold and let you hang out with a dog as you do so,” he added signaling over to Athos who was still circling at her feet, excitedly sniffing at the food.

“You've got a point there,” Max said, reaching her hand to grab the plate Lucas was handing to her.

“And I have to admit, getting to hang out with a dog was like 50% of the reason why I stopped by,” she added with a grin as she started to scoop food onto her plate.

“I figured,” Lucas said, reaching for the container of noodles and picking some onto his plate. They worked in silence for a while, quietly passing the containers between them so they could split everything evenly and Lucas wasn't sure if he was imagining things but somehow there ended up being clearly more than a half of the orange chicken left in the container when Max had taken her portion. Did she remember it was his favorite?

“Thanks,” he said simply when he grabbed the container and Max just waved her hand dismissively, picking up a piece of a noodle she had accidentally dropped on the counter.

“So where do we…” Max started when they had split the food, looking around the small one room apartment for a place to sit and eat.

“Well there is a dining table but Dustin said he usually just keeps it over there in front of the TV,” Lucas explained, pointing to where the table had been moved right next to the bed so you could sit on it.

“Oh, well makes sense I guess,” Max said with an amused shrug.

“I mean we can move it if you want? He said it would be fine too,” Lucas hurried to add but Max just shook her head, walking over to set her plate on the table and sitting down on the bed.

“I ate like this all the time in my first dorm room, I don't mind at all,” she explained, pulling her legs up onto the bed to sit cross legged.

“Okay then,” Lucas said, walking over to sit down and eat, making sure to leave a decent gap between them. There was some local news on tv so they watched that as they silently ate their food, the awkward air again falling over then. Taking a drink of his Coke, Lucas tried to desperately think of something to say.

“So, how was…”

“Okay so about…” Apparently Max had also figured out what to say as she spoke up the exact time he did, coaching awkward laughs from both of them.

“You go ahead, you said you wanted to talk about something,” Lucas said, signaling over to her to let her speak.

“Oh, okay, thanks,” Max said, wiping her mouth with a paper napkin before turning her gaze back down to her plate.

“So while it's true that half the reason I came here was for the dog, the other half of it was that, umm, I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the party last week,” she began, moving around pieces of chicken on her plate, avoiding looking up at him.

“Okay,” Lucas voiced, trying to sound a mix of surprised and casual, like this wasn't something he had wanted to ask her about for the past week. Like he hadn’t been dreading and hoping for this conversation. Like his heart wasn’t suddenly beating faster, like her words weren’t once again running through his brain. _Sometimes I wish we were together._

“Yeah, so umm,” Max started, moving pieces of chicken around on her plate.

“I was pretty drunk at the end there so I'm not completely sure what exactly I said, but I know I was being way out of line and putting you on the spot and making everything awkward.”

“I just… had a bit much to drink like I said and got annoyed at… I’m not sure. At the people at the party? Myself? This whole mess of a situation? And I guess I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry Lucas,” she concluded, finally lifting her gaze up from her plate to him, her face apologetic and sincere, her mouth pressed into a tight line as she waited for his response. Lucas rubbed the back of his neck and said after a nod:

“I forgive you. It’s okay, I get it. I just…” he paused, worrying is hands in his lap. So she didn’t remember all of it. But how much of it did she remember? He had to be careful about this.

“I just hoped that if you had something bugging you, you’d tell me about it straight, you know.”

Max nodded at his words, casting her eyes back down.

“But I mean you were right,” Lucas said, and as he saw the confused look that rose on her face, he turned to her a bit, explaining:

“It wasn’t the best way to do it, don’t get me wrong. But you were right in that we do need to talk. Like with this week? We should’ve had this conversation a long time ago.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But I just thought you were mad at me for ruining your night,” Max said, turning a bit towards him as well, tucking strands of hair behind her ear.

“Well I thought you were mad at me for not letting you hang out with that Travis guy,” Lucas said, trying his very best not to seem jealous. Cause he wasn’t. At all. He was just trying to probe how much she remembered. Max’s brow furrowed in confusion as she asked:

“Who’s Travis?”

“Wasn’t that the name of the guy you wanted to go and grab pizza with?” Lucas asked in return, trying his damnest to sound casual. Was it bad that she had forgotten that guy’s name and he hadn’t?

“Ooh, that skater dude!” Max said, realization sparking in her eyes as she nodded slowly.

“Yeah, like I said I’m kind of hazy on the details,” she admitted, her teeth grit in embarrassment as she turned to grab a bite of her food.

Lucas let out a sympathetic huff, also turning to take a drink, but inside, his mind was in overdrive. So if she didn’t even remember the name of that guy, she definitely didn’t remember saying that she wished they were together. And he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed, but the pit that had opened up in his stomach pointed strongly towards the latter option.

“But umm,” Max started again after a bit, setting her chopsticks down, her voice a little more sincere, more vulnerable than it had been the moment before.

“I wasn’t sure of his name, but what I do remember is you trying to talk me out of going with him, and in hindsight, I think that was the smart thing to do. So thanks for looking out for me. You didn’t need to,” she said, turning to look at him with a thankful half smile.

“Oh I’m glad you think so. I thought I’d seriously pissed you off, you were kind of giving me a hard time about it back there, and I was worried that I had overstepped,” Lucas explained, lifting his other leg up on the bed, squeezing his knee awkwardly.

“Yeah? Well I’m sorry about it. I’m sure you only did what you thought was the right thing to do. Helping a friend out,” Max said, shifting toward him a bit, her knee slightly brushing against his and the soft touch equally made his breath hitch and his stomach ache with the weight of her last words. A friend. That was what they had tried all these months to get back to, so why was he not relieved to hear her say it? Why did it feel like a punch to a gut?

He must’ve stayed quiet for a beat too long, as Max hurried to add, her eyes growing wide:

“I mean we can say we’re friends, right? That’s not weird?”

“Oh, no, not weird. I mean not any less weird than saying we’re exes and strangers who are sharing an apartment,” Lucas said with a shrug and Max groaned at the absurdity of their situation, burying her face in her hands.

“True, true. Certainly less awkward than that,” she said, taking her hands away from her face.

“So, friends?” she added, extending out her hand to him, a hopeful look in her eyes.

Lucas looked down at her outstretched hand. This was good, this was progress. It would make things easier and she seemed to be happy about it. So why wasn’t he?

“Friends,” he said, conjuring a smile onto his face and extending his hand to shake hers, meeting her eyes, her gaze filled with relief and happiness, and he hoped he was able to reflect the same feelings back.

 

“Whoa, whoa, no way is Erica in college already!” Max exclaimed, lifting her arms up from where they had been gently stroking Athos’s ears as the dog had settled on her lap. After finishing eating, they had moved on to watch the X-Files and Max had slowly migrated to sit down on the floor in front of the bed, to stop Athos from jumping up on the bed, and the dog had fallen asleep on her lap as they  watched tv. Now with a commercial break going on, they had somehow gotten to talking about Lucas’s little sister.

“Yeah, she just started at Purdue this fall. Management,” Lucas answered with a nod, leaning his head against the wall as she sat far on the bed.

“Well she did always have a knack for bossing people around,” Max commented with a grin and Lucas rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, she sure does.”

He took a sip of soda and Max turned her attention back to running her fingers gently over the soft brown fur of the sleeping dog.

“But to think she’s in college already? Time really does pass quickly, huh?” she added, wistfulness and nostalgia creeping into her voice and she heard Lucas hum in agreement.

“Yeah, it was so weird going to help her move into her dorm. It feels like we just moved out here, with that whole dorm and roommate situation,” he said, and Max looked back at him to see a nostalgic smile on his face as he seemed to be thinking back to something from his Freshman year. And she knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose, she knew that their lives had gone in different directions for the past few years and they hadn’t shared those details with each other (which was mostly her fault in the first place) but it didn’t stop it from feeling weird. Like even though they were back to being friends, and had agreed to talk more openly, that there was still this invisible barrier between them, built of off years of silence.

“Yeah?” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Lucas furrowed his brows a bit in confusion before realization dawned on his face.

“Oh, right, sorry, you don’t… Sorry I didn’t mean to exclude you or anything, I…” he rambled, sitting up straight, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“Oh, it’s fine, I don’t mind, really,” Max hurried to assure him, waving her hand in dismissal.

“Yeah? Well, um it's just that when we all first started at Illinois Tech, all three of us applied for the same dorm so that we could all be roommates or in the same building at least. And Dustin and Mike got to be roommates but I got this weird dude as mine, he wore flip flops all through the winter, listened to heavy metal music all the time and always smelled like spam somehow,” Lucas recounted and Max scrunched up her face in disgust.

“Okay that sounds gross. But glad to hear I'm not the worst roommate you've had then,” she pointed out and Lucas nodded and smiled in response.

“Yeah, you're far from the worst.”

“My freshman year roommate was really messy and had stinky socks all over the room, but other than that we got along just fine,” Max said with a shrug, taking a sip from her half empty can of soda.

“You didn't live at home? Didn't you say your dad lives pretty close to the UC San Diego campus?” Lucas asked and it caught Max off guard a bit. He remembered? They had talked about college back in high school but she was surprised he remembered that much.

“Yeah, but I wanted to have the whole freshman experience with living on campus, you know. And after that year it… it was just more convenient to keep living there or with a roommate,” she explained, and she noticed she had started to absentmindedly twist the bracelet her dad had given her for her 18th birthday. She wasn't sure why she still felt weird telling Lucas. It wasn't a big deal, and it probably wouldn't affect him at all, but somehow she felt it would make her breaking up with him to go back to California seem worse. Like it had just been an excuse.

“Okay. But how is your dad? Has it been nice being back there with him? Wasn't that what you always wanted?” Lucas asked and Max knew he didn't mean it that way but she couldn't help it from feeling like he was blaming her. Yes, living back with her dad in California was what she had always wanted and spent so much time planning and day dreaming about back in Hawkins when everything with Billy or Neil had gotten too bad or the Indiana winters were too cold. But that's exactly what it was. Just a daydream.

“Oh he’s good, umm…” she started, biting her lip, trying to think of how to best say this. Lucas looked over at her with silent concern but let her think it over before asking anything. Max sighed, wringing her hands together before starting:

“The first summer back was really great. I was so happy being back and he was so excited too and we took a road trip up the west coast, all the way to Portland and it was awesome! And then we got back and I started at school and moved into my dorm so we saw each other less but it was still really good, I'd visit him all the time and we'd go to see movies and have dinner at all my old favorite places, go to my favorite skate park on South 30th Street,  just the two of us. But umm, then it stopped being just the two of us.”

“What happened?” Lucas asked as he leaned closer, settling to sit on the edge of the bed, his voice calming but inquisitive, like he really listened and cared about what she had to say. Why was it always so easy talking to him?

“Well the better question would be, who happened,” Max said with a sigh, folding her arms over her chest.

“First it was ‘Darlene, a friend from work’. Then it became ‘Darlene, the lady I'm seeing’ and then a year or two passed and she became ‘Darlene the fiancée’ and then finally ‘oh, have you met my wife Darlene’,” she explained, her face and voice exaggeratingly bright and happy as she did.

“Oh,” Lucas simply voiced as Max turned to face him, hurrying to add:

“I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a nice enough person. Hell, she's ten times better than that utter douche my mom married. But still…” she faltered, looking back down at her hands, at the beaded bracelet her dad had gotten her from one of the little shops at Chinatown in San Francisco before they'd gone to celebrate her birthday by eating ice cream on the pier, watching the sun set over the bay, the Golden Gate Bridge gleaming bright red in the light (her dad had told her it was almost as red as her hair and she'd punched him in the arm for that).

“It wasn't the same once she entered the picture. She and my dad had started dating before I even got there but he was keeping it from me, to not freak me out I guess. But then when I did find out, it just made me feel like I was barging in on something, like I was trying to fit myself into a situation I didn't really belong in. And she has two kids too and they mostly live with their dad but that still makes everything even more awkward. And then on top of everything, she and my dad just had a baby this summer and so all the focus is on him now obviously and I feel even more like an outsider,” she concluded, throwing her head back against the side of the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

“That's why I wanted this internship so bad. I needed to get out of there to have some time to breathe.”

Lucas nodded thoughtfully, processing her words, before asking:

“What are you gonna do after your internship is over?”

“Well I've promised to spend Christmas with them and then I just need to finish up a few courses to graduate next spring. But after that? I don't know,” she said, spreading her arms wide.

“Maybe I'll go to New York and stay on Will’s couch. Or be like a traveling reporter and go to Europe or China or something. Or start traveling the country, reporting on mysterious things, X-Files style,” she said with a side smile as she pointed over to the tv. There was a small smile tugging at the corner of Lucas's mouth but he didn't say anything and she continued:

“But it's been nice here too. So maybe I could try and find a job around here too, to be close to…”

“Your mom,” Lucas said, nodding his head in understanding, his eyes on the tv. Max blinked, left dumbfounded for a second. Yeah, obviously she was going to say it was because of her mom. Right? But suddenly she wasn't quite sure how she was going to end that sentence.

“She lives in Indianapolis now, right? That’s what my mom heard,” Lucas asked and Max nodded.

“Yep. And she's still with that douche. That's why I haven't gone and visited her while being here. She says he's a lot better now, that he's a lot calmer now that Billy is away living who knows where, but I still don't want to see him,” she explained, looking over at Lucas and seeing him looking back with nothing but compassion and understanding. And no pity. That was another thing she had always liked about talking to him.

“But now she's pestering me about spending the Thanksgiving break with them, and I want to see her but I'm not sure if I can handle the whole four days with them,” she said, sighing in frustration and running her hand over her face.

“Yeah, that does sound like a lot,” Lucas agreed and Max buried her face in her hands. They were quiet for a bit, the climax of the episode playing out on the tv but neither of them were paying attention to it anymore.

“Well, um, you know…” Lucas started tentatively, breaking the silence.

“You could always spend some of the break over in Hawkins. To have an excuse to only visit them for a day or something,” he said, his eyes on the TV, his fingers picking at the fabric of the bedspread. Max turned her head quickly toward him, her brows raised in equal part surprise and skepticism.

“What? Really?”

“I mean, it’s just an idea. Many of us are having family over but I’m pretty sure there’ll be an empty couch somewhere you could sleep on. At El’ and Will’s, or Dustin’s, or my house or at Mike’s, though they are having a ton of family over so I doubt you’d fit there,” Lucas started rambling, already figuring out the details of the plan, thinking of the best course of action, a strategy. As much as Max sometimes made fun of his routines, she had to admit that he was a pretty great organizer and strategist. And to have him use those talents to help her… it was making her chest all warm and a smile to creep up on her face. She had forgotten how nice it felt to have him as a friend, and she was kicking herself for not talking to him and making up sooner. She had been such an idiot giving him up. As a friend.

“So? Would that work to solve your problem?” Lucas asked, finishing his rambling, and Max nodded, still processing everything he’d just said.

“Yeah, it really would! But are you sure? I don’t want to mess up anyone’s Thanksgiving plans, I can just stay here and…” Max answered, suddenly unsure how she would feel about going back to Hawkins again. To face Lucas’s family that had never been anything but kind to her, and who probably hated her now, and for good reason too. She wasn’t sure if she could do it.

“I mean you can if you want, but,” Lucas started, looking over at her as he continued:

“But I think everyone would be happy to see you. Will is coming too from New York, we’d have the whole party together again,” he said, a nostalgic smile rising to his face.

“But what if they aren’t though?” Max mumbled, almost too quiet for him to hear as she turned her head down, focusing back on the dog dozing off on her lap.

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked, leaning forward.

“Well, I just up and left to California and I don’t know why but I never could bring myself to keep in touch with anyone except for El and…” she explained in a frustrated voice. She didn’t know why she had done it, distanced herself from everyone and everything having to do with Hawkins, having to do with...him. Maybe she had thought it would somehow make the breakup easier, but she was feeling like shit about it now. Lucas still looked a bit confused - empathetic, but confused - and Max let out a sigh, looking back over at him, mentally cursing the way she felt a lump in her throat as she said:

“Your family probably hates me.”

“Wait, that’s what you’re worried about?” Lucas asked, his brows raising in surprise.

“I promise you, it won’t be an issue. They don’t hate you, why would they?”

“Cause I treated you like shit?” Max asked, a laugh masking the way she felt her throat constricting.

“No, you…” Lucas argued but Max cut him off:

“Oh I did. Breaking up with you a week before graduation? And then just leaving and never speaking to you again? Trust me, I’d hate me if I were your mom.”

“Well okay, but it’s different now. We’re all good now, right? Friends again. So there’s nothing they should hate you for. And it’s only gonna be like a day or two anyways,” Lucas reasoned, and Max ran her hand through her hair in frustration. He was right. It would be a great solution to her problem. She could go and visit her mom for a day but she'd have an excuse to leave if Neil would get on her nerves too much. And it wasn't like she was for sure going to stay with the Sinclairs, she could go and stay with Dustin, his mom was always nice. Or with El and Will, and catch up with him.

Max sighed, looking over at Lucas who was leaning forward on the bed, quietly waiting for her to finish thinking.

“Okay. I'll go to Hawkins. If you promise your family won't throw me out of the house as soon as they see me,” she added and a smile twisted at the corner of Lucas’s mouth.

“My parents won't. But you never know with Erica,” he answered with a smirk.

“True. But maybe that's a risk I just have to take,” Max conceded with a dramatic sigh, leaning back against the side of the bed, the whole atmosphere in the room feeling much more relaxed and comfortable now.

“It is. But I'll call them, ask them if it's okay and if we have room,” Lucas said, getting up from the bed, glancing out the window into the dark night.

“But I'll wait till tomorrow, it's almost ten already,” he added, looking down at his watch.

“Wait what? It is?” Max exclaimed, clambering up from the floor, much for the annoyance of the sleepy dog, as she looked over at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

“Yeah, it’s ten to ten,” Lucas confirmed, looking confused at her sudden panic.

“The last train leaves at ten!” she explained, hurrying to the door put on her sneakers and frantically looking around for her coat.

“Here,” Lucas said, picking up the coat from where she had flung it over the kitchen counter and handing it over to her.

“Thanks,” Max said, and no, she didn't even notice the way his fingers brushed against hers as he passed it to her.

“You can get to the train station in five minutes if you hurry,” Lucas explained, opening the apartment door for her as she zipped up her coat and put on her beanie.

“And if you miss it, then...” he continued casually as Max passed him and walked out the door.

“You can always come back here and just take the morning train,” he finished and Max paused at the doorway. Wait what was he saying? She turned to him, her brow slightly crinkled in confusion, only to see him looking back at her, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly ajar like he too was just now realizing what he had said. The silence lasted just a breath too long; they both knew what was hiding behind those words.

“Oh, I didn’t umm, I mean you can also call a cab too,” Lucas rambled, taking an awkward step back from her, breaking the quiet stupor that had fallen over then.

“Yeah, I can do that. Or if Athos doesn't mind I can sleep on his doggy bed,” she hurried to add, an awkward laugh leaving her as she resorted to what she knew best, covering everything with a joke.

“Yeah, you’ll have to discuss that with him,” Lucas answered, a chuckle leaving him but Max could see that his fingers were gripping tight against the doorframe.

“Okay I have to run. But thanks,” Max said, starting to back away towards the staircase.

“For what? You were the one to bring the food?” Lucas asked from the doorway.

“For talking it through. For being my friend again,” she said, starting to walk down the stairs.

“Oh, well you're welcome. And thank you too, then” Lucas answered, a surprised and somehow bashful look appearing on his face and Max had to look away, she wasn't sure how she felt about the way if made her feel to see that soft smile on him, as he stood there in the doorway with his slightly disheveled hair and his burgundy Illinois Tech sweatshirt as the bright light from the apartment shined from behind him creating soft shadows on his face and the floor of the stairwell.

“Well um, good night, see you tomorrow,” she said with a quick wave of her hand, starting to run down the stairs, convincing herself that the beating of her heart was caused by the worry and the mad scramble to get to the train on time. But when she caught the train, sitting down and leaning back on her seat and taking a deep breath, her heart was still beating frantically. And maybe she wondered what would have happened if she had missed the train. Only maybe.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Thanksgiving weekend rolls around, it's time to leave Chicago for Hawkins. And this means a four-hour road trip in Dustin's mom's old car, with drive thru food and singing along to old tapes together. And maybe some conversation to pass the time.

_November 24th, 1993_

“Found it!” Max yelled triumphantly, running out the apartment and into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind her while holding out her wallet she had ran in to get.

“Can you check if it locked? We’ll be gone for four days, we don’t want anyone breaking in,” Lucas asked, shouldering his duffel bag and Max stopped on her tracks, turning around to face the door. He knew he was being paranoid about the door not locking, but the apartment was going to be empty for the whole Thanksgiving break and he wasn’t going to leave it by chance. Rattling the door handle for a bit, Max confirmed:

“All locked. Anything else you wanna check?”

“No, I think that’s all, thanks,” Lucas said and she nodded, grabbing her bags from where she had dropped them on the floor when she had realized she’d forgotten her wallet, and started to follow him down the stairs.

“So you think we’ll make it before the most of the outgoing traffic?” Max asked him as they made their way down to the first floor.

“Well I hope so, but I’m pretty sure there’s no avoiding the traffic jams. Everyone’s driving out of the city tonight. But I hope he’s on time so we can start heading out,” Lucas wondered, pushing open the front door as they made their way outside. The air was cold and the wind was biting as he looked around, trying to find where Dustin had parked the car. It was his mom’s old one that he had driven up from Hawkins the past summer after traveling home by bus had become a bit more complicated with the dog now with him. Mike and El were going to pick up Will, Nancy and Jonathan at the airport later and driving home to Hawkins together with them, so it had made most sense for him and Max to go with Dustin.

 

“I think he’s over there!” Max pointed out, squinting her eyes as she looked over at the row of cars parked on the other side of the street, the sun had started to go down and the shadows the tall brick buildings cast on the street made it a bit hard to spot him. Lucas turned his attention to the same place and Dustin must’ve noticed them as he took his hat off his head, waiving it in the air to get their attention.

“Yep. It’s him alright,” Lucas huffed with a laugh as Max waved back at him and they started to cross the street.

“Ready for a road trip back to good ol’ Indiana?” Dustin announced dramatically as the two reached the car.

“I sure am! Wow the car is actually nice!” Max pointed out, dropping her bags by the trunk of the car and going around it, her eyes scanning it excitedly. She had worked summers at an old car repair-shop back in Hawkins and that’s where she had worked for months on the old vintage Cadillac she had salvaged from the junkyard, so she had become a kind of an old car aficionado.

“Well I’m going to pretend I wasn’t hurt by you being _so_ surprised, but thanks I guess,” Dustin said, popping open the trunk, helping Lucas load their bags into it.

“I’m sorry. But I wasn’t exactly expecting a Chevelle? In in such nice condition too! Is it a ‘67?” Max gushed, peering inside and running her hand along the bright blue side of car. Dustin just shrugged after lifting the last bag into the trunk and slamming it shut again.

“Well in any case, your mom has some awesome taste,” Max concluded, looking over at Dustin with appreciation.

“Well you can tell her that tonight, I bet she’d appreciate it. You are staying at our house tonight, right?” Dustin asked, fishing the keys out of his pocket and starting to walk towards the driver’s side door.

“Yeah. Wasn’t that the plan?” Max asked, looking over at Lucas who nodded. All of their families had their own plans already in place for Thanksgiving, but they had been able to make up a schedule so that Max had a place to stay for each of the four nights they were staying in Hawkins. And she would go to the Henderson’s first. They had figured it would be the best, as Dustin’s mom had been very excited to have her stay and they were taking his car in the first place. And it was totally not because Lucas needed a day to get used to the idea of her being back in Hawkins again, and wasn’t sure if neither of them were ready to have her come over to his house straight away.

“Okay, good then,” Dustin said with a nod, looking inside the car.

“Oh, watch out for Athos when you get in, he usually falls asleep on car rides but he’s pretty excited that you guys are coming along so he might try to jump out.”

“Yeah? Well we did become best friends last time. Right Athos?” Max pointed out, leaning her face close to the window, smiling at the dog who was jumping up on the seat, reaching towards her, his short tail wagging.

“Yeah?” Dustin asked, his brows raised in only half hidden amusement as he looked over at Lucas across the top of the car. Shit. It was not like he had purposely been lying to him about Max visiting at the apartment. He had just kind of… happened to not mention it when Dustin had come back home on that Saturday morning. He was already giving him shit about the thing with him and Max, and Lucas was not about to give him even more reason for snide comments and knowing grins. Just like the one he was shooting his way right now. He didn't say anything though, going to open the driver's side door, when Max asked:

“Hey, can I drive? I mean it's your car so it's totally okay if you want to, but I haven't driven in such a long time and it would be so cool to get to drive this!” she explained, twisting her bracelet nervously.

“Oh, yeah of course you can drive. I don't mind at all,” Dustin said with a nod, throwing the keys over to her. Max caught them, a wide smile appearing on her face as she let out an excited squeal, roughly ruffling Dustin's hair in appreciation as she walked by him to open the door and get inside.

“It's better this way too cause I can make sure Athos is behaving himself. And I get to take a nap,” he pointed out as he opened the door to the back seat, grabbing the excited dog in his arms as he did so.

“Oh I might join you. I had an 8 am class today and I’ve been tired ever since getting out of bed,” Lucas said, letting out a yawn almost to prove his point as he got on the passenger's seat.

“No way, you have to stay up and keep me from falling asleep. That's the rule,” Max pointed out as she put the keys into the ignition, checking the dashboard to see where everything was.

“Oh yeah? And what rule is that?” Lucas asked her with a scoff, lifting his eyebrows in challenge.

“The rule of law,” Dustin pointed out from the backseat, leaning forward and sticking his head between the two front seats.

“The road trip law. The person sitting on the passenger's seat has the job of keeping the driver company so that they won't fall asleep. And then also take care of the music.”

“Wait isn't that the driver? My dad says the driver gets to pick the music,” Max argued, buckling in her seat belt.

“Well do you have any music with you? Cause the radio in this is busted,” Dustin asked and Max scrunched up her face.

“Nope.”

“Exactly,” Dustin said, leaning back to sit normally again.

“There are tapes in the glovebox **.** You can pick from them,” he added, and Lucas nodded, opening the compartment, a pile of tapes falling out.

“Wait, aren't some of these mine? How did you get them?” he asked in confusion, picking up an old and busted up tape of Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

“Well you can't say our tape drawer was super organized in Sophomore year. When I moved out I just picked a third of them. Figured it was democratic,” Dustin explained matter-of-factly with a shrug and Max let out a chuckle and Lucas just rolled his eyes, going through the tapes, some full albums or singles and some mixtapes they had made with the help of Jonathan.

“Also you couldn't have missed them that much if you hadn't even noticed that they were gone,” Dustin added in defense as he too buckled himself in. Lucas was about to tell him that when they got back he would have to go through Dustin's whole apartment to try and find that one old tape he had been looking for three years, but he was interrupted by Max.

“Hey I remember this one!” she yelled out, picking a tape in a bright yellow case that Lucas had just put back into the pile.

“This was the one we made for Mike when he got his driver's license! We have to play it,” she gushed, popping the case open and sliding the cassette into the slot.

“Oh yeah! Didn't we listen to this when we all went to get pizza at the mall to celebrate?” Dustin asked and Lucas couldn't fight the smile that was spreading on his face at the memory. It had been a bright and sunny early spring day, the snow still on the ground but the sky the deepest blue and a warmer breeze in the air as they had driven in Mrs. Wheeler’s station wagon, driving along the bumpy county road 150, singing along to the music. Max had wanted to crank open the window and stick her head out to feel the sunshine on her face and she had done it before everyone else had has time to yell that it wasn't the smartest idea. And so she had opened the window, the cold air slamming her in the face and blowing around the whole car, messing up everyone's hair and lifting up pieces of paper that had been on the dashboard, and bringing with it the distinct smell of cow shit from the nearby dairy farm. Lucas had leaned over her to quickly crank the window back up and she had sat there stunned, her red hair windswept and sticking to every which direction, before she had burst out laughing, looking around at everyone's messed up hair and panicked faces. Everyone gradually joined her, though Mike also pointed out that if she ever pulled shit like that again in his car, he'd leave her on the side of the road. Max had scoffed at him, reaching over to ruffle his hair that was now looking even more messy than usual, with a “You mean your mom's car, Wheeler?” before continuing to laugh and turning to Lucas. He had looked back at her, still laughing as he'd reached his hand to gently swipe some of her hair away from her face before leaning in to kiss her laughing lips.

“Yes! Here we go!” Max yelled out, cranking up the music as September by Earth, Wind & Fire started to play, startling Lucas out of his thoughts.

“Let the road trip commence!” Dustin declared and Max let out a whooping sound as she started the car and pulled off the parking spot.

 

Max quickly got used to driving the car after some initial struggling and soon they were on the highway out of the city, joining the steady flow of other cars filled with people also heading out the city for the long weekend. Lucas always got stressed driving in the city, was he the one actually behind the steering wheel or not, and now that they just had an seemingly endless stretch of straight road ahead of them he could relax, leaning his head back against the seat and looking out at the fall sky that was already getting colored in shades of orange as it was nearing six o'clock. He set his arm to lean on the window, his finger tapping to the rhythm as “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” was playing, Dustin singing along from the backseat. Lucas looked over at Max who had her eyes on the road ahead of them, one hand on the steering wheel, tapping along to the song, the other one pushing back some hair that was catching the orange and gold of the early evening. She wasn't singing along, not out loud at least, but she was mouthing along to the lyrics almost as if absent-mindedly, her lips forming the words, and her tongue sometimes coming out just a bit to wet them, ready for the next chorus, and… Okay friends definitely don't pay that much attention to each other's lips, right? Lucas quickly shook his head, looking away. Why was he being such a creep? She had said she had wanted to be friends, why couldn't he just be happy at that?

“You okay?” Max asked, glancing over at him before turning back to look at the road.

“What? Yeah I'm fine. Just a bit tired like I said,” Lucas assured her, shifting in his seat to look more relaxed.

“Okay then,” Max answered with a nod, glancing at the mirrors as she accelerated to pass the car in front of them. After that they stayed silent for a bit, listening to the Simple Minds song playing, before she turned to him again.

“You know I was kidding earlier about the rules? If you need to get some sleep, I don't mind,” she said, looking a bit concerned.

“Oh, don't worry about that. It's what? Four hours? I can stay awake if it helps you,” Lucas answered, shrugging nonchalantly.

“I won't,” Dustin chimed in from the back and caused Max to roll her eyes.

“But we could grab some food before that. There's that one McDonald's right after the state line?” he continued, leaning forward and looking at Lucas. It was the place they nearly always stopped at on their way to and from home.

“That's fine with me. It's in 40 minutes, right?” Lucas wondered and Dustin nodded to confirm.

“Sounds good, I could so go for a coffee. Just say when I have to exit,” Max said and Dustin promised he would and was about to start explaining about the lanes and exits they were to take next, but then the song changed and he leaned forward more to crank up the volume as “Don't You Want Me” came on. He started to sing along loudly and so did Max, shimmying in her seat and Dustin shoved Lucas's shoulder as he scoffed at them, declaring that he didn't even like this song. But when it came time for the chorus, he found himself yelling along with the two of them, his hands drumming on the dashboard in time, the enthusiasm and nostalgia getting to him. And yeah maybe the way Max looked over at him, her eyes laughing as she motioned dramatically to the song, pointing at him and throwing her head back, it made him want to sing along too.

 

“Okay so large fries and twenty chicken nuggets. With two honey mustard sauces and one…”

“And one sweet n’ sour, got it,” Max confirmed, getting up from her seat and heading for the trunk of the car to get her wallet. They had decided to park at the McDonald's instead of joining the huge lineup for the drive thru, and Max had said she could go and get their orders while Dustin let Athos walk around a bit.

“Yeah, and if they're out of either one, then get BBQ,” Dustin added, snapping the leash on the puppy’s collar.

“Got it. Dude you're the only person I know who gets this serious about condiments,” Max said with a laugh, slamming the trunk of the car shut and zipping up her windbreaker in the chilly air. Dustin just shrugged as he too got out the car, setting Athos down on the pavement where he immediately started to sniff around.

“Condiments _are_ one of the major food groups,” he said sarcastically, and Lucas who also got up from the car, punched him on the side.

“Sure,” Max said, drawing out the word.

“But yeah, that's for you, I'm getting my Big Mac and coffee, and yours was…” she asked, looking over at Lucas above the car roof.

“A double cheeseburger **.** With a coke and large fries, thanks,” he said, shivering in the cold winds that swept over the parking lot of the highway-side McDonald's.

“Okay. And that was without pickles, right?” Max asked, already starting to walk backwards towards the entrance.

“Oh, um, yeah. I mean if you remember, it's no big deal,” Lucas said, trying to not stammer but failing. She remembered?

“No worries, dude. I'll make sure the devil pickles stay out of your food,” she said with a grin, waving her hand in dismissal before turning around and walking through the doors.

Lucas huffed, slamming the car door shut and leaning against the side of the car. Moments like these always seemed to catch him off guard. He must've mentioned his weird thing of liking pickles anywhere else besides his burgers to Max at some point back in high school, but he had totally not expected for her to remember it. But that's what made them such good friends, right? Friends remembered little things like that about each other, even if it had been five years. She was just being nice. Nothing more.

“So,” Dustin started, having to yell a bit as Athos had ran over to smell some bushes ten feet away. Lucas could hear the smugness in his voice and see it in his face and he was already dreading what he was gonna say next.

“You didn't mention your little sleepover,” he said with an innocent tone, but his grin gave him away. Lucas sighed in annoyance as he looked up at the darkening sky.

“I mean, I don't mind of course. But a heads up would’ve been nice. So I could've cleaned up the apartment, or like, set up some candles to set the mood,” Dustin added, looking over at where Athos was currently chewing on a twig, his grin only spreading.

“Okay first of all, real funny,” Lucas said, pushing himself away from the side of the car, starting to slowly walk across the parking lot to where Dustin was.

“And second, she didn't stay over. And I didn't even invite her, she just showed up cause she was around and wanted to talk,” Lucas explained, shoving his hands into his coat pockets to warm them.

“Sure, sure,” Dustin said, nodding along but Lucas could hear from his voice that he was still making fun of him. But before he could open his mouth to tell him off, Dustin continued, his tone more sincere:

“Did you get to talk? Cause you guys seem to be getting along pretty well now.”

“Yeah. We did. Back to friends again officially, so that makes things easier,” Lucas explained, picking up a small stick from the ground by his feet, twirling it in his fingers.

“You sure?” Dustin asked.

“I mean I'm not trying to get into you guys's business, but the vibe I'm getting in that car… I'm not 100 percent sure it's ‘just friends’,” he said with a shrug, looking over at Lucas cautiously, truly trying not to pry, the teasing tone in his voice all but gone now. Lucas bit his tongue, not letting out his first instinctive response of ‘You think so too? What did you see exactly?’ get out, instead sighing and throwing the stick for Athos to fetch.

“Yeah, but she said she wants to be friends so I'm not about to be a douche and overstep anything,” he said, trying his best not to sound bitter. Dustin hummed in understanding but didn't say anything as they both stood and watched as Athos caught the stick and started to chew on it. Silence fell between them as the biting November wind kept blowing over the parking lot, the sounds of the busy traffic from the highway mixing in with the chatter of the people walking in and out from the fast food place.

“Well if you guys being friends again means that she can come and visit Hawkins again and we can have the whole party together again, then that's good enough for me,” Dustin said after a minute, turning to face Lucas.

“Yeah. It is,” Lucas said, meeting his gaze and sharing a sentimental smile. They had all gone their separate ways after high school, but the separation of Chicago, New York and California wouldn't have felt so huge if things had ended up differently between Lucas and Max. No one really mentioned it when the rest of the party members would get together in Hawkins over summer or holidays, but they all noticed that there was always something a bit off. There was no one to answer to Mike's snark, to challenge Dustin in video games, to gush about old music with Will or sing along to Cyndi Lauper and have skateboard races with El. And Lucas missed her there too. They had never been a touchy couple, not like Mike and El, but he just missed having her presence in the party. Her laughing at his dumb jokes, spewing out horror movie and skating trivia and holding his hand under the table when they would go out to eat. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't missed it. And now having all six of them together again, even if it was just as friends; it was pretty awesome. And he couldn't mess that up by having feelings.

“Whoa whoa, don't eat that!” Dustin suddenly yelled out, running over to Athos and picking him up, tearing an empty cardboard cup away from his teeth.

“Why do you have to go eating trash, there's perfectly good food over at the car,” Dustin mumbled to the dog as he started to carry him back towards the car, Lucas following them, reaching over to scratch Athos behind his ear.

“When I was dog-sitting him he almost ate an old shoe over at the park,” he commented and Dustin sighed exasperatedly:

“How am I not surprised.”

They got food out for Athos and soon Max was there with their dinner, passing out the crinkly paper bags that spread the delicious smell of greasy food. Lucas accepted his food from Max with a simple ‘thanks’ and she flashed him a quick smile before starting to explain to Dustin all about the mix-up they had had with the sauces and how she had fought hard to get him the proper ones, as they piled back into the car. Ready for three more hours on the road.

 

\----------------------------

 

Max liked driving. She had ever since her dad had let her drive his old pick-up truck on an empty Home Depot parking lot back when she was 13. There was just something so freeing about it. She could go wherever, take whichever route she wanted, take however long she wanted. When she'd gotten her license, there had been many nights when things at her house had gotten to be too much and she had just had to leave, taking her freshly fixed up old Cadillac and just driving anywhere, along the winding country roads by forests and cornfields, small towns and long stretches of wide open fields, blasting loud music or just staying in silence, trying to clear her head. And as much as she had driven to get away from things, she had also driven towards something. To the arcade, the gas station convenience store to get some twizzlers, to the movies. And more often than not, she would first make a pit stop at El’s house, or Lucas’s, and pick them up. And it was mostly Lucas. As time went by, she would not even have to get out of the car and ring the doorbell, as he would learn the distinct sound of the old car’s motor and he would come out to her, sitting down on the passenger’s seat with nothing but a simple ‘hi’. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes she would just need to rant and let her frustration out, say it to the dark road stretching ahead of them as he sat listening on the passenger's seat. Sometimes they would just be quiet as they drove across the county, passing farms and hills and small towns, the radio playing softly as he would reach out his hand to hold hers over the center console. And that was all she needed. To just know that she had somebody there. Simple as that.

Max sighed, stretching her neck and adjusting her hold on the steering wheel. They had driven for over three hours already, the night had complete fallen outside and the streetlights were bright against the dark sky as she changed lanes on the highway, heading towards the exit leading away from Indianapolis. She hadn't driven here in years but the road was familiar from all the times they had taken trips up to the city. Plus Lucas had reminded her of the ramps and exits to take, having taken over the role as Dustin had fallen asleep on the backseat about an hour ago. A silence had fallen over the car, a mellow song playing, and the traffic around them was starting to thin as it was nearing nine o'clock. Max let out a yawn, her day at work hadn't exactly been busy but the day had been long nevertheless and her eyes were starting to get tired.

“We can switch if you want?” Lucas suggested, looking over at her, and the golden light from the passing streetlight illuminated the concern on his face. Max ignored the way her tired brain was filled with how the light was playing softly on his skin, creating shadows and adding a tint of gold to his kind deep brown eyes. Instead she shook her head and said:

“Oh I'm fine, one more hour to go.” Lucas nodded, turning to look forward at the road.

“Thanks for offering though,” Max added and he turned back, giving her a side smile, his eyes tired but warm. Max looked over at him for a beat too long before clearing her throat and pointing over at the radio as another slower song came on.

“I could do with a new tape, though, these slow songs are putting me to sleep,” she said and Lucas nodded, opening up the glove compartment.

“Yeah, you're right,” he said, going through the tapes, taking them out one at a time, holding them up to read the text on them on the passing light.

“We haven't listened to this one yet. The case doesn't say anything on it but we could give it a shot?” he asked, showing her a nondescript tape case. Max shrugged, pushing the button to eject the tape and said:

“Yeah, why not.” Lucas switched the tapes, his hand lingering on the volume knob, ready to adjust it if the music was loud, careful not to wake up Dustin. But that wasn't the case, as the soft piano and drum sounds of “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by the Police started to play.

“Must be one of Mike’s tapes,” Max pointed out, remembering all the mixtapes filled with mushy love songs he had made El over the years.

“Want to get a different one?” Lucas asked, already going back to rummage through the tapes again but Max shook her head.

“Nah, it's fine. It's a little faster at least,” she pointed out and Lucas nodded as he went to put the tapes back in the glove box.

Max drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as the faster chorus of the song kicked in and she saw Lucas bouncing his knee in time too. They hadn't really talked much in the past hour but now she was afraid she might actually fall asleep if they didn't.

“So,” she started, clearing her throat.

“Excited to go back home?”

“Yeah, haven't been since this summer,” Lucas said, leaning back in his seat and lazily grabbing hold of the handle above the window.

“Are you having a lot of family over?”

“My grandma and my aunt’s family. But they should be leaving before Friday to go and visit some more family upstate so they won’t be there to bug you when you are staying over, don’t have to worry about that,” he pointed out.

“Didn’t I meet your aunt and cousins? At the New Year’s party? She was that tall lady, with the huge glasses?” Max asked, her brow crinkling as she tried to remember the details.

“Oh yeah, she was! Forgot about that,” Lucas answered with a nod.

“But yeah, those glasses are huge. My cousins are always telling her to get rid of them,” Lucas recounted with a small chuckle and Max smiled too. She hadn't really met a lot of Lucas's extended family, but his face always lit up when he talked about them and she was happy to see him be excited about seeing them again.

“Did you call your mom about the schedule tomorrow?” he asked after a beat of silence.

“Yeah, I'll drive up tomorrow afternoon and have dinner and hang out and catch up and all that jazz. Thank god for Dustin letting me take this car so I don't have to take a bus or something. Now I can leave whenever I want to,” Max  explained, still feeling so relieved by Dustin giving her permission to use the car for the day.

“You think it's gonna be bad?” Lucas asked tentatively and Max shrugged.

“I don't know. I'm excited to see my mom, I haven't seen her in a long time and I do miss her. But I'm nervous about how it's gonna go with Neil. My mom says he's been better but you never know with him,” Max explained with a sigh, letting one hand go of the steering wheel and leaning her elbow on the window sill, dropping her face to lean against her hand. Another love song started playing on the tape as she sensed Lucas taking the time to think of what to say. He knew how much she hated people pitying her.

“Well I guess…” he started, shifting in his seat.

“Just try to hope for the best going in. But if things aren't good, just know you can leave at any point and come over to my house any time,” he concluded, looking over at her with sincerity splayed on his face.

“I know. Thanks,” Max said quietly, a half smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Of course,” Lucas answered with a small smile before bringing his hand up to hide a yawn.

“Okay are all songs on this so slow?” Max huffed, reaching her hand out to fast forward the tape. Letting go of the button every few seconds, she heard just more love songs and… wait, was that the Beach Boys?

“Wait,” she muttered to herself but Lucas heard her, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“What is it? Something wrong with the tape?” he asked, also leaning over to the radio.

“No, it's just…” Max said, her sentence trailing off as she focused on the songs. It was Billie Jean, followed by In Your Eyes and then California Dreamin and the Ghostbusters theme, a totally ridiculous mix of songs she swore she recognized from somewhere. Letting go of the fast-forward button, the sounds of Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, filling the car, she grabbed the now empty tape case.

“What's going on?” Lucas asked again, looking totally confused by the quick change in her demeanor.

“Okay I might be crazy but isn't this that tape?” Max asked, her tone filled with surprise, it was all feeling so surreal it was almost funny.

“What tape?”

Max ejected the cassette from the slot, the music ending abruptly as she held it up, trying to read the scribbles on it in the light of the passing streetlights. She now remembered El giving it to her and the struggle of trying to record songs over it, resulting in abrupt switching of songs from the dramatic love ballads it had originally had on it and the more up-beat stuff she had put on it. And there it was, the original loopy cursive title scribbled over with a red pen and the words “Happy V Day Stalker!” written over it. Max let out a laugh. She was too surprised to see the tape that she didn't even have time to think how embarrassing this was.

“I still don't get what you're…” Lucas started, leaning over and squinting his eyes to read the text better. And then he did and his eyes grew huge.

“It's the Valentine's gift I got you in Junior year. Can't believe you still have it!” Max said, her eyes huge and smile wide in shock and surprise as she looked over at him.

“Oh, well, I mean I don't, Dustin stole it, so...” Lucas stammered, picking the tape from her grip and Max could've sworn he was getting redder on the face as he leaned forward, shoving the tape back into the glove compartment.

“I did what? What's going on?” Dustin's groggy voice came in from the backseat and Max opened her mouth, ready to answer but then she caught Lucas’s eye, basically begging her to just drop it. And she did, instead telling Dustin he should have stolen more tapes because they were soon running out. She wasn’t sure why the tape had freaked Lucas out so badly but she was willing to drop it for now. But she would talk to him about it later.

 

“Here we are. My humble abode!” Dustin declared, groaning tiredly as he unbuckled his seatbelt as Max shut the engine of the car. They had dropped Lucas off at his house and had just parked in front of the Henderson residence.

“Finally,” Max sighed, stretching her neck, relieved to be done with the trip. Her butt and legs were aching from the hours of driving and she just wanted to fall on a bed or couch or any horizontal surface really. Dustin got out from his seat and started to rummage through the trunk for his things, all while babbling something to Athos who was excitedly running around the front yard, sniffing at grass and rocks. Max got out too, looking around in the dark night, the woods surrounding the house seeming oh so familiar but different at the same time. That was the same for all of Hawkins though, the little bit of it she had seen in the darkness as they had driven through the suburbs made her feel this odd mix of nostalgia and estrangement. Like this was a place she belonged to, but was still a stranger in.

“Ugh, I told her she didn't have to stay up waiting for us,” Dustin said with an exasperated sigh, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and pointing over at the kitchen window. Max took her bag he was hanging to her and looked towards the house and sure enough, the lights were shining bright and golden from inside and Mrs. Henderson was at the window, enthusiastically waving at them.

“Your mom's awesome,” Max pointed out with a smile, grabbing the rest of her things before Dustin slammed the trunk shut.

“I know,” he said as they started to make their way up the driveway. “But she didn't have to make such a fuss. I bet she also ignored me saying we didn't need anything to eat,” he said with a sigh but there was no animosity in it. Dustin loved his mom, and everyone knew it.

“We're hooome!” he announced as he pushed open the front door, Athos barking excitedly as he ran inside, instantly going over to Tews who was lounging on an armchair by the fireplace, looking instantly annoyed at the puppy.

“Welcome home, Dusty! I missed you, come here!” Mrs. Henderson gushed with a bright smile as she came over, enveloping Dustin in a big hug and kissing his cheek.

“Hi mom, I missed you too,” Dustin answered, hugging her back and Max stayed back, quietly closing the front door, and trying her best not to feel like she was intruding. She couldn’t help it though.

“And Max, oh it’s so nice to see you again, honey,” Mrs. Henderson said, letting go of Dustin and walking over to her, giving her an equally warm hug.

“Oh, nice to see you too, Mrs. Henderson. And thank you so much for having me,” Max said when they broke apart, but Dustin’s mom just waved her hand in dismissal.

“No problem, it’s a joy to have you. And please just call me Claudia,” she said with a smile, patting Max’s shoulder quickly before taking a step back and surveying the bags they had dropped on the floor.

“Alright then, you two must be exhausted, so Dusty could you please show Max to the guest room and I can heat us some hot chocolate,” she blabbered quickly, already heading over to the kitchen, flipping on water kettles and opening drawers, Athos following excitedly just behind her.

“And I made a batch of brownies earlier so if you’d like some…” she added with a grin and a sideways glance at Dustin as she went over to the fridge.

“Mom, I told you, you didn’t need to make us anything,” Dustin said with an embarrassed sigh as he started to lead Max down the hallway towards the guest bedroom.

“I know, I know, I made these yesterday so they’re just leftovers if you’d like any…” his mom said back from the kitchen, trying to sound all innocent. Dustin huffed and Max barely stifled a laugh as he swung open the guest room door. It was good to be back.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Thanksgiving Day starts with a family breakfast at the Sinclair house and Lucas has to face the consequences of him failing to tell Erica about being roommates with Max. In Indianapolis Max tries her very best to get through the Thanksgiving dinner and tolerate her stepdad for the sake of her mom.

_November 25 th,1993_

Lucas rubbed the sleep off his eyes as he slowly walked along the hallway towards the kitchen, hearing the sounds of happy chatter, cutlery clinking against plates, eggs frying on the pan, the morning news on tv. Sounds of home. He’d gotten there quite late the previous night so no one had really been awake, but now he could hear the whole family having breakfast around the table. He stopped at the doorway to the kitchen, blinking at the bright lights, leaning a bit against the doorway.

“Look who's up!” his dad said from his seat at the table, looking at him from above his newspaper with a smile.

“G'morning,” Lucas said with a yawn as everyone's eyes turned to him.

“Morning, hon! I'm almost ready with these, you can go ahead and take a seat,” his mom said, poking at the eggs on the pan with her spatula.

“Okay,” Lucas said, going over to the fridge to grab a jug of orange juice before walking over to her.

“Need help with anything, Mom?”

“No, not right now. But thank you dear,” she said with a sweet smile, reaching her hand to pat his cheek affectionately. Lucas nodded before walking over to the breakfast table.

“Well isn't it our big shot city engineer! Good to see you,” his grandma said, smiling wide, her bright white dentures flashing, as she reached her hand over to him.

“Good to see you too, Nana,” Lucas said, walking over and letting her yank him into a tight hug with much more strength you'd imagine a 5 foot, 85-year-old old lady could possess. She smelled strongly of perfume as always and had a silk scarf tied over her hair, with a string of pearls around her neck; ever the Southern Belle, even though she hadn't lived in Georgia for a few years now.

“Oh you're as skinny as ever, are you eating right over there?” she asked as they separated, her eyes scanning him with concern.

“I am, don't worry about that, Nana,” Lucas confirmed as he went over to his dad, giving him a hug as well.

“How was the drive?” his dad asked and Lucas started to tell him about the traffic and that one accident they had passed sometime before Indianapolis, as he continued making his way around the table, reaching his seat next to Erica and ruffling her hair as he sat down. She swatted his hand away, putting her giant purple cup of hot chocolate back on the table and exclaimed:

“Watch it you dimwit, I could’ve suffocated on this you know!”

“It’s nice to see you too,” Lucas remarked, pouring a glass of orange juice first to himself and then to her.

“Thanks. And it’s nice to see you too,” Erica admitted, taking a sip of the juice.

“I guess,” she added with a sarcastic smirk. And Lucas wouldn’t have expected anything less. His mom came over with a steaming plate filled with scrambled eggs and bacon, setting it down on the table before also taking a seat. They all started to eat, catching up with everything that had happened in the past few months, as the tv droned on from the living room with the morning weather report, telling about the rain coming in later, but for now the morning sun was shining in through the windows, making the room bathe in warm light, bouncing off of the orange painted walls. As much as Lucas had gotten used to living in Chicago and enjoyed living there, he really had missed home, and being back just filled him with this sense of calm and belonging. Erica was engrossed in recounting some dramatic story about something that had happened at school, her eyes were wide as she gestured exaggeratedly with her hands, almost knocking over her glass of orange juice and Lucas smirked at her enthusiasm, meeting eyes with his mom from across the table and she smiled a bit and shook her head at Erica’s antics as she took a sip of her coffee. It was good being back.

“Well what about you, Lucas? How is everything in Chicago?” his dad asked, stopping Erica before she got on too much of a roll. Lucas felt everyone’s eyes turn to him as he spread butter on his toast, shrugged and said:

“It’s good. Busy with school, just started a prep course for our big project next spring so a lot of research and stuff.”

“Oh, I always told you he was a smart one, didn’t I,” his grandma said with a proud smile, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder affectionately. Lucas shrugged again, hiding his smile as he bit into his toast.

“How has it been at the apartment now that Mike’s moved out?” his mom asked and Lucas was about to answer her when Erica cut in:

“Yeah, did you end up finding a new roommate?”

Oh shit. He had forgotten to tell her.

“Yes, he did?” his mom said, sounding a bit apprehensive, clearly trying not to intrude, giving Lucas a chance to explain it for himself. Erica furrowed her brow in confusion, looking over from her parents to Lucas.

“Okay, what’s the big deal then? What’s with all the shifty eyes?”

“I don’t have shifty eyes,” Lucas mumbled, taking another bite of toast and averting her gaze, looking over at the tv. Erica huffed.

“Liar. Just spill it, I’m already imagining way worse scenarios in my head that it can possibly be.”

“What scenarios? You aren’t up to anything shady, now are you?” his grandma asked, her brows furrowing and Lucas hurried to shake his head.

“No, nothing like that, I swear…”

“Well what is it? At this point I’m imagining like a murder gang so it can’t really be any worse than that, so…” Erica commented, taking a sip of orange juice. Lucas groaned. Well, better to rip the band-aid right off, then.

“You remember Max?” he said in a low voice, through his grit teeth, trying to sound casual as he fidgeted with the fork in his hand. There was a spluttering sound as Erica struggled not to choke on her drink as she set her glass on the table, her eyes huge.

“Max? How...in the hell did…?” she got out between her coughs, her voice high-pitched, her face getting red.

“Watch your language, honey,” their dad pointed out and Erica rolled her eyes as she gathered her composure, and Lucas got ready for the attack. Here we go.

“You are roommates with Max? Out of all the people in the world?”

“Yeah, well she’s doing an internship in the city and needed a place to stay and I had a free room so… it was just practical,” Lucas explained, shrugging.

“Practical, my ass!” Erica declared with a laugh, garnering a stern look from her mom and a slap upside her head from her grandma, but that didn’t stop her.

“So you’re telling me that there was nowhere else for her to stay in the whole entire Chicago area?”

“Well maybe but she didn’t want to stay with a sketchy roommate and I wanted someone I knew to take the empty room too,” Lucas continued his explanation, getting more and more frustrated.

“Oh, do you know her, alright,” Erica said, her brows raised as she took a sip of her juice. Lucas huffed, throwing his head back.

“Mom why didn’t you tell her, this didn’t need to be this big thing,” he asked his mom in frustration, but before she could answer, Erica spoke up again, pointing at her mom:

“Wait, so did everyone else know about this? Except for me?”

“Well I haven’t been informed about this either, hon, so we’re both on the same page here,” grandma pointed out, calmly sipping her coffee. Lucas kept his eyes on his mom who seemed to think for a second before saying:

“It wasn’t my news to share, I trusted you to handle it and bring it up if needed. Besides I know how sensitive you are with these things so I didn’t want to intervene.”

Erica’s eyes gleamed as she looked back from her mom to Lucas, who felt his face heating up.

“Thanks, but it wasn’t some kind of big news to share, Mom. It’s just a practical roommate situation. It’s ...whatever,” he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. Erica rolled her eyes but seemed to drop the subject for now, continuing to eat her bacon. They ate quietly for a while, while Lucas still felt his cheeks burning up and Erica shooting a glance in his direction every now and then.

“Oh,” his dad said after a few minutes, setting down his coffee cup.

“Speaking of Max, what time is she going to get here tonight? I still need to clear up some things from the guest room.” There was a clatter of a fork being dropped and Lucas squeezed his eyes shut. Dad, why?

“Wait what? She’s coming here for Thanksgiving? Okay drop the act Lucas, how dumb do you think…” Erica launched into questions but was interrupted by their mom who loudly said, standing up:

“Okay then, tasks for today! Lucas can go and help clear out the guest room and Erica, I need you to go and grab some last-minute groceries from Bradley’s.” She started to quickly collect empty plates and Lucas stood up too, offering to help her clean up, desperate to get away from the table. He grabbed a few empty cups and plates and hurried into the kitchen, ignoring Erica’s yells of:

“Are we seriously just dropping this?”

 

“Alright, so we just need to bring all of this down to the basement and then it should be fine, right?” Lucas’s dad said as he led him into the small guestroom, which mainly acted as an office. There was a fold out couch in the room, squeezed between a bookcase and an abandoned exercise bike, but the space for it to be folded out was obstructed by a bunch of boxes on the floor.

“Yeah, just to make room for the bed is fine, she knows not to expect any five-star accommodations,” Lucas answered, going over to the boxes, his eyes scanning over their contents; old books and folders, kitchen utensils, gardening tools, other miscellaneous junk.

“Alright then,” his dad said simply, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt as he too looked down at the boxes.

“Also your mother put out some of your old books and papers on the desk over there,” he added, signaling over to another box propped on the desk next to the family computer they’d gotten back in ‘88.

“Okay,” Lucas said, slowly walking over to the desk and starting to go through the contents of the box; old school binders and notebooks, some comics and loose papers.

“Just pick what you want to keep, she’s been clearing out the basement and wanted to check if those were okay to throw out,” his dad explained as he picked up a box full of garden and yard things and started to carry it out of the room.

Lucas nodded silently as he flipped through the papers and notebooks in the box. Most of it was just junk, like his English notes from Freshman year and blank DnD character sheets, but there were also some old comics he had forgotten he had, and a map of the Roane county fair from the summer of ‘87. Max had just gotten her license and she had driven all of them to the fair, where they had gone on all the rollercoasters and gorged themselves with cotton candy and popcorn to the point that they were all feeling a bit sick on the way home. Lucas chuckled at the memory of Dustin’s dramatic exclamations of “I’m gonna diiie!” from the backseat, as he folded the map back up and put it back in the box, rifling through the papers for some more memorabilia. There was a crinkled manila envelope with the Illinois Institute of Technology logo on it and Lucas opened it up, expecting to see his acceptance letter inside. And he did, but there was also a bunch of folded up pieces of paper. His brow crinkled in confusion, Lucas shook them out of the envelope and onto the table and picked one of the up, unfolding it.

“I need to speak to Mrs. H after class wanna grab me a slice of pizza at the caf before they run out? Thx!” Lucas stood there stunned and confused for a few seconds, before the realization dawned on him. He dropped the piece of paper on the desk and reached for another one, unfolding it quickly.

“So Die Hard’s playing at eight so I can pick you up at six and we can go grab burgers before? Or just hang out a bit?”

These were notes he and Max would sometimes exchange during classes they shared, small pieces of paper ripped out from notebooks and passed over from person to person, always with a sense of thrill and secrecy of the teacher catching onto them. They never had anything super interesting or confidential on them, just in case the teacher did take them, mostly just short comments, questions and dumb jokes. But sometimes… Lucas folded open a tiny little piece of lined paper, finding just a simple heart scribbled on it. Max had never been big on grand romantic gestures or anything, he wasn’t either, but sometimes there would be notes like these. And he would look up from the unfolded note and over at where she was sitting, catching her looking at him from over her shoulder, waiting to see his reaction and then biting her lip to mask a coy smile, the slightest tint of pink on her cheeks before she would turn back around to face the front of the classroom. And it would make his heart swoop and make him excited for lunch, when they could sneak a kiss at the lunch line and hold hands under the table.

Finished going through most of the notes, Lucas leaned his hands against the dark wood of the old desk, squeezing his eyes shut for a bit. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was feeling? Happiness, longing, nostalgia, regret, sadness? He really didn’t know. The only thought in his mind was him wondering if she had kept her half of the notes, if she maybe had a hidden cache of them somewhere, in a box in her mom’s garage or tucked away between old notebooks.

 

“Find anything you want to keep?” his dad asked, walking back in and Lucas straightened up, trying to look casual, turning a bit to stand between his dad and the notes scattered on the desk.

“Yeah, some old stuff from school, some comics,” he answered, waving his hand towards the box on the desk, strategically taking one notebook and placing it on top of the notes.

“That’s nice,” his dad said, going back over to the pile of boxes still on the floor.

“Yeah,” Lucas agreed with a nod, going to put the papers back into the box, trying to inconspicuously stuff the pieces of paper back into the envelope. They were quiet as he went through the rest of the papers and he could hear his dad behind him, going through the boxes.

“So,” his dad started after a bit, clearing his throat. Lucas sighed silently, putting the lid back on the box. This was how his dad always got when he wanted to bring something up to discuss with him. And it was usually about something awkward.

“Yeah? What is it?” Lucas asked, turning around, settling to lean back against the desk.

“Nothing much, just that umm…” his dad hesitated, running his fingers through his mustache as he kept his attention at the boxes in front of him.

“Just wanted to make sure if you are doing okay with all of this.”

“With what?” Lucas asked, quirking his brow even though he did have an idea what his dad was talking about.

“With umm… with Max being back. We saw how tough it was for you back when you two…” his dad said, still not looking up to face him.

“Dad, I'm fine. You don't have to worry,” Lucas said with a sigh, picking up a rubber band ball from the desk, turning it in his hands just to have something to do as he continued:

“Like I said, it's just the most practical thing to do. We were still friends for a long time so I wasn't just about to not help her, you know.”

“Yes, but with letting her live at your apartment, and now inviting her here for the holidays. Just wanted to make sure you're also thinking what's best for you, it's not the first time she's done this,” his dad said.

“Wait so you're saying she's taking advantage of me?” Lucas asked, confusion in his voice that was getting a bit louder now. His dad sighed as he finally looked over at him.

“Not necessarily but she did have a strong influence on what…”

“Dad I'm not 15 anymore, I can handle myself,” Lucas groaned, setting the rubber bands back down on the desk, crossing his arms.

“I know, son. Just making sure you have your own best interest in mind,” his dad explained.

“So you're saying I shouldn't have helped her? That's a bit cold dad,” Lucas commented, cynicism in his voice.

“No, I think it's great you are helping her. It's really admirable. We just want to know that you're aware of the situation, that's all. Just looking out for you,” his dad said, properly looking him in the eye and Lucas furrowed his brow in thought, looking down at the worn carpet by his feet. There was some sense in what his dad was saying. It was true that back in school there had been instances where he or the whole party had gotten into some trouble by following Max’s lead. She was passionate, adventurous and spontaneous and that often lead to schemes that resulted in detentions or weeks of being grounded. It was not like she was forcing him, or any of the others to join her schemes; Dustin was always excited for new adventures and Mike was always on board when it came to some good old teenage rebellion. But maybe him wanting to impress her played a part in it. But Lucas wasn't a teenager anymore, and he wasn't having any false hopes of impressing her anymore, right?

“Thanks, dad. But I'm fine. Seriously,” he said with a sigh, looking up at his dad who nodded.

“Alright. But if something happens, you know you can talk to us. Even if you are all grown up now,” he answered, coming over and setting a hand on Lucas’s shoulder comfortingly.

“Yeah, I know, thanks dad,” Lucas said with a small smile and then they fell into a comfortable silence again, working together to haul the boxes out of the room and down to the basement.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to take any more leftovers, honey? What about those roasted potatoes you love?”

Max sighed silently, pulling on her coat in the foyer, already balancing two containers filled with cookies and leftover turkey on the little side table by the door.

“Thanks Mom, but I think I’ll be good with these. Besides it’d be kind of rude towards Dustin’s mom if I showed up there with my own food,” she explained, zipping up her coat.

“You’re right,” her mom said, coming from the kitchen, smoothing the fabric of her skirt as she did. She had clearly put a lot of effort into the Thanksgiving dinner, even though it was just the three of them; the house - a one storey brick one in an Indianapolis suburb - was spotless, decorations Max remembered making back in elementary school displayed on the coffee table and hung on walls next to family pictures, the food, served on a table with a festive red patterned tablecloth, had been delicious and plenty, way too much for them to eat (hence all the leftovers) and she had been all smiles while she passed the food around, making polite conversation and asking Max about her internship. And then all of her efforts of making it a calm and relaxed family dinner, were crushed by Neil who would crack an offensive joke about something Max had said, or comment on the food or ask for more beer, and the facade would crumble down, the tension in Max’s stomach growing, the sweet potatoes turning to ash in her mouth. He had been sitting in front of the tv watching the football game for the last hour so he was off her back but she was still anxious to leave, the air of the house that smelled like roasted turkey and pumpkin pie and some flowery scent coming in from the jar of dried up potpourri her mom had put on the hallway side table, now turning heavy and suffocating and Max’s hand would subconsciously go to her jeans pocket to feel the car keys in there. She needed to leave.

“Oh and please give Dustin’s mom a big thank you for giving you a place to stay,” her mom said, handing Max her scarf from the coat rack.

“But you know you could’ve well stayed here too, the guest room is empty,” she pointed out, for like the fourth time that day. Max took the scarf from her, draping it around her neck as she said:

“I know, Mom. But I just thought it made more sense to stay over in Hawkins so I could see what it was like back there and visit with everyone.”

“I understand. And I was so happy you could make it here for dinner, with your busy big city reporter schedule and all,” her mom said, a proud smile appearing on her face as she came over, helping Max pull her hair out from under the scarf. Her mom had never finished college, dropping out of her degree in commerce to work and then soon after that she had married Max’s dad. She was working as a secretary in an insurance company now and seemed content enough there, but Max could see her eyes shine with pride as she would tell about her studies and her internship and she knew she was very supportive of her burgeoning career as a journalist.

“Yeah, sorry again I haven’t come over earlier, like I said it’s been really hectic at the office and then the reports I have to write back to my internship supervisor,” Max explained, feeling a pang of guilt in her chest at the white lie. It was true she had been busy. But if she had really wanted to visit, she could’ve. But with Neil, she hadn’t. And her mom knew it too, the understanding was unspoken but clear between them. She nodded, finished setting her scarf and hair in place.

“So, have any big plans in Hawkins for the rest of the weekend?” she asked, back with her chipper and polite house-wife tone.

“Oh nothing much, just hanging out with everyone, I’m thinking I’ll drive around a bit tomorrow, see if the place has changed much,” Max said, putting on her shoes.

“Are you seeing that old beau of yours? Or has he already gotten himself locked up somewhere?” Neil yelled a question from the living room, barely turning in his armchair but Max could still see the infuriating grin on his face. Max hated that grin, the one he had when he thought he had made a great, sharp joke. And every time he had it on his face, especially if it was after a disgusting comment like that about Lucas, she wanted to kick his teeth in. But she was already so close to getting out, just a couple of feet from the front door so she swallowed her anger, answering instead:

“No, I think he’s studying in Chicago and home for Thanksgiving, so I’ll probably see him.”

“Well, you just never know with his people. He probably only got into college as a charity case anyway,” Neil said with a shrug, turning his attention back on the tv and Max wanted to hit him, scream at him to keep his fucking mouth shut, that Lucas was one of the smartest people she’d ever met and he had been accepted into all the school’s he’d applied for. _“Not worth your energy”_ a voice in her head said and Max bit her tongue, pulling her mouth shut into a tight line.

“Well that’s nice then, getting to catch up,” her mom said, reaching over to gently rub her arm, her unsaid words clear in her tone and gaze. _“We’ve done so well this far, could you please let it slide, honey?”_

“Yeah, it is,” Max said, managing to drop the most of the ice from her voice. When she had just gotten there, and she had helped her mom prepare the dinner, listening to Christmas music on the radio and chatting about everything, it had seemed that everything would go along great and Max had felt a bit guilty about not telling her mom the truth about who she was staying with in Chicago. That it wasn’t El. But now she was glad she hadn’t. Not that her mom would mind, she’d just be curious, but the truth would inevitably make its way to Neil, and she had no idea how he would react. He had never really been fine with the two of them dating, causing many explosive arguments through the years and when Max had broken up with Lucas, he had been happy for her, saying she had done the right thing by cutting her ties with “people like that” and saving everyone a lot of trouble at the same time, as he wouldn’t have allowed that boy in the family anyway. If he knew Max had been living in the same apartment as Lucas for the last couple of months, even as just roommates, he would probably lose it, and the thought of that did tug at that part of her brain still left over from her rebellious teenage days. But most of all she wanted everything to go smoothly, to not cause any trouble for her sake, and especially for Lucas’s. He wouldn’t deserve any of it and she would do her most to not cause any. Even if it meant her having to lie to her mom.

 

“Well, okay then, I should get going before it gets too dark out there,” Max said, picking up the leftover containers, cocking her head towards the front door.

“Yes, have to be careful driving out there. But it was so nice seeing you, sweetie!” her mom said, wrapping her arms around her in a warm hug.

“It was so nice being back, the food was awesome as always Mom, you overdid yourself,” Max answered, hugging her back, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume.

“Thank you, honey,” her mom said, smiling as they pulled apart and Max opened the front door, the cold November air pouring in.

“Don’t forget to call me, I’d love to hear everything going on at the internship,” her mom said, coming over to the door too, wrapping her cardigan tighter around herself.

“I will,” Max said, stepping out and starting to walk across the small front yard to the car.

“Alright, well bye then sweetie! Love you!” her mom wished from the doorway, waving her arm a bit, her smile a bit watery.

“I love you too!” Max answered as she opened the car door and got in after a wave back. And she really did. She just wished things were simpler.

In a hurry to leave the house, the neighborhood of drab looking identical brick houses and the suffocating air surrounding it, Max hastily tossed the leftover containers over to the backseat and turned on the motor, quickly buckling up and driving away. She drove in silence for a couple of minutes, purely focusing on taking the right route out of the suburbs and following the signs leading her to the highway. Making it out, after missing only one turn and having to turn around on the parking lot of a closed drugstore, Max slowed the car as it rolled up to a red light. She sighed, letting go of the steering wheel and turning on the AC, pressing her cold fingers against the vents that slowly started to sputter out warm air into the freezing car. The dinner was over and she had lived through it. And though the skin boiling frustration that always came with her having to as much as look in Neil’s direction was back, now she could close the door behind her and drive away. And not only for a couple of hours of driving around aimlessly until she ran out of gas, but for months, and she could forget all about him. Maybe someday she could take her mom with her.

The light turned green and she pushed down the gas pedal to keep driving, joining the few other cars also heading towards the highway. Compared to yesterday’s traffic, the roads were almost desolate, something Max found oddly comforting, especially on the long stretches of road winding through the forests near Hawkins. She was never the one to speed, Billy’s driving had turned her off of that, but being the only one on the road, guiding the car through the dips and curves with comfort and ease, turning the steering wheel almost lazily, it just set her mind at ease. Merging onto the right lane in anticipation for the turn towards the highway, Max loosened the scarf her mom had set tightly around her neck, and looked over at the radio. On the way up to the city she had listened to a tape full of Christmas music she had found in the glovebox, but she had finished it, and she figured at the next lights she would riffle through the tapes for a new one. When the next red light came, right before the exit to join the highway, she leaned over to the glovebox, popping it open and quickly going through the pile, her face scrunched up in concentration, keeping one eye on the traffic light. Somehow her fingers wrapped around a non-descript blank case, the one she now knew had the Valentine’s Day tape inside. She weighed the cassette in her hand, deciding whether she’d play it or not, but the decision was made for her as the car behind her honked loudly, telling her to hurry up and move already, as the light had just switched to green.

“Okay, okay, I’m going! Sheesh, impatient much?” she muttered, placing the tape on her lap while she shifted gears and drove quickly through the intersection, veering right and down the ramp to the highway. After getting her bearings, Max managed to get the case open with one hand and slid it into the player. She huffed as Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now continued from the spot she had left it the night before. That was definitely one of Mike and El’s songs. Max didn’t remember what songs exactly she had recorded over the tape El had given her but what she did remember was the mad scramble to find them as she only had two days to put the tape together. She and Lucas usually didn’t do much for Valentine’s Day, usually just went to the movies or the arcade, or just hung out the day after and gorged on the candy now on sale. But in the February of their Junior year, Lucas had sprained his ankle, and so was stuck home for a few days. It had happened just before Valentine’s and Max had decided to make him a new tape to listen to to pass the time and cheer him up and she had gone through all the tapes she had, plus Will’s, El’s and Mike’s to get some songs to put on it. A smile rose to Max’s face as she remembered how she had only finished the tape the morning on the 14th, quickly wrapping it before driving over to Lucas’s house before school to give it to him. And the 6 am wake-up time had been worth it when she saw Lucas’s sleepy face light up when he opened the gift, wearing his Star Wars pajamas and leaning onto his crutch as they stood in the foyer of the Sinclair house, the sounds of the rest of the family having breakfast flowing in from the kitchen. He had blushed a bit, saying that they hadn’t talked about Valentine’s Day presents, that he didn’t have anything for her and Max had said how she didn’t mind, and that it wasn’t really a Valentine’s gift as much as a “get well soon” one. And he had nodded, a bright smile spreading on his face as he had awkwardly wobbled over with his crutch, quietly wishing her a happy Valentine’s Day before leaning down to give her a kiss that was sleepy, warm and slow and tasted like his mint toothpaste. And before Max had left for school, Mrs. Sinclair had insisted she stayed for breakfast and she had, eating delicious French toast and watching Lucas and Erica bicker over who would get to have the tv for the night, and meeting eyes with Mrs. Sinclair and quietly laughing at the two’s antics. Totally worth missing the first ten minutes of homeroom for.

  
The sappy love song ended and gave way to a new faster-paced one. Max grinned, turning up the volume as Kids in America came on; this was definitely one of the songs she had put on the tape. She had listened to it back before moving to Hawkins and then through the years it became a stable she had on heavy rotation on her Walkman and then the car radio later on. She drove on, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel to the music, humming along, feeling the suffocating weight leaving her shoulders with every mile she added between her and the house of Mr. and Mrs. Neil Hardgrove. The worst was over and now she was excited to get back to Hawkins, Mike had invited them all for a good-old basement hangout, mainly for them all to get away from their extended families for a couple of hours, and to catch up while eating the massive amounts of baked goods his mom had made. Max was nearly buzzing with excitement over having the whole party properly together again after four years, and she almost bounced up and down on her seat as the fast song ended, and the synth and guitar sounds of “Time After Time” came on. Max sighed, leaning her elbow on the windowsill and dropping her cheek against her hand. This was one the songs she has put on the tape, there was no mistake about it. It was the first song she and Lucas had danced together to, and one they would always ask the DJ for in any of the school dances they went to after that. Chewing on her lip, Max watched the small droplets of rain that started to speckle the windshield. She understood now why Lucas had acted so weirdly about the tape. It was personal, a concrete proof of their time together, and being forced to face it so suddenly was guaranteed to be awkward. And it wasn’t just the tape, this whole weekend would be filled with reminders, big and small, of the years they spent together - seeing the places they used to hang out around town, Max meeting his family for the first time since they broke up. The anxiety about it all had been swirling in the pit of her stomach for the past few days and knowing him, he was probably even more nervous. And she also understood his embarrassment over her seeing the tape, she would’ve reacted the same way if he had accidentally found the stash of their old notes from school she had tucked away in an old shoe box in her closet back at her dad’s house. But the understanding didn’t stop her curiosity and excitement over getting to hear the tape again and so she flicked on the windshield wipers, turned up the music as “The Power of Love” came on and kept driving, the grey highway leading her way to Hawkins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! I originally planned to have this and the following one as one big chapter, but when it ended up being 14k words, I decided to split in two chapters. I'll try to have the next one up at the end of this week, it just needs some editing. Until then, thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the whole party being back in Hawkins for Thanksgiving, they decide to gather in the Wheeler basement for a night of hanging out that's long overdue. The hours pass with eating Mrs. Wheeler's leftover cookies, playing board games and catching up and Lucas tries his best to reassure Max that she still has a spot in the party even after the years that have passed.

_November 25th, 1993_

“Are you sure you’ve got all your things, Max?” Dustin’s mom asked as Max followed Dustin to the front door, carrying her bags.

“Yes, I think I double-checked everywhere,” Max said with a nod when Dustin opened the door, putting up the hood of his jacket against the rain.

“Alright. And if you forgot anything, just call and we can get it back to you before you head back to Chicago,” Dustin’s mom reminded, getting up from where she had been sitting on the armchair by the fireplace, holding Tews the cat in her arms.

“Yes, I will,” Max confirmed, reaching over to pet the cat’s head.

“And thank you again, for letting me stay over,” she added, looking up at Dustin’s mom, who had a warm smile on her face as she said:

“Oh, it was no bother, it was so lovely seeing you again. Are you coming back for the holidays?”

“No, I’m going back to California before that, I’m spending Christmas with my dad and then finishing up my degree,” Max explained and Dustin’s mom nodded.

“Alright, well I wish you all the best, and if you find yourself back here again, please let us know so we can have you over for dinner!” she added, leaning over for a hug, a side one because of the cat she was holding, and Max answered it with a smile.

“Thank you, and I will,” she said as she leaned away and turned to Dustin.

“Ready to go? Are you driving?”

“Sure, I’ll be driving home tonight anyways,” he said with a shrug, turning to his mom to give her a quick hug goodbye.

“Have fun you two, say hi to everyone, and remember to thank Karen for having you over,” she instructed and with a few more “yes, mom”s and “thank you, bye”s, the two of them headed to the car, almost running because of the rain. The drive over to Maple Street didn’t take long and through the slowly easing rain Max looked at the familiar houses, streets and trees, leaning forward in her seat, her hands clasped in her lap as she chew her lip in worry. She couldn’t back out now.

“You okay?” Dustin asked from the driver’s seat when they slowed to a stop sign.

“Oh, I’m good. Just…” Max started, leaning back against the seat, pausing to think.

“Just a bit nervous to see everyone I guess. It’s been so long. What if it’s not the same, what if it turns out all you guys hate me and all this has been a ruse?”

“Yeah, you got it. We’ve just been pretending to like you for the past few months, and only invited you over to have Will here too for the grand reveal,” Dustin explained as they kept driving and Max turned to look at him with her best deadpanned expression.

“He’s gonna film it too, you know,” he continued, a smile slipping onto his face and betraying him as he turned to Maple Street.

“He’s gonna make this whole short movie thing, real artistic, black and white,” he continued and Max punched him in the shoulder, despite the smile that had started to creep on her face as well.

“I mean if you don’t wanna become a famous movie star, then that’s your problem, dude,” Dustin said, flicking on the turn signal.

“Aand here we are. _Casa de_ Sinclair,” he announced, turning onto the driveway. Max had been too distracted with their banter to notice they had arrived and now she leaned forward in her seat again, her eyes wide as she looked at the house in front of them. It looked exactly the same she remembered it. The wide and low house with its blues and whites, the four windows on the front, the carefully trimmed hedges and lawn; the only difference she could see was that one of the trees next to the driveway had been cut down. Dustin stopped the car and Max swallowed nervously, looking up at the light coming in through the windows of the house.

“Do you want to drop off your stuff and then we can head over to Mike’s?” Dustin asked and Max nodded, taking off her seatbelt and grabbing her backpack from the floor by her feet.

“Yeah, I’ll be quick,” she said, opening the door to step out and going to grab her other bag from the backseat.

“I can go with you if you want?” Dustin asked, his hand on the back of the passenger’s side seat, turning to face her. He wasn’t saying it exactly but he was offering to help make meeting the Sinclair’s again go maybe a little smoother. And Max appreciated that. But this was her problem to face.

“Thanks, but I think I can handle it. I mean I’m supposed to be staying here for the next day anyways so,” she said, shrugging as she shouldered her duffel bag.

“You’re right. Well I’ll just park the car somewhere, I’m pretty sure Mike’s driveway is full if they’re having a lot of family over so I’ll just leave this somewhere and we can walk over?” Dustin suggested, looking back at the road where there were some cars parked in front of houses, probably belonging to Thanksgiving dinner guests.

“Sounds good. I’ll be right back,” Max said with a thumbs up and went to close the door, but before she did, Dustin leaned forward, saying, sincerity in his voice:

“Good luck, you can do this.” Max let out a simple ‘thanks’, meeting his eyes before closing the car door and straightening her back. As Dustin started to back off from the driveway, she started to walk towards the house, her throat dry and her hand clammy as she held onto her bag. It was going to be fine. Lucas had promised that his family wasn’t mad at her, and even if they were he would for sure have talked to them and asked them to be quiet about it. Right? If there was something she knew about the Sinclair’s it was their politeness and civility.

Taking a deep breath, Max neared the front door, stepping up and stretching her hand out towards the doorbell. She paused for a minute, gathering her bravery, shifting in her place, debating if she should just run away. But before she had had time to do anything, the door swung open, Lucas standing in the doorway, looking at least a little frantic.

“Hi, you’re here,” he said, keeping the door open only partly as he turned his head to look back into the house where Max could hear the sounds of happy chatter of his family.

“Yeah, hi! Umm so I just thought I’d drop these off and then we could head over to…” Max started, lifting the bag she was holding, but before she could finish, Lucas nodded fervently, saying:

“Great, great, I can just take your bags really quick and…” he quickly mumbled, grabbing the bag Max was passing to him, but before she could shrug off her backpack to hand it to him too, there was a smug sing-songy voice from the foyer behind him.

“Oh look who we have here!” Lucas froze, gritting his teeth and Max couldn’t help but mirror his expression. This was the reason why he had been so frantic and quick about getting her stuff in the house as fast as possible.

“Hi there Max, what fun to see you here!” Erica continued, popping her head into view from behind Lucas, shoving him aside to see better. Max hadn’t seen her for the past four and a half years and she had certainly changed a bit since being fourteen, but the way she tilted her head inquisitively, her hair that was styled in tight box braids swinging as she did so, and the mischievous glint in her eyes as she looked her over hadn’t changed at all.

“Hi Erica, nice to see you too. Umm Happy Thanksgiving!” Max said with a small wave, trying to seem like she wasn’t majorly nervous as she passed her backpack to Lucas.

“Oh you too!” Erica replied, taking a bite of a frosted sugar cookie she was holding as she looked down at the bags Lucas was now holding.

“So, are you gonna be moving here oor?”

“She’s not..!” Lucas hurried to say at the same time as Max also started to explain that:

“No I’m just..!”

They both paused for a second before Max continued, looking at Erica’s whose eyes were shifting between them.

“I’ll just be staying for two nights. Until Saturday morning. Right?” She looked to Lucas for some backing up and he nodded.

“Yeah, and then on Saturday she’s going to El and Will’s,” he explained and Erica let out a sound of understanding as she took another bite of the cookie. She finished chewing, leaning against the side of the doorway before speaking, gesturing between Max and Lucas with the half of a cookie:

“So, Lucas here tells me you guys have been secretly living together for the past few months, so are you guys..?”

“Shit, Erica, I told you to stay out of this! God...” Lucas exclaimed, taking the bags and turning to walk inside to drop them off somewhere.

“Sorryy,” she yelled out after him, but her tone clearly told that she wasn’t sorry at all. Turning back to Max she smirked, and Max wished she had asked Dustin to come with her after all.

“I was just, you know, a bit surprised today to hear everything that had been going on,” Erica explained, breaking off a piece of the cookie and popping it into her mouth as she casually took a step closer and Max couldn’t help but feel cornered and interrogated (also when had Erica become as tall as her?) and it took everything in her to look casual and not flee, yelling out to Dustin to start the car and abort the mission.

“Yeah, it’s a confusing situation for sure,” she said with a chuckle, shoving her hands into the front pockets of her jeans.

“Oh, totally. So what is it exactly? Cause Lucas was telling me that you’re just renting out the empty room at his place, but come on, there must be…” Erica pried in almost a whisper, leaning closer, cocking her head back towards the house at the mention of her brother but Max cut her off:

“No he’s right. That’s exactly what it is. I got an internship in Chicago and needed a place to stay and he happened to just have a newly freed room. What a crazy coincidence, huh?”

“I-I guess,” Erica stuttered, blinking and leaning backwards a bit, looking almost disappointed. But that was over soon as her eyes turned mischievous and suggestive again as she said:

“But come on. Do you really think he’d take an ex as a tenant if he still didn’t have…”

“Oookay, all done, let’s go!” Lucas all but yelled as he walked outside, putting on his jacket, pushing past Erica and interrupting the conversation. And judging from his heated face he knew exactly what kind of conversation it had been.

“Ok great, bye Erica, see you later,” Max said with a wave of her hand as she quickly turned to follow Lucas who was pretty much running along the driveway to get out of the situation.

“Oh you will!” Erica yelled in a bright and smug voice from the doorway and Lucas threw his head back in frustration when she closed the door behind them. He slowed down his strides and Max caught up to him, her too letting out a relieved breath. He zipped up his coat and looked over at her, his teeth grit in embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry, I told her to mind her own business,” he said, frustration in his voice. Max just smirked, replying as they continued to walk towards the Wheeler house at the end of the cul-de-sac:

“It’s okay. And it’s Erica, so what can you expect really.”

“True,” Lucas simply said, shoving his hands into his coat pockets, their shoes sounding against the wet pavement as they walked.

“But it was nice seeing her,” Max admitted and Lucas huffed at that.

“Yeah? Well that’s good, cause I have a feeling she won’t leave you in peace for the next couple of days.”

“Figured,” Max said with a smirk, glancing up at him, him mirroring her smile as they kept on walking towards the Wheeler house and Dustin, who was waiting by the car he had parked on the curb.

 

\----------------------------

 

The hours flew by as all six of them sat and talked in the basement of the Wheeler house, the muffled sounds of dinner guests filtering in from upstairs and the lights casting a soft golden glow over the room and it all felt so familiar and comfortable, Lucas could feel the stress he had been carrying around for the last couple of days just melting away. He was lazily lounging on the one end of the couch, snacking on some of Mrs. Wheeler’s gingersnap cookies as Will who was sitting next to him was animatedly telling all of them the long and winding and hilarious story about his weird neighbors in his apartment building in New York. Lucas was really happy seeing him back, and like always when he saw him after his move to New York, he was happy to see how much more open Will was, how relaxed, like distancing himself from the small town of Hawkins and all its rumors and extra baggage had finally let him breathe and be himself for the first time in who knows how many years. Will didn’t look much different per se (though he had moved on from his bowl cut) but the way his eyes shined as he talked excitedly, how easy his smile was and how comfortable he seemed in himself as he moved, it was all so great to see.

“Yeah so a few weeks pass and I’m sure I’m going crazy and hearing things, but then one day when I was going down to do laundry, I ran into Mr. Fieser’s pet in the hall. And it was a full grown, real life goat!” Will told, getting to the climax of the story, spreading his arms wide at the revelation and the whole room burst into surprised laughter.

“Seriously?” Mike asked, his eyes wide in amused shock, El who was cuddled up into his side laughed brightly, asking if Will had pet the goat and Dustin - sitting on the floor next to an empty pie tin, the pecan pie leftovers all but gone - was able to stop his laughter just long enough to ask if he’d gotten a picture of it. Lucas just laughed as his gaze drifted over to Max who was laughing maniacally, nearly doubled over in the beanbag chair she had claimed as soon as they’d arrived, barely keeping the cup of wine she was holding - an old souvenir one from Disney World as the Thanksgiving guests were using all the real wine glasses - from spilling, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright as she tried to gather her composure. It was so great having her back, and even though things had changed since the all six of them last got to hang out in Mike’s basement, it was at moments like these when it all felt like they were back in high school again, gathered together for a movie night or a game of DnD.

“An...actual goat? No way dude! Who..would have...a goat as a pet?” she managed to ask between fits of laughter and when Will answered with a shrug and an impressively comedic straight face that he guessed Mr. Fieser would, she was gone again, throwing her head back, her hand coming up to brush away hair that had fallen on her face. Tucking the bright red strands behind her ears she tried to stifle her laughter by covering her mouth with her hand, and that only highlighted the way her eyes shined and how there were adorable laugh lines in their corners and she was so beautiful that it made Lucas’s chest physically ache. He should’ve been looking away now, he really should, but her bright and carefree laughter was drawing him in and making him feel all light and airy. He wasn't sure if it was the notes he had found earlier, or having her back in Hawkins and seeing her in all the familiar places again, but ever since he had opened his front door and seen her standing there, all surprised as the light from behind him painted her cold-nipped face gold, he had felt this fluttering weight in his chest just being in her presence. And he knew it was useless, that he should cut it out before the reality came crashing in, before she noticed what he was doing and got weirded out by it. He knew that even thought he would want to hold onto the illusion that everything was back to the way it had been, things had irrevocably changed and there was nothing he could do about it. So he balled his fists tight, focusing back to reality and turning his head to look at something else, anything else further away in the room, trying to seem natural. Oh would you look at that, Mike's mom seemed to use the same kind of laundry detergent as his did, several boxes of it set on the shelf at the back corner of the room. That's all he had been looking at. Yep.

 

“Okay a neighbor with a goat as a pet is way weirder than ours that wears a bright floral sun hat every day. You win Will,” Mike said, getting up.

“You guys still hungry? There's loads of food upstairs I can grab if no one's in a hurry to head home yet?” he asked, going around and gathering empty plates and bottles in his arms.

“Sure, I’m not in any hurry at least,” Max said, cradling her mug in her hands.

“Yeah, that’s great about us not being fifteen anymore, no curfews!” Dustin pointed out with a smile

“That and getting to dig into the dinner wine supply,” Max added, raising the mug up with a grin.

“Well you go right ahead, I have to drive back so I’m gonna stick with the apple cider,” Dustin said, getting up from the floor and following Mike who had started to climb up the stairs.

“I feel like playing something, anyone wanna come and help me pick a game? Maybe a nice game of Monopoly so we can have another four years of not talking to each other?” he asked and El immediately jumped up.

“What about Clue?” she suggested, and Max shook her head, setting her mug down.

“I wanna play Scrabble!” she announced, extending an arm out for El to grab and help her get up from the beanbag chair.

“Yeah cause you always win at that!” Mike pointed out from the top of the stairs and she shrugged nonchalantly.

“True. And I’ve also been writing and reading a bunch of newspapers, so my vocabulary skills are in real nice condition. Right?” Max said, looking over at Lucas as she and El started to climb up the stairs.

“She’s right. Last week she spelled out “gubernatorial” with the fridge magnets,” he said and he couldn’t help the warmth rising to his cheeks when she shot a thankful and mischievous smile at him before turning around and running up the stairs after El. And then the four of them were off, Dustin saying that there was no way they were gonna choose Scrabble now, and then the basement was quiet, Will and Lucas the only ones left. Will yawned, stretching his arms up above his head before leaning closer to the coffee table in front of the couch. When they had gotten there, Mike had gone into the kitchen, quietly as to avoid his nosy and obnoxious relatives in the living room, and just gotten everything he could scrounge up. There was a half empty bottle of red wine, some dinner rolls, leftover turkey slices, cookies and an unopened bag of pretzels.

“Want some of these?” Will asked, picking up the crinkly pretzel packet and Lucas nodded, also leaning forward.

“Sure, I've had enough of the cookies,” he said, pushing the plate of gingersnap cookies away from him. Will started to open the bag and after a beat of silence he said:

“It's good to see that you guys are getting along so well.” He didn't need to specify who he was talking about for Lucas to understand and he nodded.

“Yeah, I mean we kind of have to because of the whole roommate thing,” he answered,

“El told me that it’s been a bit tricky between you guys. Kind of warned me to not bring it up,” Will explained, opening the pretzel package.

“But it looks like you guys got it under control. Or if you hate each other, at least you’re hiding it pretty well,” he added with a smirk, picking a handful of pretzels and handing the bag over to Lucas.

“We don’t hate each other. At least if she does she hasn’t told me,” Lucas said, taking the bag and trying really hard to concentrate and not ask Will what exactly El had told him.

“Yeah, doesn’t seem like it,” Will said, eating a pretzel.

“But is it all okay with you? I mean I’d understand if you still weren’t sure what to think about her. It was a pretty tough break up even though it was four years ago. It’s okay for you to be kind of wary still,” Will said pensively, glancing over at Lucas who kept his eyes down, hazily concentrating on the bag of pretzels he was holding. Will was right. If he was still mad at Max, it would be understandable. And maybe he was? At least when she had first called and asked to move in, but now? It would be easy if he was mad at her. But he really wasn’t. Maybe he wasn’t ready to make sense of most of the feelings and thoughts running through his brain when it came to her, but what he was sure of was that he wasn’t angry at her for the break up anymore. He was sad about it, and it sure did make everything more complicated when it came to completely trusting her and reading her, but he wasn’t mad. He sighed, picking up a pretzel and turning it in his fingers.

“I don’t think I’m mad at her. We talked about it and I think it’s good now. We’re back to being friends, starting over,” he explained, looking over to Will who nodded in understanding, reaching over to the wine bottle and pouring a bit into his mug - another souvenir one, that one from Washington DC.

“I’m happy to hear that. And if there’s some trouble, just know you can talk about it with me, with all of us. We just want to help and make sure everything’s good. With the both of you,” he added, looking over at Lucas with that sincerity that had always come so naturally to him.

“Thanks, Will,” Lucas said, meeting his gaze and taking the wine bottle he was handing over. He went to fill up his cup and Will said, much more levity in his tone now:

“And don’t worry, even though El’s my sister, I can keep some secrets from her at least. You can trust me with stuff you don’t want to find its way to Max.” Lucas huffed out a laugh as he closed the cork of the bottle and set it back down on the coffee table.

“Thanks. There’s nothing right now but… I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, leaning back on the couch, taking a sip of the wine. He felt Will looking at him, could see the hints of the knowing expression on his face, but he didn’t say anything, didn’t pry or ask about anything he wasn’t ready to share yet. And Lucas appreciated it, but then again, maybe he did need someone to talk this through with; about the way he had felt his skin buzz when Max had accidentally brushed her arm against his earlier when they had reached for the snacks on the table, how he would find his gaze involuntarily shifting towards her when they were just sitting in the living room of the apartment, both concentrated on work and how seeing her laugh and smile would pull out a smile from him too, no matter the situation. Going over it all again and again in his brain was frankly starting to drive him crazy, maybe he really should talk about it out loud with someone, just to let it out. Lucas opened his mouth, but before he could start, he was interrupted by the door to the basement opening again and Dustin thumping down the stairs, holding a pile of board games - noticeably missing Scrabble - in his arms and asking for their input to break a tie.

 

Eventually they settled on a compromise of playing one game of Clue and then Monopoly. The first one was over quite quickly but the second game stretched on for hours as Dustin and El fought for victory, the others declaring bankruptcy and dropping out one by one. It was after one am when Will politely suggested that maybe they should just pause the game for now, as El and Dustin were in a heated argument over the ownership of the Pennsylvania Railroad (“No it was mine first so you have to sell it back to me, El!” “Well Mike bought it from you and I traded it from him fair and square.” “That was some unfair business practices and you know it! We didn’t agree you could pay rent with railroads!” “Well we didn’t agree it was against the rules either!”) and the others were just lounging on the couch, lazily eating pretzels and fighting falling asleep.

“Alright, fine,” Dustin finally said, throwing his hands up.

“But we’ll so be continuing this!” he added, pointing his finger at El.

“Oh you bet! I’m not letting you go this easily!” El agreed, yawning as they started to clean the game cards and paper bills from the table.

“You guys can just settle this among yourselves and just let us know what happened,” Max said, yawning too as she got up from the one end of the couch, untangling from the old blanket she had wrapped around herself.

“And then when you have come to a conclusion with your fake business deals, we can play that Scrabble game you guys owe me,” she added with a smirk, pointing her finger first at Dustin and then generally at all of them around the room.

“Deal,” Dustin said, folding up the game board and placing it into the box.

“Maybe over Christmas break?” Will suggested, also getting up. Max grit her teeth, looking down at the blanket she was folding up and said:

“Yeah, sorry I can’t make it, I um… I’m spending the break with my dad.”

“Oh okay, well some other time then,” Will rushed to assure her and save the situation that had suddenly become much more awkward at the mention of her going back to California. It was a reminder of no matter how much they all would’ve like to pretend things were the same as they were back when they were fifteen, they really weren’t. And the realization of it felt sour, not fitting with the familiar and comfortable atmosphere of the basement around them.

“Yeah,” Max answered, smiling tightly before going to set the blanket down on the couch. The sight of her faked smile felt like a physical punch to Lucas’s gut.

“Well, I mean... when you figure out what you’d like to do after graduation and where you’ll be, just let us know and we’ll make the game night happen,” he hurried to say, catching her eye as she looked up, and he knew his own gaze was a bit frantic but it was late, they’d both had a long day and he knew she needed the encouragement right now, needed to hear that they were not about to give up on her, that they still cared for her. Max blinked, some sort of realization flashing in her eyes before one side of her mouth lifted into a small grateful smile.

“Yes, for sure!” El added, going over to Max and setting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, can’t have Scrabble without the master,” Mike agreed, closing the lid of the game box and putting it away.

“Thanks, guys,” Max said, her voice heavy as she looked over them all, and maybe it was Lucas’s hopeful imagination, but maybe her eyes stayed on him for a fraction of a second longer than any on the others.

“No problem,” El said, yawning again as she briefly set her head down to rest on Max’s shoulder. “Party members always got each other’s backs.”

“And they also know when to leave before people pass out,” Max answered with a small laugh, gently poking El’s cheek to keep her awake. She huffed, lifting her head back and said:

“I guess you’re right. But you’ll be coming over on Saturday morning, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you to see when’s the best time for me to get there,” Max answered as they all started to collect their things and head out, all in a silent agreement to use the basement door instead of the front door as it was almost nearing two in the morning.

“Okay. Can’t wait to have a sleepover again!” El said, excitement in her otherwise tired voice as she went to hug Max goodbye.

“Me neither, have to make some cheap microwave popcorn just for the occasion!” Max answered with a smile, hugging her back and El hummed tiredly in agreement as Dustin opened to door to the dark and damp air outside.

“Oh come on! It’s still raining?” he exclaimed, and Mike and Lucas hurried to hush him.

“We’ll survive,” Max huffed, leaning away from the hug and putting up the hood of her puffer jacket.

“Well good luck, and I’ll see you tomorrow Will, and the rest of you guys on Sunday then?” Mike asked as they all started to file out the door and into the drizzle outside.

“Yeah, still have to see how we’re driving back,” Lucas affirmed and Mike nodded. They would have time to talk about the details of the rides back up to Chicago, but now they all just needed some sleep. And with some last hugs and waves goodbye the four of them were off, El staying the night at Mike’s and Dustin saying he could drive Will home. They tried to stay as quiet as possible as they walked their way towards the front of the house, but the darkness, the slight hill and the slipperiness of the wet grass made it a bit hard, especially when Lucas all but fell on his butt and Will had to pretty much cover Dustin’s and Max’s mouths as they were laughing so loud.

But somehow they managed to get out to the cul-de-sac without waking up the entire neighborhood and Dustin and Will walked up to the car.

“Okay, see you guys later!” Will said, opening the door with a wave and a smile.

“Good night, see ya!” Dustin said around a yawn as he too opened the car door to climb in and soon they were off, the sound of the car engine echoing on the dark and quiet street.

“So,” Max started and Lucas startled just a bit, looking over to her, seeming to only now realize that they were the only ones left on the sidewalk.

“Better head in before we catch a cold out here,” she continued, pulling the hood of her jacket up better, the rain continuing its persistent patter on the asphalt beneath their feet.

“Yeah, of course,” Lucas said with a nod and with that they started to walk back towards his house.

 

The neighborhood was quiet, so different from the nights in Chicago, with the sounds of the city and the millions of people in it moving and living and breathing around you even in the dark. Here it was different, the windows of the large homes lining the street were dark, the sound of the wind and the light rain against the orange leaves still left in the trees being the only noise besides their steps, echoing on the wet pavement that was glowing yellow in the streetlight. Lucas pushed his hands into his pockets, wondering if he should say something. The silence was quite comforting after the past few hours, but he still wondered if Max would like to talk some more about not really knowing when she would be coming back to Hawkins. He looked over at her, and saw her eyes fixed on the silhouettes of the houses and trees across the street. Half of her face was in the dark, her hood casting a shadow, and strands of her hair were peeking out from under it, curling because of the moisture in the air. She was thinking about something, he could tell by the look in her pale eyes and the set of her jaw, but at the same time she didn’t look concerned or worried, so he didn’t ask about it. After walking a few more yards, almost past the Nielsen family house, she cleared her throat a bit before speaking, still keeping her eyes forwards.

“Thanks. For what you said earlier.”

“Oh that? It was nothing, really. Just about a game night,” Lucas assured her, turning to look at Max as she softly shook her head and said:

“Yeah, but that’s not all it was. I don’t know why I’m still so… on edge about it, worrying you guys don’t want me back anymore. I mean it’s completely my fault, I should’ve kept in touch more after I moved, but… I guess I just wanted so badly to forget it all, figured if I pretended you didn’t exist, it wouldn’t hurt as much.” There was vulnerability in her words and they were followed by a silence as she kicked a small pebble with her foot as they kept walking, Lucas trying to find the best thing to say.

“I get what you mean by that. I don’t know if I had handled it the same way, but I understand why you did. And as you saw, we’re still here for you, we don’t care,” he answered, trying his best to reassure her while still being honest. At his words, Max huffed, finally turning to face him and stopping, rooting her feet down onto the pavement.

“But why? What I did was really shitty, especially towards you, and you’re taking it the best of all. Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve all of…” the frustration in her voice was clear and there were hints of heartache in it too, creeping into her voice, into the look in her eyes as she brought her hands up.

“Hey, hey, don’t say that,” Lucas cut her off, also stopping, taking a tentative step closer to her, while still keeping his distance.  

“It’s not about deserving, it’s about… about loyalty, and friendship and…” he continued, pausing to best form his words, to once again remain honest. He needed to be, it would be the fair thing to do for them both.

“I’m not saying that you breaking up with me didn’t hurt. But I trust you had your reasons for it and we all understand it wasn’t easy. But you’re back now, and you’re making an effort to do better, and of course we are going to support you, in whatever you decide to do, where you decide to go after next spring,” he concluded, trying to convey his honesty through his eyes, and Max held his gaze through everything he had to say, the frustration and self-doubt slowly draining away from her face. She stayed silent for a minute, blinking as she glanced down at the ground.

“Yeah?” she finally voiced, in a tone that was quiet, unsure but hopeful, as she looked back up at him. Lucas nodded, relief flooding him.

“Yeah. I...We will be here for you. Always,” he said, praying she hadn’t noticed his little slip up. And if she did, she didn’t show it, a small relieved smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she let out a sigh.

“Thanks,” she said simply and they kept on walking, almost at his house by now. And Lucas wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but maybe the distance between them as they walked was a few inches smaller than it had just been.

 

They were silent for the rest of the way as they walked up the driveway to his house. The forms of the nearly barren trees cast shadows against the yellow of the streetlight as they neared the darkened and sleeping house. Max stayed back a few paces as Lucas walked up to the front door, stifling a yawn. He was so ready to go to sleep. But as he extended his hand to routinely turn the door handle and push it open, he noticed that it didn’t budge.

“Shit, the door’s locked,” he hissed, taking a step back and looking up at the dark windows of the house.

“It is?” Max asked, testing the door for herself, rattling the handle with no avail.

“What do we do? My grandma is home as is the rest of my family, I don’t wanna wake them up this late, Erica is already giving me enough shit as it is,” Lucas groaned, running his hands through his wet hair in frustration.

“Where’s our resident telekinetic when we need her, huh,” Max joked, stepping down from the doorstep, as Lucas backed away, looking over the windows to see if there was a light on anywhere.

“The spare keys were under the doormat, but my dad just told me that they had switched it but didn’t tell me where,” he explained, getting frustrated that he hadn’t asked his dad about the new spare keys.

“We can look for them? Or…” Max said, her voice trailing off as she made her way across the wet lawn and over to the side of the house, looking up at the windows there.

“What? You’ve got a plan?”

“Well you know,” she started, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth as she tilted her head, looking up at the windows.

“I did become kind of an expert on climbing through your window. So we can test if I still got it?”

“Are you serious?” Lucas asked, his eyes huge, his shocked voice a bit louder than the whispering tone they had used thus far and Max hurried to shush him.

“I mean we don’t have to, but if you don’t want to wake up the whole family and also don’t want to stay out in this rain for the whole night, then…” Max answered with a shrug, disappearing behind the corner to see the window closer.

“Max!” Lucas whisper yelled after her but she didn’t respond, leaving him on the driveway, his arms still raised in frustration, now clasping the sides of his head. She did have a point, but he wasn’t sure if them sneaking in through his window was the best idea. Even if he could make it up there, what if Erica heard or saw Max leaving his room in the dead of night? There was no explaining he could do that could shut her up then. And the whole idea of having Max in his room made his chest tighten with anxiety. She hadn’t been there in almost four and a half years, and the last time she had, they had been working on an English assignment, but the warm and sweet spring air flowing in through the crack in the window she had left open just a bit, had soon enough gotten their focus away from the homework and onto… other things.

“So what do you say? Wanna try it? Do you remember if the window is locked?” Max asked, peeking at him from behind the corner and Lucas sighed, figuring the sooner they were out of the rain and this was all over, the better.

“Yeah, the lock still doesn’t really work so it should be open,” he said, making his way across the lawn and around the corner to where Max was, standing under his window, her hands set on her hips, looking up at the window in determination.

“Okay, well this box thing is still here, so what you gotta do is…” she explained, looking over at him when she walked towards the side of the house, stepping up on and old and rickety looking upturned wooden box.

“And from here it’s pretty easy, just have to reach a bit to pry the window open and from there just… lift yourself up and inside I guess,” she concluded, bunching up the sleeves of her jacket in preparation.

“You sure it’s that easy? The windowsill must be really slippery from all the rain and…” Lucas questioned, worry in his voice. Waking up everyone by falling from the window was infinitely worse than just with a simple ring of the doorbell.

“It’s going to be fine, trust me, I’m the expert here. This window and I go way back,” she said with a smirk, patting her hand against the painted windowsill. Lucas threw his head back, closing his eyes and letting out a groan. Were they really doing this? Full grown adults about to sneak in through his childhood bedroom window?

“Okay, I trust you,” he whispered and Max smiled, turning to look up at the window.

“Great, cause I think I’ll need a bit of help,” she admitted, biting her lip as she turned back to look at him.

“Didn’t you just say you were an expert?” Lucas asked with a sigh.

“I am, but usually you would be over on the other side opening up the window for me, so now I need a little boost to help me get it open.”

“Okay, fine,” Lucas said, stepping forward, also pushing up his sleeves.

“What do I do?” he asked, looking up at Max, his face only on the level of her back now that she was standing up on the box.

“Um, can you just lift me up a little bit, so I can get the window open far enough?” Max suggested, getting on her toes and reaching up towards the window.

“I guess? So do I just…” Lucas hesitated, widening and closing his arms, not sure where to place them to lift her up. He could hoist her up by the waist, but that probably wouldn’t be high enough. And the idea of putting his hands anywhere near her butt was completely out of the question. So he crouched a bit, wrapping his arms around just above her knees.

“Ready?” he asked, hoping she hadn’t noticed his silent struggle.

“Yep,” she replied and with that Lucas lifted her and she swiftly pushed up the window pane.

“Got it,” she announced in a whisper, a bit winded from the struggle.

“I think I can get inside pretty easily now, can you just… I don’t know, boost my feet a bit?”

“Sure, sure, like this?” Lucas replied, equally as winded - wow did he need to start working out - as he moved his hands down to her ankles and the bottom of her shoes, giving her something to push herself up against.

“Yes, thanks, I’m almost up there,” Max answered, grunting a bit as she grabbed onto the sides of the window, pulling herself inside, pushing her feet against his palms and only slightly kicking him on the side of the head before managing to slip in through the window.

Immediately when she had, she turned around, looking down at him in concern.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Did that hurt? I swear I didn’t mean…” she whispered frantically, her voice worried.

“I’m fine, it didn’t hurt,” he replied, looking up, swiping away the dirt that had clung to his hair.

“You sure?” Max asked again, biting her lip, squinting her eyes to see him through the darkness.

“Well I’m sure it’ll hurt a lot less than my pride after I try to climb up there,” he answered, shaking his head and stepping up onto the box.

“Don’t worry, if you fall on your face I won’t tell anyone,” Max said, disappearing from the window and going to turn on his little bedside lamp, the faint golden light streaming out and making it at least a bit easier to see.

“Oh you still got that Ghostbusters picture here! You guys look so small and cute in this!” Max yelled out happily and Lucas sighed. Max got back to the window, a grin on her face.

“If you’re done making fun of me, could you maybe help me get up there?” he asked and Max nodded, pushing the window pane all the way up and reaching her arms and head through.

“You’re taller than me so it should be easy. Just make sure you get a good grip on the sides of the window and use the box to push yourself up. I can help drag you inside,” she explained and Lucas nodded, letting one more thought of _“what the hell are we doing_ ” cross his mind before concentrating, reaching his hands upwards to take hold of the windowsill.

“Looking good, now just push with your feet and…” Max whispered in encouragement as Lucas made his way up, really trying not to think how stupid he must’ve looked right now. And with a few more strained breaths and kicks against the side of the house, he got his upper body through the window, Max helping him out by yanking him by his arm.

“That wasn’t that bad, I…” Lucas said, but was immediately shown how wrong he was, as when he moved his foot on the wet windowsill to push himself into the room, it slipped and he lost his balance, falling forward, his arms wide, trying to catch himself.

 

“Watch out,” Max yelled out in a frantic whisper, hurrying to help him, and Lucas felt her arms wrapping around his torso, trying to keep him from falling onto the floor. He closed his eyes and held his breath, anticipating a fall, but there wasn’t one. He opened his eyes one by one when he felt both his feet steadily on the carpeted floor of his bedroom. What he saw was Max, her eyes wide and panicked, her face mere inches away from his. As much as she had grabbed hold of him to keep him from falling over, he now noticed he too had held onto her for balance, his hand on her back and waist where hers had landed to grab his upper arms. Her hood had fallen off her head, maybe when she had climbed through the window and her rain curled hair tumbled down onto her shoulders and fell in strands on her face, a couple raindrops that had landed on her cheeks catching the light of the small lamp and gleaming against her freckled skin. And he suddenly noticed that she was holding her breath too, her eyes shocked but open, waiting, anticipating and he could feel a shiver running down his spine at the sight of it. He couldn’t help his gaze from involuntarily flicking down to her lips, fallen open just slightly from the surprise, a freckle just at the right corner where he always used to kiss her as their last kiss goodbye after a date. And it would be so, so easy to just lean down and do that again. It was a matter a few puny inches. But that would be the only easy and simple thing about it, everything coming after that would be anything but. It was late, they were both tired and confused, she just wanted to be friends and the last thing he wanted was for her to think he had invited her over just to make an unwanted move on her. So he let the moment of held breaths - which probably only lasted for a couple seconds, but in his mind had stretched on for eternity - come to an end and they both stepped back, mumbling apologies and avoiding making eye contact. Lucas quickly turned to shut the window and Max made her way across the room to the door.

“Um I brought your stuff to the guest room, the second door to the left,” Lucas mumbled, not daring to turn to face her as he was sure the hot blush on his face would be visible even through the dark.

“Got it, great, good night!” Max hurried to say back before all but running out the room, closing the door quietly behind her. And with the click of the door, Lucas just had time to peel off his wet jacket before falling face down onto the bed. Hadn’t that just gone great.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max faces the Sinclair family for the first time and takes a much needed walk around Hawkins to think and clear her head. Meanwhile Lucas confines in Mike and they discuss what happened the night before and what his plan for dealing with it is.

_November 26th, 1993_

She should’ve just kissed him. Should’ve just gone ahead and done it. Well okay maybe she shouldn’t have. Maybe he would’ve been majorly freaked out. But at least she would’ve known then. All this uncertainty filling her brain and twisting in her stomach was infinitely worse than having him yell at her or turn her down. Max sighed as she finished brushing her teeth and turned off the water. She hadn’t slept too well the previous night, and it was only halfway due to the lumpy mattress of the pullout couch. Yeah, it had been a long day yesterday so she had been tired, and maybe riding on a high of the couple of glasses of wine she had had, that also combined with the happiness of seeing the whole party back together again. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of ease and calm and belonging that she had felt the whole time with Lucas, even in the cold rain or amid the ridiculousness that was them climbing through his window in the dead of night. Talking to him, laughing with him, confining in him, having his arms hold her for that brief moment… it had all felt so right. But neither of them had taken the initiative, resorting to her fleeing from the situation instead of facing her feelings like she always did, and now the prospect of facing Lucas and his whole family made Max almost sick with nerves.

She picked up her towel she had set on the bathroom counter and kept on drying her hair with it, looking down at her watch she had set beside the sink. She had been successful so far in avoiding seeing anyone, but it was nearing ten and she knew she would have to show up for breakfast before they started to worry. But it didn’t stop her from stalling, drying her hair and getting dressed slowly, safely cocooned in the steamy guest bathroom with its locked door. She could hear footsteps and voices from the hallway and elsewhere in the house and she wondered what Lucas had told his family about her. He would’ve definitely told them about the whole roommate situation and probably the reason to why she needed to place to stay. Unlike her, he wouldn’t lie.

The smell of pancakes started to drift in and the voices of the family gathered in the kitchen got a little louder and Max twisted the towel in her hands, biting her lip, gathering her courage to step out and face them. She figured she should talk to Lucas about what had happened last night, but every time she started to think about how she should go about it, her nerves flared up again and she pushed the thought further back in her mind. No. They’d agreed on being friends, and suggesting something more would make everything so messy, and she had already messed with his emotions enough - she couldn’t do it again. There were footsteps along the carpeted hallway outside and a quick knock on a door to her right.

“Lucas, breakfast is ready, hon,” Mrs. Sinclair’s voice said, her tone as sweet and warm as Max remembered it and the guilt of everything she had done and pulled the whole family into was like a punch to her gut and she balled the fabric of the towel tightly in her fists. How could she come back now and expect them to treat her with any kind of civility after doing something so shitty to them. And she knew they were not going to show any animosity towards her, they would be polite and wonderful hosts, but she knew she didn’t deserve it. And somehow it felt worse than having them be cold or mean to her. There were some more hushed words traded between Lucas and his mom (probably about her) and then the footsteps receded back into the kitchen. Max ran her hands through her still slightly wet hair, turning to glance at herself in the mirror, hoping she had been able to mask the fact that she had only slept for a couple of hours. Figuring the moment was good as ever, she nodded, looking at herself in the mirror and steeling herself, and then grabbed her things, walked to the door and unlocked it. The hallway seemed empty as she stepped out of the bathroom, still trying to be as quiet as possible, not to disturb the voices of the family having breakfast in the kitchen. Turning to flick off the light in the bathroom, Max noticed she had left her watch on the counter and she quickly stepped back in to grab it. Turning off the light she quickly walked out again and spun around to head towards the guest room, almost running into Lucas as she did so.

“Shit, sorry,” she exclaimed automatically, trying to not seem majorly freaked out, taking a quick step back, not looking up at him.

“Oh it's okay, it's on me, I wasn't looking where I was going,” he answered in a bit of a ramble, also stepping away a bit, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his head awkwardly. Max shifted in place, still not looking up, trying to think of what to say.

“So um, how was the couch? You sleep okay?” Lucas asked, the conversational tone almost masking his tenseness.

“Yeah, it was fine,” Max answered quickly, squeezing the pile of clothes in her arms closer to her chest, briefly glancing up at him. He wasn’t meeting her gaze, his eyes shifting to look at the hallway leading towards the kitchen above her shoulder. But she could see there were dark circles under his eyes and for a moment she wondered if he had stayed up thinking about what had happened last night too.

“Alright, well my mom said breakfast is ready so whenever you’re ready, you can just…” Lucas continued, his voice still rambly and Max nodded.

“Okay, cool, just need to…” she answered, lifting the pile of clothes she was holding as she took a sidestep, starting to pass him to go to the guest bedroom at the end of the hall.

“Oh, sure, well see you there then,” Lucas said, stepping out of the way, making sure to leave her plenty of space to pass him and when she had, he turned and started to quickly walk to the opposite direction. Max got to the room, dropping her things on the bed she had carefully made (something she usually never really bothered to do, but now she wanted to be the best guest she could, given the circumstances) and sighed, running a hand through her damp hair. She was planning on going on a walk around town for the day, so she would just have to get through breakfast and then she could be out of the house, out of everyone’s hair, and away from Lucas. She knew she had a problem of avoiding her problems; hell, she had broken up with Lucas on the phone and then moved across the country just to avoid actually dealing with the breakup. But she couldn’t help it. They would have plenty of time to talk about whatever that was that had happened last night when they were back in Chicago. She couldn’t bring herself to do it just now, it was too soon.

 

Max tucked her hands into the sleeves of her sweatshirt, her fingers nervously fiddling with the fabric as she slowly made her way along the hallway towards the kitchen. At the very end of the hallway she paused, seeing the family gathered around the round table having breakfast, but knowing they hadn’t seen her yet. Lucas was sitting on his usual spot on the chair furthest from the window and as he was passing a jug of orange juice to his dad, he looked up and saw her. Max felt her stomach tighten but he didn’t say anything, the rest of the family still chatting away as he looked over at her, a small reassuring smile rising on his face despite the nervousness she could still see on it. Even with the weirdness between them, she could read his familiar brown eyes and their promise to forget it all for now, and to just focus on surviving the meal. And she silently thanked him for it, tried to channel it through her gaze as she looked back at him and nodded. And with that Max took the step forwards, walking out to the kitchen.

“Good morning,” she said, trying to seem as chipper as possible, waving her hand a bit.

“Good morning, nice to see you! Come and sit down, the breakfast is ready,” Mrs. Sinclair said with a courteous smile, signaling with her hand for her to sit down on the chair between her and Lucas. Max sat down, exchanging hello’s with Mr. Sinclair and Erica.

“Did you sleep well? Lucas told me you stayed at Mike’s for quite a while last night,” Mrs. Sinclair asked, offering her the plate of pancakes as soon as she’d sat down.

“Yes, I did, thank you. And yeah, it was so nice catching up that we ended up staying a bit longer,” Max answered, picking up a couple of golden and fluffy pancakes with her fork.

“Well that sounds nice. Would you like some coffee? Or tea? Or there’s also juice?” Mrs. Sinclair continued and Lucas huffed.

“Mom, you don’t need to fuss over her like that, it’s okay.”

“Oh I know, it’s just so nice to have you over again, Max. So, coffee?” his mom countered with a dismissive wave of her hand, before turning back to Max who sat in place, her eyes wide, quite overwhelmed by it all.

“Yes please,” she got out with a polite smile and with that Mrs. Sinclair stood up, going to fetch the coffee pot from the kitchen. There was a silence as Mr. Sinclair was engrossed with his newspaper and Max looked over the table, taking it all in. Being back and having breakfast around this table felt so weird. It was such a trip back in time, just like it had been being in Lucas’s room the night before. Just like he still had the same curtains in his room, there were the same salt and pepper shakers in the middle of the round table. Glancing up from the table, Max met eyes with Erica, who was eating an apple, looking over at her with her eyebrows raised in smug amusement.

“So, how has it been in Chicago, Max?” she asked, taking a bite, her tone cheery.

“It’s been good, I’ve never really spent that much time there before, so it has been nice getting to explore the city,” Max answered pretending that she hadn’t noticed the smugness in Erica’s expression.

“Must be different from San Diego,” Erica commented and Max nodded.

“Oh, for sure. But it’s a nice change.”

“I bet. But I guess you could expect the cold and everything from when you lived back here,” Erica pointed out.

“I guess, yeah.”

“It really is funny how things turn out. Even if you didn’t want to study in Chicago you still ended up there anyway, no matter how you decided to ditch the cold and go back to California,” Erica said, turning the apple in her hands, taking a pause before continuing, her eyes glinting as she looked straight at Max:

“It’s almost like, fate or something, wouldn’t you think?”

“Oh, umm…” Max stuttered, focusing on chewing the forkful of pancake she’d just put in her mouth. She felt Lucas next to her tense up and Erica’s eyes gleamed as she kept her eyes on her, leaning her chin on her hand, her elbow propped on the table.

“Well I guess, but I think it was mostly Nancy having connections to the paper so I could get an internship there,” Max countered, trying to sound casual.

“Oh for sure. But it really is funny how all these things are interconnected. Isn’t it, Lucas?” Erica asked nonchalantly, setting down the apple and going to cut herself a piece of a pancake. Max kept her eyes on her plate as Lucas beside her just shrugged, saying:

“I guess.” But before Erica could say anything more, Lucas turned to his dad, asking, quickly changing the subject:

“So is there any news on Linda and Richard and everyone? Can they make it?”

“As of now, there’s no news. She called your mother last night and said that they are still debating if they should look for another flight or just drive up and come for dinner tomorrow,” his dad explained and Lucas nodded and took a sip of his juice, looking over and seeing the confused expression on Max’s face.

“Oh you know how my aunt’s family was supposed to come here for Thanksgiving yesterday? Well their flight got cancelled and now they are seeing if they can be here tonight or tomorrow,” he explained.

“Okay,” Max said simply with an understanding nod.

“Oh I hope they can get here tonight, so we can _all_ have dinner together. Wouldn’t that be fun?” Erica gushed and Max could sense her eyes on her and she felt her stomach twist. As much as she was curious to meet the family members Lucas would so often talk about, she wasn’t sure if she could handle a big family dinner with them. They probably, and understandably, thought of her as the cruel girl who had up and abandoned Lucas and broken his heart over the phone, and she wasn’t sure if she could face them all. Max’s eyes were wide as she glanced over at Lucas when Erica focused back on her breakfast, and she saw that his expression mirrored hers. This was not what they had planned.

“Well, we’ll have to see about that. They weren’t sure they could make it for tonight, they’ll probably drive and only get here late tonight or early tomorrow,” Mr. Sinclair noted as Mrs. Sinclair returned to the table with the coffee.

“Yes, that’s what Linda said. She said there weren’t a lot of flights available,” she echoed, pouring a big cup of coffee for Max who thanked her.

“So, any plans for today?” Mrs. Sinclair asked as she sat down, also pouring more coffee for herself and her husband.

“I need to work on an assignment. Figured I’d do it here on the computer,” Lucas said.

“I think I’ll take a walk around downtown, just to see if things have changed at all around here,” Max answered and Erica huffed out a laugh and pointed out that nothing ever changed around here.

“Oh would you like to take a car? I just got a new one so the old one’s just sitting in the garage, Lucas was going to drive it up to Chicago on Sunday anyway,” Mrs. Sinclair asked, ignoring Erica’s comment.

“Oh, thanks but I think I’ll just walk. Get some fresh air,” Max explained, adding in her head that that would also make the trip last longer.

“Yeah, and I need the car, Amber and Megan and I are going to the mall,” Erica pointed out.

“Okay, well remember to be back for dinner,” Mrs. Sinclair said, pointing her fork at Erica who assured she would, finishing off her plate and for the rest of the breakfast she was focused on explaining how Amber had been majorly stressed out about her studies and how they were all going to get their nails done and how she figured that would help her relax. It at least let Max eat in peace.

 

Once they were finished with the breakfast, Max went to get her wallet and coat from the guest room before heading for the door. While the meal had gone better than she had expected, she was still anxious to leave the house and get some fresh air.

“Okay, well, I’m off. Thank you for the breakfast, it was delicious,” she said out to Mrs. Sinclair who was finishing the cleanup after the meal in the kitchen.

“Oh you’re welcome. Have fun in town!” she answered, poking her head around the corner just a bit to shoot a smile her way, before going back to loading the dishwasher.

“Thanks, I will,” Max answered, zipping up her coat and from the corner of her eye she saw Lucas who was standing by the now empty breakfast table, clearly debating something.

“Need anything from town?” she asked him, figuring it was the polite thing to do.

“No, but thanks,” he said, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. His eyes held onto hers for a beat, and she knew he wanted to say something more, but was staying silent. She could guess what it was about, but she knew she wasn’t ready to talk about it either, so she looked away, opening the front door.

“Okay then, well see you later!” Max announced, stepping out and she could hear a polite “See you!” from both Lucas and his mom before she shut the door behind her. She let out a deep sigh as she started to make her way down the driveway. The air was much colder than it had been the day before and her breath clung in the air as she walked along the quiet suburban street. Putting on her gloves, Max stretched her neck, happy to be outside, desperately needing fresh air and some time to think.

 

As she neared downtown, the mostly quiet street started to get a little busier, some cars passing her by every so often and she could see a couple of older men talking outside the gas station on Franklin Street. The grey clouds from yesterday were still there, hanging heavy above the town, but at least there wasn’t any rain. Crossing the street, Max saw a couple of middle-aged ladies heading into the furniture store, its windows boasting the start of the Christmas season sales. Instead of joining them to go in to buy a new couch, Max kept on walking, arriving at the center of the small town, stopping at the corner of Main Street, right in front of the Hawk movie theater. She sighed as she looked around, a weird mix of nostalgic giddiness and something bittersweet washing over her. At first glance it all looked the same. The library still loomed large at the center of it all, the lawn and trees and shrubs surrounding it neat and tidy as ever. Max smiled as she saw the bench she and El would often sit on, eating ice cream after a successful day at the library. Some of the small stores lining the streets were different, there was now a lawyer’s office in a place where a hair salon had been, and there were certainly more empty sales spaces, with “For Lease” signs in their windows. But mostly Erica had been right. The small town of Hawkins hadn’t changed much in the past four years.

Max stuffed her hands into her pockets, shivering in the cold, and tried to think of a place to go to get out of the freezing air for a bit. She didn’t really need to buy anything, but maybe she could browse the local stores, see if they too had any sales going on. And with that she kept on walking, guiding her steps towards the Melvald’s general store. As Max walked in, she wondered for a minute if Joyce still worked there, but she soon saw that there was a high school aged boy manning the cash register. Figuring she could kill at least a half an hour here, Max picked up a shopping basket and started to slowly walk down the first aisle of the store.

She had browsed through almost half the store, picking up some newly shelved Christmas candy to her basket, when Max heard a surprised and happy voice from behind her.

“Max Mayfield? Is that really you?”

She turned around and saw the smiling face of Mary Ann Lawson, her classmate in Science class and a teammate in the soccer team all through high school.

“Oh, Mary Ann, hi!” Max answered, shifting her basket from one hand to the other, waving quickly at Mary Ann who grinned widely as she made her way to her, pushing a half full shopping cart.

“It’s so nice to see you! How long has it been? Five years?” she asked as she got to Max, coming to give her a quick hug.

“Nice to see you too! And yeah, almost five years I guess,” Max answered as they pulled away from the hug. Mary Ann nodded, looking her over and Max did the same. She hadn’t changed much, her eyes as wide and curious and her blonde hair with its feathered bangs as big as ever.

“So? What are you doing here in Hawkins? I thought you moved back to sunny California?” Mary Ann asked, guiding her cart to the side of the aisle so people could pass them better.

“Oh, I did. But umm…” Max started, pausing to think of how much to tell her. She had liked Mary Ann fine in high school, she was a good team player and she had always been very talkative and nice to everyone. But with that, she also had a problem of keeping the things she would talk to people about to herself. And as she stood in front of her, crossing her arms over the front of her puffy lilac coat, her eyes curious and face inquisitive, Max could tell that she was already planning on telling about running into her to all of her old high school friends.

“I’m doing an internship at a newspaper in Chicago and wanted to come and visit here for my break. Just to see if things had changed, you know,” Max explained, deciding to leave out most of the details, and Mary Ann nodded excitedly.

“Oh that’s great! You’re studying English, right?”

“Journalism,” Max corrected quickly and Mary Ann continued:

“Right, right. Well that’s so nice that you got to come back and see everything again. Are you still in touch with everyone? I heard that Mike and El are in Chicago at least?”

“Yeah, they are,” Max confirmed with a nod and Mary Ann continued:

“Oh and are they still together? Hope they are, they’re just the cutest together, don’t you think?”

“Yeah they still are, they moved in together this summer.”

“Aww, I knew it. I remember those two being inseparable!” Mary Ann gushed and Max nodded.

“But umm, how about you?” Mary Ann continued, her brows raised inquisitively, tilting her head just a bit.

“Caused a bit of a scandal you know, with the grand break up just before prom,” she said and Max’s eyes widened. She’d figured that would’ve been the case in a small town such as Hawkins, but she hadn’t thought that much about it. Mary Ann must’ve noticed her panicked expression as she rushed to add:

“I mean I don’t blame you or anything, we all know how long-distance relationships can be, but it did cause quite a stir.”

“It did?” Max asked, her teeth grit. Shit, she hoped it hadn’t been too bad on Lucas. The bullying had mostly ended once they all got to high school but none of them had ever been particularly popular or anything, and high school kids could be cruel.

“Oh, don’t worry, not for long, everyone forgot all about it when Stacey broke it off with Kevin over him cheating on her with Nicole and right in front of everyone at the grad party at Chris B’s house. You remember?” Mary Ann explained and Max shook her head.

“No, I wasn’t there. I flew out the day after that so…”

“Right, right, of course,” Mary Ann answered with a nod.

“But umm, you still in touch with Lucas? Didn’t he go to Chicago to study too?” she asked, curiosity sparking in her eyes.

“Yeah, he’s at Illinois Tech with Mike and Dustin. And um, yeah we got back in touch when I moved to Chicago,” Max explained vaguely, wondering how much she could tell her.

“Oh that’s so nice you can still be friends with your ex! Or are you guys..?” Mary Ann asked, her sentence trailing off and her brows rising suggestively.

“Oh, no, no… We’re just friends,” Max assured her, maybe a little more force in her voice than was necessary.

“Alright. Is he dating anyone new?” Mary Ann asked, on full on interrogation and intel-collection mode now.

“No, I don’t think so. Why?” Max asked, shifting her basket from one hand to another.

“Oh well I just saw him last Thanksgiving with this girl, so I assumed…” Mary Ann answered with a shrug, pulling her shopping cart to the side a bit more to let a lady with a stroller pass them.

“Huh?” was all that Max could let out. She couldn’t decide if she was feeling surprised, shocked, jealous, confused… definitely confused at least.

“Yeah, she was African American too, shorter, had long hair? You know her?” Mary Ann described, tilting her head inquisitively.

“I umm…” Max stammered. No she didn’t know her. And of course it was none of her business who Lucas had hung out with during the past four years, but… Why did this feel so weird?

“It could have been his cousin? I think she’s about the same age as him,” she wondered, deciding to believe it herself. Lucas would’ve mentioned if he had dated someone as seriously as to bring her home for Thanksgiving, right? Right?

“Could be, just saw them in passing, me and Rebecca were on our way to the mall and saw them walking downtown when we drove past. We were kind of in a hurry cause Adam was working a night shift but we still wanted to catch a movie before that. You remember Adam, right?” Mary Ann rambled on, her face lighting up as she mentioned the name of her high school boyfriend.

“Yeah I do. How is he? You guys still going strong?” Max asked, really not caring all that much, but wanting to seem polite.

“Oh better than ever!” Mary Ann said, all-out beaming as she brought up her left hand, showing off the golden ring shining on her finger.

“Oh wow, congratulations!” Max said with a smile, leaning forward to look at the ring when Mary Ann extended her hand out for her to see.  
“Yeah, we moved into this small house his dad owns like a year ago? I’m working at a daycare center, he’s doing his construction stuff. We’re planning the wedding for next June, the 18th. We got the church and reception venue already booked and everything!” she gushed excitedly and Max just nodded along, not really sure how to respond. She couldn’t help but wonder if this could have been her if she and Lucas had stayed together. Getting a mortgage and buying a house at the suburbs and getting married at the church down the road, settling down and just… doing that until they died? And yeah, she knew that that even if they had stayed together, both of them still would’ve moved out of Hawkins and gone to college, that it wouldn’t be the same. But listening to Mary Ann talk about her wedding plans; the dress, the venue, the guest list; it maybe made her a little happier she had made the decision to leave, to get some distance and take some time on her own to experience different things before having to focus on… all that. Granted, she hadn’t really had any extreme experiences or anything, just some traveling on the west coast, and going to college and everything that came along with it. And yeah she’d gone to plenty of parties and met plenty of interesting people and dated a bit, but nothing more serious than that. _“But Lucas has”_ an annoying thought popped into her head and she tried to not listen to it. It could’ve come up in conversation if he had. Especially if it had been a relationship that serious for him to bring her home for Thanksgiving, as even though they had been together for almost five years, she had never been invited. It was probably nothing.

“But hey, I’ll stop interrupting your shopping, annoying you with all this gabbing,” Mary Ann said with a laugh, pulling Max away from her thoughts.

“Oh that’s fine, I’m happy to hear how you’re doing. And besides, I was just browsing anyway,” Max said, trying not to seem like she had been completely ignoring everything she had said for the past couple of minutes.

“Alright, well I need to get going though, we’re going to Adam’s grandma’s house tonight and I promised to bring the dessert, so I need to get to baking. But it was so nice seeing you Max! I hope you’re having a fun time back, say hi to Lucas and El and everyone!” Mary Ann said with a bright smile, going back to her cart.

“Thanks, I will. And say hi to Adam and everyone too,” Max replied politely.

“Oh, I will! See ya!” Mary Ann said with a cheery wave, pushing past her with the cart.

“Bye!” Max said back with a wave and as Mary Ann walked away, her long blonde hair swishing behind her, Max could practically see the gears already turning in her head. The rumor mill had already started.

 

\---------------------------- 

 

Lucas sighed as he pushed himself and his chair away from the desk and the computer on it, waiting for the program to finish saving. He had been slumped over the computer for what felt like ages and had finally finished the preliminary calculations for a group project that was due just before Christmas. The family computer was nowhere as fast as the ones they had at the computer lab at school, but it sure beat having to calculate and write everything down by hand. He stretched his arms above his head, hearing his achy shoulders pop and looked up at the clock on the wall. It was way past noon already and neither Erica nor Max were back yet. He was happy about the former, he could use a break from her infuriatingly knowing smirks and quips, but he couldn’t help but wonder what Max was doing. She’d said she’d go up to town, but what was there really to do for that long? He was sure she was curious to see the town after being away for so many years, but he figured that a part of it also was that she wanted an excuse to leave the house for a bit. And he couldn’t help but wonder if that was something she had decided to do before, or only after what had happened the night before and the awkwardness caused by it. He still didn’t know what to think about it. He kept playing those few short seconds over and over in his brain, trying to remember something new, to decipher her actions, the small expressions on her face and of her eyes so so close to him, to read how she had felt about it. And sometimes he thought she maybe wouldn’t have punched him in the face if he had found the courage to lean in and kiss her, that maybe that would’ve been the right thing to do. But then again when he’d run into her that morning, the air around them had been so awkward, and she clearly didn’t want to talk about it, wanting to forget it ever happened. And why would she act that way if she would’ve been okay with things going differently last night?

There was a ring of the doorbell and Lucas jumped in his chair, knocking his knee on the underside of the desk.

“Shit!” he swore under his breath, leaning down and rubbing his palm over the stinging pain in his knee. Who could it be at the door? Erica definitely wouldn’t ring the doorbell, she always waltzed right in with a loud “I’m home!”. And he figured Max would feel comfortable enough to just open the door too? Right?

“Lucas? Michael’s here!” he heard his dad yell out from the front door.

“I’ll be right there!” he shouted back, getting up, furrowing his brow in confusion. Mike hadn’t mentioned he would be coming over. Lucas quickly made his way down the hallway, his knee still aching so he limped just a bit, and then rounded the corner in the kitchen and saw his dad and Mike in the foyer, politely chatting about how his studies were going.

“Hi!” Lucas simply said, shaking his leg a bit as he made his way to the two of them.

“Hey! What’s with your leg, man?” Mike asked, looking down at it in confusion.

“Oh nothing, just hit my knee on the desk, no big deal,” Lucas explained with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“You alright, son?” his dad asked, making sure, and Lucas nodded.

“I’m fine dad!” And with that his dad shrugged and walked back to the living room. The two of them watched him leave and plop down on his usual place on the couch, picking up his newspaper.

“So,” Lucas said, turning back to Mike. “What’s up?”

“Well I just got back from dropping El off at her house and her dad said that he can drive me and her up to Chicago and bring Will to the airport. And Joyce wants to see Will off too so she would be coming too. So I just wanted to ask what you’ve been thinking about the rides?” Mike explained, unwinding the scarf he had around his neck as they slowly walked towards the kitchen.

“Well I have my mom’s old car I can drive up to Chicago and I’m pretty sure I need to drop off Erica at school on the way,” Lucas said and Mike nodded, listening as he settled to lean against the kitchen counters.

“Just have to ask Dustin about his plans but that would cover the rides for him and I and Max,” Lucas continued, shoving his hands into his pockets, hoping Mike hadn’t noticed the fraction of an awkward pause before he said her name.

“Okay, good. You plan on heading out Sunday?” Mike asked; it didn’t look like he had noticed.

“Yeah. Probably pretty early too, Erica has a thing with her sorority she has to go to later,” Lucas explained and Mike let out a hum in understanding, and then they fell into a silence. Lucas had settled to stand by the fridge, opposite from Mike and he glanced up at him, trying to figure out what was going on. Mike clearly had something more to say. And yeah Lucas had plenty of things he needed to talk through with someone too, but he wasn’t about to be the first one to open his mouth. He wasn’t the one who had randomly showed up at the other’s house. So he picked off a round yellow magnet from the fridge door, turning it in his fingers to get something to do while they stood in silence.

After a minute he saw Mike shift a bit finally open his mouth.

“So, umm… How’s everything been?” Lucas crossed his arms over his chest, shooting him an annoyed look, his brows raised high. Cut the crap Mike.

“I mean,” Mike started again. “With the whole roommate situation? We haven’t talked about it in a while and El told me you guys had a fight over Halloween?”

“It wasn’t really a fight. And anyway, we got over it,” Lucas explained, trying to seem casual.

“Okay. And I kind of figured, with you inviting her to stay over at your house and everything,” Mike pointed out.

“Well she would’ve stayed at your house but I knew it would be full of people,” Lucas explained with sarcasm in his tone.

“True. And that’s kind of why I’m here. My uncle is pestering me with questions about school and aunt Debra keeps asking when El and I are gonna get married,” Mike said, frustration in his voice and a blush rising to his pale cheeks on the last part.

“But umm… speaking of El,” he continued, his knee bouncing restlessly as it always did.

“She didn’t want to bring it up last night, obviously. But she just wanted to know how you were doing with Max being back in town?”

“I’m fine with it. I mean, we’ve been living in the same apartment for three months, it isn’t much different,” Lucas answered with a shrug, looking down, continuing to fidget with the magnet in his hands.

“Yeah, I guess,” Mike agreed with a nod, continuing:

“But if it wasn’t… If there was something going on. You’d tell us, right? I would totally get it if you weren’t 100 percent comfortable with it.”

“Why’s everyone keep saying that? I’m fine, seriously. I’m not seventeen anymore. I’m over it. Over her,” Lucas exclaimed, his words coming out in a low, frustrated whisper not to alert his dad over in the living room. Now it was Mike’s turn to shoot him a look.

“What?” Lucas shot back.

“Then why is that box thing under your window turned over again?” Mike asked, folding his arms across the front of his windbreaker.

“What?” Lucas repeated. How could he..?

“And you just happened to bump your knee into a table?”

“Okay, seriously, what are you talking about?” Lucas asked again in an almost a hiss.

“I’m just saying that I’ve climbed through enough windows to recognize the box trick from miles away when I walked up here just now,” Mike explained with a shrug, determined to know what was going on.

“First of all, that’s a bit creepy you’re paying such close attention to my house. And second, that box has been there since high school, we didn’t move it when…”

And with that Mike’s brows rose even more, disappearing below his dark bangs. Shit. But before he could say anything, Lucas yanked him from his arm, shoving him out of the kitchen and towards the hallway to his room. He had to explain this.

 

Once they got to his room, Lucas turned around and swiftly locked the door. His dad wasn’t the one to eavesdrop but given that Erica could be home any minute - or worse, Max could - he wasn’t taking any chances. Turning back to face the room, he ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out the best way to explain this. He could explain it all away. It was true that nothing had happened last night. But maybe Will had been right, maybe he did need to talk to someone about this. He sighed as he looked over at Mike who had sat down on his old desk chair, quietly leaning back, his arms crossed, waiting.

“So first of all, I really hit my knee on a desk,” Lucas started and Mike rolled his eyes.

“And yes, we had to come in through the window last night. But, but —” his voice rose and he put out his hand as he saw Mike leaning forward in the chair and opening his mouth to speak “— it was because someone had accidentally locked the front door and I didn’t want to wake everyone up. That’s all that happened, I swear.” Mike pursed his mouth shut, listening, considering, and Lucas waited, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“Okay. And there’s nothing going on? Nothing happened?” Mike asked, leaning forward again, leaning his elbows on his knees.

“Like I said, nothing happened,” Lucas answered, and he couldn’t help the bitterness he felt at those words.

“Aand are you happy about that, or?” Mike asked, less smug now, more curious, genuine.

“I don’t know,” Lucas said, letting out a frustrated groan, plopping down to sit on his tidily made bed, sinking down into the soft quilted comforter.

“I guess? I mean I should be, right? I didn’t plan on anything happening, it just…” he rambled, rubbing the back of his neck. Why was this so hard? It was not like he and Mike never talked about things like this back in school - they did sometimes - but now, after so many years, it just felt so awkward. Mike was quiet, letting Lucas gather his thoughts and he let his eyes drift to the window, to the carpeted floor below it, the spot where they had stood last night, where his wet sneakers had landed as he tried to regain his balance, her arms wrapped around him, catching him. She had smelled like vanilla and sugar cookies and wine.

“I think we almost kissed last night,” he blurted out, squeezing his eyes shut, figuring he should just rip the band aid off.

“You think?” he heard Mike ask, his voice loud and surprised.

“Well did you or did you not?” he asked again, and Lucas opened his eyes, throwing his head back and looking up at the ceiling.

“No, we didn’t.”

“Okay then, well..” Mike started, scooting the chair a little bit closer.

“Did you want to kiss her? Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know! Shit, I don’t even know if that’s what it was, I could’ve been just reaching and…” Lucas answered, the thoughts that had bounced around in his brain for the last twelve hours bursting out and he flopped down to lay on his back on the bed.

“Okay well, let’s think about it this way: what about it made you think it could’ve been a kiss?” Mike asked and Lucas massaged his temple with his fingers.

“That’s the thing, I’m not sure. I mean, it was really late, and we’d been drinking and everything. But I don’t know, she caught me from falling on my face and then she was so close all of a sudden and for a second I thought…” he rambled, staring up at the ceiling, his cheeks heating up. God he sounded like an idiot.

“Well do you think she felt the same way? That she would consider it...you know, a potential kiss situation?” Mike asked, gesturing with his hands, his voice curious, wanting to hear the full story, to make sense of it all.

“I don’t know. For a second she looked like maybe she would’ve been fine with it too. But then neither of us did anything and she kind of just ran away.”

“Well did you guys talk about it today?” Mike asked and Lucas shook his head.

“No, we’ve been avoiding the whole thing.”

“Well here’s a crazy idea,” Mike said, sarcasm creeping into his voice.

“Maybe just - and hear me out - maybe you should just ask her!”

“Oh come on, I can’t just ask her about it, it’s not that simple!” Lucas exclaimed, sitting up on the bed, looking over at Mike like he was an idiot. Which he was for suggesting something as dumb as that.

“And why the hell not?” Mike asked him with a deadpan expression, like he was the one being an idiot. Which he wasn’t. Right? Lucas sighed, throwing his hands up, trying to form his words. Cause there was a million reasons he couldn’t just go up and ask her. Obviously. That’s why he hadn’t talked to her all day. Not because of the anxiety churning in the pit of his stomach. Or the fear and the thoughts he kept pushing back, the fear of her not feeling the same way. And equally a fear of her actually reciprocating his feelings. Because what the hell would they do then? By now he had accepted the fact that yes, he maybe still had some feelings for her. And those feelings were all fine and good just staying inside his own head; he would deal with it all quietly and when she moved back to California, they would eventually go away. But the thought of actually putting those feelings out there, _especially_ for her to hear? It frankly scared the shit out of him.

“I… I just can’t, okay,” Lucas settled on saying, and he knew he was sounding stubborn now, and that Mike could clearly tell by his face what was going on.

“You’ll never know what she feels if you don’t ask her,” Mike pointed out and at that Lucas shook his head again.

“Yeah but maybe I don’t want to know? If we don’t talk about it, maybe this mess will all go away and we don’t have to deal with it,” he explained.

“But wouldn’t you want to have peace of mind? To know and not be left wondering? I mean, I can ask El to ask Max and…” Mike suggested but Lucas cut him off:

“No, please don’t. I don’t need you guys trying to fix this for me. I’ll handle this,” Lucas said, dropping back onto the bed.

“Okay,” Mike said and they were quiet for a minute. Though the bedroom door was closed, they could hear  phone ringing and his mom going to answer it, her voice muffled through the walls.

“So,” Mike started again.

“What’s your next step then?”

Lucas sighed. Wouldn’t he like to know.

“I guess just survive this weekend and then… talk things through with Max when we get back to Chicago,” he answered.

“Dude, come on. The longer you guys avoid talking about things, the more difficult it will be when you eventually need to talk. I mean, I guess you cleared up the whole Halloween fight thing by talking, right? You’ve done it before,” Mike argued.

“Yeah, but the whole point of that fight was Max accusing me of still having feelings for her and we agreed to just be friends after that. So I’m pretty sure me going up to her and telling her that I’m going against the one thing she specifically asked me to do would not be the best thing to do,” Lucas explained, frustration in his voice.

“So you still do? Have feelings for her I mean?” Mike asked tentatively, and out of habit Lucas was about to deny it again, like he had for so long. But he’d known for a while now that that wasn’t the truth, however awkward and ill-timed the truth was. He also figured he’d told Mike this much already, he might as well just come completely clean. So he sighed, looking up at the unmoving blades of the ceiling fan.

“Yeah. I think I do.” It was the first time he’d said it out loud and letting it out there felt terrifying, vulnerable, but also freeing in some way. Maybe he couldn’t just ignore it anymore.

“Okay, well,” Mike said, pausing to think and Lucas sat up on the bed again, seeing that Mike was looking out the window, looking slightly impressed to have gotten that answer out of him.

“I’m not telling you what to do, but my advice would be to just talk to her. Figure out if she felt uncomfortable about the whole kiss situation or not. And then work from there,” Mike continued and Lucas nodded.

“I guess you’re right. But you still sound like a damn advice column in my mom’s magazine,” Lucas commented, breaking the serious tension in the air. Mike rolled his eyes, picking up a comic from the desk and throwing it towards Lucas, starting to announce that “I’m right and you know it and…” but then there was a knock on the door.

“Lucas? Are you there?” his mom asked and he got off the bed, going to open the lock and swinging the door open.

“Yeah, what is it?” he asked and his mom’s eyes immediately went to examine what was going on in the room.

“Oh, hi Mike! Didn’t know you would be coming over, would you like something to eat? Drink?” she asked but Mike shook his head, getting up from the chair.

“Oh I’m good, thank you. Just came to talk about the rides back for Sunday, but apparently you have it all settled.”

“Yes, Lucas needs to drive Erica back to her school and there’s the old car in the garage, so we figured he could just drive it up to Chicago with him,” his mom explained.

“But I’m sorry if it disturbed some plans you all had. We can figure something else out too?”

“No, mom it’s okay,” Lucas said and Mike echoed, also coming over to the doorway.

“Alright then. But what I wanted to say was that Linda just called, they were able to find a flight after all and they just landed in Indianapolis, your father is leaving to go and get them just now and they will be here for dinner!” his mom announced, an excited smile on her face.

“What? They are? Well that’s… —” complicating everything, not leaving him much time at all to plan what to say to Max, and oh God he had to warn her in advance, maybe they had time to ask if she could go to El and Will’s a day in advance, it wasn’t fair for her to have to sit through an awkward family dinner, be interrogated by his aunt and uncle and cousins, having to explain the roommate thing and insist again and again that they were just friends; oh shit this was gonna be “— great!” Lucas said with a smile, his fingers grabbing tightly onto the doorframe, his knuckles turning white. Just great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, long time no see! I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season! I tried to get this chapter out before Christmas but I was really busy with finals and preparations and all. And starting the spring semester, I'll again be real busy with school. But the good news is that the next chapter is already 80% finished, just need to edit it. So I'll try to post it in the next week or two, so stay tuned! And once again thank you for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts so please comment them down below or come say hi to me on Tumblr @summer-in-hawkins. Have a great New Year everyone!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max had planned to pass the night by reading Stephen King and talking to Lucas about whatever that was that had happened the night before. But those plans are abruptly changed and she finds herself in the middle of a Sinclair family Thanksgiving dinner. But navigating it couldn't be that hard, right?

It was almost five o’clock when Max turned to walk up the Sinclair’s driveway. Her plan of killing time downtown had been successful as she had pretty much spent a half hour at every single small store and had lunch at the corner pizza place where Dustin had worked at for a bit during Sophomore year. The walk back through the darkened streets had been long and cold and she was regretting not taking her Walkman with her, but now she was relieved to get back inside. She would take out the Stephen King book she had brought with her and spend the rest of the night reading. And in the morning she would go over to El’s house for the rest of the weekend; it would be a breeze. But first she had to deal with Lucas, she remembered halfway up the driveway. She had wanted time to think, and now that she had, she had decided she needed to talk to him. Better now when they could at least go to different rooms to avoid each other if things went sideways, than on Sunday when they would be stuck in a car for five hours on their way back to Chicago. She would be upfront and no-nonsense, and ask him if he would’ve been okay if they had kissed the night before. If it would be a no, well at least she knew then and they could get back to being friends again, not tip-toeing around this...thing between them. And then maybe she’d ask him about that girl Mary Ann had seen him with last year. Though she was sure she was his cousin. Because, although they had never explicitly talked about possibly girlfriends or boyfriends during the past four years, she figured he would’ve mentioned having one by now. Max sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. Why would it be a big deal either way? She shouldn’t care. She didn’t.

 

She pushed the door open, the delicious smell of a roasted turkey hitting her as she did. The whole house seemed busy; noises of cutlery clacking, water boiling and people talking hitting her. Max furrowed her brow in confusion as she shut the door behind her and took a few tentative steps forward. She saw Erica in the kitchen, chopping some vegetables while Mrs. Sinclair worked in front of the stove next to her. Max was just about to say hello and ask if they needed help when Lucas came in from the formal dining room, holding a few spare forks.

“Oh hi, you’re back,” he said, stopping in his tracks. He had changed his clothes, now wearing slacks and a pale blue dress shirt. What the hell was going on?

“Yeah I am, what is all this?” she answered, looking around and seeing that Erica and Mrs. Sinclair had also changed into fancier clothes, Erica in a red plaid blazer and denim skirt as she squeezed past them to reach into a cupboard.

“Yeah, so remember my cousins who couldn’t make it here yesterday? Well they caught a flight and are on their way here right now, should be here in twenty minutes,” Lucas quickly explained through grit teeth, anxiously shifting from one foot to the other. Max’s eyes went wide as she blinked, trying to decide how to react. She didn’t want it to seem like she didn’t want to meet his relatives but at the same time she had a feeling he was feeling as nervous about this as she was.

“Oh, alright then, well um, should I..?” she sputtered, gesturing down at her poofy winter. With that and her jeans and oversized UC San Diego sweatshirt, she was suddenly feeling very underdressed.

“Well I mean…” Lucas started, looking her over and Max could feel her hair already sticking to the back of her neck now that she got to the warmth from the cold outside, and she could feel that her cheeks were bright red and her nose was starting to run. She was a mess.

“I think you look good,” Lucas continued, his eyes reaching hers and though he obviously had to be lying, there was such honesty and genuineness in his deep brown eyes that it made Max’s stomach lurch. She felt her mouth go dry and she tried to swallow, her eyes fixed on his, basking in the warmth, the vulnerability, the attentiveness and wow wow wow this was a lot.

“Yeah, no. He’s being way too nice, you need to change,” Erica commented, pushing past them again, shoving against Lucas’s side a bit, causing their little bubble to burst.

“Yeah, I probably should,” Max agreed, clearing her throat and looking at Erica who set a box of candles on the kitchen counter. She turned to look at her, clearly sizing her up, smacking her lips.

“You still don’t do skirts, right?” Erica asked to confirm, and Max answered with a nod.

“Okay, well we can work with those jeans, I’ll just go through my stuff for a blouse that would go with those,” Erica concluded and just like that she was off, going to her room to rummage through her closet.

“Okay, well um,” Max said, turning a bit in place, trying to take in all this new information.

“Is there anything I can help with, or?” she asked Mrs. Sinclair who was mixing the salad.

“No, thank you. You just go and get yourself ready, we can handle this, right honey?” she answered, looking at Lucas who was standing around just as awkward looking as Max was.

“Yes, we can,” he confirmed, looking over at Max with a nod of confirmation which she mirrored, avoiding looking into his eyes for too long, she had other things to worry about just now. And with that she hurried to the guest room to at least try to make herself look presentable.

 

Shutting the bedroom door behind her, Max sighed, taking off her beanie. Well this wouldn’t be as breezy she had planned on the evening going. But she had gone through two awkward meals already this weekend, one more couldn’t hurt. She stepped away from the room, shrugging off her coat, scarf and sweatshirt and dropping them on the bed. Picking up her duffel bag from the floor, she started to go through the clothes she had brought, which wasn’t a lot as she hadn’t expected a formal dinner. The only a bit nicer thing she had was a patterned knit sweater she had worn yesterday but she had spilled wine on it at Mike’s so that wouldn’t do. She was officially at Erica’s mercy. Max threw her head back with a groan, trying to focus and keep her head together, but her thoughts kept slipping back to last night, how safe and familiar and warm Lucas had felt next to her, and then how nice he had looked just now in the button up shirt, all crisp and clean, the pale blue a beautiful contrast against his skin and his eyes so warm and deep and… Max ran her hands over her face, squeezing her eyes shut. She had to get it together. She had planned on talking things through with him now, but apparently that had to wait.

While Erica was trying to find her a top to wear, Max focused on trying to make her windswept, messy hair look a bit more presentable. After running a brush through it a bit, and deciding that was not going to cut it, she wrangled it into one of her quick updos she wore at work. And while Erica still hadn’t come in, Max tried to quickly salvage her makeup. She had just finished putting on mascara when there was a sound of a car rolling up the driveway.

“They’re here!” Mrs. Sinclair announced from the kitchen and Max jumped up from where she had been sitting by the desk. Already? Where the hell was Erica?

“Coming, Mom!” she could hear her yell from down the hall. She was about to put her gross sweatshirt back over her top and run out to ask about the shirt she had promised, when she heard Erica continue:

“Oh, Lucas give these to Max, they should fit.”

“Okay,” she heard him reply with slight confusion and then his steps started to head towards the door. For a second Max wondered if she had time to dive for the sweatshirt and put it on, but it was too late as there was a short knocking on the door.

“Hey Max? I’ve got these shirts from Erica,” he said from behind the door and Max walked up to it, eyes on the doorknob. Should she let him in?

“I can just hand these over from the gap of the door, if that’s okay?” he continued and Max nodded before realizing her mistake and saying out loud:

“Alright.” She turned the door knob, pulling the door open just a few inches and Lucas slipped his hand through the small gap, handing over a bundle of different patterned shirts.

“Thanks,” Max said, taking them from him and walking over to drop them down on the bed, going through them to find something that was passable. Why were they all so cropped?

“Don’t thank me yet, I have no idea what she picked out for you,” Lucas commented and Max couldn’t help the small smile that was tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Well can’t be worse than my old sweaty sweatshirt,” she answered, picking out a lilac colored frilly top, glancing over at the door. And as she did, she noticed it was still cracked open. And even though it was clear that even if Lucas was looking through the gap, the only thing visible was the trashcan in the corner of the room, Max could feel her heartbeat pick up again. Should she go over and close the door? Would it seem too obvious now?  

“Yeah, but I still hope she spared you from the worst of her bright pink clothes,” Lucas said from the other side of the door, a smile in his voice and Max relaxed a bit. Why was she worrying so much all of a sudden? They had lived in the same apartment for three months now. Hell, they shared a bathroom! This was nothing to worry about. She put on the top, turned to face the mirror and grimaced.

“Well I don’t know if this constitutes as the worst, but it’s up there,” she said, looking at the abundant frills and the wide neckline, cringing.

“Sorry,” Lucas said as Max took off the top, picking up another one, made of stretchy stripy material with buttons down the front.

“It’s not your clothing taste we’re criticizing here,” Max pointed out.

“No, but I’m sorry about this whole mess. I didn’t know my cousins would be coming here today, they were supposed to be here yesterday so I had planned it so you wouldn’t have to see them if you didn’t want to,” Lucas explained, his voice low so that the rest of the family, happily exchanging greetings elsewhere in the house, wouldn’t hear him. Max pulled the shirt on quietly, trying to think of what to say. Of course he would’ve planned and tried to schedule the whole weekend.

“It’s okay,” she finally said, pulling the material of the shirt down a bit - damn was this one short too - as she looked in the mirror.

“There was no way you could’ve know this would happen. But thank you for trying to plan it. And for letting me stay over. I really do appreciate it a lot.” Looking away from the mirror and at the cracked open door, Max could see it shift a bit, like maybe Lucas was leaning against it or debating if he should open or close it.

“Well, like I said yesterday, you can always count on us,” he said from the other side of the door as Max slowly walked towards it, fidgeting with the long sleeves of the top.

“And, umm, about last night…” he continued, and Max could hear the nerves in his voice, and see the door shift again; he was definitely leaning against it now.  

“Yeah?” she asked, her voice low too as she reached the door, still too afraid to open it properly.

“Well um, I’ve been thinking about it… a lot,” Lucas said, letting out a nervous laugh at the end and Max looked down at her shoes, trying to stifle a grin. Of course he had. When did he not overthink everything? She set her hand against the wooden door, and maybe she was imagining it but she was sure she could feel his frantic heartbeat through it. Or maybe just her own.

“And so… I wondered if…” he continued, and Max could practically see him nervously scratching the back of his neck. And if she wasn’t currently holding her breath, leaning against the door and hanging onto his every word, she would’ve yanked the door open.

“If I did the right thing, if you would’ve been okay if I had…” Lucas continued, every word leaving him with great effort, slowly and quickly all at once and Max’s brain was muddled with frantic thoughts and screams for him to just say it out loud, but they got cut off by a shout from the hallway behind Lucas.

“Hey, Lucas! What are you doing hiding back here?” Max screwed her eyes shut and she could hear a ‘thunk’ as Lucas lowered his forehead against the door in frustration.

“I’m so sorry, I was just trying to say that...” he whispered quickly but Max cut him off:

“No it’s okay, we’ll talk later. Go, I’ll be right there.” He let out a sigh and the door shifted again as he turned away from it, going to greet his cousin. And after one last look at the mirror, a couple adjustments of the top and a few calming breaths, Max plastered a polite smile onto her face and walked out the door, her heart still beating and her cheeks still burning. They would finish that conversation later.

 

“There you are Lucas! It’s so nice so see you! Come here!” Max heard a loud and chipper woman’s voice from the living room as she gingerly stepped into view from the hallway.

“Hi aunt Linda,” Lucas answered, letting her pull him into a big hug. The room was full of people, the woman hugging Lucas, aunt Linda who Max faintly remembered from years ago from a New Year’s party here at the Sinclair’s, and beside her there was a bald man who Max figured was her husband, chatting with Lucas’s dad before taking his turn at giving Lucas a quick hug. From him Max’s eyes moved to the two people standing next to him, a girl a few years older than her and a boy who seemed a little younger than Erica.

“Hey there Lukey! Long time no see!” the girl said with a grin, pulling Lucas in for a squeezing hug. Yeah she was his cousin alright, with a similar wide smile and strong-set brows - perfect for rising them in a skeptical look. But Max couldn’t help but notice that her hair was cut in a short bob, not long like the girl Mary Ann had seen last year with Lucas. _“Get over yourself, she just got a haircut”_ she thought to herself, still lingering at the doorway to the kitchen as Lucas greeted his other cousin.

“Damn, Jason, you’re almost a foot taller than you were last Christmas, you’re almost as tall as Laura,” Lucas exclaimed, leaning back after hugging the youngest looking cousin.

“I know right! I was 5’7” and a quarter last week, by Christmas I’ll be taller than her for sure,” Jason said with a proud smile, shoving his sister to her side. But she wasn’t having it, rolling her eyes and easily capturing him in a headlock, ruffling his short-cropped hair.

“In your dreams, squint,” she said with a scoff and Erica laughed from where she had propped herself to sit on the armrest of the couch.

They slipped into friendly conversation and sharing of latest news and stories so easily that Max felt frozen on her place, not wanting to step in and interrupt them and make it all awkward. Lucas looked so relaxed and carefree, acting as a judge as Erica and Jason stood back to back, both insisting they were the taller one. What would she give to have something like this. Her mom had a brother with a wife and a son a few years older than her, and she remembered spending Christmases and other holidays with them back in California, but a few years before her parents got divorced they had moved to somewhere in Canada and she hadn’t really been in contact with them apart from the occasional postcard. And her dad was an only child, his parents living in a fancy retirement community in NorCal. She had gone to visit them multiple times after moving back to California, and they usually spent Christmas together, but for some reason it was never like this with them. It was always stiff and unnatural, maybe because of the divorce and her not seeing them nearly at all while living in Hawkins. She would mention her relatives in conversation if the situation called for it but she would hardly ever launch into funny stories or anecdotes about them like Lucas often did. And now seeing him interacting with them for the first time it really hit how different his relationship with his family was. So Max just stood there, biting the inside of her lip and wavering in place, wishing she could just disappear, she didn't want to disturb the tight-knit family.

 

But while she stood there, Jason, the younger of the cousins happened to turn his head and so he spotted her, his eyes narrowing in confusion for a second before widening again in recognition. He turned to shove his sister's side discreetly and whispered something to her. And at that she turned to look at Max too, her lips pursed and brows raised. Shit, looked like what Max been wondering had been right. She did have a reputation. Laura had a look of skepticism on her face, looking her up and down. It was the same look Max remembered giving to Michaela Abrams after she had dumped Dustin after a petty misunderstanding in Junior year. And her stomach dropped as she realized that to Laura, that was exactly who she was. A cruel girl who had broken the heart of someone close to her. And she understood the coldness in her gaze very well. Didn't make her feel any better though. Thinking of the best thing to greet them all with, Max took a step forward as Lucas too turned to look at her, glancing quickly between her and Laura and then he cleared his throat and spoke.

“Oh hey, everyone! This is my friend Max, she's staying here over Thanksgiving,” he introduced her, turning to face everyone before quickly giving her a look of encouragement, inviting her to come over with a small motion of his hand. Oh how did she want to hold that hand right now. That had been one of her favorite things to do when they were together; feeling his hand in hers always grounded her, calmed her down whenever she felt stressed and overwhelmed. But she didn't have the luxury of doing that right now.

“Hi, happy Thanksgiving!” Max said, trying to sound polite and confident as she walked over to the living room from the doorway. Everyone's eyes were now on her and she fought the urge to stretch down the material of the cropped shirt over her stomach. She just felt so out of place with it all.

“Oh yes, your mother explained a bit on the phone,” aunt Linda said to Lucas, turning to Max and giving her a once-over before extending out her hand.

“I think we've met before, on New Year's a couple of years back? I'm Linda.”

“Yeah, I remember! It was in '88 I think? Nice to meet you again, I'm Max,” Max said, taking her outstretched hand and shaking it, focusing on at least trying to make a good impression, looking the older lady straight in the eye, her brown eyes attentive and curious, the effect highlighted by her large round glasses with thick lenses which made her eyes look even larger.

“I guess you haven't met the rest of the family, here's my husband Robert and these two are Laura and Jason. Our middle one, Justin, is deployed right now so he couldn't make it,” aunt Linda explained as Max shook everyone's hand, and then turning and directing the end of her sentence to Lucas's parents. They nodded and Lucas's dad asked how Justin was doing and the conversation turned away from Max. She glanced over at Lucas who was listening intently, but she could see some tenseness in the way his jaw was set. Max knew his family was traditionally military, his dad had fought in Vietnam and most everyone else in his family had been in the army too. The issue of him going had come up especially during their Senior year and he and Max had talked about it a lot as he had wanted to get his degree before going and that had been something he and his dad had disagreed on. Now as his uncle and aunt were telling the latest news of Justin in the Gulf, Max could see Lucas looking over at his dad from the corner of his eye, watching for his reaction. She guessed they had made up and gotten over the issue - at least she hadn’t seen any animosity that morning. But she suddenly realized she hadn’t even asked him about it. Another thing they needed to talk about when they got through with this dinner.

“What about you Lucas? When are you joining?” his uncle asked and Lucas shrugged, saying:

“I'm working on finishing my degree first and looking at it then.”

“He's always been our little brainiac,” his mom said, rubbing his shoulder.

“Oh I wanna hear all about how it's been in Chicago!” Laura exclaimed with a smile and Erica beside her smirked, shooting a glance at Max. Laura noticed, her brow furrowing.

“Sooo did you move to Chicago now too? Didn’t you take off and leave to California?” she asked Max and once again all the eyes were on her. She opened and closed her mouth, looking over to Lucas for help. How much do they know? How much should they tell them? But before neither of them said anything, Lucas's mom piped up.

“Oh I bet it's a long story, better told over dinner. Let's just all move to the table before the food gets cold, won't we?” And with that everyone started to put away their coats and head for the dining room. Max stood around awkwardly, not sure where to sit down - maybe they all had unofficial assigned seats they preferred? - as the guests chatted happily and sat down, Lucas's mom lifting foil off from covering the dishes, revealing turkey, green beans, roasted potatoes and all kinds of other delicious looking food.

“Max could you take these over to the kitchen, please?” she politely asked, extending over the crumpled up pieces of tin foil and Max nodded in agreement, happy to get something to do. Foil in hand, she walked back to the kitchen, passing Erica carrying two bottles of wine on her way.

“Better get your story straight. My aunt is real nosy, especially after some drinks,” she pointed out as she passed in a tone that was equally chipper and threatening. And then she was gone before Max could even think of an answer. Gulping, she walked into the kitchen, feeling her hands sweating, crumbling the foil in her hands.

Lucas was in the kitchen, hurrying as he opened up bottles of sparkling water and poured their contents into ceramic pitchers. It wasn't going super well and there was water spilling everywhere as Max walked in, looking around for a place to put the tinfoil.

“I think you can just put them in the trash over there,” Lucas said to her, pointing at the trash can. Max dumped the crinkled up pieces in and turned around, ready to ask Lucas what they should tell everyone, but he beat her to it.

“Okay so aunt Linda is really curious, loves to know everything, so just tell her about California and your internship and you'll be fine. My uncle is a more quiet type and Jason likes to skateboard so there's something you can talk about. And then, well Laura…” he rambled in a half a whisper, handing her one of the water pitchers, clearly trying to get everything out quickly before anyone would be suspicious about them taking so long.

“What about her?” Max asked, worry rising in her, looking intently at Lucas as he pursed his mouth shut, thinking of what to say.

“Well, um. Let's just say that we were pretty close at the time when um we broke up, so… We talked a lot so she might not be too…”

“Oh so she hates me?” Max asked, her voice high-pitched and sounding sarcastic. Or at least that's what she hoped it came of as. But she was pretty sure her panic was clearly there too.

“Well I wouldn't say that she hates you but…” Lucas started, shifting in place, the water sloshing in the pitcher he was holding.

“She might take some time to warm up to you, is all. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Okay, thanks for the heads up,” Max said with a sigh, drumming her fingers anxiously against the cool yellow ceramic of the pitcher before looking up at Lucas.

“What have you told about us? The whole roommate thing I mean. What should we tell them?” she asked, trying to be calm and matter-of-fact but a blush creeping onto her face. It had been a long time since she had referred to her and Lucas as an ‘us’. And she would be lying if she said it didn’t feel a little nice.

“Um, well I guess my mom and dad have told them what's going on so…” Lucas started, but before he could say anything more, Erica’s voice cut him off as she all but yelled from the entrance of the living room:

“Hey you guys ready over there? Dad's about to say grace.”

“Be right there!” Lucas yelled back and took a quick step forward, Max right on his heels, trying not to spill the water as she walked.

“Okay but seriously, what do we say?” she hissed at Lucas as she caught up to him. She really needed to know what they should do. And he was always the one with the plans.

“We'll work it out. Just.. just follow me, okay?” he whispered quickly and a glanced at her before they reached the dining room with everyone gathered around the table. Max wasn’t sure if that was exactly a great plan, her face frowning up for a bit before she let it go, figuring that winging things was usually something she was good at. So she didn’t argue back, nodding instead and doing as he said, placing the pitcher down on the table and sitting down on the chair next to him as the conversation started back up around her.

 

Grace was said and as the dinner started up, and Max followed Lucas’s instructions, mostly staying silent and reading his cues for what to do or say. She usually didn’t like having to act like this, having to be cautious and follow the lead of others, but for now it was okay, she didn’t want to blurt out something and make the dinner even more awkward. She'd let him handle this. The food was delicious, just like she remembered it being from the countless dinners she had had at the Sinclair house. And so she focused on eating, the conversation around the table moving from the Thanksgiving football game to some distant cousin's new baby. Erica was now telling everyone about her first big debate team competition last week and Max continued her strategy of nodding and smiling as she picked up some turkey and cranberry sauce on her fork.

“If we do well, we can advance all the way to the nationals, at Berkley,” Erica explained, taking a bite out of a dinner roll as everyone nodded and murmured in response.

“Is that close to your school Max?” Mrs. Sinclair asked, clearly trying to include her in the conversation.

“Well not that close really, it's near San Francisco, and I'm going to school in San Diego, way in the south,” she explained, and after seeing the blank faces on everyone, she added, to be polite.

“But it's really nice there in the bay area. I hope you can get to the nationals and visit there, Erica.”

“What are you studying, Max?” aunt Linda asked, reaching for some more turkey.

“Journalism. Finishing my degree this spring,” Max answered politely and simply.

“Oh that's nice. And do you have family in California or did you pick to go to school there for some specific journalism program? Because don't they offer that in colleges around here too? Wouldn't have to go so far from home?” aunt Linda continued, looking at Max over the table, curiosity gleaming in her eyes. So what she was really asking was why she had moved away and left Lucas behind.

“Well um,” Max started, stammering a bit. She quickly glanced over at Lucas, waiting for him to say something. Didn’t he say he would handle this, lead the conversation? But he didn’t say anything, taking a sip of water, so she continued, turning back to face the expecting and curious faces of the family:

“I grew up in San Diego before moving here in eight grade. And my dad still lives there so I wanted to go back and spend some more time with him.”

Aunt Linda let out an “oh” of understanding and seemed content enough for now and no one else said anything to it either, an awkward silence hanging over them and Max gripped tightly onto her knife and fork. What the hell Lucas? What kind of conversation guiding was this supposed to be? She raked her brain for something to say, trying to remember what Lucas had told her about his family’s interests.

“And umm, it was nice to go back and get to skate properly again. It's a bit tricky in the snow,” she said with a forced smile she hoped looked natural.

“You skate?” Jason asked, taking the bait just like she had planned and with that the conversation got going again, with her and Jason comparing types of boards and him recounting a new trick he had spent the entire summer perfecting. As he did, Laura cutting in and telling about a time he had almost broken his nose skating into a pole, Max glanced over at Lucas who gave her a small smile in quiet encouragement. This wasn't going that horribly after all. But by no help from him, though. Max shrugged back in a “I’ve got this in the bag” gesture and out of an old-forgotten reflex almost moved her hand down below the table to brush against his. But she stopped herself before she could do it, covering by picking up her napkin instead and wiping her mouth. No matter what had happened last night, she still shouldn't be reckless.

The conversation moved on again and Max relaxed in her seat as the dinner stretched on, the air getting more warm and relaxed and jovial, wine glasses being filled up and laughter rising up as they moved on from the turkey to the desert of pecan pie and ice cream. Erica and Jason were engrossed in an argument filled with plenty of sarcastic laughter, as Mrs. Sinclair cut pieces of pie for everyone. Apparently Jason had just begun dating a girl at his school and Erica and Laura were ruthless in teasing him about him.

“No I mean it's real cute,” Erica pointed out with a giggle, scooping ice cream onto her plate.

“But you're still such a baby, Jason! I can't believe it!” she exclaimed and Max huffed silently, playing with the half empty wine glass in her hands. At Jason's age she and Lucas had been dating for almost two years already.

“That's exactly what I keep telling him!” Laura echoed, her voice a bit loud and her face reddened after the glasses of wine she had already emptied.

“That it's cute and all but he shouldn't go all in on it, high school flings never last. Like you don't want to end up like Lucas, do you?”

A stillness fell over the table as everyone reacted to her words, everyone except the adults who were having their own separate conversation on the other end of the table. Max gripped onto her glass and stared down on her plate, biting her tongue. What was that supposed to mean?

“I don't know…” Jason started tentatively, clearly the most diplomatic of the two siblings.

“You shouldn't spend time being heartbroken and sad when you're eighteen, fresh out of high school and ready to face the world! That's all I'm saying!” Laura explained, taking another sip of wine, and as she noticed everyone else was still staying quiet, she added:

“Sheesh, sorry! I thought you said you had worked it out, Lucas. Figured you had to have gotten over it for this weird little arrangement to work,” she said, gesturing at the space between them with a haphazard wave of her hand.

“We have,” Lucas asserted, and Max still hadn't looked over to him but she could hear the annoyance in his voice. And there was something else there too. He had always been a pretty terrible liar. Laura scoffed, stabbing her fork at the pie on her plate.

“Sure seems like it.”

Beside her, Max could feel Lucas tensing up, his hold on his fork tightening. She really didn't know what to do. Yeah, he had asked her to just follow his lead with handling this, but it was starting to get pretty clear that he didn’t really know what he was doing. Should she speak up? Rationally she knew that she probably shouldn’t but… But before she could decide what to do, the tension broke for a bit as Mrs. Sinclair asked if anyone wanted something more to drink and the bottles of wine and pitchers of water were passed around the table. But the conversation didn't pick up again and Max dug into her slice of pie to busy herself and keep her words from spewing out. Everyone at their end of the table was quiet, focusing on their desert as they waited for someone to say something, for the tension to break. And as Laura finished her pie, setting her fork down with a clink, Max screwed her eyes shut. Here we go.

“Hey sorry if I said something wrong, Lucas. I was just so happy for you last year, thought you were finally moving forward and I don't wanna see you taking steps back again,” she explained, her voice sincere but with an edge brought by drunkenness and hiding ulterior intentions.

“Thanks Laura. But everything's fine, you don't have to worry about me,” Lucas assured her, pausing before speaking again, his voice matter-of-fact and affectless:

“Like I've said, we're just roommates for the semester, nothing more. Nothing for you to worry about.”

And Max wasn't sure why his words hit her as hard as they did but suddenly she felt her stomach drop and the food in her mouth turn sour. Yeah they hadn't talked about what exactly they were, but she didn't know that to him they were ‘nothing’.

“Alright. Just looking out for you little cuz, I can't help it,” Laura said with compassion in her voice and Max felt sick. Laura was completely right to worry, she had put Lucas through hell, she was the villain in this scenario, it was all her own fault. They ate for a bit in silence again and from the corner of her eye Max saw Lucas glancing at her quickly. 

“You okay?” he whispered when the others were distracted with listening to a story Mr. Sinclair was telling.

“I'm fine. Can you pass me the water?” Max muttered quietly, not meeting his eye. Without saying a word he handed the pitcher to her, still looking worried but not bringing it up again. They would talk later.

“So then we just had to fax out all the papers to some expert in Terre Haute to fix it all,” Mr. Sinclair concluded his story and aunt Linda snapped her fingers, gaining even Max’s attention.

“Terre Haute, isn't that were that nice girl is from, Lucas? Oh her name escapes me, was it Cecily?” she asked and everyone's eyes turned to Lucas. Max looked over at him and now it was his turn to avoid her gaze.

“It's Stephanie,” he answered simply but Max knew him well enough to be able read between the lines, to decipher the look on his face and put two and two together before aunt Linda continued.

“Oh that's right! She was real sweet, Stephanie. Are you two still going out? How is she?”

And now Max really felt like she could throw up. She was staring down at the remains of pie on her plate and it felt like the room around her had tilted painfully. She was mentally hitting herself, she should've seen this coming, with what Mary Ann had said earlier. And it wasn't really a big deal if Lucas had dated someone. But him not mentioning it to her at all? Not when it was happening or now during the past three months? Maybe they really were ‘nothing’ after all if he couldn't even be bothered with mentioning his ex to her.

“I guess she's fine. We broke it off after Christmas so I haven't really seen her much,” Lucas answered but his words sounded muffled in Max's ears. She didn't want to hear this. This wasn't meant for her to hear. Why was she still here? She needed to go.

“Well that's too bad. We got along so well last year, I remember she had one of those charm bracelets I have too. You remember, Claire?” aunt Linda said, turning to Lucas’s mom.

“Yes, I do. But um would anyone want some coffee? Tea?” she tried to divert the topic but wasn't successful as aunt Linda continued:

“And so smart too, doesn't she study at your school too Lucas?”

Max was vaguely aware of Lucas nodding silently next to her.

“Oh you two really were the cutest couple! Please tell me I wish her all the best if you happen to see her in class,” aunt Linda concluded with a smile and Max felt her vision blurring. She needed to get out of here, she couldn’t let herself cry now.

“Alright, coffee!” Mrs. Sinclair said again, this time louder as she stood up and soon there was a clamor as people got up, collecting plates and heading to the kitchen and living room to sit around the fireplace. Max could feel herself moving on autopilot, getting up and bringing her plate and glass to the kitchen, thanking Mrs. Sinclair for the food. And then before she could really register it, her steps led her to the guest room and she started to pack her things, her head feeling heavy and her brain jumbled. She could hear her heartbeat heavy in her ears and there was a taste of iron on her tongue after biting down on it so hard to try and keep herself together at the table. It was like there was a glass case around her separating her from the rest of the world. She needed to leave, needed to get out of here, to escape. That was the only thing that mattered right now, the only thought filling her mind. Though slowly as she kept on shoving clothes into the bag, another feeling started to creep in. Anger. No, she and Lucas hadn't been in the best of terms for a long while. But she would’ve thought it wasn't completely unreasonable to think that maybe he could’ve at least bothered to mention this amazing, smart, sweet, beautiful girlfriend of his. Especially before putting her to fend for herself in front of his extended family that was bound to ask about her. Some kind of heads up would've been fucking great.

Stuffing her things into the bag, Max zipped it shut and pulled on her coat as she headed out the room. The family was sitting and chatting in the living room, some action movie playing on the tv, so when Max walked through the kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, she was sure no one saw her. She was wrong.

“Max, where are you going?” Lucas asked just as she was about to open the door, his voice sounding beyond confused.

“What's going on?” he asked, glancing over at the family in the living room quickly before taking a step towards her, confusion painted on his face. Of-fucking-course he had no idea what was wrong.

“I just need to go, okay. I can't…” Max started, her jumbled and fuming brain struggling to string together sentences as she waved him away with her hand.

“What? Why? If you can’t handle the dinner, I can just say you got tired and went to sleep,” Lucas said as he walked closer, still as clueless as ever, crafting a plan as always. And it made her furious.

“Shit, stop pretending to be nice already! You did your part okay, thanks for the place to stay, I'll go to El's, I can't stay here anymore,” Max exclaimed, not looking at him as she opened the front door.

“What do you mean? I'm not…” Lucas countered, reaching over his hand to her but Max shoved it away.

“You said it yourself, this is nothing. We’re nothing. So you don't have to keep on pretending, alright. I'll see you on Sunday in the car.”

“Okay what are you talking about? Hey, I can give you a ride to El and Will's and you can…” Lucas suggested, reaching to pick up his coat from the rack by the door but his hand froze in place as Max whipped her head around to face him, her eyes furious.

“Just shut up already and let me go! I'm not the one who needs to explain right now!”

Max spat at him before turning and walking out the door and into dark night outside. She didn't look back so she couldn't see his reaction, and she hated that small part of her that only after a couple of steps into the cold night air hoped he would run after her, asking her to come back and telling her that it had all been a misunderstanding. But he didn't, and she heard the door shut behind her and then she was alone on the darkened, quiet street. And it was only then she let the tears out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo things are starting to ramp up! Been waiting to get to this part of the story for so long! I hope you liked the chapter and thank you for reading! I'll be very busy with school for the next two months so the next updates might take a while, so I'm sorry to leave you waiting! But I'll try to write them as quickly as I can. Bright on act three!


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drive back to Chicago turns out to be just as tense as could be expected after the disaster that was the Thanksgiving dinner. With all the frustration and confusion and hurt being let out, the continuation of the roommate arrangement comes to question.

_November 27th 1993_

“Okay, so if we go get Max and then get going right away, we should be at Purdue around noon. I'd still have time to shower and get ready before the function tonight,” Erica said, talking to herself mostly as Lucas drove the car along Maple Street, flicking on the windshield wipers against the rain outside. It was Sunday morning and they had just gotten into the car after big hugs goodbye from their parents and left home, on their way now to the Hopper-Byers house to pick up Max. Lucas squeezed tight onto the steering wheel of his mom's old car. He really wasn't looking forward to seeing Max again. He had had the whole of yesterday to try to understand what had gotten into her at the dinner and he still wasn’t any closer to figuring it out, only more frustrated. She had seemed mad, that was clear, but he had no idea why she couldn’t just tell him what it was she was mad about, instead stomping out of the house and leaving him to come up with some excuse to tell his family. He guessed they had managed to mostly convince everyone at the dinner that things were fine between them, and that there was nothing weird going on, but that dramatic storming out of the house really hadn’t helped their case at all. Now his family had even more questions than before and he was finding it more and more draining to ignore them and keep assuring them that it was all okay.

He had spent the most of the day yesterday in his room just to avoid all the questions, switching between sitting at his desk and laying on his bed, trying to work on school stuff, but his mind was racing, trying to figure out what Max would be mad about. He had tried to call her but Will had picked up the phone, politely telling him that Max was not available. He had asked Will if she was okay and Will had paused for a bit before telling that he wasn't sure if he should meddle with this and Lucas had agreed, just asking Will to tell her he and Erica would be there to pick her up around ten in the morning.

 

And there they were now, Lucas pulling up onto the driveway of the Hopper-Byers house and setting the car in park. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, looking up at the front door.

“So,” Erica said from the passenger seat as she shifted, taking off her shoes. Lucas was surprised she had waited this long to do it, usually she had her shoes off the instant they pulled off from the driveway, that weirdo.

“What's the game plan? Want me to say anything to her? To help you explain things to her?” she asked and Lucas shook his head, looking at the raindrops rolling down the windshield.

“No, please stay out of it, okay. I'll talk to her when we've dropped you off,” he said, looking over at the door as it opened, Max walking out holding her bags, the hood of her jacket up and covering her expression. Lucas tensed up in his seat. So she clearly was still mad at him. Great. This wasn't going to be an awkward car ride at all.

“Okay then,” Erica replied with a shrug.

“Just make sure you actually talk to her and explain everything.”

“What's there to explain? I don't even get what she would be mad about all of a sudden, before the dinner she seemed…” Lucas hissed at Erica, trying not to move his lips too much as Max was getting closer to the car.

“You can be such an idiot sometimes, you know that right?” Erica said exasperatedly but before Lucas could argue back, Max opened the right side back door to the car.

“Morning,” she said simply, lifting her bags in and sliding them onto the far side of the backseat.

“Hey,” Erica said, turning in her seat to look back at her.

“Hi,” Lucas said too, glancing over at Max through the rearview mirror. She didn't look forward, slamming the door shut behind her and settling to sit down, putting on her seatbelt.

“Ready to go?” Lucas asked the two girls and Erica nodded, lifting her legs up onto the dashboard and Max let out a short sound of acknowledgement, digging through her backpack for her walkman. As Lucas started to back away from the driveway he kept his eyes on the rearview mirror, seeing Max put on her headphones, the hood of her bright red hoodie up over her head. She wasn't saying anything but there was this air of silent disdain and ire about her. And when they were back on the street, starting to head towards the interstate and Lucas looked back through the mirror for one more time, he caught her eyes for the first time. And they were cold, so cold. He had learned to know those eyes, the way the pale blue in them would shift from the shades of the spring sky to something resembling green. And now they were as cold as ice as she glowered at him for a quick second before looking away, settling to look out the window, turning on the music on her walkman.

 

The first hours passed as they first made their way to Indianapolis and then to Lafayette. The most of the time was spent in silence as Lucas drove, listening to the cassette playing some of Erica's music, as Erica dozed off on the passenger's seat. On the backseat, Max was quiet too, burrowed into her oversized sweatshirt, her hood and headphones still on as she listened to music and stared out to the rainy highway. And though she wasn't saying anything, wasn't doing anything that irritating, with every passing mile, Lucas could feel himself getting more and more annoyed, more and more mad at her. The silence was giving him plenty of time to think. And that he did. Over and over again he thought about what had he done to cause her to get mad at him? Granted, he had thought about it for the whole previous day too, but then it had been in regards to trying to figure out how to make up. But now, with her steely glances and the stubborn and immature silent treatment she was giving him **,** he was just getting mad. How did she expect him to get what she was angry about if she wasn't making any effort to tell him what it was she was angry about? It had to be about the dinner, and yes it had been really awkward and Laura had spoken out of turn. But he had warned her about it and if she really hadn't wanted to join the dinner, she would have completely been allowed to skip it. And if she hadn't felt comfortable, why hadn't she just told him? Instead of storming out and stopping talking to him.

Lucas felt his jaw tense and his foot on the gas pedal get heavier as the annoyance flooded over him. This was always how she would get when they would fight back in high school; her mood would always be so sudden to change and he would be left wondering why those mad squinty eyes and tight-lipped scowls she would shoot at school bullies and annoying teachers were now directed towards him all of a sudden. Her fire had always been something he had admired about her, how strong she was, how fierce in protecting her friends and taking no shit from anyone. But she could turn it against him too and be just as fierce and cruel against him. And now she was doing it again. Lucas had thought they had decided to be adults about this, to handle this maturely. But it looked like nothing had really changed after all. And to think that he had almost told her that…

“Wow, Lucas, hey! I said turn right!” Erica all but yelled from her seat, grabbing his arm. Lucas blinked, focusing back on the road and noticed they were right at the ramp heading towards the college campus.

“Shit, sorry!” he said, quickly turning the steering wheel, the car swerving right and onto the ramp in the nick of time.

“Hey!” Max yelled out from the back seat, her head bumping against the car window in the turn, her bags sliding across the seats.

“Sorry!” he said again, mentally cursing himself right after he had. What did he have to be sorry about? It wasn't his fault she was being this immature. And if she wanted them to act like a couple of high school kids again, he'd play the part.

“Dude I told you to turn there like three times,” Erica said, throwing her hands up in annoyance.

“I said I was sorry! I just… got distracted I guess,” Lucas defended himself as they slowed down to stop at a red light.

“On what? Cause I know for the fact you don't like SWV so you weren't listening to that at least,” Erica pointed out.

“What?”

“The music? Oh come on, Earth to Lucas? You sure you're okay to drive? You seriously need a coffee or something,” Erica said, poking him on the side of his head.

Lucas just scoffed as he swatted her hand away and stared out at the red light, waiting for it to turn.

“There's a coffee place right on the way out of the city. You should swing by there after you've dropped me off,” Erica said as they started driving again and Lucas nodded. Maybe he did really need some caffeine to get through this drive.

 

“Aand just park over there, it's for people with passes but there's no one here, so…” Erica guided, leaning forward in her seat, pointing at the section of the parking lot nearest to the dorm building. Lucas nodded, guiding the car carefully through the nearly empty lot in front a cluster of red-bricked buildings. He had been here once before, when the whole family had been helping move Erica in, but he was lost nevertheless, the campus and the area surrounding it seeming sprawling and confusing - it all looked the same. And his anxiousness that came with driving in cities or unfamiliar places wasn't particularly helping either. Good thing Erica had been there to tell him where to go. They had reached their destination without any more troubles or close turns and so he parked the car, shutting off the engine.

“See, told you it would be easy to get here,” Erica said, flashing a smile and patting him on the shoulder as she stuffed her sneakers back onto her feet.

“You need help bringing your stuff up to your room?” Lucas asked her as she clicked off her seat belt but she just shook her head.

“Nah, I think I'll be good. I'll take the elevator up,” she said with a wave of her hand, opening the car door and jumping out. Lucas nodded silently, watching her shake her legs, tired after the drive, and going over to the trunk to pick up her big purple suitcase. While looking back through the rearview mirror, checking if she got the trunk closed - it was a little wonky sometimes - Lucas's eyes caught Max's on accident. For a second she looked at him with an icey scowl before turning to look out the window again, crossing her arms over her chest. Seriously? Were they really fifteen again?

“Okay then, I think I have everything…” Erica said, a thoughtful look on her face as she tried to remember if she had forgotten anything.

“But hey thanks for the ride, Lucas,” she said, climbing back into the car a bit, reaching over to give him one of her squeezing hugs. And forgetting the awkwardness of the current situation, Lucas had to admit he would miss her. As annoying and obnoxious as Erica could be, he had been really happy to spend time with her over the weekend. She was his sister after all.

“No problem. And have fun at your sorority thing tonight,” he said as she leaned away.

“Oh I will! And you guys have a nice drive up to Chicago. Bye Max!” she said, looking over at the back seat to shoot Max a smile and a wave.

“Thanks, bye Erica!” she said back

“Oh and umm, might wanna turn up the heating a bit. It seems real chilly in the car,” Erica added, looking over at Lucas, apparently trying to be real subtle. Which she wasn’t.

“Okay,” he said with a sigh and she grinned, saying:

“Alright, love ya, bye!”

“You too, bye!” Lucas answered and then Erica shut the door with a slam, the sound echoing loudly and leaving a ringing silence after it. What now? Lucas swallowed, turning the engine back on. He just had to take this one step at a time. And first, it was time for coffee, Erica had showed the place as they had passed it on their way and he was pretty sure he could find it no problem. So he put the car in drive and drove off the parking lot, glancing over to see Erica walking into the dorm building, giving him one more wave and a look that said “good luck”. He nodded back at her and then concentrated on navigating out of the parking lot, following the way they came and looking for the coffee shop. Once he found it, he pulled up and parked in front of it. Picking up his wallet he asked, his voice level and neutral, not looking over at the back seat:

“Going to get coffee. You want anything?”

“No, I don't,” Max answered, her tone just as level and affectless and Lucas nodded stiffly, stepping out of the car. Since when did she not want coffee? She always drank at least two cups before leaving the apartment in the morning. And who even knows how many she downed during her day at work. If he hadn't thought there was something off with her before, it was crystal clear now.

 

He got back into the car, Max still unmoved on the back seat, lounging casually, leaning against the window, her headphones on, chewing gum. She still had that cool and assured aura that was one of the things that had drawn him to her back when they were thirteen. But frankly, now it was annoying him to no end. Lucas sat down, setting his coffee cup onto the holder with a little more force than necessary and turned the car engine back on. As soon as they got back to Chicago and out of this car, the better. At least in the apartment he wouldn't have to feel her scowls and poisonous looks on the back of his head and hear the annoying pops of gum bubbles she would blow. He started to drive, his annoyance slipping into his every action now, his moves of the steering wheel jerky and quick as he tried to navigate their way back to the highway. But after a couple of minutes he started to realize that he really didn't know where he was going. “Well this is just great!” he thought exasperatedly, silently cursing himself. Why the hell did her behavior affect him so much, driving him off the wall and distracting his driving. Lucas sighed, slowing down to a red light, trying to discreetly look at the street names and signs. He didn't need Max noticing he was lost, he already felt the pressure of having her sit there while he drove, feeling her silent judgment over his shoulder. But after a couple more turns and finding his way back onto the same road, the judgement became less silent.

“Are you lost or something?” Max asked, her tone adding “cause of course you are”.

“Yeah, I am,” Lucas snapped at her, figuring there wasn't any use of lying about it. He didn't look back at her but he could almost hear her raising her eyebrows as she said:

“Ookay, well we gonna spend the whole day driving in circles ooor?”

Lucas grit his teeth, really trying his all not to full on yell at her that it was her infuriating and immature behavior why they were lost in the first place.

“There's a map of the city in the glove box but I can't reach it from here. Have to pull over somewhere and get it out,” he explained instead. Max popped another gum bubble before saying:

“Okay and are you insisting on keeping driving?”

“Yeah, it's my car? What are you trying to say?” Lucas asked, pulling up onto a curb.

“Nothing, just asking,” Max said with an eye roll, opening the car door and jumping out the second the car stopped.

“The hell are you doing?” Lucas asked as she climbed on the passenger seat, popping open the glove box.

“Reading the map? I'd like to get to Chicago before Christmas,” she said, spreading open the map with an obnoxious crinkle of the paper.

“Sooo we're over here now, right? On the corner of Sagamore and Salisbury?” she asked, focusing on the map.

“Yeah, and we have to get to the highway,” Lucas said, gripping onto the steering wheel.

“Okay well it's just few miles that way and then a left turn,” Max said, running her index finger along the markings on the map.

“No, I'm pretty sure it's right?” Lucas said, furrowing his brow. He had looked at the map before they’d left.

“Well you also got us lost so…” Max commented, accentuating her infuriating tone with a pop of a gum bubble.

“No I know which way the highway is, but just don't know at what point to turn. You probably have the map upside down,” Lucas commented.

“Of course it's the right side up. Do you seriously think I'm that stupid?” Max exclaimed and Lucas shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” she asked, her voice rising in pitch, her eyes wide.

“Just tell me where to turn now, okay! I really don't wanna spend all day in this car,” he all but yelled. He just wanted to get out of all this.

“Left!” Max yelled back and he flicked on the turn signal way more aggressively than was necessary and drove away again.

 

They were silent, the tape that had been playing had ran through and if the air had been suffocating and filled with anger and annoyance earlier, now it was practically crackling with it. They neared the intersection with signs for the highway and he couldn't help the malicious glee rising in him.

“See? Right,” he said with a scoff, pointing at the signs.

“Oh my god why do you have to be so insufferable about this?” Max snapped at him, crumbling the map in her hands as he made the turn, accelerating as they joined the highway.

“Oh, _I'm_ being insufferable?” Lucas answered, his voice sarcastic and rising in pitch.

“Yeah, you are! It's just a stupid map, why do you have to act so righteous and ‘better than you’ all the time?” Max asked, furious as she stuffed the crumpled up map back into the glove box.

“Well maybe if you weren't acting like some kid with a temper tantrum I could focus on the driving better!” Lucas said, switching lanes again to pass the SUV in front of them. He needed this little road trip to be over as soon as possible.

“So it's my fault you got lost?”

“Yes, it is!”

“I can't believe you right now,” Max sighed, rubbing her temples.

“You really are as stupid as I thought!”

“How the hell am I the stupid one here? You were the one to misread the map and act like some immature kid!” Lucas pointed out.

“Immature?” Max asked, her eyebrows rising comically high as she turned to give him a look.

“I'm pretty sure I'm acting far more mature than you've been lately!”

“What? So giving you a ride, a place to stay, inviting you to join a dinner with my family, those aren't mature things to do?” Lucas asked, settling back onto the right lane.

“Not if you are lying to me while doing it!”

“What are you talking about? I haven't lied…”

“Oh, well my immature ears might've misheard then, all the talk over dinner about that amazingly smart and beautiful girlfriend of yours? You know, the one you’ve been hiding from me?” Max said, her voice rising in pitch.

 

“Wait, wait. Is that what this is about? Seriously?” Lucas asked, letting out something resembling a laugh. He couldn’t believe her right now.

“Cause if you don't recall, _you_ were the one to break up with _me_. Why would I have to feel guilty about dating someone?”

“Of course you shouldn't, that's not what I'm saying! But why the hell didn't you tell me? Then I could've been prepared for the interrogation from your family!” Max said, throwing her hands up.

“We didn't speak for four years! Why would I need to feel responsible to you and tell you about the details of my love life? Would you’ve wanted me to send you a card or something?” Lucas asked and as Max didn’t say anything, crossing her arms and looking out the window, her face surly, he continued:

“All I knew you were down in California hooking up with surfer guys left and right!”

“Oh so is that why you think I broke up with you? So I could sleep around or something?” she asked, looking back over at him, a tinge of hurt in her voice which Lucas was too mad to acknowledge right now. He didn't say anything, lifting his hands. It's not like that thought had never crossed his mind during the past years, when he was being particularly bitter and mad about the breakup.

“Oh my god, seriously? Is that what you thought of me? And then you felt the need to get back at those imaginary surfer guys by dating a girl your family would love and bring her home for Thanksgiving just to get back at me cause you knew that's always been a sore spot for me!” she exclaimed, the hurt now clear in her voice.

“Shit, Max! Not everything I do has to do with you! I don’t base my life decisions on how to ‘get back at you’! What do you mean?” Lucas all but groaned.

“Oh come on! How could you not see how much of a slap to the face that looks to me?”

“I don't get..” Lucas started but Max turned to face him better, cutting him off:

“We were together for five years. Five! And how many Thanksgiving dinners did I spend with your family?” she asked, her eyes wide as she stared at him. He knit his brow, glancing over at her as she waited for him to answer.

“Wait, how does that have to do with..?”

“None! Zero! And then you date this girl for a few months and you're already bringing her home to meet your whole extended family! And they really loved her, I could tell! And I don't blame them, she sounds lovely!” Max concluded, her words of compliment contrasting with how she yelled, her face getting all red.

“So that's what this is about? The fact that I never invented you over for Thanksgiving?” Lucas asked, feeling beyond confused. Max didn't say anything, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest and staring forward at the road.

“Max, we were in high school. You had Thanksgiving with your family, I had it with mine. And besides, you were over at my house all the time, I don't know how it would be any different if we were having turkey or not?”

“Well maybe, but still. Not one Christmas, a family reunion, a birthday, anything?”

“Oh come on, there must've been a couple of times when…” Lucas pressed, trying to come up with an example but his sentence trailed off as he couldn’t come up with anything. But there was no way he was gonna give her the satisfaction of being right.

“Well that's just because most of my family lived in Georgia back then, I didn't get to see them that much either. And I didn't spend much time with your family either so I guessed you preferred to not…”

“Yeah but that's a completely different situation! I had Billy, and Neil, and all their racist and offensive bullshit. I was protecting you from having to deal with it!” Max exclaimed, throwing her hands up.

“What? You didn't need to protect me!” Lucas argued, his brow knitting.

“Oh have you forgotten the time Billy almost killed you, huh? There was no way I was gonna let anything like that happen. Ever!” Max yelled back, glancing over at him for a second, her eyes mad, intense, but also...scared?  

She turned to look out the window again and Lucas blinked for a second, having to pause. Max always acted so brave towards her horrible stepbrother and step-dad, he had no idea she was doing any of this.

“But your family welcomed me in, and they have always been so nice to me. And the way you always talk about your extended family too, it's clear how close you all are. And you never bringing me to meet them… It really made me feel like you were… embarrassed of me or something,” Max continued staring out the window, her words coming out in a mumble, far from her yelling tone earlier.

“What? Why?”

“Oh come on Lucas. I know I can come across as crass, and I'm not as nice and hospitable as your mom, I'm not as girly as Erica, I'm not…” she didn't finish her sentence, vaguely gesturing over herself with her hand. Lucas furrowed his brow.

“Okay hold up, you think this is a race thing?” Lucas asked, and if he had been confused before, he was even more now. Where was this coming from?

“Well I know Stephanie is black too. I bumped into Mary Ann Lawson at Melwald’s on Saturday. She'd seen you guys in town last year,” Max said, her voice barely audible and she still wasn’t looking at him.

“Since when has she been a reliable source of information? Why didn't you ask me about it? Check if she was right?” Lucas asked, trying to rack his brain for a time last year when he and Stephanie had been in town together. There was that one time they had done a quick run to buy some batteries? Maybe that’s when Mary Ann had seen them?

“Well I wanted to ask you about a lot of things after I got back to your house that night but like you know, there really wasn't any time,” Max snapped, whipping her head to look at him.

“I already said I was sorry about it, I didn't know my cousins would be coming over that night. I tried to schedule it so that you would be at Dustin's when they were visiting,” Lucas explained, frustrated, defensively lifting up his hand that wasn’t holding onto the steering wheel.

“And do you think that makes me feel any better for thinking you are embarrassed of me meeting them?” Max asked, back with the low mumbled tone, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I don't understand what you mean! You surely didn't look like you wanted to be at the dinner and then you all out stormed out, which I had to explain to everyone by the way, so thanks for that,” Lucas said, letting out a dry laugh which he knew wasn’t the nicest thing to do but he didn’t really care right now.

“If the situation was different I would've loved to have dinner with your cousins!” Max exclaimed, running her hands over her face in frustration.

“But don't you understand how difficult of a situation it put me in? Of course I wanted to meet them and I wanted to make a good impression on them and be a good guest at your house. But at the same time I knew that the odds were already stacked against me from the start. They didn't know me, all they had were second hand accounts from you or Erica or your parents, and they quite understandably had me in their heads as a cruel and selfish girl who ruined your life.”

“Oh so it was a difficult situation for you, huh? Well I'm sorry, cause this whole weekend has been an absolute breeze for me! My family looks at me like I'm stupid, or have false hopes and I feel I have to justify myself and this whole arrangement time and time again. And it's exhausting, constantly needing to explain how we have changed, we have grown, how it's different now. But after the dinner, after this -” he paused, shaking his head just slightly, his eyes trained on the tail lights of the car in front of them.

“- I'm really not sure if that's the case.”

 

They were silent for a moment before Max spoke.

“There was no reason for you to need to do any of that. You didn't need to have me stay over, or share the apartment. I didn't force you to do any of this,” she pointed out, her voice level and affectless, and Lucas felt a pang of sharp pain in his chest. Because she was right. He hated to admit it but she was. He could've said no and that would've been that. But he hadn't. Why? He felt a flood of cold anger wash over him.

“But still you asked. Why did you do it? I'm sure you know from El how much of a wreck I was after you left, how much you hurt me. But you still asked, you had the nerve to do it and take advantage of me even though you knew how hurt I was. How dare you do that to me?” Lucas said, the last of his words coming out as almost a snarl, the anger seeping into every single syllable. These were thoughts that he had had in the back of his mind for months now and here he was, finally letting them come out. She was always complaining that he was too nice. Well, there. Max kept her eyes forward, her lips pursed into a tight line as she seemed to curl into herself. She blinked her eyes and if it weren't for the anger and raw honesty coursing through him right now, Lucas would've stopped to wonder if there were tears in them.

“I'm sorry, I…” she started, her voice quiet but Lucas just couldn't continue this conversation anymore.

“When we get back, I think it would be best if you would find somewhere else to stay for the last couple of weeks,” he said, clearly and matter-of-factly.

“Okay,” Max said simply, a sense of empty resignation in her voice.

“Okay,” Lucas echoed with a nod, training his eyes onto the horizon, on the grey rain clouds hanging close to the ground. They sat in silence, the air around them cleared by their words but feeling so heavy now. They were both exhausted.

“At the next rest stop, can you pull over? I think I should go sit at the back,” Max asked, her voice quiet and exhausted, defeated and Lucas nodded. It would probably be best. They still had two hours left to go and he couldn't look at her right now.

 

_\--------------------------------_

_December 2nd 1993_

Max groaned as she pushed her chair away from her desk. Her first real article was due by the end of the week and she was determined to make it a good one, to show the editors and her boss what she could do, how much she had improved during the past few months. That she had what it took to be a real journalist. But her mind really wasn't in the best place to write. Not after the disaster that had been the Thanksgiving weekend. So she looked away from her computer screen, looking out the window of the office. It had been four days since they'd gotten back to Chicago and she was still feeling just as shitty. She had only gotten hold of El late Sunday night as she had spent the day with Mike and Will and her parents. As soon as she called around ten at night, Max had quickly grabbed the most of her things and left to stay at her and Mike's. And she hadn't been back at the apartment since.

 

She felt horrible, not for herself, but because of herself. Lucas was right, she had been immature, she had been rash and judgmental and after everything he had done for her as well. He had finally been honest with her, told her how much she had actually hurt him and it made a pit open up in her stomach. It forced her to confront and actually acknowledge her actions. She knew asking him to have her in his apartment, to help her out and offer his home to her had been wrong. But she had justified it because they were both adults, she had given him the opportunity to say no, if he hadn't she wasn't responsible for it.

 

“ _But you still asked, you had the nerve to do it and take advantage of me even though you knew how hurt I was. How dare you do that to me?”_ His words from the fight kept surfacing in her mind, playing there over and over and making her feel so terrible and guilty she felt sick. And it was the tone in which he said them too. He had been yelling earlier in the fight, snapping at her, but when he said those words he wasn't shouting them. His voice was level and cold and furious and so hurt and it had stopped her right in her tracks. She had been in full arguing mode, ready to shoot an insult his way but the way he spoke, how right he was and the utter disappointment and hurt in his voice made her freeze, every word a knife stab in her chest. Because he was right. How had she dared to do it? She had known it wasn't fair to ask all that from him, to force him to make that decision. She had heard it in his voice on the phone the first time she had called him. But she had chosen to ignore it, chosen to pretend she hadn't noticed it, to pretend it really was possible to start with a clean slate. She had been desperate, and a little scared to move into a new city all by herself and deep down she knew Lucas would agree to share the apartment. He was too kind not to. And it was selfish as hell. She had been selfish and taken him for granted and she felt so, so horrible about it.

 

So when he had told her it would be best for her to find some other place to stay for the last three weeks in the city, she had agreed right away. She had spent the last four nights on Mike and El's couch, and even though El kept telling her it was okay, they didn't mind and she was welcome to stay for the whole three weeks, Max couldn't help the immense guilt she felt in her stomach when she lied awake on the couch at night, looking up at the ceiling and listening to the rattle of the train passing by. Here she was again, moving from taking advantage of one friend to the next and using their friendliness and generosity to fix her problems. She hadn't really spoken to neither El or Mike about what had happened, though El had asked multiple times. But Max had seen the way Mike would look at her when he thought she wasn't looking, and though he pretended not to care, maintaining that both Lucas and Max were his friends and he wasn't taking any sides in this, she knew he wasn't thrilled with all this. And how could she blame him? He and Lucas had been best friends for forever, of course he would want the best for him in this situation. Shit, Max had never let herself think about it, but he had probably been one of the first people Lucas had told about the breakup. She knew the two of them had talked about relationship stuff when they were in high school, she and El had too, so Mike had probably been there for Lucas after the breakup, actually been there for him while she was busy flying away and purposefully forgetting him. And now he had to welcome her to stay on his couch, to pretend he was completely fine with her messing up the life of his best friend once again and not do anything about it. And she felt sick again, and guilty. So guilty.

“Not going out for lunch?” Max jumped, the words of her co-worker Mark from the next cubicle over dragging her back into reality.

“Oh, not today. I've got my own,” she said, cocking her head towards her packed lunch - an apple, a ham and cheese sandwich and a protein bar - sitting on her table. Mark nodded, pulling on his coat and leaving the office with a short wave. And with him gone Max was pretty much the only one left, though she could hear someone working in the copy room. She sighed, rolling her chair over to her briefcase and taking out the stack of today's newspapers she had grabbed on the way to work that morning. Picking up the bright red apple and taking a bite she spread the first paper on her desk, going through it to the classifieds section. She had spent hours during the past three days pouring over listings for apartments for lease, for notices about someone looking for roommates, anything really. She had called dozens of numbers but understandably people weren’t super keen on renting out an apartment for someone who was only going to be there for three weeks.

 

Finding the right page, Max took another bite of the apple and leaned her elbow on the table, running her index finger along the text on the page. Most of the notices where the same as she’d seen before, a super expensive three-bedroom apartment uptown, a studio in the area Dustin lived in that she had called about the day before and gotten a no from the landlord. She’d also gotten a no about the studio on the lakefront and in Pilsen, and from a girl looking for a roommate. But there were a couple of new notices and she took out her notebook, starting to scribble down addresses and phone numbers she would call after work.

“Have any luck yet?” Max heard behind her as Angie, her co-worker from two cubicles over came in, carrying a coffee and a sandwich from the deli down the street. Max had spent the last two lunch breaks going through the notices and she had caught on.

“Did you hear back from that place in Hyde Park” Angie asked, taking off her plaid scarf as she walked over to her desk, setting down her lunch.

“No, but I'm going to call again today. Along with couple of these places,” Max answered, tapping her pen at the couple of new notices she had circled. Angie nodded, tearing open the wrapping of her sandwich and taking a bite, leaning over Max's shoulder to peer at the paper. On her first day at the office, her boss had assigned Angie to show Max the ropes. Angie was relatively new at the paper too, she was about five years older than Max and had worked there for about two years now, working in the sports section. Taking another bite of her sandwich, Angie straightened her back and stepped away, saying:

“Well if you don’t have any luck with those, I think my boyfriend mentioned his sister’s roommate just moved out. So I can ask about that and see if she’s looking for a new one?” she pointed out, going over to her desk to pick up her coffee cup.

“Really?” Max asked, her eyes wide. And right after she had, she felt a pang in her chest. Here she was again, taking advantage of other people’s kindness and using them.

“Yeah! I mean he just mentioned it briefly so I’m not sure what’s the deal with it exactly, but I can ask about it tonight,” Angie said, taking a big sip of her coffee.

“Well I’ll try all of these firsts and hope one of them works out. But if that’s not the case… I’d really appreciate it. If it’s not too much trouble,” Max said, picking at the skin of the apple, feeling awkward all of a sudden. Who was she to ask Angie for favors, after all the help she had given her over the past few months.

“Oh it’s no problem. And remember I’m not guaranteeing anything yet, but I’ll ask if it would work out. She lives somewhere up north I think,” Angie explained, sitting down and continuing to eat her lunch, kicking off her winter boots and turning around restlessly in her swivel chair. She reminded Max of Mike in that way, she could never stay still, always fidgeting with something and moving around, anxious for something to do.

“So, how’s the big story coming along? It’s for Sunday, right?” she asked after a while and Max threw the core of her apple into the trash bin, looking over at the way too empty page on her computer screen.

“I mean it’s getting there, still needs a lot of work though, this whole apartment hunting thing has me so distracted,” she exclaimed with a sigh, stretching her neck, achy from the hard mattress of the pull-out couch.

“I understand. But you’ll pull through and do a great job on it, I’m sure of it!” Angie said.

“Yeah?” Max asked tentatively, her teeth grit.

“Oh for sure! I’m telling you, you’re way better than I was when I was your age. Though my first internship was a joke, spent the whole time making coffee and correcting typos. It’s great that they’re letting you actually write something for real,” Angie said and a smile crept on Max’s face after the compliment. She really was happy with the internship, she had gotten to see the realities of day to day newspaper life and had gotten so much more motivation to finish up her degree the next spring. If the rest of the fall would go terribly and cause her friendship to Lucas to break apart for good, she could at least be proud of her work. And she was going to finish off the article, see it published in an actual newspaper and then hoard dozens of copies she would send her mom and dad and grandparents and professors. She would be a real reporter. But first she would need to find an apartment and leave Lucas be, just like she should’ve done in the first place.

 

  _\--------------------------------_

 

Lucas closed the door to the apartment behind him, sighing in relief after a long day of classes, labs and working on assignments at the library. He kicked off his shoes, not wanting to drag in the mud from the wet and rainy streets outside and went over to set down the plastic bag with the take-out food on the kitchen counter. He had finally run out of the Thanksgiving leftovers his mom had given him and he really needed something other than turkey or pie to eat. He shrugged of his coat and picked up the phone, seeing a blinking light of a new message in the answering machine. He set the phone on his ear, ready to listen to the message as he went to hang up his coat.

“Hi honey!” his mom’s voice sounded from the tape as he walked over to the kitchen, listening to the rest of the message.

“Just called to ask how the drive up went and if you got there safely? Oh and I’ve got an idea for a Christmas present for your father I’d like you to weigh in on! So call me back when you get back from school! Love you, bye!”

Lucas set the phone back onto its dock, deciding to call her back after having dinner. Stretching his neck strained after hours of studying at the library, Lucas started to silently unload the styrofoam containers from the plastic bag, walking around the small kitchen to get utensils and grabbing a can of Coke from the fridge. He settled to sit at the kitchen counter and started eating, listening to the wind outside rattle against the living room windows. Other than that, there was complete silence in the apartment, just the fridge humming on and the drum of a washing machine sounding from an apartment next door. And Lucas really tried to convince himself that he didn’t mind, like the silence wasn’t driving him crazy, making him feel isolated and restless. But he couldn’t help it. Ever since moving up to Chicago he had never actually lived alone before; he’d first lived at the dorms and then he’d shared the apartment with Mike and then for the last couple of months… Lucas groaned, getting up and bringing his plate over to the living room, plopping down on the old couch and turning on the tv to just get something else to focus on. There was an X-Files rerun on and he groaned again, flipping over to another channel which had some sitcom on it. Why was everything reminding him of her now? The shows on tv, the bottles of shampoo and lotion and stuff she had left behind on the bathroom counter when she had hurriedly left the apartment on Sunday night, the yogurt with a yellow sticky note with “Don’t even think about it, Sinclair!” on it that was in the fridge, and especially the closed door to her bedroom that he hadn’t dared to even go close to since she had left. He had been the one to tell her to leave, and he still thought it was for the best. But sharing the apartment with her for the past couple of months, just having her presence there and them learning to know each other again… it had left a bigger impact on him that he had thought. And her suddenly and abruptly being gone now - it felt a lot weirder than he had imagined it would.

Lucas continued eating, passively watching the sitcom on tv but his thoughts were once again on her. Because he was still mad at her. He had made excuses for her for months, explained time and time again to himself, his family, the party, that she had no ulterior motives, that it wasn’t like what it looked like, that she wasn’t taking advantage of him. But it turned out to be exactly what it had looked like. And he felt so incredibly stupid for believing otherwise. He was supposed to be smart, sensible, the skeptic. And if it had been anyone else, he would’ve seen through them immediately. But with Max… it’d always been different when it came to her. And he’d really thought he’d gotten over it, that he didn’t have that soft spot for her anymore. But he did, and she had known it and taken advantage of it and he had been naive and tried to deny it. But he was done doing that. Done pretending things were any different than they had been on that June Saturday when she had called him out of the blue just before their planned movie date and broken his heart.

So yeah, he was mad at her. But as he finished his dinner and the sitcom went to commercials, Lucas sighed, throwing his head back to look up at the ceiling, as there was still this nagging feeling deep in the back of his mind that wouldn’t go away. The feeling of how empty the apartment now felt, how he wanted to tell her about a funny thing one of his assignment group members had said earlier, how he wanted to ask her how her article was coming along. Because despite everything that had happened, all the years that had passed, it was just so easy to talk to her, so natural, so simple. And having her sharing the apartment with him for the past couple of months… maybe it didn’t make him feel closer to Hawkins per se, but closer to something more abstract, familiar, safe, comforting; despite the awkwardness of it all. And he missed her. It had been four days and already he missed her. He wanted to sit down with her and talk to her. Talk everything through with her, no more avoiding and changing the topic. He was done being angry at her, he just wanted to ask her questions he had mulled over in his mind since he was eighteen, and he really didn’t care what the answers for those questions would be, and where they would lead the two of them. But he needed them to finally be honest with each other.

Lucas got up, setting his empty plate on the coffee table and walked back over to the phone. Maybe he should call Mike and El's. He knew Max was staying there but he hadn't called them yet, he didn't want to risk her answering the phone, but he figured it was high time he called to ask them if they were okay with her there. He picked up the phone and started to dial the number, but before he got through the numbers, he jumped a bit as the phone started to ring in his hand, his home number on the screen. Looked like his mom was anxious to hear his opinion on that Christmas present. So he accepted the call and brought the phone up to his ear.

“Hi Mom! Sorry I didn't call you back yet, I just got back and finished dinner and… What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey the new chapter is finally here! Sorry for the long wait, but I hope you like it! There's a lot a dialogue in this one so it took me a while to write, but I had a fun time writing the argument, I hadn't written a proper one in such a long time. But yeah, let me know what you thought, and don't worry, I'll try to get the next chapter out pretty soon! Meanwhile you can find me on Tumblr @summer-in-hawkins. :)


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a call bearing bad news, disagreements have to be put aside. It's time for Max to be the one with a plan.

Max cursed under her breath, rummaging through the contents of her bag, looking for the key to the apartment among the candy wrappers and loose papers and change. Her afternoon really hadn't gone great. After leaving work, she had called four apartment notices, and gotten a straight up no from three of them. Then she'd taken the city train over to Kenwood to look at one place, but the landlord there said she would have to pay a two month’s rent as a deposit plus another month's rent for December even though she would only be staying for little over two weeks. So that had been a dead end too. And on her way out of the city to Mike and El's, she had remembered she had left some of her research notes for her article at Lucas's apartment and had needed to transfer trains to go and get them. So here she was, at the front door of the red-brick apartment building, trying to find the key she still knew she had, while at the same time trying to figure out what to say to Lucas. He was probably at home, it was around eight and he was usually home from the library by now. She felt so stupid for not remembering to call him from work to let him know she was coming to pick up her stuff; it would've probably gone to voicemail then and he wouldn't be freaked out by her suddenly barging into his apartment.

 

Finally finding the key, Max opened the door and walked up the flights of stairs, mumbling to herself, trying to form something polite but neutral to say. She stopped in front of the door, catching her breath after the climb, figuring she should probably ring the doorbell. He hated her already, he didn't need her giving him a heart attack by bursting into the apartment from out of the blue. Max took a breath, anxiously switching her briefcase from one hand to the other as she readied herself. Maybe she could survive without those papers, she could try and remember those numbers and stats on them, right? She could just leave and… “No running this time” a determined voice in her head cut in and she steeled herself, ringing the doorbell. She stepped back from the door a bit, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. The seconds ticked on and there were no sounds from behind the door. Maybe he wasn't home? She rang the doorbell again, leaning closer to the door to listen for steps inside. If she wasn't hearing wrong, she was pretty sure there was a sound of the TV coming from behind the door. Maybe he was in the bathroom? Max sighed, trying to decide what to do. She had the key but didn't want to intrude, especially if he was taking a shower or something - her sneaking around in the apartment while he was in the bathroom was not what their situation needed right now. But then again, it was getting late and she didn't want El to worry, she hadn't been able to call her either about needing to swing by Lucas's and she should've been over at her and Mike's apartment by now. Figuring she was out of options, Max took out the key and slowly cracked open the door.

 

“Lucas? Are you home?” she called out, trying to get his attention even if he was in the other room. She peeked her head in, continuing:

“I'm sorry for barging in like this, I just really need to grab some stuff for work, and then I'll be out and…” Her sentence trailed off as she looked over the room and saw that Lucas was home, standing over by the kitchen counter, his back to her, a phone on his ear.

“Lucas?” she called out again, a little quieter this time, a terrible sense of dread settling into the pit of her stomach. Something wasn't right. His grip around the phone was tense, and she was pretty sure his hand was shaking. He still wasn't moving, and Max shut the door behind her, dropping her bag and making her way to him, almost tip toeing, careful not to startle him.

“Hey, is everything okay?” she asked, her voice soft and careful as she turned to stand in front of him. He was standing still, his eyes huge, glassy, as he slowly blinked, opening and closing his mouth as if trying to say something, to understand something. Max could hear a muffled tinny voice coming from the phone he was gripping in his hand, and she drew in a startled breath.

“Who’s on the phone? What happened? Lucas, please tell me what’s going on!” she asked, feeling her heart starting to beat rapidly as she instinctively reached to set her hand on his arm. That seemed to snap him awake as he blinked his eyes, swaying in place a bit and looking at her properly for the first time since she came in. And her heart dropped down through her stomach as she did. He looked so scared.

“It’s my mom… Erica, something happened with Erica.”

 

“What? What did she say about Erica? What…?” Max asked, her voice rising as confusion and shock coursed through her. Lucas continued to helplessly open and close his mouth, panic clear in his eyes as he looked at her. The voice from the phone started to get a bit more frantic and Max focused on it.

“Do you..?” she asked, nodding over at the phone. Lucas seemed to just realize he was still holding it and took it off from his ear, handing it over to her, still dazed. Max knit her brow, unsure as she looked from the phone to his face. But before she could ask if he was sure, Lucas’s mom’s frantic calls for her son from the line convinced her to lift the phone up to her ear.

“Hello? Mrs. Sinclair?” she asked, tentative and worried.

“Max? Is that you? Where’s Lucas? Is he okay?” Mrs. Sinclair asked back, her voice agitated. Max looked at Lucas who had walked to the couch and was now sitting down with his head in his hands. She hadn’t seen him so tense and worried in almost ten year now, not since the times they had battled interdimensional powers together.

“Yes, it’s me. And Lucas is here, he just… Got a little overwhelmed I guess,” Max answered and there was a relieved sigh from Mrs. Sinclair.

“Oh thank goodness. He just didn’t answer and I got so worried.”

“What’s going on? Lucas said that something happened with Erica?” Max asked, now being the one to grip the phone tightly in her hand.

“We just got a call, there was a collision between a truck and a city bus Erica was on and she’s been taken to the hospital in Lafayette,” Mrs. Sinclair said, her voice tense, clearly trying her best to sound calm. Max felt her stomach drop.

“Oh my god, is she okay?”

“She just got to the hospital so the details aren’t there yet but apparently she has broken ribs, and maybe her arm…” Mrs. Sinclair listed, her voice getting more frantic and unstable as she spoke and Max felt she needed to say something to stop her from derailing.

“When did it happen?”

“We just got the call from the hospital, we’ll be leaving for Lafayette as soon as we get off the phone.”

“Okay. What would you like us to do?” Max asked, her whole body thrumming with an urge to help, to do something.

“Could you come to the hospital, I think Lucas would… If he’s up for it?” Mrs. Sinclair asked with worry in her voice.

“Yes, of course. I’ll make sure we get there as soon as possible. What’s the address?” Max asked, going to rummage through a kitchen drawer for a pen and paper. Mrs. Sinclair gave her the address and Max wrote it down, glancing over at Lucas who had gotten up and was now pacing across the small space of the living room, running his hands over his face and hair.

“Okay, got the address, we'll be on our way as soon as possible. And I won't hold you up any more, we'll see you there,” Max assured Mrs. Sinclair.

“Alright, please drive safely and… please look after Lucas, make sure he's okay,” Mrs. Sinclair said and Max looked over at Lucas who was standing in the middle of the room, looking stranded and helpless, his jaw tense and his eyes glassy and his hands restlessly fisting and unfisting. She decided then that however much he hated her right now, she would hate herself ten times more if she would let him down. She would not run away from this. It was the least she owed him.

“I will,” Max simply answered and she could hear Mrs. Sinclair let out a sigh.

“Thank you, Max. Please tell him I love him. And we'll see you both soon. Bye for now!” And with that the call ended and Max lowered the phone from her ear, looking at it for a second as she calmed her breathing a bit, settling into the reality of what was going on and what they were about to do. She looked up at Lucas, instinctively looking to him for a game-plan, but his gaze was scared, unsure and defeated, nothing like he’s usual determined and calm demeanor. And she realized she needed to be the strong one with the plan now.

“What did she say? Is Erica…” he asked, his voice broken, still in shock.

“As far as we know, she's fine. There was an accident with a bus she was on and she's in the hospital. Your parents are on their way there now and I promised we'd go there right away,” Max explained, trying to keep her voice calm and clear, pushing down the panic and uncertainty rising in her.

“Now? But it's late, and how can we even get there?” Lucas asked, the panic Max tried hard to hide, clear on his face, his voice getting high-pitched and terrified.

“Your mom's car’s still here, right? We can take that, and she gave me the hospital's address and you've got the map in the car, remember?”

“Okay, but… I can't drive, I can't, I'm too…” he insisted, looking down at his hands that were still shaking.

“I'll drive you, and if we leave now, we should be there in two hours,” Max said, looking down at her watch and her brain going on full planning mode, trying to remember if she had a pair of boots still here she could switch her work heels into for the drive.

“Wait, you will? But we…” Lucas asked, the panic on his face surpassed for a second by confusion.

“Of course I will drive you! That's not even a question right now. I promised your mom I'll make you get there safely and I'm not about to break that promise. I'm not going anywhere,” Max assured him, her eyes determined as they held his gaze.

“But you should probably pack an overnight bag, and I need to change and call El and Mike to tell that we're leaving town.”

Lucas just nodded, still a bit dazed and Max didn't wait for him to come to, dialing El and Mike's number on the phone. Fifteen minutes later they were ready to go, Max had changed out of her office clothes and Lucas had a backpack with him, and so they headed out into the dark and windy winter night.

 

Neither of them spoke as they made their way out of the city and towards the highway. The wet pavement of the roads gleamed stark yellow in the light of the street lights, leading a glowing path for them through the pitch-black night. Max felt urgency coursing through her veins, as she tried to drive as quickly as possible to get them to Lafayette as soon as they could. When merging from the ramp onto the highway, she was a bit less cautious than usual, knowing she would be able to make it before the oncoming car, it would just be a tighter fit than she usually liked. Lucas had been quiet and fidgety for the whole drive but when she accelerated and drove onto the highway right in front of the car, he yelped out, grasping onto the handle above the window with one hand and onto her arm with the other.

“Sorry! Just wanted to be as quick as possible, I knew I was gonna make it fine,” Max apologized, worrying if she had been too reckless as she glanced over at Lucas.

“I know but… with Erica… I couldn't, just couldn't have anything else happen. My mom, she would…” he started to stammer, his voice strained and broken and Max realized that through everything that had happened in the eternity that was the last 45 minutes, he had not yet shed a single tear. But now they were gleaming in his eyes, illuminated by the harsh yellow of the streetlights and she felt her heart break into a million sharp pieces.

“I'm sorry, I'll be more careful. We'll be fine, okay,” Max said, having to focus everything she had in her to not start crying too as she saw Lucas let out a shuddering breath, closing his eyes as the first tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Hey, hey,” she continued, fighting the constricting feeling in her throat, reaching out her hand to hold onto his in reassurance.

“Your mom told me to say that she loves you, and she asked me to get you to her safely. And that's what I'm planning on doing. We'll be fine, Erica will be fine.” Lucas nodded shortly, letting out another watery breath as he squeezed her hand. And he didn't let go of it as they quietly speeded onwards, crossing the state line and heading towards Lafayette. Max maneuvered the car with one hand, which was pretty easy on the long straight stretch of highway. She didn’t dare to let go of his hand, and not for her own sake. She knew he needed someone there, someone to help him hold onto the present and stop his thoughts from spiraling. It was what he had done for her so many times when they were younger, driving aimlessly along quiet back roads when Max just needed to get away from her house. He had always been there, sitting on the passenger’s seat, holding her hand in silence or making her laugh by telling stupid jokes or singing along to the radio. Now it was her turn.

Every once in a while Max glanced at him from the corner of her eye, not sure if she should say something. But she decided against it, the silence in the car was filled enough by the dread and urgency hanging in the air as time seemed to pass too quickly and too slowly at the same time. Lucas kept on checking his watch and Max did the same, the bright red digits on the car dashboard screen telling her they’d been on the road for an hour, and then two.

The traffic was pretty light and before they knew it, they passed a sign for the Lafayette exit. Max cleared her throat, trying to not make it a big deal as she pulled her hand away from his to flick on the turn signal.

“We should get off here, right?” she asked, getting Lucas’s focus back from where he had just been staring out the passenger’s side window.

“Um, yes, I guess so. I’ll check the map,” he replied, a facade of calm and collected in his voice, but she could sense he was still understandably anxious and worried underneath.

“Yeah, the note with the address is...right here,” Max said, pulling the crumpled-up piece of yellow paper from her pocket and handing it over.

“Thanks,” Lucas said, taking it and getting the map out from the glove box, turning on the light above their heads. He folded the map open with some difficulty and Max bit her lip, seeing the rips and crinkles in it she had caused the last time they’d been in this car. She was mentally hitting herself for being so immature and spiteful, arguing about petty things like directions and rumpling the map in her fists after being wrong. Merging onto the ramp and driving up it, she wondered if this was a good time to apologize. But she didn’t want to trouble Lucas with something like that when he already had so much on his mind.

“Okay, turn right here, and then left after about a mile. The hospital is pretty close,” Lucas guided her, his eyes focusing on the map, and Max could see his fingers gripping tightly onto the paper, his adam’s apple bobbing as he pursed his mouth into a tight line. And as she followed his instructions, she imagined she could feel the same thing too. Or at least a fraction of the dread, anxiety and fear he was probably feeling right now.

 

“Oh there’s a sign for it, see?” Max pointed out, trying her best to help him out as she slowed the car into an intersection with a sign for the hospital. They turned right and soon they could see the tall grey concrete and glass buildings of the hospital looming ahead in the darkness. Lucas let out a long breath, trying to steady himself as he set down the map.

“Are you… ready to go in?” Max asked, looking over at him as he ran his hands over his face. She had almost asked if he was okay, but decided against it for now. Because whether he was okay or not, here they were.

“I guess. I just keep thinking…” he started, his eyes starting to get glassy again as they drove on.

“It’s been hours now, so many things could’ve happened, and we wouldn’t know. What if…” he continued, panic rising onto his face again.

“Your mom said Erica was doing alright, that’s all we know. And we won’t find out anything else until we get inside, so just…” Max tried to comfort him, her mouth feeling dry and her words empty as she turned onto the massive parking lot in front of the hospital. Lucas seemed to get what she was trying to say though and he nodded tensely, looking out the window, his eyes finding the hospital main entrance. There was an ambulance in front of the doors and there seemed to be no parking spots by the curb. Max drummed her fingers against the steering wheel, figuring out how to handle this.

“You can just drop me off here, I’ll just…” Lucas said, taking off his seatbelt, moving restlessly in his seat, reaching for the door handle.

“O-okay, well I’ll just go and find a parking spot then,” Max answered, pulling up onto the curb in front of the front door and the car had barely even stopped before Lucas opened the door, bursting out and pretty much running in through the front doors without looking back.

 

Max drove off and circled the parking lot for a while before finding a free spot. She turned off the engine and in the sudden silence and stillness she let out a deep breath, tightly gripping onto the steering wheel. She was so scared about what the next few minutes and hours could bring. Mrs. Sinclair had said that Erica was probably fine, and she wanted to believe her, had wanted to reassure Lucas to stop him from panicking too much. But there was still this ‘what if?’, a sense of dread that had made home in the pit of her stomach and making her feel sick. What if everything wasn’t okay? What if Erica’s condition had changed during the past two hours and they were too late, too late to… It would be all her fault, she hadn’t driven fast enough, maybe she could’ve found out the hospital phone number and stopped on the way to call from a payphone for an update? Maybe…

She lowered her head down onto the steering wheel, closing her eyes and taking a shuddering breath. She couldn’t let herself think like that. She had come this far, she needed to act this through. Lucas had left his bag in the car, she needed to bring it to him and see his mom and make sure he found her inside. And she needed to be there for him, for his family, for Erica, whatever it was that had happened. After everything they’d done for her, after her being so terrible to them the past weekend… she owed them at least that. So she took one more steadying breath, clicking off her seatbelt and got out of the car, picking up the bag and starting to walk across the cold and windy parking lot towards the hospital looming large over it.

 

The automatic doors slid open with a swooshing sound as she walked into the lobby, lit up by bright fluorescent lights. There were rows of seats to her left and a couple of vending machines and a drinking fountain to her right, with a glass-enclosed front desk and an office in front of her. There were a couple of people sitting down on the chairs, drinking coffee from cardboard cups, some flipping through magazines and some just staring ahead, their faces tired and their eyes scared and tense. There was a tv showing some kind of nature documentary and a sharp scent of disinfectant and bleach filled the air. Max wanted to turn right around and get back out the door within two seconds in the room. But she pushed on, walking across the linoleum floor, looking around, trying to figure out what she should do. She didn’t see any nurses or staff, there was no one behind the glass divider of the front desk and she had no idea if this was even the right part of the hospital. Shit, she should’ve been more specific on the phone with Mrs. Sinclair, asked her where exactly Erica had been taken to. Lucas had just run in, what if he was just running along hallways right now, trying to get to his sister? She should’ve asked him to wait, he wasn’t thinking straight right now, she had promised his mom she would get him to her alright, and now she had let him run off. She had failed them all again, she should just drive off, she was no good for them, she should’ve known she shouldn’t have even tried, when had her actions ever brought something good to them? When was she not messing everything up?

 

“Max?” Her head jerked up from where it had fallen into her hands as she had started to curl up into herself, standing in the middle of the room. She looked to her left and saw Mr. Sinclair there, at the start of a long hallway leading out of the lobby. Max blinked, her eyes scanning his face for any news.

“I… is she okay? Sorry I took so long, I hope we’re on time and…” she started, walking over to him, her steps tense and her hold on the straps of Lucas’s bag in her hand tightening.

“It’s okay, you couldn’t have driven here any faster. Erica is alright, she broke her arm and has bruised ribs but she’s fine,” Mr. Sinclair explained, the relief clear on his face. Max stood still for a second, her eyes wide and she felt a crushing weight she had been carrying ever since leaving Chicago falling off her shoulders.

“Really? Oh thank god, I’m so relieved!” she exclaimed, not really thinking clearly as she all but flung herself forward, wrapping her arms around Mr. Sinclair in a relieved hug. About a second later she realized what she was doing and pulled away, feeling an embarrassed blush creeping onto her cheeks. Mr. Sinclair looked surprised but luckily not offended as he set his hand on her shoulder, clumsily patting it.

“We all are. She truly was lucky,” he said, retracting his hand and for a moment they stood in silence, neither of them really knowing what to say.

“Well, um, Lucas left his things in the car, so I better…” Max broke the awkward silence, lifting up the backpack in her hand and Mr. Sinclair nodded.

“Yes, of course. Just walk along this hallway and turn right after the staircase, room number 14,” he instructed and explained he was going to get everyone coffee and she should go ahead without him. And Max did, her steps speeding up as she made her way along the long hallway, the urgency still hadn’t left her even though the fear and dread had. She needed to see Erica was okay with her own eyes. And she needed to see Mrs. Sinclair, to see that she was alright. And to hear she had done well.

 

Max rounded the corner and scanned the room numbers on the walls until she reached the one labeled 14. The door was open, and the room was busy with its four sectioned-off beds, nurses walking about and people sitting around beds. Maybe these were the other people that had also been insured in the accident? Max slowly walked in, passing a nurse pushing a cart, and looked over the room, trying to find the Sinclair’s. And when she did she swore her heart stopped for a second. Erica was on the bed in the corner of the room, sitting up a bit against a pile of pillows, looking tired and worn out but calm, a cast on her forearm and bandages on her forehead. She was currently rolling her eyes at Lucas who was leaning over her, tears of relief running down his cheeks and his smile wide as he held onto her other hand. And Max hadn’t let herself cry the whole night, keeping strong to help Lucas, but the relief coursing through her as she saw him let out a watery laugh as Erica reached out her healthy hand to ruffle his hair, saying “You thought you were going to get rid of me that easily? Please.”, it made all her resolve melt away and she could feel the tears rising onto her eyes. She saw Mrs. Sinclair, who was sitting on a chair next to Erica’s bed, be the first one to spot her and probably her watery eyes too, and she swiftly got up, assuring her kids she would be right back. The two of them were engrossed in conversation and didn’t look up to see her, which Max was honestly a little relieved of. She was probably starting to look like a mess.

“Oh Max, I’m so glad to see you! Did Richard tell you everything?” Mrs. Sinclair asked, getting to her and Max nodded, bringing up the sleeve of her coat to wipe at her wet eyes.

“Here, let’s step outside,” Mrs. Sinclair continued, setting a reassuring hand on Max’s back and leading her back out into the hallway. And the second they were out the room Max could feel herself break down, all the tension and worry and fear of the past hours coming out as she burst into tears, feeling Mrs. Sinclair gathering her in her arms, tenderly running her hand over her hair, whispering that it was okay, she had done so well, she was so grateful of her for getting Lucas there.

“I-I was just so scared! I just can’t bear to think of what would’ve happened if something had happened to Erica! He went into shock already now, and seeing you all like that, it would’ve just…” Max frantically spoke between sobs, Mrs. Sinclair cutting in, consoling her:

“It’s all okay now, we were so lucky, she will get better before we know it.”

“But… I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so devastated, so lost, so scared and… It’s all my fault!” Max pointed out, pulling away from the hug, truly frantic now.

“What is your fault? You did everything right, Max, you got Lucas here…” Mrs. Sinclair assured her, rubbing her arms.

“I just keep thinking, if he was anything close to this when I left him… I can’t believe I did it to him, to all of you, I…” Max let out with a ragged breath, finally forming into words the thoughts that had been swarming her brain for the last couple of hours. She was finally realizing why seeing him so inconsolable and shocked had hit her so hard. She’d never really dared to think about what he might’ve been like after she’d broken up with him, even after he’d told her how much it had hurt him. If she didn’t start to imagine it, she could pretend for her sake that it hadn’t been that bad, right? But now actually seeing him… the phone call, the bad news… there were too many similarities there and she felt horrible, absolutely horrible for being responsible for causing him to ever face something like that.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Sinclair. For everything. For leaving him and being so cruel about it, for disappearing for four years and then showing up again just to take advantage of your kindness and disrespecting your family. It was all so wrong, and I’m so, so sorry for it. I know you can’t forgive me, but...” Max spoke, her voice unsteady and hiccupy from crying as she poured her heart out, trying her all to convey just how sorry she was. Mrs. Sinclair sighed, rubbing her arm gently as she said:

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I won’t say it was easy seeing what he went through when you two…called it off. But it’s in the past, you can’t take any of it back. You’re here now, and you helped bring him here, and stood by him for this, and for that I’m so grateful for you. Thank you, Max.” And at that Max collapsed into her arms again, for the first time feeling how tired she was, how long the day had been, how much energy keeping up the appearance of calmness had taken out of her. They stood there for a while longer until Max felt all the tears now on her face and pulled back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get snot all over you,” she apologized through grit teeth, trying to wipe some away with her sleeve. Mrs. Sinclair just smiled and waved her hand dismissively, digging through her pocket for a packet of tissues and handing them over.

“Thanks,” Max said, taking one out of the packet and trying to dry her eyes.

“God, I must look like such a mess!”

“Well, it’s been a long couple of hours, it’s okay,” Mrs. Sinclair said, then continuing as she pointed farther along the hallway:

“There’s a bathroom right down the hall if you’d like to freshen up.”

“Oh great, I will,” Max replied with a nod, already starting to walk away but then remembering the backpack she was still somehow holding.

“Here, Lucas left his stuff in the car, I was coming to bring it back to him,” she said, extending the bag over to Mrs. Sinclair who took it from her, saying:

“I’ll give this to him. Take all the time you need, come see us when you’re ready, we’ll just be in here.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there,” Max replied and with a one more affectionate squeeze of her shoulder Mrs. Sinclair walked back into the room and Max started to head towards the bathroom. She needed a moment to take a breath.

 

\----------------------------------

 

Lucas was so relieved. Ever since hearing the news of the accident from his mom on the phone, it had felt like his mind was floating off somewhere, the time passing infuriatingly slowly and quickly at the same time. He didn’t have the capacity to register things happening around him, his worry for Erica taking up all the space in his brain. For the whole drive up he had just kept replaying the last time he’d seen her, how preoccupied he had been with the stupid fight, he didn’t even remember if he’d told her he loved her when he’d dropped her off at her dorm. And as they drove along the highway, he kept on thinking about all the times he’d been annoyed at her, the times they’d fought over stupid things; toys, the tv remote, rides, the last cookie. And he had kept thinking, if this really had been it, how he wished she’d known how much he cared about her. So when he had burst into the hospital lobby, frantically looking around for a nurse, his mom, anyone really, and the short nurse with a tight hair-bun had come up to him, asked for his name and then lead him along the endless bright hallway to the room Erica and his parents were in, and he had seen she was alright… He had felt all the breath that the phone call had punched out of his lungs returning to him all at once, the oxygen jumpstarting his brain and filling him with relief.

“Watch out, bruised ribs over here!” Erica had yelped out as he had dived in to hug her and he had leaned away, apologizing to her as his gaze roamed over her, the stitch and bruising on her forehead, her hospital pajamas, the bright pink cast on her left forearm. She had clearly been through quite the ordeal but she was still there; alive and breathing, a small smile forming on her face.

“I’m happy to see you, Lucas. Thanks for coming over,” Erica said, reaching her healthy right hand to lightly hold his.

“Of course I did. And you have no idea how happy I’m to see you! Shit, I was so scared for a minute there,” he replied, feeling some more tears fall, from intense relief this time.

“Yeah, me too,” Erica admitted, her voice a little more quiet and less confident as she glanced over at their mom who reached out for their clasped together hands from her seat by the bed.

“But luckily it was just a broken arm. And the left one at that! I mean, what are the chances?” Erica continued, the familiar lilt back in her voice and then she launched into a detailed explanation of what had happened in the past three hours. Lucas settled to sit on the side of the bed, focused on the story, only vaguely noticing his mom getting up and telling she would be right back.

“But yeah, I’ve barely lived here for three months and even I know that intersection is a dangerous one. Luckily no one got seriously hurt, the bus was pretty empty. But hopefully they do something to make it safer,” Erica explained and Lucas nodded in agreement, about to ask where she had been on her way to, but then his mom returned.

“Here’s your bag, Lucas,” she said, walking over and setting the backpack on the floor by his feet. He thanked her, blinking as he looked down. Oh yeah, he’d packed a bag. But where was it coming from now?

“Where did Dad go?” Erica asked as their mom sat back down on the uncomfortable looking chair.

“He went to get coffee for everyone. They gave you food, right? Or should I call a nurse?” Mom asked, already looking around the room for one.

“It’s fine, I ate just before you guys got here. Some kind of watery soup, but still counts,” Erica answered, then going to wonder if tomorrow she could have one of those tiny chocolate pudding cups they always had in hospital tv shows. Mom smiled, patting her hand and assuring her they sure could ask.

“Alright, let’s see how this stuff is,” they all turned as Dad walked over, balancing three cups of coffee in his hands.

“They’re hot at least,” he pointed out as Mom hurried to take two of the cups from him, warning him about burning his fingers. But Lucas’s attention was on the person walking behind him, holding the last two cups of coffee. Max.

“Oh hi!” Erica greeted her as she walked over, setting the cups onto the bedside table.

“Hi Erica, I’m so happy to see you!” Max replied, her voice sounding beyond relieved as she leaned over to give her a hug, careful not to squeeze her too tightly; his dad had probably warned her about the injuries.

“I’m happy to be here to be seen! Thanks for driving you guys over, and for the coffee!” Erica said, reaching for the cardboard cup just as soon as Max leaned away. Mom was by her side instantly, helping her handle the coffee cup with one hand. And then Erica was again telling the story of what had happened, but Lucas’s attention was elsewhere. Yes, of course he knew Max would be here, she had talked to his mom on the phone and driven them from Chicago. But for the whole time her presence had just been pushed to the edges of his brain by all the worry and frantic thoughts in his head. And now that the dust had settled, it was like he was seeing her for the first time. She was still wearing her heavy winter coat, her hair up in a messy ponytail after the busy day, and when he looked closer, he could see red splotches on the skin of her neck and cheeks, her eyes reddened too. Like she had been crying. But that didn't make sense. What little of her behavior he remembered from the past couple of hours, she had been calm and collected, determined to get them here. Yes, she had looked worried and tense, but she'd remained calm, at every turn trying to keep him from panicking. And suddenly he remembered her in the car, her empathetic face, her soft reassuring words and how she had reached out her hand for him to hold, to help anchor him to the present. He hadn't thought about it at the time, he had been too focused on not losing his mind, but now he realized that it had been the first time they had held hands since they were both eighteen. He turned his head down to look at his hands, trying to remember through the haze of dread and worry how it had felt to feel hers in his. As he looked back up, he saw that the cups of coffee were being distributed to everyone.

“Here, this one has milk and sugar,” Max said, picking up a cup from the table next to her and handing it over to him. He met her eyes - yeah she definitely had been crying, he could tell - and his brain was all muddled once again. There were so many things he wanted to tell her; how thankful he was of her, how much it meant for him to have her there with them now, how he wanted to make it so that she never had to cry again. But he also felt his parents’ eyes on him, saw the hospital room around them. This wasn't the time or the place for all that.

“Thank you,” he said instead, taking the cup of coffee, his gaze still steady on her blue eyes, hoping all his thoughts were enveloped into those small words. And when she looked back at him, a small, tired but sincere smile faint on her face, he hoped she had understood.

Some more chairs were brought in and they drank the hospital coffee, which turned out to be surprisingly decent. And when they all talked, in their little circle around Erica's bed, their voices getting increasingly hushed as the night crept in and more and more lights in the room were turned off, Lucas couldn't help but feel that despite the horrible circumstances, it all felt so right. Him and his little sister, his parents and Max. Like this was what it had always meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this chapter out a little quicker than I had anticipated, I hope you like it! Hope the wait wasn't too bad after the cliffhanger. Let me know how you liked it, I really appreciate your feedback and comments!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is relieved as Erica is alright after the accident, but it's getting too late for a drive back to Chicago. With a impromptu hospital sleepover Lucas and Max talk things through. And as she wakes up and heads back to the city in the morning, something has shifted for Max.

The hours passed by as they all talked, sitting around Erica’s hospital bed. But it was getting really late and eventually a nurse came in to ask everyone to let Erica get some rest. She protested at first, assuring that she wasn’t tired but Lucas could see her eyelids starting to droop as an effect or her trying day and her pain medicine. The nurse begrudgingly gave Lucas and Max permission to stay the night so that they wouldn’t have to go on a midnight drive back up to Chicago. But there was no room for them in the room Erica was staying in. So Lucas told Erica and his parents good night and took his bag and a couple of pillows the nurse had lent him, and headed out in search of some couch to sleep on. Max had left the room a few minutes before, going to trash the empty coffee cups and Lucas looked around for her. Walking along the hallway back to the lobby, he heard her voice and as he turned a corner he saw her talking on the payphone.

“Yes, everything is okay, just a broken arm. Sorry I’m just calling now, it’s… it’s been a hectic few hours,” she explained, truly sounding exhausted now, leaning onto the wall next to the phone. Lucas slowly made his way to her along the quiet hallway, not wanting to startle her as she paused to listen to whoever was on the other end of the line.

“Yes, the drive was fine, and we’re both good, um -” she paused, looking up and seeing him “- in fact Lucas is here if you wanna talk to him?” Lucas stopped next to her as she nodded, handing the phone receiver over to him, mouthing “It’s El’ as she did. Lucas took the phone and Max took a step back to hive him space.

“Hello?” he said and there was a relieved sigh from El from the line.

“Oh Lucas, I’m so glad to hear your voice! We’ve been waiting up, sick with worry!” she exclaimed and Lucas screw his eyes shut. He hadn’t even thought about that, but of course they would, after Max letting them know where they had gone.

“I’m sorry El, I should’ve called you back right as we got here, I’m sorry for keeping you guys up…” he said but El cut him off:

“No, no, it’s okay! We’re just glad to hear everything’s okay now. Are you doing alright? What about Erica, your parents?”

“We’re all good. A little shaken up, but fine. Thank you for asking,” Lucas answered, feeling a warm and comforting sense of caring fall over his tired body, reminded of how much they all cared for each other, and stood by each other.

“I’m so glad. Give them all our love! Oh, and I was going to ask Max when she’s coming back, could you please get her on the phone again?” El asked.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Lucas answered, his mouth going all dry. He hadn’t had time to even think about it before. Of course the world didn’t stop because of this. Even if he didn’t have any classes the next day, it didn’t mean that Max didn’t have her job. But while the realization dawned on him he also realized something else. He really didn’t want her to leave.

“Great. Well talk to you later, please try to get some sleep and give big hugs to Erica and your parents from us!” El wished and Lucas said he would, before handing the receiver back to Max. She took it, stepping up closer to the phone again and Lucas took a step back. She listened to El and Lucas could feel a sense of dread forming in his stomach. Maybe it was the trauma of the day, maybe it was his selfishness, he really couldn’t ask her for anything more after all she had done for him today, even after their stupid fight, after him kicking her out of the apartment. But he really didn’t want her to leave.

“Oh, well um, I have work for the whole weekend, I’m finishing up that article, so…” Max said to El and Lucas felt even more selfish. Of course her article was a priority now, all this didn’t change the fact that the deadline for it was in three days. She had marked in big blocky red letters on the calendar hanging on the wall next to the coat rack at the apartment.

“Yeah, but most of my stuff for is still at… yeah, at Lucas’s,” she continued, turning her head just a bit to look at him. Her expression was calm, a bit sad but not asking for anything. But nevertheless Lucas felt a thought form in his head; a selfish stupid one maybe, but it was after midnight after all. Max was about to continue but he spoke up:

“Hey, you can stay at the apartment for the last weeks if it’s easiest for you. I-I don’t mind.” Max’s eyebrows rose up as she considered what he had just said, but she stayed silent, the phone receiver still on her ear.

“Are you sure?” she asked, in barely a whisper, her face skeptical but vulnerable. She didn’t say it but he knew she was thinking back to their fight, to his cold voice declaring how she had had no right to ask him to let her move in, to take advantage of him. He sighed. She was right, after their fight, after telling that to her, he really shouldn’t be doing this. But after how much he’d noticed he’d missed her over the past four days, despite the fight, and how grateful he was for everything she had done for him and his family that day, he really couldn’t help it. Besides, she would be leaving in a little over two weeks and a selfish and naive part of him really didn’t want to be apart from her for those last days, even if it was as just her roommate again. He was being contradictory and dumb, but he was exhausted, and feeling so vulnerable all of a sudden, the thought of her leaving any sooner that she had to was a pain in his chest.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Lucas said, trying his best to not show all his emotions on his face, his voice sincere but nonchalant as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Max kept her eyes on him for a moment longer, waiting for him to say something more, to change his mind. And maybe it he was in his right mind, he would’ve. But he didn’t. She bit her lip as she turned to the phone again.

“Sorry about that, we were just…” she started, fidgeting with the metallic cord of the phone with her fingers.

“But um, Lucas said I can go back to stay at the apartment. To make the article writing easier you know. And I’m leaving pretty soon anyways so it would be the easiest to… yeah, right, that’s what we were thinking. But umm, I guess I’ll come and get my stuff tomorrow, what time would be okay? Yeah I’m going to stay the night here, it’s late and…” she spoke, turning to look at Lucas at the end of her sentence, her eyes full of something and unspoken words hanging in the air between them, making it physically painful for Lucas to not reach out to hold her hand in his like he had in the car earlier. She was staying. Even if it was just for the night. Max cleared her throat, turning back to the call again:

“And yeah, I’ll just have to leave early tomorrow to get to work on time. But… yeah I can come get my stuff before I go in, if that’s okay with you guys? Okay great!” She shifted in place, lifting up her hand to hide a yawn.

“But umm, it’s getting late, I’ll let you guys get some rest...Yeah, we’ll sleep too, don’t worry. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow! Love you too, bye!” And with that the call ended and she set the receiver back down. The empty hallway was silent for a moment, the hum of the air conditioning the only sound as they stood in place, both raking their tired brains for something to say. Max was the first one to speak, slowly turning to face him, tucking her hands into the sleeves of her coat.

“Lucas, are you sure about this? You can be honest with me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this after today, I…”

“I’m not sure, no. But…” he started, shrugging. “But yes, you can come back to the apartment. And it’s not me feeling guilty or something for today, I just… You’re leaving so soon anyways and like you said, you don’t know what you’re going to do after graduation. So consider this a… farewell gift of sorts,” he said, seeing a tiny smile appear on Max’s face at his words.

“Okay. But swear to me that you’ll tell me if you want me out. I won’t guilt you into doing anything for me, okay. You don’t deserve to be treated like that,” she said, her face serious and honest, illuminated by the harsh fluorescent lights above them.

“I swear,” he assured her and Max nodded.

“Thank you,” she said, her eyes still full and open and sincere as they held onto his and his urge to reach for her, to take her hand, to hold her, to just feel her close to him was truly getting painful now. But she sighed, the look in her eyes shifting, and he knew that it wouldn’t have been smart to do. No matter how late it was.

“So what’s the plan?” she asked, pointing over at the pillows he was holding in his hand. He looked down, having completely forgotten what he had been doing before finding her.

“Oh, well there’s no space to sleep in Erica’s room so I was going to find a place with some chairs or a couch or something to sleep on,” he explained and Max nodded, looking around them for a place to head to.

“Sounds good, lead the way,” she said, taking one of the pillows he was handing over to her and so they headed down to the lobby and beyond, in search for a quiet place with comfy couches to sleep on.

 

“Soo the question is; peanuts or chips?” Max asked, weighing the last of the quarters they’d piled together in her hand. She’d already gotten a bottle of water and a little bag of gummy worms out of the vending machine and now choices had to be made about what to get with the last coins. She looked back over at Lucas who was sitting on the other side of the empty but cozy waiting room they had found on the second floor. They’d figured this was as good a place they could find. There seemed to be nobody around, most of the lights in the area were turned off and there was a bathroom right down the hall. Oh, and the vending machine was also a plus.

“Hmm… I’d go with chips,” Lucas said after thinking for a minute, setting his pillow better. There was no couch but the chairs weren’t that bad, and they’d turned chairs around so that they could put up their feet and put together something resembling lounge chairs instead having to curl up in one chair uncomfortably.

“Alrighty, chips it is,” Max replied, feeding the quarters into the slot and punching in the right number and soon the chips dropped down to be picked.

“Well, if this isn’t a nutritious 1 am snack, then I don’t know what is,” she commented, gathering all the snacks in her arms and walking back over to where they had set camp in the corner next to the radiator and some plastic potted plants.

“You’re right, we’ve got all the essential food groups here,” Lucas agreed with a smirk as she kicked off her shoes, settling down onto her chair next to him. They were both silent as they started eating, passing the packets between them every once in a while. The quiet and empty looking hospital still creeped Lucas out, but knowing that Erica was okay, plus the snacks, the semi-comfortable chairs and yeah, having Max there next to him, was starting to make him feel comfortable enough to sleep.

“Remember the vending machine at the arcade?” Max asked, breaking the silence as Lucas too leaned forward to take off his shoes. He looked over at her as she continued:

“It never had anything in it, except for Funyuns and Cherry Coke for some reason.” Lucas huffed out a laugh. He did remember.

“How many mini bags of Funyuns do you think you had in total?” he asked Max and she scrunched up her face in disgust. When they were fourteen, they’d spent hours upon hours at a time at the arcade, her trying to beat her top scores.

“I don’t even wanna think about it. I'm pretty sure that at this point twenty percent of my body mass is made up of onion corn snacks,” she admitted, faking a shiver of disgust. Lucas let out a laugh at that before taking a swig of water and from the corner of his eye he saw she was looking over at him. He lowered the water bottle from his lips, looking over at her with a question on his face.

“Oh, can I just get some water too?” Max asked and he passed her the bottle and she wiped at its mouth with the sleeve of her UC San Diego sweatshirt before lifting it up to her mouth. He gave her a fake offended look and her eyes grew wide in amusement.

“What? I’m working on a big work project, I don’t wanna catch anything from you,” she explained and he rolled his eyes.

“Still afraid of cooties, huh?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Nah, and besides,” she continued:

“If I were to catch any from you, I’m pretty sure I already would’ve with living under the same roof as you.”

The way she said it was lighthearted but as she drank the water, Lucas could feel his heart grow heavier and his tired brain begging him to ask her if she had in fact caught any. But he kept his mouth shut, focusing on the bag of gummy worms he was holding, trying to fish out a red and blue one. Max screw the cork of the bottle back on, shifting in her seat, sighing.

“Hey,” she finally said and Lucas glanced over at her, taking a bite of the candy, trying to not show how on the edge of his seat he was to hear what she had to say.

“I just wanted to say how sorry I am about the fight, about how I handled it all,” she said, her eyes sincere, and Lucas opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say, but she continued, looking down at her hands playing with the half empty water bottle in her lap.

“I had no right to get mad at you for having dated someone. I was the one to break up with you and I wasn't even talking to you so obviously you didn't need to tell me or feel responsible for it. It’s just… hearing how much your family liked her and that she spent Thanksgiving with you all, and you'd never mentioned to me it just… made me feel like an outsider I guess,” she concluded, looking back down at her hands.

Lucas nodded, taking her words in before speaking.

“I don’t know why I haven’t mentioned her to you before. I really didn’t mean to hide it or anything, I…” he started, trying to think of why exactly he had avoided telling Max about Stephanie. He hadn’t purposefully tried to keep him dating her a secret or anything, but he hadn’t told her about her either. She hadn’t asked and he had been fine with it.

“I guess it just felt awkward. We still haven’t talked that much about what we’ve been up to the past few years,” he explained, glancing over at Max briefly, seeing her staring ahead into the dark room, slowly nodding in understanding.

“I’m sorry for not telling you. I should’ve guessed my family was going to bring her up. The whole dinner just came up so quickly, it didn’t even cross my mind,” Lucas said, turning to look at her properly as he continued:

“I never meant to exclude you. I guess it’s just been weird after not speaking for such a long time.”

Max turned to meet his gaze as she nodded again, sincerity on her tired face.

“Yeah, it has. Talking about exes isn’t really the first breezy topic to pick I guess,” she said, an awkward half smile on her face as she shook her head.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Lucas agreed, turning back to focus on the candy, and the two of them were silent for a moment. After a while of just listening to the distant sounds of air conditioning and whirring of electronics along the empty halls of the hospital, Max shifted in her seat, sinking down further and setting her pillow better between her head and the back of the chair and turned on her side to face him more.

“But hey, it wouldn’t be a sleepover without relationship talk,” she said, a glint visible in her eyes even in the dim light.

“A sleepover?” Lucas asked, amused as he looked down at her from his still mostly upright seating position.

“Yeah. I mean the conditions aren’t ideal, but… We’ve got snacks, uncomfortable places to sleep, it’s past midnight,” Max explained, gesturing around the darkened room around them.

“I would qualify this as a sleepover,” she concluded and Lucas breathed out a short laugh. It was absurd and they were both dead tired. But he could tell she was trying to get his mind off of everything that had happened today, and seeing her carefully looking at him, waiting for his reaction, Lucas couldn’t help but play along.

“Alright then,” he agreed, settling lower on the chair.

“What do you want to know?”

Max scrunched up her face, exaggeratedly deep in thought before turning to look at him, her face bright and curious as she asked in a sing-song voice:

“So, how did you guys meet?”

“Well, we’ve shared some classes since Freshman year really, but we didn’t start going out until the fall of last year,” Lucas explained and Max nodded, listening.

“And how did you end up deciding to get together?” she asked, sounding genuinely curious and kind and Lucas was surprised how easy it was talking to her about this. Which he shouldn’t be, given that speaking with her had always come so naturally. So he told her the story of him and Stephanie ending up as the only two people really giving a shit in a teacher assigned study group, and them teaming up to make sure they got the assignments done in time and not letting the slackers cause them to fail the class.

“And yeah, we started hanging out more and more and then after a while we just kind of started dating. Nothing dramatic,” he concluded the story with a shrug.

“No grand gestures then? Big romantic confessions?” Max asked, teasing and Lucas rolled his eyes at her.

“Nah. I mean we went to the lakefront for one of our first dates, so there was a sunset and city lights and such if you’d consider that a big romantic gesture?” he offered and she smirked.

“Yes, I do. I’m happy for you, you deserve a sweet romantic date like that.”

“Yeah?” Lucas asked, taken aback a bit by her words, and she just now seemed to realize what she had said as she straightened up a bit, blinking her eyes.

“Yeah, I mean who wouldn’t? In general. Not you specifically but you know...people,” she said, looking away quickly but Lucas could still catch a glimpse of her suddenly reddened cheeks.

“But umm, any grand gestures with you? Any long romantic walks on the beach?” Lucas asked, trying to cut the awkwardness with a grin.

Max turned her head slightly back towards him, a faint smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She looked almost...sentimental? And Lucas really tried to ignore the thought of her thinking back to someone.

“No, not really. I mean I’ve traveled up and down the coast a fair bit, but it’s been with my dad, or roommates, or people from class. I guess I never really outright decided I wasn’t going to date anyone seriously, but… I think it was for the best. I got some time to learn more about the world, about myself. I got to grow,” she explained.

“And now?” Lucas asked, the words slipping out, sounding far too hopeful as he met her eyes.

“Now I guess I’m ready to see what happens,” she answered, her voice honest and quiet as she held his gaze.

“Max?” Lucas heard himself say, his brain too tired to keep up with his mouth.

“Yeah?” she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper as she kept her eyes on his, her gaze curious but so soft and earnest. Lucas took a second, trying to unscramble his tired brain. What was he going to say? There were so many possibilities bouncing around his mind.

“Thank you,” he settled on, breathing the words out into the darkness of the room around them.

“For everything today. I have no idea how I could’ve gotten here on my own without your help. I don’t know why but I was just so…frozen. I was so panicked and if you hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would’ve happened. So thank you,” he concluded, feeling his voice getting a little strained and choppy again. This had been one rough day.

“Hey,” Max said softly, seeing the pain creeping back onto his face and reaching out her hand which he took without a second thought.

“It’s the least I could do. For your family, for you. I’ve been away for so long. From now on, when it matters, I’ll be there for you, okay. Even though you might hate me,” she said, honest and sincere.

“I don’t hate you,” Lucas said, slightly confused again and Max let out a little breath of a laugh, looking down at where their intertwined hands laid on the armrest between them.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I’ve honestly been the worst,” she said, her tone a little lighter now. She kept her gaze down, looking down at their hands, washed in a cold bluish light from the vending machine, and softly moved her thumb to brush it over his knuckles. Lucas knew he should be saying something, or freak out, but he just felt so calm, the dark room folding around them and creating this peaceful little bubble he wanted to stay in for the rest of his days. They’d both moved in their chairs to sit closer together, and though the only thing touching were their hands, there was still such quiet intimacy in it all. Lucas had his head leaning back against the back of the chair as he looked over at Max, who was still leaning forwards just a bit, focusing on the gentle and absent-minded wipes of her thumb across the back of his hand. Neither of them said anything, the silence comforting and calm around them, serene after all that had happened in the past couple of hours. It just felt so right.

 

But it was truly starting to get really late and as Lucas felt a yawn coming, he tried his best to stifle it but was unsuccessful, lifting his other hand up to cover it. At that Max looked up, seeming to snap out of the quiet moment.

“Sorry, I shouldn't be…” she mumbled, embarrassed, starting to let go of his hand, strands of hair escaping from behind her ear as she did. Without thinking, Lucas reached out his free hand to her face, swiping the strands back again, his fingertips just barely touching her warm cheek.

“It's okay, I don't mind,” he said, his voice hushed in the silence around them.

“Yeah?” she asked, a hint of surprise in her voice as she looked up at him, blinking her eyes, shining so blue even in the dark.

“Yeah,” he echoed with a tiny nod, the word coming out along a small breath. It just seemed he couldn't hold it in anymore. Because he really didn’t mind. Not at all. Max gulped, her mouth falling open just a bit as she looked at him, not saying anything. The air around them shifted. It was still comfortable but also heightened somehow. It felt just like the moment before the drop on a rollercoaster. He wondered if this was it.

But the drop didn’t come as the moment was broken by a nurse hurrying along the hallway past them, pushing an empty gurney. They leaned apart, both glancing down as they listened to the clattering sounds of the metallic frame and wheels receding down the hallway. As the sounds faded, they stayed silent and Lucas risked a glance over at Max, who looked even more flushed now, biting down on her lip as she looked down at her hands in her lap. She opened her mouth just a bit and he wondered if she was going to say something, his heart speeding up, but instead she yawned, covering it up with her hand.

“Sorry,” she mumbled immediately and Lucas, glancing down at his watch, said:

“It’s fine, it’s really late. We should sleep.” She nodded and then the both of them were silent again as they settled down onto the chairs. It wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, but it was nearing two in the morning and Lucas felt exhaustion weighing him down, pulling his eyelids shut. They laid still for a minute, staring up at the tiled white ceiling. After a while Lucas heard Max stir and sigh beside him so he turned his head just a bit to look at her. She too was looking at her watch now.

“What time do you need to get up?” he asked in a whisper, figuring it was the best for how late it was and how quiet the room was.

“Around six I guess,” Max sighed, setting her pillow better as she turned on her side.

“So in about four hours.”

“Ouch,” Lucas voiced.

“You can take the car if you want,” he added after a moment.

“Would that be okay with you?” she asked and Lucas nodded.

“Yeah, it’ll be easier for you to get back. I’ll just have my parents drive me, or take the bus when I go back to the city,” he said.

“When do you think you’ll get back?”

“By the end of the weekend I think. Have to just see how Erica is doing, if she needs help,” Lucas said and Max nodded.

“Yeah, of course.”

“But you still got the key, right?” he asked.

“Yeah. That’s how I got into the apartment earlier,” Max said, a hint of embarrassment fleeting in her eyes.

“Oh, right,” Lucas nodded, adding:

“What were you coming there for, by the way?”

“I had left behind some papers I needed for my article. I was just coming to pick them up,” Max explained.

“Okay. How’s that going? The deadline’s Sunday, right?” Lucas asked and he wasn’t sure if it was the darkness or his tired eyes but it looked like her eyes widened in surprise just a bit.

“Yeah, it is. And it’s going well, I think. It’s still not ready but if I spend the weekend working on it, it should be fine,” she said.

“Well at least you’ll have peace and quiet to finish it now,” Lucas pointed out.

“You’re right,” Max agreed, lifting her hand up to her mouth as she tried to hide another yawn.

“We should get some sleep,” Lucas said again.

“This really is like a sleepover, huh? We used to always keep on talking,” Max said with a faint smile.

“The only thing we need now is Mike’s mom coming in to shush us from the top of the stairs,” Lucas added and Max smiled at that, all sleepy and nostalgic.

“Goodnight Lucas,” she said after a moment of silence, looking over at him, her eyes barely staying open and her cheek squished onto the pillow, strands of hair fallen on her face. All of that didn’t ease the beating of his heart at all.

“Goodnight Max,” he replied, turning on his side as well, their faces a foot apart. And with a small side smile she closed her eyes and he followed suit, both of them falling asleep.

 

\---------------------------------- 

 

The persistent beeping of the alarm on her watch cut through Max’s sleep way too soon. She reached to turn off the alarm without opening her eyes and sighed in frustration. She knew she needed to get up, to start the drive back to Chicago if she wanted to get to work at any reasonable time. But it was the first time she’d slept well in days. Which it logically shouldn’t have as she had slept on uncomfortable hospital armchairs. But after the fear and relief of the night, and the talk she’d had with Lucas, how easy it had been and how she was starting to feel that maybe, just maybe they could start to move on, how she’d gotten many things off her chest… she’d slept like a baby.

Speaking of Lucas. Max’s eyes snapped open, wanting to check if the alarm had woken him up too. She’d hate to interrupt his sleep as he didn’t need to be up in a couple more hours. But as she looked over at him, she sighed in relief as it looked like he was still asleep. His head was leaning on his shoulder as he sat against the back of the chair, and his face was relaxed as he slept, his breathing slow and calm. The corner of Max’s mouth quirked up just slightly at a small croak he made with an inhale and she sat still as she let her gaze drift over his face. His brow was relaxed, his eyes closed and the crease between his eyebrows, one of worry, tension and annoyance she had seen there for the last week, was nowhere to be seen.

His mouth was slightly open as he took deep breaths and Max noticed there was just the faintest hint of stubble on his face. Ever since he had started needing to, around when they were seventeen, he had always been very precise about shaving his face, insisting on doing it every morning even at a sleepover or when she was staying the night. And she hadn’t minded, not with the mess that was Dustin’s brief attempt to grow a mustache in the summer before Senior year. And plus, she was a sucker for the fresh and clean scent of the aftershave he would use. She hadn’t paid much mind to it, but apparently he had kept up the habit, as now that she thought about it, she had never seen him with much of a stubble, even with living in the same apartment with him. But now he obviously hadn’t had time to think about something like shaving and Max let her gaze wander over the shadow of a stubble that had formed on the skin of his cheeks and around his mouth. She wasn’t sure yet how she felt about it, it made him look a little older somehow. But she was starting to decide that she didn’t mind it much. She also didn’t mind how looking at it made her gaze flit over to his lips, relaxed and open just a bit, looking surprisingly soft considering the cold winds of wintery Chicago. She wondered if they would feel as soft as they looked.

Ok wow that was too much! She was already pretty much staring at him, she didn’t need to start thinking things like that. And besides, it was not like she was staring, not really. She was just checking on him, right? “Or checking him out, rather” a thought popped into her head and she huffed, turning away quickly. She wasn’t.

 

The room was still mostly dark but some sounds were starting to come in from the hallways as the hospital was waking up around them and Max started to quietly gather her things, getting ready to head out. But she couldn’t help her thoughts from straying, imagining a scenario in which this was a regular occurrence. Her waking up next to Lucas and seeing him in his relaxed, sleepy and unshaved state, before hurrying off to work. If things had gone differently between them, could that be real? The apartment not a space split between them, but one they truly _shared_ , without the need to tip-toe around each other, to have designated pantry shelves and bathroom schedules. What Mike and El had.

“Max?” Lucas suddenly mumbled, his voice low and slurred from sleep and Max whipped her head over to look at him.

“What time is it?” he asked, disoriented, one eye still closed.

“It’s six in the morning. You can go back to sleep, I’m just gonna head out,” Max explained, her voice low as she took her purse and the pillow in her hands, ready to get up.

“Okay,” Lucas slurred, his eyes already slipping shut as she stood up.

“Well I’d better get going, see you when you get back,” Max said, lifting her hand in a small wave even though his eyes were already closed again.

“See you,” Lucas voiced, the words mumbled, his eyes flickering open once more before closing again, his dark lashes flicking as he did so, and then he let his head fall back against the headrest of the chair, his nose scrunching up as he got settled. And Max stood in place, feeling her stomach drop. And it was not the feeling of dread and worry and fear from yesterday. Yeah, maybe there was something resembling fear in it, but more in the form of anxiousness. But it was mostly wistfulness, longing. Because it hit her all at once how much she wanted this. The sleepy mornings, the late-night chats, the actually shared apartment… She wanted it all. With him.

 

Max was dazed as she made her way through the hospital hallways, heading for the front door. It's not like the thought had never crossed her mind. She had let herself wonder once or twice what would've happened, where they would be if she hadn't broken up with Lucas. But those had been quick, fleeting thoughts she had pushed away as soon as they emerged. Cause it would be no use dwelling on them. She couldn’t let herself to, she was in no position to. Who was she to flip flop like that, being the one who had broken up with him and now saying they should stay friends. She couldn’t just all of a sudden contradict everything and mess with him head even more. No matter how it made her heart leap when his dorky reading glasses would slide down his nose when he was reading at the kitchen counter, or when he would laugh, teeth flashing when Dustin was over and all three of them were piled onto the couch, watching movies, or when they would silently navigate their way in the kitchen in the morning, him passing just behind her to get to the fridge, not touching her but his presence still there, warm, solid and true. No. She shouldn’t let herself think about any of it. But now…

It was the cold early morning air hitting her that it took for Max to finally wake up. She stopped at the front doorway of the hospital, blinking as she tried to figure out how she’d gotten there already. And then she looked down at the pillow she still had in her arms. Yeah, maybe she shouldn’t steal from a hospital. That would be a new low, even after the events of the past weekend. She turned around, walking back into the lobby and awkwardly waving and wishing good morning to the nurse eyeing her from behind the glass of the front desk.

“Just going to bring this back,” she explained aloud, lifting up the pillow in her hand and the nurse nodded, lifting his brows before focusing back on his work. Max didn’t know where exactly she should return the pillow back to, so she wandered the halls for a bit, glancing at her watch for the time that was quickly running away from her, wondering if she could just leave the pillow on a chair somewhere.

“Max, hi!” Max heard Erica’s voice from the direction of her room and turned to face her. She was looking just as tired as Max had felt when she had woken up, and she was with a nurse who was hovering behind her, making sure she was staying upright.

“Oh hi, good morning. How are you feeling?” Max asked her, walking to her.

“Well, I’ve been better. Just got back from the bathroom, and let me tell you, that’s not the most fun thing with just one arm,” she said with a quick laugh, leaning onto a railing lining the hallway wall with her healthy hand.

“Yeah, I bet. I’m sorry,” Max replied, not sure what exactly she was sorry for. Erica shrugged, saying:

“Well, I’ll get the hang of it. Plus I’ve always wanted a cast for friends to sign, so that’s something.”

“Yeah,” Max agreed, nodding, and the two of them were silent for a second, the nurse taking a few steps back to give them room.

“So? Heading back to Chicago?” Erica asked after a minute.

“Yeah, have to get to work. Sorry I couldn’t stay for longer,” Max said.

“That’s okay. Thanks for coming at all. I know it’s been weird with you guys, I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to have anything to do with us,” Erica answered and Max immediately went to deny it.

“What? It hasn’t...It’s been good, I mean…” she assured her but then she sighed, deciding it was no use covering it up. Especially now that it looked like Lucas and her were back on good terms.

“Yeah, you’re right. But all that doesn’t matter. Of course I was going to help. You guys have always been there for me, no way I was letting you down now,” she said and there was a faint smile on Erica’s face.

“Thanks, Max. I appreciate it. I’d hug you if my ribs weren’t currently mush,” Erica said, her tone equal part sincere and light.

“That’s okay,” Max said with a smile of her own.

“Speaking of my brother, where did you leave him? Last I saw him last night he was trying to find you and get a place to sleep,” Erica asked, her brows rising inquisitively.

“Oh, he’s on the second floor, still asleep. We found this waiting room with chairs that weren’t the worst so we got some sleep,” Max explained and Erica nodded.

“Okay. And are you guys good? You seem…” Erica asked, her sentence trailing off as she looked over Max. Wait what did she see? Was her sudden realization showing on her face somehow? Did she have a big red sign on her forehead with “Yep I still have feelings for a guy whose heart I broke!”.

“I guess, yeah. We talked things through last night,” Max hurried to explain, trying to seem casual.

“Finally! I told him to talk to you about it on that car ride on Sunday but knowing him he chickened out of it,” Erica exclaimed, rolling her eyes at the thought of it.

“Yeah… But umm, talk about what, exactly?” Max asked, trying to sound nonchalant but by the look on Erica’s face she saw she wasn’t doing a very good job. What had he needed to talk to her about? He’d said he’d wanted to ask her something before the dinner, something about that night before.

“About the dinner, I told him to apologize to you for not bringing up his ex to you earlier. I don’t know why he didn’t tell you about her earlier, but hey, he also kept you being back a secret from me until you were basically at our front door. So I guess he just gets nervous about these kinds of things. Things seem more real when you say them out loud to someone,” Erica explained.

“Yeah. I guess,” Max said, her thoughts reeling. What did Erica mean?

“It’s like… when you just have something in your mind, you can convince yourself on all kinds of things. But when it’s out in the world, you have to form it into words and have it make sense. And when you do that, it’s not as easy anymore to lie to yourself about it. Don’t you think?” Erica asked, her eyebrows high, her expression expectant. In a way Max was listening to her, but then again her thoughts were running wild in her brain. Because she was right. Saying things out loud was scary, it made things seem more real, that was exactly why she hadn’t talked to anyone about the little heart lurches she sometimes still got around Lucas. But could it be that he hadn’t told Erica about her being his roommate because… he wasn’t sure what they were? And last night, she’d told him she was ready to see what were to happen and the look on his face when she’d said it… And when she’d been tired, reckless and self-indulgent, just taking his hand and holding it because it physically hurt her not to, he hadn’t pulled it away, saying he didn’t mind. At all. Did it really mean...

Erica let out a questioning hum and at that Max realized she still hadn’t answered her.

“Um, yeah, I guess,” she said with a nod, not fully sure what she was agreeing on.

“Uh-huh,” Erica voiced, her brows high and a smug and knowing look on her face, but Max didn’t fully register it. She was busy playing every moment from last night again and again in her mind; his bashful smile when she’d asked about grand romantic gestures, the way his deep eyes had sparked when she’d told him he deserved one, the feel of his hand, warm and solid in hers, the feather-light touch of his fingers against her face. Wow, her stomach was swooping again. It was good she had a long car ride ahead of her, she needed time to process all of this.

“But umm,” she started, Erica still looking at her expectedly.

“I’m going to head out. Lucas said I could take the car, so…” she continued and Erica hummed in a “oh he did, didn’t he?” before saying:

“Alright then. Have a safe drive!”

“Thanks. See you! Oh, and say hi to your parents. And let them know I didn’t just steal the car,” Max said, already starting to take steps back along the hallway after looking at her watch.

“Will do,” Erica assured her, lifting her hand in a wave. Max mirrored it, turning to walk away.

“And tell…” she started but soon stopped herself. What was she going to say? Her thoughts were running rampant in her brain right now and she wasn’t able to form one coherent whole of them, let alone an actual spoken sentence. She was going to see Lucas in a couple of days. She would probably have her thoughts in order by then, right?

“Never mind,” she said with a wave of her hand, turning to walk away. It wasn’t until a few steps later that she realized she was still holding that damn pillow.

“Oh, hey could you take this?” she added, holding up the pillow and Erica huffed out a laugh as the nurse walked forward, taking it from Max.

“Thanks. Bye!” Max said before turning and finally walking out of the hospital.

The whole car ride over to Chicago she tried to string together thoughts in her head, piecing together things Lucas had said with what Erica had talked to her about. And trying to see where her sudden realization of the morning fit in with all of this. As she drove along the highway, the winter sun slowly climbing over the horizon, there was a moment when the faint morning light was casting down through the windows, and some upbeat song she didn’t know was playing on the radio, the guitar solo kicking in, when she couldn’t help but let out a giggle. An actual giggle. Out loud. Because maybe this was actually happening. After months of second guessing and denying the way she still felt about Lucas, this could maybe be happening. And he seemed like he might actually be fine with it too. Max wasn’t sure if it was the morning sun, the upbeat music, the energy from the coffee she’d grabbed on her way out of the city, or maybe the deliriousness from only getting four hours of sleep, but at that moment she felt like everything was possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry this took a bit longer than planned, school work and the excitement of the s3 trailer release delayed this a bit. But I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to hear!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the realizations and feelings surfacing after the night at the hospital, there's no denying that things have changed between Max and Lucas. But the question is, what now? Should they ignore it or finally face it? With Max leaving back to California in just a couple of weeks, something has to be done.

_December 5th 1993_

“Okay, see you later, bye,” Lucas said, ending the call. He set down the receiver and walked back into the living room. Erica was sitting on the recliner, a spot she had claimed when they got home on Friday night, and she was watching Family Matters re-runs while trying to maneuver turning a page of her magazine with one hand.

“Here, let me get that,” Lucas said, coming in and flipping the glossy page over for her.

“Thanks. But I have to learn how to do that on my own you know,” she pointed out as Lucas flopped down onto the couch.

“You’ve had that thing for just three days. You’ll have it for six more weeks, you’ll get the hang of it,” Lucas said and Erica huffed.

“Yeah but I’d like to not be completely helpless for those six weeks, thank you very much.”

“Fair enough,” Lucas conceded, turning his attention to the tv.

Erica had always been determined to do things on her own, ever since they’d been little. That would often come out as stubbornness but also perseverance, which had already shown to be a crucial part of her healing process. She was determined to get the cast off and have her arm back to normal for her sorority’s big Valentine’s Day function. And Lucas admired her for it. 

For a while the two of them were silent as they watched tv, their parents being away, running errands. Lucas hoped they’d be back in time to take him to the bus station, as he was leaving back to Chicago in a few hours. That’s what he’d just been on the phone for, calling Max at the apartment to let her know when he’d be back. She’d snarked that he was just making sure he didn’t do the same thing she’d done on Thursday, barging into the apartment unannounced, and yeah, it was that too. But he’d also really wanted to call her, to speak to her, even if it was just for a couple of minutes. Because he’d thought about her over the weekend. A lot. He’d thought about the laughter in her voice when they’d reminisced about the arcade and the party’s sleepovers and about her sincerity when she’d apologized for the fight, and assured him she would be there from now on (he’d spent way too much time wondering if the ‘you’ in “ _I’ll always be there for you_ ” had been singular or not). He’d thought about the blush on her face when she’d said he deserved romance, and the feel of her hand in his, so warm and soft and familiar even after all the years that had passed. And he'd thought about how with all that had happened that night, she had been just the person he had wanted there by his side.

 

“So, you called Max about your bus schedule?” Erica asked after a while and fear flashed over Lucas as he wondered for a second is she’d read his mind or something.

“Yeah. She said she’ll be going out to eat with El, she just turned in a big article she’s been working on,” he answered, trying to seem casual about it.

“Oh cool,” Erica replied, sounding just as nonchalant as she turned a page of the magazine.

“She’ll be back when you get there?”

“I guess, probably. Doesn’t matter though, it’s not like I haven’t got the key,” Lucas pointed out.

“Uh-huh,” Erica voiced, her focus down on her magazine. Lucas looked back at the tv and they were silent for a minute again.

“I talked to her by the way. The morning she drove back to Chicago,” Erica said after a moment.

“Oh,” Lucas voiced, trying to mask the curiosity that had sparked in him. What had they talked about?

“Yeah. Ran into her when she was on her way out,” Erica said, continuing:

“She seemed a little... preoccupied.”

“Huh?” Lucas asked, confused. What did she mean?

“Yeah, like she had something on her mind,” Erica explained.

“Oh,” he voiced, all casual. At least that's what he hoped it sounded like.

“What did you guys talk about?” Erica asked, her curiosity starting to get the best of her.

“Oh, nothing much. Just… made up after the fight I guess,” Lucas explained.

“That’s all?” Erica pressed.

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked, slightly annoyed now, glancing over at her from the couch.

“Nothing…” she said, her sentence trailing off as she flipped a page of the magazine. Yeah it was definitely something.

“She just looked a little flustered to me. So I just wanted to know if anything happened with you guys,” she added.

Lucas’s eyes were glued to the tv but he had no idea what was going on in the show playing on it. Had Max really looked flustered? He only had a vague memory of her leaving that morning, so he had no idea. But if she really had been, like Erica said, could that mean that that night had meant as much to her than it had to him? That she had been lost thinking about it too?

“Omg Lucas what did you guys do? Wait till I tell Mom you guys hooked up at a _hospital_! God, you think you know someone and then…” Erica exclaimed and Lucas whipped his head over to look at her, seeing her face scrunched up in disgust.

“No no no! Why do you have to be so gross? We didn’t do anything! We just talked, I swear!” he explained, waving his arms indignantly. Why did she have to take everything so far? They'd only talked. And held hands. And she'd told him she was ready to see what would happen between them. And it had been amazing.

“Okay, okay. I was just messing with you!” Erica said and after a pause she continued, zeroing in on him.   
“But I’m not blind, Lucas. I could see something was up with her that morning. And the same with you.”

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked, doing his best to sound clueless.

“You think I haven’t noticed all those spaced out looks of yours? That gross sweet little smile you get?” Erica pressed, a smug smile starting to rise onto her face.

“That’s not true…” Lucas mumbled, feeling his face heat up.

“Suure,” Erica said, drawing out the word.

 

“I’m just trying to say,” Erica continued after a while, her voice less teasing and more sincere now.

“I can’t read minds but even if I can’t, I can see you guys still have it bad for each other.”

Lucas turned to her, opening his mouth to deny it, but Erica lifted her hand, stopping him in his tracks as she continued:

“You can deny it all you want, but I’d just wish you’d talk about it and decide what to do about it. Cause it’s getting blaringly obvious.”

Lucas turned back to face the tv again, trying to come up with something so say back to her. But he couldn't. Because she was right. Or at least he wanted her to be.

“Just talk about it with her tonight, okay? As much as you annoy the crap out of me, I want you to be happy,” Erica said, her words sincere. But before Lucas could think of a way to answer, she continued:

“Okay that's enough sappiness for the day. Come help me out, I want to heat up a hot pocket.”

And with that she was up from her chair and walking to the kitchen, asking Lucas if he wanted a pepperoni or a cheese one. And Lucas followed her, asking if they had any meatball ones left, but on the inside he was thrumming with nervous excitement. Because Erica was right. When he got back to Chicago he should talk to Max. And he would. Now he just needed to figure out what he would say.

 

 ----------------------------

 

Max was freaking out. She’d just turned in the final version of her article at the paper and now she and El were at dinner, as she had promised to buy her a pizza to celebrate. El was currently in the bathroom as they waited for their orders to arrive and Max was hunched over in the booth, absentmindedly ripping pieces off a paper napkin. The red and white gingham tablecloth was speckled with tiny shreds of paper and she would’ve felt bad if she weren’t so nervous. The place was nice, nicer than any pizza place she’d been to in a while, with actual fabric table cloths, paintings of Rome on the walls and Italian sounding background music filling the restaurant. But she hardly paid any attention, because Lucas would be back in Chicago in three hours. And she had no idea what to do.

When she’d gotten to town on Friday, Max had been brimming with energy, convinced that she knew what to do once Lucas got back. But then after a couple of days spent working on the article, either at the office or alone in the apartment, Max’s thoughts had begun to spiral. Because maybe she was imagining things, looking for signs that he felt the same way she did. He’d had a long and traumatic day and had been dead-tired when they had talked, so it was only natural for him to say things he usually wouldn’t and to seek comfort in whoever happened to be with him at the time. And that had happened to be her. That didn’t mean she should take it as a clear sign he was willing to try this again. And then what if he was? What if she was right and he felt the same way, wanted to try this out? She was leaving in two weeks, moving across the country with no clarity on when she would be back. Just like last time. And she just couldn’t do it to him again. Not when she had heard from him how much it had hurt him.

“Okay this is officially the swankiest pizza place I’ve ever been to,” El said, walking back to the table and Max snapped her head up to look at her.

“They had little soaps in the shape of flowers in there!” she added, her smile wide as she slid in on the other side of the booth.

“Really? Are you sure this is okay though? I don’t want you to spend your entire paycheck on this,” Max asked, gritting her teeth and looking around at the restaurant and its other patrons, consisting mostly of older couples and families. El waved her hand dismissively as she settled in.

“Don’t worry about that. I’ve got this, I promised you a celebratory dinner and that’s what we’re gonna have!” she said with smile and Max nodded in understanding. After a second El reached out her hand over the table to squeeze hers, letting out an excited squeal.

“I can’t believe you’re an actual published journalist, Max! I’m so proud of you!” she gushed and Max couldn’t help but smile too, her excitement contagious.

“Thanks El. I’m really happy about it too. Still doesn’t feel real though. I guess I need to see it on the actual paper first,” Max explained and El nodded.

“When is it coming out? I’ll need to let Dustin and Mike know so they can join us in hoarding all the copies from the metropolitan area,” El said, her smile wide.

“On Thursday. And yeah I’m going to get myself a dozen copies and send them out to everyone. Especially to Mr. Davies, along with a note that says “Remember the D you gave me on the project in English Lit in Junior year? Well I’m an actual real-life journalist so you can suck on that!” Max exclaimed and El laughed, asking:

“You’re never letting that go, huh?”

“Nope,” Max said, a faked stubborn look on her face melting into a grin and El laughed before the two of them both reached for their drinks. El had gotten an ice tea and Max a Coke, as even with this being a celebratory dinner, taking one look at the wine menu of the place had convinced them to stick with cheaper options.

“So,” El started after a minute of silence between them.

“Would you like to talk?”

“Hmm?” Max asked, trying to seem like she didn't know what she was talking about.

“Max, I can see there's something bothering you. What is it?” El asked again, her face compassionate as she looked at Max from across the table. Max looked down at her glass, stabbing at the ice cubes with her straw as she thought of a way to form all her thoughts into words. She had told El the basics of the dinner fiasco and when she had gotten back to Chicago on Friday she'd told her that she and Lucas were on good terms again. But she hadn't told her anything more. Erica's words were echoing in her brain _“when you say things out loud they become more real”._

“Well umm,” Max started, still keeping her eyes down.

“Like I told you the other day, when we were at the hospital Lucas and I talked and we're good again,” she explained, El nodding along slightly as she listened to her carefully.

“I apologized for how I acted during the dinner and he did about not telling me about his ex,” Max said. There was a pause after which she looked up at El and asked something she had wondered for the past week:

“Did you know her?”

“Not that well, I met her maybe two times? She seemed nice,” El said, clearly being careful with how she set her words. She must've read Max's expression as she quickly added:

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her. I just didn't think it was my news to tell. And since you and Lucas weren't talking, I just thought that it would just be useless information. Didn’t want to bother you with it.”

“It's fine, I get it,” Max said, and it really was. Openly speaking with Lucas about his ex had really cleared things out.

“But yeah so we talked about her a bit, and I think I'm fine with it now,” she said out loud.

“Well that's good,” El said with a reassuring smile.

“But…” Max started, picking up the paper napkin again and starting to twist it in her hands.

“Now that we're not fighting anymore, everything is so complicated again, I have no idea what to do.”

“How is it complicated?” El asked, tilting her head inquisitively.

Max threw her head back, sighing as she tried to gather her courage to say this all out loud.

“I really liked talking with him. It just felt so natural and uncomplicated, it felt like the old times again,” she started.

“But then I couldn't help myself from wondering what it would be like if I hadn't broken up with him. If we hadn’t lost the past four years, how different everything would be,” Max explained and El nodded, listening.

“And it just hit me that I maybe, kinda, really want to see what it would be like,” Max concluded, her voice hurried as she pushed the words out, still trying to be as vague as possible. El's brows rose in understanding as she let out an “oh!” sound. Max could feel a blush rising onto her cheeks as El took a minute to process what she had said. She opened her mouth, about to say something but then a waiter came with their orders.

“Thank you,” Max said as the waiter set the warm and delicious looking pizzas down in front of them. El thanked him too, albeit sounding a little unfocused and then they were silent for a second as they got out knives and forks - the place was so fancy that Max figured that was in order - and took in the delicious food on their plates. Starting to dig in, they were quiet for a couple more seconds until El started, seemingly done processing what Max had told her.

“Okay so could you clarify a bit? You'd like to see what sharing an apartment with someone would be in general? Or with Lucas specifically?”

“With him, specifically,” Max mumbled out, feeling her cheeks heating up even more, feeling like she was fourteen again and in the car with her mom after getting picked up from a sleepover at the Sinclair’s.

_“So? You and Lucas? Are you two… going out?”_

_“Ugh, Mom!”_

_“What? I’m just asking, sweetie!”_

 

El nodded, taking a bite of pizza, clearly trying to act cool, to not make this any harder for Max. But Max could see the way her eyes had widened a bit, how she was working hard on not looking surprised or smug. Or both.

“Alright then. And do you think he feels the same way?” El asked, clearly trying to act casual.

“I don’t know, maybe? When we talked I kind of said that I was up for giving it a try and he didn’t seem mad about it at least,” Max said, taking a bite of her pepperoni pizza. Which tasted delicious.

“Well what are you going to do now? Have you told Lucas?” El asked and Max shook her head.

“No, I left before he really woke up. And he called me earlier to let me know what time he would be back in the city tonight but… I didn’t mention it,” she explained.

“But you’ll tell him tonight when he gets back, right?” El asked. When Max didn't answer, instead taking a drink, El’s eyes widened as she repeated:

“Right?”

“I don’t know…” Max said, swirling her straw in the glass. Earlier she had been sure she would. But now?

“Okay, well… What percentage of a chance do you think there is of him feeling the same way?” El asked, dropping her knife and fork and leaning on her elbows on the table.

“I don’t know. After we talked it was maybe at an 80, but now… I think it’s down to like 20,” Max mumbled.

“Why is that?”

“Well when we talked on the phone it was all polite and to the point, he didn’t say anything about our talk,” Max explained.

“You didn’t either. Maybe he’s just as nervous to bring it up?” El pointed out.   
“Maybe but… I keep thinking, what if I just imagined it? What if I’m grasping at straws here, trying to imagine that he has feelings for me even if he doesn’t,” Max said with a frustrated sigh, still not meeting El's eyes.

“Well what evidence do you have? If we’re being clinical about this,” El reasoned and Max sighed in frustration.

“Well that’s the thing, I’m worried that all the nice things he’s said to me since Thursday - letting me back into the apartment, being okay with being back to friends - are just because I helped him get to the hospital. What if he’s just feeling guilty and obligated to be nice to me? And then I’m interpreting that as something more?” Max said, letting out the thoughts that had whirled around in her brain for the whole weekend. El nodded, considering her words. After a minute she said:

“It’s a tricky situation. And something you definitely need to clear up with him. But Max…”

“I just don’t think that’s the case,” she added, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“What do you mean?” Max asked, furrowing her brow in confusion.

“When we were at Mike’s, I saw how he looked at you when you didn’t notice. And I didn’t want to say anything because you said you two were just back to friends, but… I would think you’re pretty close to a 90 percent chance here,” El said, her encouraging smile widening. Max blinked her eyes, taking this information in as she took another bite of pizza. The Thanksgiving night had only been a little over a week ago but it already felt ages away. But if El was right, if Lucas really had looked at her like that? And then there had been that moment later in his room…

“What is it?” El asked, her curiosity peaked. Seemed like Max's thoughts were visible on her face.

“That night, when we went back to his house, we umm…” Max started, biting down on her lip before blurting out her next words.

“We almost kissed.”

“What? Did you?” El asked, her eyes wide as she leaned towards her over the table.

“No, we didn’t. But I really wish we had,” Max said, burying her heated face in her hands. It was the first time she’d admitted it out loud. Because yes, she had wanted to kiss him then, the soft light of the bedside lamp catching the raindrops on his cheeks, creating droplets of light along his skin as he looked down at her, his heartbeat quick after the almost fall, and so strong she swore she could feel it as they were almost pressed together, both holding each other upright. Why hadn’t she just done it? Things hadn’t been exactly breezy even then, but now after the dinner, the fight and Erica’s accident, they were ten times more complicated.

“Wow, okay then,” El said, trying to process her words as she took a bite of pizza. She chewed on it, thinking and then said:

“Did you ask him about the kiss? Would he have wanted that to happen too?”

“No, the dinner ruined everything, we never got to talk about it,” Max said, cutting into her pizza.

“Well why don't you bring it up with him tonight?” El asked, excitement rising onto her face.

Max let out an apprehensive noise, lifting her palms up. Because she knew she should. But there was still something gnawing at her.

“It's just that…” she started, swirling around the straw in her glass again.

“What if he says yes? What if he feels the same way? What then?”

“I'm leaving in two weeks, what use would it be to talk about that with him now? It's no use, it's too late,” Max explained, seeing El looking over at her with compassion and understanding on her face.

“And not only that,” Max added, feeling her voice getting tense, the guilt and panic rising up in her.

“If I told him that I… If I told him that I wanted to try this again now, only to move halfway across the country again? How would that be any different from what I did when I broke up with him last time? I just can't do it to him a second time. I don't want to hurt him ever again. Not even if it ends up hurting me, I…”

“Hey, hey,” El said, her voice soft and compassionate as she reached out her hand to hold Max’s over the table. Her eyes were kind and understanding as she squeezed her hand and Max bit down on her lip, trying to keep it together. Why was she like this? Why did the mere thought of Lucas ever getting hurt again feel like a punch to her gut? Why was she second guessing everything and trying to push aside her own feelings for him to make sure he wouldn't get hurt? And why the hell, at a time like this, was she suddenly hit by a memory of her and Lucas, him holding her as they lied in his bed, her crying into the front of his t-shirt after a particularly terrible fight with Billy. What had made it worse was that in the middle of it all Max had snapped at her mom and she was feeling horrible about it and as she cried Lucas kept reassuring her that everything would be okay, she could apologize to her mom tomorrow, she wasn't like her step-brother, she was a good person.

And now, after five years, she was determined to be that good person, for him. Even if it meant she would only be his friend.

 

Max took a steadying breath, her thoughts clearing, and looked back at El.

“Max,” El started after a moment, her voice gentle.

“You're right, it's a complicated situation, and I'm not sure what I should tell you to do. But whatever you choose to do, please talk to Lucas. You're right in that he doesn't deserve to get hurt again, but neither do you. So please speak with him, make sure you're both on the same page, whatever that might be,” she said, her brown eyes sincere as she held Max’s gaze.

“Okay. I will,” Max answered, nodding. Her thoughts were clear now but it didn't stop the cold dread from spreading in the pit of her stomach. Because she knew what she had to do.

 

 ----------------------------

 

Lucas could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage as he walked up the stairs to the apartment. He’d had the whole bus ride up to Chicago to think about this, and after what Erica had said, he had decided his plan of action. He would tell Max. He’d tell her that he had thought about her and their talk for the whole weekend. He’d tell her how right it had felt that night at the hospital, talking to her, confining in her, holding her hand in his. He’d tell her he still thought about the kiss that could’ve happened that night in his room. And then he’d tell her that he’d like for them to try this again. She’d look surprised at first but then she’d smile and say that she felt the same way and then they’d kiss and laugh about how this had taken so long, and then they’d celebrate by getting Chinese food from the place down the street. Yeah, he had this all planned out.

Lucas took out his key as he got to the door of the apartment, taking a steadying breath as he worked on opening the lock. He tried really hard to suppress the stupid excited grin he had on his face - he didn’t want to freak Max out - but it was hard, he was so ready to finally see her and tell her what he had to say. He swung open the door to the apartment.

“Hey, I’m back!” he called out, looking around but not seeing her in the kitchen or living room.

“Hi!” Max’s voice came in from her room and there was the sound of her steps as she walked in. Lucas was taking off his coat but paused as he saw her. She was in sweatpants and a striped t-shirt, her red hair falling over her shoulders, and he was pretty sure she had never looked more beautiful.

“Hi,” he said back, trying his best to keep his voice steady, tearing his eyes away from hers to go and hang up his coat.

“How was the bus ride?” Max asked politely, but Lucas could sense there was something in her voice, hiding behind her words.

“Nothing special. It was just a regular old bus,” he answered, turning to look at her again. There was a restlessness and skittishness about her, in the way her eyes were a bit wide, in the way her hands were fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Before the restlessness had time to catch up to him as well, Lucas spoke:

“But umm, I actually wanted to talk to you about…”

“Hey you hungry? Cause I got some leftover pizza from earlier I can heat up?” Max cut in before he could finish, her voice tense and a little high-pitched and before he could answer she zoomed past him and into the kitchen, getting a leftover container from the fridge.

“I guess?” Lucas said, confused, and she nodded, getting out a plate and setting a couple of slices of pizza on it.

“Okay great! Me and El went to get pizza to celebrate my article finally being ready and the pizzas were _huge_ so we got some leftovers. I mean there’s also some pasta left from yesterday if you’re more into that?” Max rattled on quickly, her movements jerky and fast as she moved around the small kitchen, putting the pizza into the microwave and setting the time before swirling around to open the fridge again and showing him a tupperware filled with leftover pasta. And all the while her voice was so tense, she almost sounded scared. And it all made a sense of dread creep into Lucas’s stomach. What’d happened?

“I’m good with pizza, thanks,” Lucas said, setting down his bag as he tried to think of what to do. Max nodded quickly, shutting the door of the microwave and turning it on. Suddenly finding she had nothing to do, she leaned on the counter, her fingers drumming impatiently against the surface. Neither of them said anything, the tension hanging heavy in the air as the microwave whirred on.

“Max?” Lucas finally said, taking a tentative step towards her. This was not how he had imagined this would go in his head, but he was still determined to tell her what he had to say.

“Hmm?” Max voiced in a question, whipping her head to the side to look at him, her lips pursed tightly together. It was like she knew something bad was about to happen but she couldn’t do anything about it.

“Everything okay? You just seem a little...tense?”

“What? No I’m fine, it’s fine,” Max assured him, waving her hand in dismissal.

“Just been stressful with the article and everything.”

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?” Lucas asked, settling to stand a couple of feet from her, giving her some space.

“Thanks, but I’m good,” Max said, giving him a polite but strained smile before turning back to stare at the microwave.

“Okay,” Lucas said again and they were silent for a bit, the hum of the microwave continuing until it ended with an abrupt ding. Which Lucas took as a sign for him to finally open his mouth.

“Max I just wanted to tell you…” he started but Max shook her head, picking up the plate of pizza from the microwave.

“Come on, eat first, don’t want this getting cold, it’s so good! The place was so fancy, it was over in…” she started to ramble again, rounding the counters to go and set the plate down.

“No, I want to say this first,” Lucas interrupted her, his voice a little more assertive now. He had no idea what she was freaked out about, but he was sure this would help her calm down. Max looked over at him as he slowly walked over to her, gulping as he readied himself to say the words he had practiced over and over again on his way there. Her whole body looked fidgety and tense as she stood and waited for what he had to say and as he got to her, Lucas reached his hand to lightly hold onto hers. At that she turned to look away, but didn’t say anything or draw her hand back. Which was good, right?

“Okay so, I’ve been thinking this weekend. And yeah before that too, but especially after we talked at the hospital,” Lucas started, feeling himself start to ramble so he took a breath to remember what he had planned to say.

“But when we talked, I just got this feeling that… I don’t know… It was just so easy and it just felt right,” Lucas continued, starting to feel his cheeks heat up and his palms getting clammy. But Max still wasn’t saying anything, still wasn’t looking at him. He couldn’t even see her eyes from where her hair had fallen on her face as she looked away. But still he continued.

“And so I guess I just realized that I should tell you. I should tell you that I think I…”

“No,” Max mumbled quietly, sounding pained.

“What?” Lucas asked, completely stunned. Max finally looked back at him, and she was biting down on her lip, her eyes glassy.

“I bought my plane tickets,” she said, her voice breaking as she did. She tried to pull herself together, blinking her eyes as she looked away, setting her jaw resolutely.

“What?” Lucas asked again, feeling like he was suddenly in free-fall. His hand fell too, letting go of hers. No. That’s not what he had planned on her to say.

“December 21st. The flight leaves O’Hara at ten thirty in the morning,” Max explained, her voice monotonous as she walked past him, picking up an envelope with the ticket from the kitchen counter.

“Just bought them earlier today,” she explained, taking out the ticket for him to see before shoving it back into the envelope.

“But…” Lucas started, pausing to find the words to say. His brain was all over the place.

“But what does that have to do with..?”

“It has everything to do with…” Max cut in, dropping the envelope back down, groaning and running her hand over her face before continuing.

“Lucas, that’s in two weeks. Two weeks and I’ll be gone. And I have no idea when I’ll be coming back.”

“So I can’t hear you saying things like that and then leave, no matter how much I want to hear them, how much I want to say them too…”

“So you’re saying that..?” Lucas started, a flicker of hope back, warming his heart, as he took a step towards her. But Max shook her head, backing away from him.

“It doesn’t matter!” she exclaimed.

“Yes it does! Max, of course it matters!” Lucas said, catching up to her, the dumb smile back on his face.

“Because that would solve everything! It would be the best thing I’d ever heard! To hear you felt the same way, that you…”

“Stop!”

“Just shut up, okay! Talking about this wouldn’t solve anything! It would only make everything more complicated,” Max asserted, her words forceful but there was a hint of pain in them, no matter how hard she was trying to mask it.

“How?” Lucas asked, letting out a confused laugh. “How would talking complicate things?”

“Because you don’t know what you’re talking about! You’ve been through a lot these past few days, you’re not thinking straight. If you say it now, you’ll regret it.”

“You’re right. It’s been a lot. But I’m sure about this. I guess I have been for a while now and…” Lucas explained, pausing to gather his thoughts, to grab ahold of the words and thoughts all scrambled together in his brain.

“I think this is the easiest thing I’ve had to say in a while.”

“Easy? You think this is easy? Deciding to buy those tickets, knowing that there’s no way of knowing when I’ll be back? You think I don’t...” Max said, her voice getting louder, more hysterical, tears dangerously close to escaping her eyes now. But then she screwed her eyes shut, composing herself, wiping her face. Lucas tried to reach his hand out to hers, but she shoved it away.

“We can’t make this even more complicated than it already is. I’m leaving in two weeks, and that’s that. End of discussion,” she stated, her voice cold, but Lucas could sense it was a front. She turned to walk towards her room. Lucas figured it was best not to go after her but it didn’t stop him from speaking. There was clearly something going on with her, and they could talk it through. But first he needed her to hear what he had to say.

“But it doesn’t change the fact that I…” he started, but Max cut him off, whipping her head back to look at him.

“Don’t! Please don’t say it. I can’t have this be any harder than it has to be. Can we just go back to being friends? Forget all this? Please?,” Max pleaded, looking back at him from the doorway, a single tear escaping her eye and falling down her cheek.

And Lucas stood in place, helplessly opening and closing his mouth, trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened in the past five minutes. How his carefully crafted plan had pretty much crumbled to the ground and left him in vertigo. He could see there was something behind her words, and he wanted to hold her, ask her what was wrong, ask how he could help her. But he also knew that he couldn’t do that right now. It was not the time, they were both too confused right now, too stubborn, and if he would try, they might end up saying things they didn’t mean.

So he balled up his hands that were itching to reach out for her and nodded.

“Okay,” he simply said, his voice defeated but understanding, as he lifted his eyes to hers, trying to find a crack thought which he could reach her through the layers of fear and doubt. But there weren’t any. Not yet. Max nodded tightly and then she walked into her room, closing the door behind her without looking back. And though her flight wouldn’t leave in two more weeks, it felt she was halfway across the country already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thank you for reading! Hope you liked this chapter! You didn't think it would be all smooth sailing from the last chapter? Hahaha, sorry! Just a few more chapters left, I'm so excited to finish this, as it will be the first multi-chapter fic I've finished! Thank you everyone who's stuck with this story for the past fifteen chapters, reading your comments and knowing that there are people out there who read my writing makes me so happy! Let me know your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to hear them!


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With her leaving Chicago in just two weeks, Max is determined to keep up the front and pretend that she doesn't want to take the next step and admit her feelings for Lucas. She is doing it for his sake after all, he doesn't deserve to get his heart broken by her again. But as the day of her flight back to San Diego gets closer, both of them are finding it harder and harder to keep their honesty at bay.

Having bought the plane tickets, Max had given her departure a set date, and now it felt like the days were just flying towards December 21st. Which she welcomed in a way as it kept her busy and didn’t leave her much time to really think about what was going on, to think about whether she had done the right thing or not, lying to Lucas about not wanting to take the next step. Because she really wanted to. When he’d come back to the apartment, looking so nervously happy and excited, it had broken her heart in half having to turn him down. But that had been for his own good, Max kept repeating to herself that night after she had locked herself in her room and lied in her bed feeling absolutely terrible. It was better to put a stop to it all now before she would inevitably hurt him more. Because that would happen if they got together now, only for her to leave again. And he didn’t deserve it, he deserved to be happy, even if she wasn’t.

But it didn’t mean Max didn’t feel absolutely horrible about it. During the last two weeks in the apartment she would find the smallest of ways to at least try to make it up to him. She’d wash the dishes even though it wasn’t her turn, or buy his favorite type of chips, or rent a movie he’d mentioned a while back. That was eight days before she would leave, a grey and miserable rainy Monday. Max had swung by Blockbuster on her way back from work and when she got back she saw Lucas sitting slumped over some textbooks at the counter. He’d been working hard on an assignment for the past week and Max had figured he deserved a break.

“Hey,” she said, closing the door behind her and taking off her rain-soaked coat. There still wasn’t any snow, the one thing she liked about Midwestern winters.

“Hi,” Lucas said, sounding bored out of his mind as he flipped through the textbook.

“Hey so I know you have a fun night planned with…” Max started, walking in, gesturing her hand at the book in front of Lucas.

“Analytical dynamics?” he supplied and Max continued:

“Yeah, that. But I remember you said you hadn’t seen the newest Lethal Weapon yet, so…” She fished the vhs tape from her bag, placing it on the counter next to him. Lucas furrowed his brows, picking up the tape and pushing his reading glasses up on his forehead.

“You did?” he asked, looking up at her, surprised, and Max still had no idea what it was with him and those stupid glasses but it still didn’t stop her heart from squeezing painfully in her chest.

“Yeah, of course. Figured since you’ve been swamped with work lately, a dumb action movie would give you a good break?” she explained, looking away as she went to take off her winter boots.

“Thanks,” Lucas said and Max turned to look at him to say it was no big deal. But when she did she saw him looking at her with those same eyes he had when she had asked him to drop it, to forget the idea of them getting together again. The look was gentle, tentative, wistful, all the words she had asked him not to say out loud so clear on his face. And Max wanted nothing more than just give up trying to be reasonable and just run to him and kiss him. To apologize and tell him it was all a front, she felt the same way too. But she had to be reasonable. After the shit she’d put him through, she needed to be. So she looked away and said it was no problem. And then they spent the night watching the movie, sitting on their opposite ends of the couch, avoiding making eye contact.

 

Four days before she would leave, Max had her last day at her internship and later that night the whole party that was in town went out to the karaoke bar to celebrate it, and to throw her a farewell party of sorts. Max was glad they were all there and yes it was fun seeing Dustin roping a reluctant Mike on stage with him to sing Elton John. But she couldn't help but feel weird for the whole night. Every sweet thing El said, every sarcastic quip Mike made, every dumb pun from Dustin… They all just reminded her of that fact that she was leaving them all again. She had finally worked through the separation of the four years that had passed, they all had, and now she was about to leave once more. This time she was determined to not repeat her past mistakes, she would not cut ties with them, no matter how much she reasoned herself it would somehow be best for them.

“I propose a toast!” Dustin declared theatrically, lifting up his glass of beer that was half empty, but still somehow managed to spill some on Lucas sitting next to him. It was getting really late and the bar was emptying out now that the karaoke was done for the night. All of them seated in their familiar booth lifted up their drinks.

“I'd do this at the airport, but as already established, my douche of a professor has decided that day out of all days for our final, so I'll just do this here,” Dustin explained, clearing his throat.

“A toast to all of us for surviving another semester. And for El, for your new job you're absolutely awesome at!” he continued and tilted his glass over to El's direction, and everyone else did the same, with tired yet warm smiles. She mouthed a thank you, her smile wide and her cheeks reddened where she was sitting, comfortably leaning onto Mike's side.

“And then of course, to the woman of the hour. A toast to Max!” Dustin continued, turning to face Max, who felt her cheeks heat up as the others did the same.

“For surviving the Midwest fall and proving you hadn't gotten all soft over there in California. And for nailing that internship and officially beginning your journalist career. And for coming back to us losers, it was great having you back,” Dustin concluded, his words sincere as he tilted his glass over to her and Max smiled at him, blinking her eyes rapidly. She was not about to start crying over this.

“Thank you,” she replied and before she actually started to get too sentimental, she turned to everyone, lifting up her glass.

“Cheers!” she said and everyone echoed her words, lifting up their drinks and clinking their glasses together, reaching over the table to do so.

“Oh and as a farewell slash Christmas gift…” Dustin continued, setting down his glass on the table and digging something from his pockets.

“ _Voila_!” he announced, presenting Max a pair of sunglasses with a ribbon tied to them. The glasses were round and tinted blue, with palm tree print on the frames. Max set her drink down and picked the glasses up, her brows rising but a smile spreading to her face. Ever since they were fourteen, her and Dustin would always give each other these gag gifts for birthdays and Christmases. He’d actually worn the bright neon patterned suspenders she’d gotten him for his birthday to the Sophomore year homecoming dance, and she’d used the pen with the triceratops head on it pretty much all through Junior year. Even with all that, she hadn’t been expecting this at all.

“These are the most hideous pair of sunglasses I've ever seen,” she said with a laugh, taking off the ribbon and quickly putting the glasses on as she looked over at Dustin.

“I love them! Thank you so much!” she said to him and he answered her smile with a grin of his own.

“You're welcome! Figured you'd need them down in the Sunshine State. Plus to hide from the paparazzi now that you're a famous writer and all,” Dustin explained as Max turned to the others, turning her head from side to side, showing off the glasses.

“Yeah she'll look real inconspicuous in those,” Mike pointed out and El giggled next to him, reaching out her hand towards Max to grab the glasses to try on too.

“Isn’t Florida the sunshine state? Not California?” Lucas corrected Dustin as he passed over the glasses from Max to El. Dustin just shrugged as El tried on the sunglasses, them eventually ending up on Mike, despite his protests. The glasses stayed propped up on his head for the rest of the night and Max only got them back when they headed out of the bar at closing time. They walked out into the freezing night air and there were hugs and “see you on Tuesdays” from Mike and El before they walked back to their car. And then it was officially time for Max to say goodbye to Dustin. Engulfing her in one of his signature bear hugs, he said:

“It really has been so great to have you back, Max. Please let us know when you’re coming back next.”

“I will. I promised your mom I’d come for dinner, didn’t I?” Max said with a smile as they parted and Dustin mirrored it.

“You sure did. Can’t let her down.”

“But have a safe flight and Merry early Christmas!” Dustin wished her, zipping up his coat against the cold winter night.

“Thanks, and Merry Christmas to you too,” Max replied. Dustin smiled and nodded at that before glancing down at his watch.

“Well I’d better go to catch the bus. But have fun packing, and we’re still on for driving down to Hawkins in your mom’s car, Lucas?”

“Yeah. I’ll call you and we can figure out the details,” Lucas said, and Max turned to him a bit, she’d almost forgotten he was there, he’d been so quiet this whole time, not intruding on the goodbyes.

“Okay, cool. Well good night guys! Bye Max!” Dustin said with a wave of his hand as he started to walk away backwards, nearly running into a garbage can.

“Bye!” Max replied with a wave of her own and then with one last grin Dustin turned to walk away, hurrying across the street to the bus stop.

 

It was almost 3 am when Lucas and Max got back to the apartment, the streets quiet as they walked back from the train. It being Friday night there had been quite a lot of people downtown, despite the cold weather, but as they had gotten further away from the area with the bars and restaurants, the streets were quite desolate. And Max couldn’t blame the people for choosing to stay inside in their warm beds instead of being out on the freezing streets so late at night. If the streets were quiet, she and Lucas were too, and as they got into the apartment they started to get ready for bed in their own rooms, not saying a word. What Max was now realizing though was that Lucas had been quiet the whole night, not saying much at the bar. Maybe he had felt the same awkwardness as she had, the happiness and sentimentality mixed with dread of not knowing when they would ever get to hang out together like that again. The feelings she was causing all them to feel by leaving again. Max sighed, trying to push away that thought as she focused on changing into her pyjamas, throwing her shirt into one of the piles of clothes now on her floor. She had emptied her closet the other day and now all her clothes were divided into the categories of “pack” “throw out” and “wash”. The band tee she had worn all night was definitely going to the wash pile.

Tying her hair up, Max headed to the bathroom to wash up. But as she got there she saw that Lucas was already there, also in his pyjamas, brushing his teeth.

“Oh, sorry,” Max exclaimed, turning to walk away but Lucas mumbled something resembling “it's okay” around his toothbrush and stepped aside a bit to give her room in front of the sink. Max nodded, walking in, trying to ignore how weird this felt as she went to get the makeup remover wipes from her designated drawer. It wasn't like they were never in the bathroom at the same time, there had been a couple of busy mornings before school and work where they'd had to share it while brushing their teeth. But… this felt different somehow. Maybe it was the unsaid words that now hung between them, or the late hour, the exhaustion of the day and the hazy air of the bar lingering, making everything seem slow and languid. Neither of them said anything as they stood side by side in front of the mirror, Max going to remove her makeup and Lucas finishing up brushing his teeth. When he did, going to rinse his mouth and then straightening back up, putting away his toothbrush, he caught Max's eye through the mirror.

“Did you have fun tonight?” she asked, trying to sound casual.

“Oh, yeah, I did,” Lucas answered, picking up his floss container.

“Ok good. You just didn't talk much so I was worried you weren't.”

“No I was just… tired. But it was nice having everyone together for one last time before…” he explained, taking out a piece of floss and winding it around his fingers.

“Yeah, it was. It sucks Dustin can't come to the airport but at least I got to properly say goodbye to him now,” Max said and Lucas nodded, turning away a bit as he used the floss. Max finished cleaning her face and went to reach for her toothbrush.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, her elbow bumping into Lucas as she grabbed the toothbrush from the other side of the sink. He hummed dismissively but didn't say anything as she started to brush her teeth. They were quiet again, the only sounds breaking the silence the running of the water and the occasional sound of a car horn from the street outside. Max finished brushing her teeth and rinsed her mouth, setting her toothbrush back into its holder. When she straightened her back, she saw Lucas looking at her. Before she could ask him what he had on his mind, he spoke:

“Are we doing Christmas presents?” Max furrowed her brow in confusion as she looked back at him. That really came out of left field.

“It’s just…” Lucas started to explain, reaching his hand up to scratch the back of his head.

“I hadn’t even thought about it but then Dustin gave you one so I realized we haven’t even talked about it.”

“Oh,” Max voiced, still a little confused. She hadn’t even thought about the gift Dustin had given her in that way. But of course Lucas had. He was always the polite and courteous one. He’d actually written and mailed out thank you cards for everyone that had been at his eighteenth birthday party. And yeah it was because of his family and how he had been brought up, but he didn’t do any of it out of obligation. He really was considerate like that. And if he ever felt like he owed anyone something, he would not rest until the debt was paid.

“It’s okay, that was just a gag gift,” Max assured him, reaching for her moisturizer, starting to spread it on her face.

“Okay. But there’s still time you know. If you change your mind,” Lucas pointed out. Max looked at him through the mirror, saying:

“It’s all good. Besides, you let me back into the apartment, I think that’s enough of a gift right now.”

“Okay,” Lucas said, nodding.

“But if you change your mind… Let me know.” He looked over at Max as he spoke and the look in his eyes was back again. Not expecting or pressuring but waiting, hoping. And Max knew that he wasn't only talking about Christmas presents.

“Okay. I will. But I'm heading to bed, good night!” Max answered, speaking quickly, wanting to leave the situation before she could let the gaze of his warm brown eyes make her do something dumb.

“Night,” he replied and Max didn't stay to say anything more as she turned around and walked back into her room.

 

It was two days before Max was to leave when she decided she really needed to stop stalling and start packing. She'd never been an efficient packer anyway, but now she found herself pushing starting to pack her things even more than usual. Because when she would, it would bring her one more concrete step closer to leaving. And even though the idea of her leaving had been with her, in the back of her mind for the last weeks, now that it was actually happening, it made her chest ache and her stomach twist. Which was nonsense because she would be going back home, why would it feel weird?

But leaving Chicago would mean leaving everything she had gotten used to in the city during the past four months. Her internship, her daily commute on the train, watching the jetstream streaked evening sky turn gold and pink and violet as she looked up from the street between the high buildings on her way back home to the apartment. The apartment that had no elevator in the building, where it smelled like **sauerkraut** every Thursday because of their next-door neighbor, where she would sit on the window bench in her room into the late hours of the night with her laptop computer, proofreading texts as she watched the bustle of the street below her. The apartment that had the presence of Lucas written all over it. His favorite candy in the kitchen cabinet, his neatly organized toiletries on the bathroom counter, his textbooks on the coffee table in the living room. And there was his music flowing through the small apartment, whether it was a mixtape or an old school Stevie Wonder vinyl like right now. Max could hear the music coming in from the living room and she heard Lucas humming along in the kitchen as he washed the dishes after dinner. She couldn’t help but quietly hum along too as she sorted through the contents of one of her desk drawers. A lot of it was papers from work she wouldn’t be needing, but there were also some things she decided to keep. A pen with the name of the paper on it, a souvenir keychain she had bought that time she and El had gone to the Lincoln Park Zoo. And then there was a tape. When Max had found it at the back of the drawer she’d had no idea how it had gotten there. She remembered grabbing it from Dustin’s mom’s car, but she didn’t remember when she had dumped the Valentine’s Day tape into the desk drawer.

Max pushed her chair away from the desk, turning the tape over in her hands. For some reason she felt weird keeping it to herself. Should she give it back to Lucas? He’d seemed embarrassed when she’d found it in the car, but regardless it was still technically his, so shouldn’t she give it back to him?

“Max? Can you come here for a second?” Lucas asked from the kitchen.

“Sure I can spare a second. Two if I’m feeling nice,” Max called back out, getting up from the chair and putting the cassette into the front pocket of her hoodie. She walked out of her room and into the kitchen where Lucas was setting the last of the dishes on the drying rack.

“I was just wondering what you wanted to do with the stuff left on your shelves here,” he explained, opening the kitchen cabinet and signaling to the still half-full shelf of her food. Max leaned back against the kitchen counter, crossing her arms as she looked up into the cabinet. There was a box of cereal in there, along with a half-empty pack of chips and a tub of marshmallow fluff.

“Well I don't think I'll haul them back home. So it's up to you, you can have them,” Max said with a shrug, walking over to the cabinet and rummaging through it, picking up an almost empty packet of Twizzlers. Lucas nodded, reaching up into the cabinet as well and picking up the cereal box.

“You sure? Are you really leaving behind all this? The whole -” he peeked into the cereal box “- the whole fifteen Lucky Charms?” he concluded, looking over at Max with a grin and she rolled her eyes at him, focusing back on clearing out the cabinet, suppressing a smile. Lucas went back to drain the water from the sink and finishing up his cleaning as Max cleared out gum wrappers and an empty packet that had once held cookies from the cabinet. Neither of them said anything but it wasn't awkward at all, the Stevie Wonder record playing and the bright Christmas lights from the apartment across the street shining through the living room window. All of it was once again acting as a cruel reminder to Max of how things could be between them if she hadn’t broken up with Lucas. That if for a second she would forget all the mess between them, she could pretend that all of this was real. That the timing was actually on their side and they were just quietly going about working on chores in the kitchen of the apartment they actually shared. Pretend that she didn’t know that it wasn’t smart to look over at Lucas as he wiped down the counter, whistling along to the harmonica solo of the Stevie Wonder love song playing. Pretend that the way her heart warmed as she watched him was not something she really shouldn’t be letting happen. But then Lucas turned to glance over at her, finished cleaning up and Max had to stop pretending, and turned to look away and trashed the wrappers she had cleaned out from the kitchen cabinet. Because it was getting harder and harder to stop pretending when his eyes met hers, when he looked over at her in the way only he ever could. Like there was no one else he’d rather be looking at.

Max shut the cabinet door and said:

“Well I’m pretty sure everything there is so full of preservatives you don’t have to worry about them going bad over winter break.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Lucas said with a nod, reaching to the fridge for a bottle of water. He uncapped it, taking a drink and they stood in the kitchen in silence and now the air had shifted, become awkward as they stood leaning on the counters opposite each other.

“And umm,” Max started, just trying to fill the silence.

“You never know. Maybe your next roommate likes marshmallow fluff too and can eat it.” She meant it as a lighthearted comment but right after she’d said it, she realized they’d never talked about that before. About who Lucas would get to rent the room after her. Because obviously he would, he needed someone to split the rent with. But now that she’d said it, Max couldn’t help but feel weird thinking about a faceless stranger living in the apartment instead of her. Having their own designated kitchen drawer, living in her room, walking the three flights of stairs up to the apartment every day. Would that person remember the chore schedule? Would they like the X Files and watch it with Lucas every Friday? Would they joke with him about the weird music taste of their downstairs neighbor?

Max suddenly felt her throat go dry and by glancing at Lucas from the corner of her eye she saw he didn’t look any more comfortable as he stood leaning to the sink, turning the water bottle in his hands.

“Yeah, maybe they do,” he said after a while, a tight smile on his face. Max turned to look down, feeling terrible for bringing this up. She shoved her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie, her fingers finding the tape she had already forgotten about. She wasn’t sure if this was the best time to bring it up, but she needed to break the silence somehow.

“Hey so I was packing and I found something I need to give back to you,” she said, pulling out the cassette from her pocket, trying to sound casual. Lucas looked over at her, setting the water bottle down onto the counter, taking a step towards her as she handed him the tape. He took it, turning it in his hands for a moment, trying to figure out what it was. And then he did, reading the hastily written text on the label and looked back at her, looking surprised and slightly confused.

“Did you steal it from Dustin?” he asked with a surprised smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Well I mean he stole it from you first. And I didn’t even remember taking it from the car but I just found it now and… I figured you should have it back,” Max explained, wringing her hands together. Lucas nodded, looking back down at the tape in his hands, not saying anything.

“I know playing it in the car was super awkward, I get it now. But I was just so surprised to find it, I didn’t even think about it. I shouldn’t have played it,” Max said, trying to read his face. Was he uncomfortable, mad, sad? Lucas shook his head, looking back over at her.

“No, it’s fine, you didn’t know what tape it was, it’s fine. I was just…” he paused, reaching his hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“I guess I was just embarrassed about it. About you finding out I had kept it. Even though Dustin did steal it for two years.”

“It’s okay, I get it. I’d be embarrassed too if you had found the notes and stuff I kept,” Max countered and saw Lucas’s brows rise slightly in amusement.

“Wait, what stuff?” he asked, the curiosity on his face even clearer now.

“Oh you know. Just...old movie ticket stubs and notes from class and stuff. Doesn’t matter,” Max explained, waving her hand dismissively, trying to ignore the way she felt her cheeks heating up.

“Okay,” Lucas said, drawing out the word a bit and even though Max wasn’t looking at him she could hear the small smile still on his face. She sighed, why had she had to bring that up?

“Yeah so I get why you’d feel embarrassed. So I’m sorry for springing it up on you like I did.”  
“But in any case, I made it for you, so it’s yours to keep,” she concluded, gesturing over at the tape and Lucas looked down at it again.

“Still?” he asked, his voice sounding careful, disbelieving.

“Yeah. It’s still yours,” Max answered with a nod, her voice honest and sure and somehow quieter now, and then Lucas looked at her again. Max figured it was to say something, but he stayed quiet. Instead he just held her gaze, his deep eyes gentle and careful and sincere and Max felt her heart squeeze. She hadn’t realized how close together they were standing, him barely a foot away from her as he leaned down just a little to look at her. Somehow without neither of them noticing they had both gravitated towards each other, the space between them slowly disappearing. And Max wanted nothing more than to close it completely, to lean up to meet him, to let her guard down and finally feel his lips against hers again after all these years. But she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t hurt him like that. And she wouldn’t.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lucas asked, his tone concerned, the look on his face shifting to one of worry as his eyes studied her face.

“What? Yeah I’m… I’m fine,” Max assured him, realizing just now that her eyes had started to water. Since when had she become such a crier? First at the bar the other night and now this? She reached her hand up to wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and all the while Lucas didn’t step away, still looking at her with concern.

“Are you sure? Because if you need to talk, it’s okay. You don’t need to spare my feelings or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he said but Max shook her head. 

“No, no, it’s okay. It’s just the move and everything… It’s a lot,” she explained, looking away and clearing her throat.

“But umm, I better get back to packing,” she continued, the first one to step back and Lucas followed her lead and stepped away too, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Okay. But you know if there’s anything you want to talk about or just vent about, you can let me know,” he said, his gaze still sincere as she looked back at him as she started to walk away.

“Okay,” Max answered with a small nod and there was a short beat of a moment where she considered doing just that, letting him know what was on her mind. But then she bit her tongue, stopped herself before she could ruin the front she had been succeeded in upholding so far. As much as it hurt to not be completely honest with him, it was for his own good, and she couldn’t be weak and selfish and cave in. Not when she was only two days away from leaving. So she gave Lucas one more polite smile before turning around and walking back into her room, the Stevie Wonder record continuing to play in the living room as she went back to emptying her room, wiping the tears away from her eyes as she did.

  
  
\-----------------------------

 

The final weeks of Max’s time in Chicago seemed to fly by, and before long it was the night before her flight back to San Diego. Lucas had had a final group project meeting before the winter break and he’d gotten back to the apartment late, carrying Chinese takeout containers, the final celebratory meal they had decided on that morning. Max was in the bathroom, clearing out her cabinet as Lucas got back into the apartment, setting the food down on the kitchen counter.

“Hey, I got the food!” he called out, taking off his coat.

“Awesome, I’m starving!” Max answered. There was a loud sound that must have been a bunch of bottles and toiletries falling on the floor and she swore, continuing:

“Shit! I’ll be right there, just need to take care of this first.”

“Okay,” Lucas said, going to take the takeout containers out of the plastic bag, and getting everything ready for dinner. He reached into the kitchen cabinet to pick up two glasses and as he did, he couldn’t help but notice how weird it looked in the kitchen right now. It was messy but empty at the same time, as Max had emptied her designated cabinet and fridge shelf, but there were still miscellaneous things scattered here and there. The same was true for the whole apartment, the whole air of it was different now that everything Max had brought with her was gone and packed away. It had been the same when Mike had moved out that past summer, but Lucas had known to expect it, as he had lived in the apartment for a lot longer. But not until she had actually started packing, had Lucas realized how much of an imprint her stay had left in the apartment in the past four months. She was constantly rearranging the fridge magnet letters into words of varying levels of profane, and she tended to leave her makeup scattered on the bathroom counter which annoyed him at first but he’d gotten used to it by now. That was the thing. He’d gotten so used to her presence already, he hadn’t expected it to happen in such a short time. And he knew coming back to the apartment alone after dropping her off at the airport tomorrow would feel so strange.

“Alrighty, I think I got all of my things from the bathroom,” Max said, coming into the kitchen, pulling her hair into a ponytail with a green scrunchie. She walked up to the counter where Lucas was opening up the styrofoam containers of food, the smell of fried noodles and sweet and sour chicken filling the room.

“That looks so good!” Max exclaimed, picking up a plate Lucas had set down for her, and pretty much bouncing up and down as she eyed the food in front of her.

“Thank you for getting it. How much was it?” she asked as Lucas also took his plate, starting to scoop rice onto it.

“Oh don’t worry about it, I got it,” he said with a shrug, passing the container of rice to her.

“Yeah? Cause I can pay for half to make it fair?” Max suggested, looking at him from the other side of the counter, her expression considerate and careful.

“Yeah, it’s fine, no big deal,” Lucas assured her and she nodded, taking the rice he was handing over to her, her eyes still on him, gauging his reaction, waiting him to change his mind. This was something she had done for the past two weeks, always watching him, making sure she wasn’t inconveniencing him or making him do something he didn’t want to. After she had stopped him from telling her how he felt that night he got back to Chicago, it felt like she was walking on eggshells around him, trying to make up for it. And he appreciated it, but he’d much preferred it if she’d just let him speak, and talked this all through with him before she left again. She had said she didn’t want them to say anything that would change things between them, to stop things from being as good as they had finally started to become between them. But that hadn’t really helped, the awkwardness of their first weeks in the apartment together was back, and Lucas felt like there was this invisible wall in front of her now. There were moments when he saw it shift, when they would slip into easy and relaxed conversation when watching tv or working side by side in the kitchen. And in those moments he couldn’t help but let himself have hope again. Hope that she would open up to him about whatever it was that was on her mind and they could move past it. But whenever that happened, he also couldn’t help himself, his emotions and thoughts clear on his face when he looked over at her when she was sitting on the sofa next to him, imitating the serious-sounding news anchor with perfect accuracy, or when she was elbows deep in dish water, blowing a strand of hair away from her face in annoyance over the lasagna dish that just refused to get clean. Every time she would notice the look on his face and her own expression would instantly shift, the invisible wall coming up in front of her once more. The last thing Lucas wanted was to freak her out, but he just couldn’t help it. He tried so hard not to push her but he just needed her to know that she could talk to him. About whatever it was that was on her mind, making her distance herself from him.

They filled their plates with food and settled into the living room, watching some Seinfeld reruns, the Monday night programming not particularly great. They ate in a comfortable silence, once in a while quietly laughing at a joke or pointing something out, but soon enough their plates as well as the Styrofoam containers were empty. When the credits rolled for another episode, Max yawned, getting up and taking their plates from the coffee table, heading for the kitchen.

“I think that’s all for me for tonight. Still have a ton to pack,” she said, going to drop the dishes into the sink. Lucas looked at his watch and figured she was right, it was almost ten pm already. Hearing Max starting to run the water in the kitchen Lucas got up.

“I can take care of the dishes, you can go and finish your packing,” he said, walking over to the kitchen. Max turned to look at him, bottle of dish soap already in hand.

“You sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, you’ve got more important things to do,” Lucas assured her, walking up to her. She furrowed her brow, going to turn off the tap.

“But you already paid for the food,” she pointed out.

“Max, seriously, it’s fine. Go pack, I’ll deal with this,” Lucas said once more and she sighed in resignation, passing the dish soap over to him.

“Fine. But you’re really messing up my procrastination schedule,” Max pointed out, more lighthearted as he took the bottle from her, taking her place in front of the sink.

“But thank you,” she added, looking over at him, her expression sincere. And then she walked away, turning to wish him goodnight before going into her room.

 

After finishing washing the dishes Lucas went back to watch some more tv. It was nearing midnight when he finally got up from the couch, yawning as he turned off the tv and the lights and started to make his way towards his room. Passing the closed door to Max’s room Lucas could hear shuffling noises as she was busy finishing up her packing. He didn’t say anything, letting her concentrate on her task. Instead he went into his room, closing the door behind him, figuring he’d just go to sleep. He already knew tomorrow would be weird, and he needed all the sleep he could get. But he didn’t sleep. He couldn’t. It was nearing two in the morning and Lucas still found himself turning over on his bed, taking turns staring at the mocking red digits of his alarm clock and then the dark ceiling above him. He should be falling asleep already, he was exhausted. But at the same time he could feel his whole body thrumming with this nervous energy, his brain working overtime, the exhaustion only making it worse. His mind was yelling at him to do something, anything. But what was there left to do? Lucas tried to reason with himself as he again turned onto his back, looking up at the streak of faint streetlight splayed onto the ceiling from the crack in his curtains. Max was leaving the next morning and there was nothing he could do about it. She didn’t want to talk about them, she’d made it very clear. She was already stressed out about moving, the last thing she needed was him bringing it up again. If he’d ever had the chance to speak to her, to tell her how he felt, that moment had passed, and it was too late now. He should just let it go, admit that the timing just wasn’t on their side.

Accepting that didn’t help him fall asleep, though, and Lucas sighed in annoyance as he turned onto his side, pulling the covers over himself. Maybe he’d get something to drink. The numbers on his alarm clock read 1:37 when he got out of bed, pulling a sweatshirt over his t-shirt in the chilly apartment as he headed out of his room. He cracked the door open and stepped out onto the hallway, trying his best to be as quiet as possible. If Max had had better luck falling asleep than he had, she didn’t need him waking her up. Wanting to make sure that he hadn’t woken her up, Lucas looked in the direction of Max’s room, surprised to see the door halfway open. He took a quiet step forward along the hallway, trying to see into the room. There were clothes strewn around all over the floor around the open suitcase and the small bedside lamp was on but the bed itself was empty, not even a cover on top of it. Confused, Lucas took a step closer, poking his head through the doorway.

“Hi,” Max’s voice said, in half a whisper in the quiet room and Lucas turned his head towards the voice, seeing that she was sitting on the bench in front of the window, her feet propped up in front of her and the duvet wrapped around her.

“Hi, sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Lucas apologized, starting to take a step back, not wanting to seem like he was intruding.

“No, it’s fine. Can’t sleep either?” Max asked, wrapping the stripey patterned duvet tighter around herself. She didn’t sound surprised to see him, or mad, her tone level and conversational but tired as she looked out the window.

“No. I was actually going to get some water, do you want any?” Lucas asked and she turned back to look at him from across the room, nodding.

“Yeah, sure.” At that Lucas nodded too, turning and walking into the kitchen. He acted mechanically, taking out cups from the kitchen cabinet and filling them up with tap water. He didn’t want to think too much about this and give his brain a chance to run with it, ensuring he didn’t get any sleep for the rest of the night. She was stressed out about moving, as could be expected, and he was just helping her out.

Lucas walked away from the kitchen, slowing down as he reached the doorway to Max’s room, waiting for her to see him before walking in. Respecting each other’s privacy and staying out of each other’s rooms was just as much part of their roommate arrangement as were the dishwashing schedule and the designated kitchen cabinets. Max looked over at him, a small appreciative smile rising to her face and Lucas walked into the room, careful not to trip over anything on the floor and spill the water.

“Thanks,” Max said as Lucas handed the mug to her. She’d stuck out one hand from underneath her blanket and used it to grab the cup and take a drink. Lucas wasn’t sure if he should sit down, so he remained standing, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, also taking a drink of water to have something to do. Max had turned back to look out the window, the side street beyond it still and quiet in the late night.

“Can’t believe I didn’t get to see any snow while I was here,” she suddenly said, thinking out loud, Lucas guessed.

“It’s the one redeeming quality about winters in the Midwest, and I missed it,” she continued, turning to look at Lucas, a faint sideways smile on her face.

“The forecast said we’re supposed to get some snow next week,” Lucas commented, still standing a couple of feet away from the bench. Max sighed dramatically.

“Figures,” she said, adding:

“I guess timing has never been my thing.” Not sure if that was something she wanted to hear an answer to, Lucas just hummed in response, taking another sip of water. It seemed like Max wasn’t expecting an answer as she sighed, setting down her cup on the bench next to her.

“So, what’s keeping you up?” she asked, looking up at Lucas, shifting her legs so that even though she was sitting sideways on the bench, there was still room for him to sit down and do the same. Still Lucas hesitated for a moment, his gaze moving from the bench to Max. She shrugged at this, nodding her head towards the empty space in invitation.

“Well I don’t know really…” Lucas started answering her question as he sat down, awkwardly trying to position himself on the bench to mirror the way she was sitting while still making sure there was space between them.

“There’s just been so much going on, so my brain has decided it doesn’t want to sleep I guess,” he explained, speaking the truth but figuring he shouldn’t go into details on how much of his brain capacity was designated to thinking about her.

“Yeah, mine too,” Max said with a sigh, massaging her temple with her fingers.

“I’ll be back in San Diego in just a little over twelve hours and the idea of that is just messing up my brain,” she explained.

“I can imagine. Must be weird going back there from the middle of this winter,” Lucas said.

“Yeah. But it’s not just that,” Max started, adjusting the duvet tighter around herself. She paused, opening and closing her mouth as she formed her words.

“When I decided to come here for my internship… My only reason was to just get away from California, from all the changes in my family. With my dad’s new family. I figured if I got away from it for a few months, I’d figure out a plan, that’d I’d get some sort of epiphany on what I want to do after I graduate but…” Max paused, shrugging.

“I haven’t. If anything, I’m even more confused than I was before.”

“We’ll be spending Christmas with Darlene’s extended family for the first time this year. And I had it all imagined that I’d get there, and have all these great plans I could tell everyone about. That I would just waltz in and be this successful journalist with grand plans for the future. But I’m not.”

“It was only four months, it’s perfectly okay not to have gotten everything figured out in that time,” Lucas said, also setting his cup down.

“Yeah I know. And I know it’s stupid, but I guess I just kept on waiting for an idea to just come to me. About what I should do with my family, what I should do once I graduate, what I should do after that. But that didn’t happen, and now… I have no idea about any of those things,” Max concluded, wrapping the comforter around herself, folding inwards, deflated.

“Well maybe if… Maybe if you take those things one at a time?” Lucas suggested after a moment. Max looked at him in question and so he continued:

“What do you think you should do in regard to your family? What’s the problem there? Your dad’s new wife?”

“Yeah. Or I don’t know,” Max started, sighing.

“It’s not her personally, she’s a nice enough person but… With her marriage to my dad and the new baby and everything… I just feel like… like there is no room for me anymore.”

“And I know it sounds pathetic, I’m a grown-ass adult, it shouldn’t bother me, they don’t need me as part of their new little family anymore,” she hurried to add, her tone self-deprecating as she looked out the window.

“It doesn’t sound pathetic. Not at all,” Lucas told her and she turned to look back at him, unsure.

“It’s a new situation, I completely understand why you’d feel a little out of place,” he added, holding Max’s gaze and she was quiet for a second, considering his words. Sighing, she spoke again:

“What should I do? You’re great with your family, I’m sure you know how I should go about this.”

“Well I wouldn’t say…” Lucas started, his brows furrowing in denial but Max cut him off:

“No, it’s true. Your family is awesome so that helps obviously, but you’re so good at things like this, Lucas. You might not always get along with everyone in your family but you always make up, and you respect each other and listen to each other and it’s clear how much you care for your family,” she explained, her words honest, her gaze steady on him.

“Well, I guess,” Lucas admitted half-heartedly, taken aback by her words.

“It’s one of the things I admire most about you, you know,” Max pointed out and now Lucas was even more surprised. He had no idea this was something she had noticed about him and payed attention to.

“Yeah?” he voiced, cautiously, and Max nodded.

“Yeah. I guess if I have nothing else figured out when I go back home, maybe you could teach me how to be a bit more like you, so I could at least have that?” Max asked, wrapping the duvet better around herself again.

“Umm, okay, sure,” Lucas said, taking a moment to think of what to say. He looked out the window, trying to figure out what to tell Max. Yes she had talked about her family, about the new, messy situation she was in, but he still didn’t know everything about it. How should he go about giving her advice on it?

“Well I know you love your dad a lot. And he loves you too. So even if he has been focused on his new wife and baby, I have no doubt that if you tell him you’re feeling left out, he’ll hear you out,” he spoke, steady and calm into the night air between them, Max turning to look at him from where she had been looking down at the cup of water in her hands.

“You think so?” she asked, hesitant.

“Yeah, just tell him how you feel. Also I know it could be hard, but try to see his side in all of it too. It’s probably been a hectic couple of years for him too, he’s probably still adjusting to it all just like you are,” Lucas added and Max nodded in understanding, taking his words in.

“And when it comes to meeting his new wife’s family? I know this sounds super cheesy but just… try to give them a chance. You haven’t met them before, so just try and go into it with an open mind,” he said, and there was a small sideways smile on Max’s face.

“You’re right, it sounds really cheesy,” she said, bringing her cup up.

“But it wouldn’t hurt to try I guess,” she added with a shrug before taking a drink. Lucas mirrored her actions, also taking a drink of water and then they were quiet again, looking out at the dark street outside.

 

After a while Max set down her cup, her tone more conversational as she spoke:

“Are you going home to your family for the whole break?”

“Yeah, I just talked to Dustin today, we are driving down on Thursday,” Lucas answered.

“Remember to say hi to them from me. And I never got to sign or draw anything on Erica’s cast, so I give you the privilege to do that for me,” Max said, the side of her mouth quirking up into a slight smile.

“Such an honor, I won’t let you down,” Lucas assured her, his tone lighthearted.

“You better not. I’m expecting a quality drawing. Three different markers minimum,” Max explained, pointing at Lucas with the index finger of the hand she had dug out from under the blanket.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” Lucas said, a smile stretching onto his face, mirroring hers.

“I don’t think I ever told you, but it was such a trip being back at your house,” Max said then.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, it was great, your family was so lovely to me and even the foldout couch wasn’t that bad. It’s just that… being there, seeing everything, it just brought back so many memories,” she explained.

“And I guess that’s a good thing too, but it really threw me for a loop. I’d look around in the guest bathroom and remember that time when we were helping Erica with her school project and then the glitter glue exploded all over me and it took forever to get out of my hair. Or when we were in your room! Wow.”

Lucas dared a glance over at her, wondering if she was thinking about the same thing he was.

“Yeah that was… Weird for sure,” he agreed, trying to sound casual about it. Like he wasn’t dying to know what was on her mind.

“Can’t believe we actually had to sneak in through your window. Figured we’d be done with that by now,” Max said with a quiet, nostalgic laugh, looking down and shaking her head a bit in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Lucas simply voiced, looking at the way her hair was falling on her face, over her smiling eyes with little crinkles at their corners. She looked back up again and caught his gaze. They looked at each other for a minute, neither of them saying a word but if Lucas was reading the look in her eyes correctly, it looked like she was thinking about the same things he was. The thing they were both carefully toeing around, had been ever since that late night in his bedroom on Thanksgiving. Should he bring it up?

"Can I ask you something?" Max asked before Lucas could decide what to do.

"Oh, yeah, sure. What is it?" he asked in return, ready to hear what she had to say. She nodded, wrapping the blanket around herself as she pursed her lips together, looking like she was debating whether she should speak or not. After a while she seemed to make up her mind as she slowly spoke, her voice quiet and tentative.

"That night. If we'd… If things had gone differently. Do you think that would've changed things?"

Even if he had been quite sure she was thinking about that night, just like he was, the question still caught him off guard. She hadn’t talked like this, with the air of wistfulness and genuine curiosity in such a long time, the invisible wall she had been hiding behind for the past two weeks was all but gone now. Maybe it was the calming dark of the night air folding around them, or the idea of her leaving so soon, but she looked so open, so vulnerable as she looked over at him, awaiting for his answer.

"I… I don't know. Maybe? Hard to guess," Lucas said, stumbling through his words.

"But do you ever think about it?” Max continued, leaning forward to rest her chin on her knees.

“Wonder if things could be different now if we had… "

"I do,” Lucas replied, the words out of his mouth before she even finished her sentence. Because he needed her to know that yes, he did. He thought about it in class, on the bus, when he was working on an assignment at his desk and he would hear her clear laughter from the other room as she was on the phone with El. It wasn’t even a question.  

"Okay," Max replied, her voice a whisper as she looked down, not meeting his gaze, seeming surprised by his answer. But Lucas couldn’t help it. Being honest felt like the right thing to do now.

They were silent for a long while, drinking from their cups in silence as they looked out the window. Glancing over at Max, Lucas could see she was lost in thought, her eyes fixed on something beyond the window. And as he looked at her, he realized there was still something he needed to ask her, something he needed her to give him an answer to, before she left again. If this was the time to be honest, then he shouldn’t hold back.

 

“Why did you break up with me?” he asked, simple and frank, no malice or blame behind his words. He knew he should’ve probably worded it better, but somehow the words just pushed themselves out after years of them being there at the back of his mind. Max turned her head to look at him, surprised.

“I figured if we’re asking honest questions… Might as well ask before you leave,” Lucas explained, his tone keeping level, tiredness creeping into it. Tiredness caused by the late hour, but also by the years he had kept that question in. Max nodded, considering his words.

“Yeah, you’re right. I owe you an answer,” she said, resignation in her voice, like she was expecting this in a way. She turned to look out the window again, her lips pressed together into a tight line as she thought of what to say. She was quiet for a while and maybe Lucas should’ve been worried by the pause, been nervous about if he had been too forward, and also nervous about the answer he would hear. But he wasn’t. After everything, with her leaving again in the morning - the time just felt right.

After a few more minutes of silence marked by a lone car passing by on the street outside, Max sighed and opened her mouth to speak, her eyes staring into the distance beyond the glass of the window, beyond the past few broken years between them.

“I have this habit. Whenever things get difficult, when they can’t be solved with a simple argument and a good yelling; when there are feelings involved, I… I run away. Bet it comes as no news to you though, but… I’ve always done it. Ran over to the skate park when my mom and dad would fight before the divorce, drove away from Billy and Neil, that one time I stormed out of History class when Mr. Wilkerson was being a jerk, when I left our date at that diner after we’d had that argument about who would pay.”

“You hadn’t gotten your paycheck yet that month, of course I would pay for you,” Lucas reminded her.

“Yeah but it was your birthday,” Max sighed, echoing the argument they’ve had five years ago. But there was no malice between neither of their arguments, only nostalgia for the time past, and Lucas shook his head and a small smile tugged at the corner of Max’s mouth. After a beat she sighed, continuing:

“Well either way, that time I really was trying hard not to run. I thought about it for a long time, what we should do after high school. All of you had your plans to go to Illinois Tech and I had sent my applications to a bunch of different schools to keep my options open. We talked about it all together but I thought about it by myself too.”

“About a month before graduation I got the news that I’d gotten financial aid for UC San Diego. But not for the University of Chicago. So as much as I would’ve wanted to stay and go to school here with all you guys like we had planned it just… wasn’t practical,” Max explained, shrugging at the last sentence. Lucas blinked his eyes, trying to take in what she was telling him.

“Why didn’t you tell us? Tell me? We could’ve figured something out,” he asked. How had she never mentioned this?

“I know, but…” Max started, her face looking strained as she tried to explain.

“I didn’t want you guys to feel guilty. You had scholarships, and we all know your family, and Mike’s, are more…” - Max paused, waving her hand, trying to think of a way to say this - “Financially comfortable than mine. So I didn’t want you guys to pity me. Or feel obligated to help me. Like I was leeching off of you.”

“Of course we wouldn’t have thought that way,” Lucas countered, continuing, his tone more quiet, sincere:

“But like you said, we had talked about the option of you going back to California. We could’ve made it work.”

“Maybe. But maybe we couldn’t have. There was no way we could’ve predicted it. We were so used to living so close to each other, seeing each other pretty much every day. There was no way to know how we would’ve reacted to the distance. And I was scared about it. Scared out of my mind,” Max admitted, her voice getting quieter.

“I thought about talking about it with you. But then I would’ve been putting the decision on your conscience as well, and what if we had decided to try to make it work, if I had accepted your help with my college funding and gone to Chicago and _then_ we had fallen apart? That would’ve been on your conscience too. Or worse, you’d feel obligated to stick with me even if we weren’t good together anymore just out of duty. I didn’t want to do that to you. Neither of us would have deserved it,” Max explained, pain creeping into her voice as she continued to look out the window, not meeting his gaze. Lucas sat still, taking it all in. Because as much as he wished she’d gone about it differently, there was sense in what she was saying. When they were younger, they never really explicitly talked about the difference in income between their families. It just sometimes came up, like when they would have to opt out a date at the movies for a night in, or when Max had to cancel plans so she could get more hours in working at her part time job at the car repair place. And through it all, she had always made it very clear that she hated being perceived as a charity case. So if she really had accepted his help and gone to school in Chicago, she would’ve been riddled with guilt about it. And that wouldn’t have been good for either of them.

 

“I really should’ve talked about it with you,” Max continued after a while, finally turning to look at Lucas in the eye, her gaze apologetic.

“We should’ve discussed it together or I could’ve at least been gentler about it, more civil. But I was being selfish. I prolonged it, I wanted everything to stay normal as long as I could. The day that I broke up with you, my dad had just called me and told me that he had arranged time off work for us to take that trip up the coast. And that was another thing too. My dad was so excited to have me move back to California after years of being away, he was making all these plans and bought like ten different UC San Diego t-shirts and was telling his friends all about it and… I didn’t want to let him down. And I really wanted to spend more time with him too.”

“I get it, you don’t have to feel like you have to explain it. Of course getting to spend more time with your dad is important,” Lucas assured her and Max sighed, continuing:

“Well in any case, the trip meant that I couldn’t spend the summer in Hawkins like I had thought. So I couldn’t keep prolonging talking to you like I had planned. I had to actually do it.”

“We had planned a movie night for the day after that, you remember? We were gonna watch…” she continued, a wistful smile appearing on her face and Lucas finished her sentence. Because of course he remembered.

“Blade Runner,” he said and Max huffed out a quiet laugh, nodding.

“Yeah, Blade Runner. And I knew if I had to do it face to face with you, to break it off, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I didn’t want it to be a big, sad breakup, or worse, an angry one. You didn’t deserve it. So I wrote down a speech, called you and then did it. And I know now that that was infinitely worse than me telling it to your face, giving you a chance to ask questions and for me to explain it better. But I think frankly I was just scared,” Max explained, the pain clear in her voice as she closed her eyes for a bit, gathering her thoughts before continuing:

“I was scared that you would agree, that you would break up with me too.”

“Why would you think that?” Lucas asked in disbelief, leaning forward, utterly confused by her words.

“I don’t know. It’s just.. You seemed so sure about everything. About your engineering degree, about your life in Chicago, everything. And I feared that deep down you knew I didn't fit into those plans. That you were just waiting for an opportunity to tell me,” Max explained, her voice quiet as she looked down, sounding defeated, embarrassed. Lucas just sat there in silence, trying to wrap his mind around everything she’d just said. Everything she’d said so far had made sense. They both knew she could’ve acted differently, handled it better, but all in all, her fears and thoughts and doubts made sense. But this?

“I…” he started, trying to form his confused and frantic thoughts into sentences.

“Yes, I had plans, I always do. But…You were included in those plans, Max. In all of them. Whether you came to Chicago with us or moved to California and I’d have to be apart from you for a while… You and I were always in the plans.”

“Really?” Max asked, her voice quiet and so vulnerable as she looked up and back at him again. The disbelief and doubt on her face was breaking his heart.

“Of course! And that’s why it was so hard when you broke up with me. I had been so sure that no matter the other parts of the plan changed, I could always count on us. And then...I suddenly couldn’t anymore,” Lucas concluded, and now it was his voice that was quiet and vulnerable and he could so vividly remember the pain, anger and frustration of that summer before college when he tried to build his plans up again in a world where she was no longer in anymore.

“Lucas, I’m so sorry,” Max started after a few minutes of silence, her voice sincere and honest and frail as she looked at him.

“I know it doesn’t help how many times I say it, but I truly am so sorry for treating you that way, for not being honest and open with you and just drawing my own conclusions. I shouldn’t have done that, I know it now.”

Lucas met her eyes, his gaze heavy, trying to silently convey to her that it was okay, he understood. But also that he recognized she was doing the same thing now, and she didn’t need to. If they could just finally talk about it all, if she could tell him why she had been distancing herself for the past two weeks, why she was scared to hear him out, they could work it all out. But he wasn’t sure how he could bring it up without sounding desperate and like he was pressuring her to talk. Especially after all the honesty and vulnerability she had shown now. It would be too much. He was still debating what he should say, if anything, when there was suddenly a gasp from Max.

“No way!” she voiced, stunned and Lucas turned to look at her, seeing she was looking out the window, her eyes huge and her jaw slack.

“What is it?” he asked, furrowing his brow and looking outside, expecting to see an UFO or a city-destroying monster after seeing her reaction.

“It’s snow! It’s actually snow!” Max yelled out in surprise, scrambling up to kneel in front of the window, pressing her palms against the glass. And now that he focused better, Lucas could see it too. The snowfall wasn’t heavy, just tiny flakes barely above freezing rain, but still there.

“Oh my god, help me get this open,” Max said, throwing away her duvet and going to push open the windowpane.

“Isn’t it going to get super cold in here if… well okay then,” Lucas commented, his words falling to deaf ears as Max pushed up the window, the cold night air streaming into the room.

“I can’t believe this! And to think we were just talking about this too!” she gushed, leaning forward and poking her head and shoulders through the window, extending out her hand to try and catch one of the snowflakes.

“Woah be careful!” Lucas yelled out, instinctively reaching forward and grabbing ahold of her arm, trying to balance her.

“You need to be alive for your flight tomorrow,” he added.

“Yeah I know, I’ll be careful, don’t worry,” Max assured him, lifting her face up to look at the falling snowflakes that emerged from the dark sky.

“Remember the first time I saw snow in Hawkins?” she asked suddenly.

“It was a month after I’d moved there and we were in Mr. Clarke’s class when it started to snow outside,” she spoke, reminiscing. And Lucas remembered it. Remembered hearing the surprised gasp from her from the back of the classroom and then turning back to see her looking out the window, her eyes wide in wonder, her mouth slightly ajar. The same look of shock and excitement she wore now as she continued to dangle out the window, catching snowflakes on her hand.

“Didn’t we spend the whole lunch break outside on the school field? And then we all caught pneumonia afterwards?” Lucas commented and Max turned to look at him with a smile.

“Don’t be so dramatic, it was only the flu! And it was so worth it,” she said, finally backing away from the window and straightening her back to stand up next to Lucas in front of the bench. It was only at this that he noticed his hand was still loosely holding onto her arm from where he had steadied her.

“I’m so happy I got to see this before I left,” Max said, letting out a contented sigh, still looking out at the small snowflakes falling outside, being picked up by the wind into a flurry.

“Me too,” Lucas simply said, turning over to look at her, her doing the same. There were snowflakes caught in her hair and on her cheeks, quickly melting against her skin as she looked up at him with a calm and serene smile, the orange gold of the streetlights outside casting a glow on her face. She looked so beautiful Lucas could hardly breathe.

“Thank you, Lucas,” she said, her words quiet and sincere in the night air between them.

“For what?” he asked and at that Max turned to face him.

“For everything. For letting me stay here, for helping me out during Thanksgiving, for looking out for me at that Halloween party,” Max explained.

“But also,” she continued, glancing down before continuing:

“I realize I never thanked you for everything from back when we were together. With the way I ended it, I never got to say how thankful I was, how much I appreciated you, how much I… How amazing those four years were.”

“You were not only the best first boyfriend I could’ve asked for, but my best friend too. Wherever we go from here… I just want you to know that. That despite everything you’re still one of the most important people in my life and I don’t want to lose touch with you again.”

She finished speaking, looking up at him, her face full of honesty and caring and Lucas was at a loss of words. To hear her say all that had tilted his world off its axis and he had no idea how to respond, to put into words how he felt, how much he felt the same for her, how much he never wanted to lose her again either.

But it turned out that he didn’t have to because before he could say anything, Max took a step forward, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. Lucas held his breath for a moment, stunned as he stood there frozen, trying to process what was happening. But then he felt Max hug him tighter, her head pressed against his shoulder and instinct from all those years ago took over and he hugged her back, his arms gently wrapping around her. He tilted his head down, leaning it against the side of hers and his heart ached as he realized how natural it all still felt, how easily they fit together, like the four years that had passed had just disappeared and they were eighteen again.

Neither of them said anything as they stood there in front of the still cracked open window, the cold night air flowing in from outside where the snowflakes kept silently falling down onto the empty street. After a while Max hummed quietly against his chest.

“I’ll miss you,” she whispered, her tone sad, wistful.

“I’ll miss you too. So much,” he echoed, and at that he could feel Max burrow her head deeper to lay against his chest. Silence fell between them again and Lucas’s mind kept racing, trying to think of what to say, how to tell her how he felt, how to convince her to open up to him, to make her understand that she didn’t have to be scared anymore. But it was late and he was tired and it felt like there was nothing that could be said anymore. Their fates were sealed, she was leaving, there was nothing left to say. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t be selfish and stay in this moment as long as he could, holding her in his arms again after all those years, feeling the strands of her long hair brushing against his hand on her back, hearing her soft breathing against his chest, just feeling her presence there, warm, solid and true. He never wanted to let her go.

But he knew he had to, and Max seemed to know it too as after a moment she sighed.

“It must be almost two in the morning. We both need to get some sleep before tomorrow,” she said, resignation in her voice.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Lucas agreed, but still neither of them moved away. Lucas more felt than heard Max huff out a laugh against his chest.

“No but seriously, I still haven’t finished packing,” she said, finally starting to lean away and with a sigh Lucas did the same.

“Yeah, of course, sorry.”

“You still give the best hugs though,” Max said, trying to lighten up the mood a bit as they stepped away and she went to grab her duvet from where it had fallen on the floor. Lucas felt an involuntary smile rising on his face at the compliment, as silly as he felt about it.

“Thanks, you too,” he said and Max mirrored his smile as she looked back up at him again, holding the blanket bunched up in her arms. A beat of silence passed between them before Lucas spoke:

“Well umm, I’ll get out of the way of your packing then.” Max nodded and they both started to walk away from the window, her going to drop the duvet back on the bed and Lucas heading for the door. Once he got to the doorway he turned, about to wish her goodnight but before he opened his mouth, Max spoke:

“Maybe someday we’ll figure this out again.” Seeing the slight confusion on Lucas’s face she continued, wringing her arms together.

“Us, I mean. When the timing doesn’t suck and I stop being an idiot and stop running.”

“I hope so too,” Lucas said, meeting her gaze from across the room, seeing her eyes filled with longing and wistful hope. It took everything in him not to cross the room and go back to her, to hold her and tell her that they didn’t have to wait for ‘someday’, that they could make it happen now. But the look in her eye shifted, just a bit, and he knew she wasn’t ready for it, not just yet.

“Goodnight, Max,” he said instead.

“Goodnight, Lucas.”

 

With one final look at her, he left the room, closing the door behind him. He went back to bed and after a mostly sleepless night that simultaneously felt like an eternity and a second, it was morning. And then they were having a quiet breakfast in the kitchen, and then they were sitting in airport traffic in Mike’s car, and then they were walking into the busy terminal full of people heading home for the holidays. Then there was the baggage drop off and trying to find the right flight on the massive screens, and then the gate and then came the goodbyes. Mike and El started to wish Max off, El’s eyes teary as she hugged her best friend tightly, making her swear she would come and visit soon. Mike was hugging Max too and wishing her a safe flight back to California, and there was some quip from Max about how he would burn to a crisp in the sun there, but Lucas didn’t really hear what exactly it was. He’d worked on autopilot all morning, everything around him muffled and his brain a scrambled mess. He’d like to just blame it on the sleepless night but he knew very well that it wasn’t the only reason. He felt terrible, his throat dry, his stomach in knots, feeling like he was making the biggest mistake of his life but knowing that there was nothing he could do about it. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion, he knew it was happening but he felt helpless to do anything to stop it.

“Well, we’d see if I actually ‘burn my skin off’ if you’d actually invite us over to San Diego sometime,” Mike’s voice cut Lucas away from his thoughts as he walked over to him, setting his hand down on his shoulder in a friendly gesture.

“I will, I promise! Once I figure out where I’m going to live, won’t be able to fit all six of us in my dad’s house,” Max said and Mike shrugged in a motion of ‘fair enough’. Lucas had been looking over at him but now he turned his head to look at Max, realizing that it was time. They were all waiting for him to say his goodbyes. He blinked his eyes, looking at Max where she stood just a couple of feet from him, holding her duffel bag, her hair tied in a braid that fell over her shoulder, her eyes watery from her goodbyes with El, and if this whole situation had been like watching a car crash in slow motion, now he could feel his heart breaking equally slowly and in equally excruciating detail.

“Hey Mike, let’s… go check the flight status one more time,” El said, taking Mike’s hand and leading him away to look at the screen further away. It was far from subtle and Lucas would’ve been annoyed under normal circumstances but now he barely paid any mind to it. Max watched as the two walked away before turning to look Lucas in the eye again.

“I guess this is it then, huh?” she started, lifting her arms, her voice strained and choppy and Lucas couldn’t handle it anymore, crossing the space between them and wrapping his arms around her, burying his head into the side of her neck. He could feel Max shake just a bit as she hugged him back, gripping onto the material of his winter coat, taking a deep, shaky breath.

“I’m so sorry,” she started, her voice strained.

“I’ve wasted so much time, things could be so different if I hadn’t fucked it all up, and…” Max spoke, regret and anguish clear in her voice. Lucas pulled away just a bit to look at her and she met his gaze, a tear had escaped her eye and was now rolling down her cheek. He knew it wasn’t smart, that he really shouldn’t do this, but it hurt him so much to see her in pain that he had to do something, so he reached up to wipe away the tear with his thumb, setting his hand on her cheek.

“It’s okay, it’s all in the past now, there’s nothing you could do to change it. We just have to focus on doing better in the future, right?” he tried to assure her, feeling his own throat constricting as she shed a couple of more tears, and he went to wipe each of them away, now fully cupping her face in both his hands. Max closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath as she leaned against his hand on her cheek.

“That’s what I’m doing now. Trying to do better. For you. But it’s just so damn hard,” she said, looking back up at him.

“Max,” was all that he could get out as he looked down at her, his heart crumbling to pieces seeing the pain in her face, and knowing he would have to let go of her so soon and then not know when he would ever see her again.

“Someday,” Max whispered, her pale blue eyes filled to the brim with emotion as she rose up to her toes and leaned up to set the faintest of kisses to his cheek. And before neither of them could say anything else she turned away, waving goodbye to Mike and El as she quickly made her way towards security.  And just before she rounded the corner and vanished from sight, she turned to meet Lucas’s gaze one more time. And in her eyes he could see that even if he hadn’t told her how he felt those two weeks ago, it didn’t matter. Because she knew it without saying. And when Mike and El got back, they didn’t have to say anything either, Mike setting his hand on Lucas’s shoulder and El coming to hug his side as they just stood there in silence. Because they knew it too.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so so sorry the chapter took so long, I've just been crazy busy and suffering from writer's block for the past couple of months. But after reading the amazing new Lumax fic by Anna (here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18926797) I got the motivation to finish editing this monster of a chapter! The word count really ran away from me, but I hope the longer chapter makes up for the long wait time! There's only three more chapters left of this story, and I can't wait for you to read them, I'm hoping to get all of them out this summer, we'll see how the s3 release messes up my schedule with new fic ideas (only 17 days to go!). But seriously, thank you everyone for reading and patiently waiting for this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you thought! Also feel free to check out my tumblr @summer-in-hawkins!


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